by Aimee McNeil
***
When she arrived at Fox’s condo there was no one holding the door open so she couldn’t sneak into the building. She looked at the names on the list of the apartments until she saw the name Knight, apartment 402. She pressed in the numbers and the number rang on speaker but no one picked up. She tried one more time but there was still no answer.
Adalynne waited for fifteen minutes before deciding to leave. She pulled out her cell phone to send Fox a message when movement on the other side of the glass door captured her attention. It was Fox’s girlfriend. She stumbled toward the door and pushed it open, causing it to slam against the wall. A deafening sound pulsed through the enclosed space of the entrance. Surprisingly, the glass door did not shatter.
Adalynne stepped back, hoping to go unnoticed, but the girl’s red, dark circled eyes looked up at Adalynne and sneered. “You can have that fucking asshole, bitch,” she slurred. Her hair was a mess and her mascara ran down her cheeks. “I’m done putting up with his shit.” Adalynne didn’t bother responding to her, from the looks of her Adalynne doubted she would remember this encounter anyway. Adalynne grabbed hold of the door to stop it from closing. “What? You think you’re too good to talk to the likes of me with your expensive clothes and the…whatever the fuck else you have. Life must be so easy for you walking around with…looking like you. And guys will write all kinds of songs talking about how fucking perfect you are. Eat my shit!” She screamed in Adalynne’s face. “He’s crazy anyway. He always wakes up screaming for a bee…a fucking bee!”
She was so close to Adalynne that she breathed her foul breath in her face. Adalynne couldn’t help but turn away. “Is that your cab?” Adalynne asked. The girl spun on her heel and marched out of the building without another word.
Adalynne knocked on Fox’s door but there was no answer. She tried the handle and it was unlocked. She walked in. “Fox?” Adalynne was met with silence when she called into the dimly lit interior. Adalynne closed the door behind her and looked around. She had been in Fox’s place before but she was too distracted to take in the surroundings. The décor was minimal, only the necessities were laid out so it could function as a living space. Adalynne walked into the main living room. Framed posters and pictures of the band were stacked against the wall, along with some unpacked boxes that had never opened since he moved.
Adalynne’s attention was drawn when she heard a faint noise down the hall. “Fox?” She called heading toward the direction of the sound. When she came to the entrance of Fox’s room she could see him sprawled out on the bottom of his bed, his arm thrown over his face. A pained moan escaped his lips as he seemed to be slipping in and out of consciousness. Adalynne approached him tentatively. His shirt was ripped and long red scratches spanned across his chest. Adalynne figured it must have been the work of his girlfriend, judging from her mood when she had left.
Adalynne touched his arm. He jerked away from her touch and turned his back toward her. “Fuck, Trisha…I told you to leave me alone.”
“Fox? It’s Bee,” she whispered, unsure of how he would react to her being in his apartment uninvited.
He pulled his arm away from his face and turned back towards Adalynne. “Shit, I’m fucking tripping.” He grabbed her wrist, pulling her down on top of him. He rolled them over so she was pinned under his weight.
“Fox!”
“You feel so fucking real,” Fox said, staring down at her with a lazy hunger. Adalynne looked into his bloodshot eyes. She touched his face and he leaned into her. She was concerned for him. He looked as if he hadn’t slept in days. His normally vibrant green eyes were darkened and strange. The smell of liquor was heavy on his breath. He kissed her neck, melting her. “You even smell just like her,” he whispered against her skin, causing goose bumps to rise on her flesh.
“Fox.” She pushed back on his chest. “It is me. It’s Bee.” She watched him focus on her. His expression changed from the playful smile she wanted to kiss from his lips, to a scowl.
“Bee? What are you doing here?” He pushed off her, stepping away from the bed. He stumbled and had to lean against the wall for support. Adalynne immediately felt the loss of his touch. She stood up to help him but he refused her assistance. “Don’t help…I’m fine.”
“I’m worried about you.” She moved toward him, touching his shoulder. He flinched away from her as if the contact caused him pain. The sting of his rejection hurt worse than if he had slapped her across the face.
“I don’t want you to worry about me. I don’t want you here,” he spat out, barely able to raise his eyes to her.
“It didn’t seem like that a moment ago when you thought I was a figment of your drug-induced state.” Adalynne let the anger slip into her voice. She was trying to remain composed but he always ignited intense feelings, making it hard to keep her calm and objective mind set. “Besides, who else is going to take care of you? Your girlfriend ran off and you can barely stand.”
“I don’t need anyone to take care of me. I’m doing fine on my own.”
“Fox…everyone needs help sometimes. Let me help you.”
“What? You want to clean me up like you did my father? What good would that do? It won’t fucking change anything.” Fox slid down the wall, rubbing the palms of his hands into his eyes. “I like not being able to think about shit. I just want to be numb.”
“Why, Fox? Why are you doing this?” Adalynne placed her hand on his knee as she sat down next to him. He looked at her hand before reaching up to touch it gently like he was not completely convinced she was actually there.
“Because…” He looked up into her eyes. “I miss you.” She watched his eyes tear up. He seemed so broken in front of her, so beautiful and broken.
“You don’t have to miss me.” She took his hand in hers and brought it against her heart. “I’m here with you.” Fox laced his fingers in hers and pulled her toward him, holding her tightly like he thought she was going to disappear. Adalynne lay against his chest, listening to his accelerated heartbeat and feeling the comfort of his embrace.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Fox gently traced his fingers on the bare skin of Adalynne’s lower back where her shirt rode up. “Fox?” she whispered against his shirt.
“Yeah?” His tone was lazy as he spoke. Adalynne looked up to see his eyes closed. His long dark lashes fanned out over his high cheek bones. His full lips looked irresistible, so close to her.
“Can I kiss you?” she said softly, her hunger building to taste him.
His eyes opened, looking down at her. “You have a boyfriend,” He stated. “I met him, remember? The skinny fuck with the weird shirt. Why would you want to kiss me?”
“He’s not my boyfriend.” Adalynne looked away guiltily. “He was supposed to be a distraction. I wanted to know if someone else could make me feel the way you do so maybe I could stop thinking about how it felt when you touched me or how your lips felt on mine.” Her face heated at her admission but the truth always surfaced when she spoke to Fox. “I don’t know how to want anyone else.”
“You should want someone else.” He sighed.
Adalynne sat up despite his protesting grip on her, trying to keep her close. His actions didn’t match his words. He was giving mixed signals like he always did. “I don’t. I never have. You’re the only person I want to be with. There has never been a day that I have not thought about you, Fox. I’m tired of living without my heart. That’s what it feels like without you. I need you in my life even if it’s just as friends.” She looked at Fox staring back at her with an unreadable expression. After a silent moment a tear slipped down his cheek, he wiped away roughly with the palm of his hand.
“Yes.”
“Yes, we can be friends?” Adalynne asked softly, looking for clarification.
“Yes, you can kiss me.”
Adalynne didn’t know who initiated the kiss but before she knew it they were crushed together as if they were starving and this was their reprieve. “I want
you, Bee,” he whispered against her mouth.
Adalynne pulled back from the kiss. “I like the sound of that, say it again.” She smiled.
“I want you more than anything.” He looked at her longingly before he pulled away. He leaned against the wall with his intense eyes trained on her.
Adalynne was confused by his sudden withdrawal despite the need that was heavy in his eyes. He was always running hot and cold around her, it was confusing. Adalynne reached down and started to unbutton her shirt, slowly fingering each button. She watched his eyes follow her every movement. “It’s just a little hot in here.” Adalynne bit her bottom lip playfully. She watched his reaction with anticipation as she slowly slipped her shirt off her shoulders. “That’s better.” The shirt slipped from her fingers and met the floor.
“Yeah that’s better.” He swallowed.
“Do you find it hot?” Adalynne asked, running her finger flirtatiously down his arm. She wanted to bring up the letter with Fox but she knew he was too drunk to have a serious conversation but he was too enticing to leave.
“Yep, now that you mention it.” He reached back behind him and pulled his shirt off over his head. His body was hard and steely, with sinful lines that made her mouth water. Her hands were immediately drawn to him. Running her fingers over his body, she remembered every curve. She knew she should ask about his girlfriend, ask about what this meant, but she selfishly wanted all his affections. She wanted to feel his need for her before she brought up the words that could cause him to pull away again. She didn’t know what the letter would mean to Fox, if it would change anything or if it was too late. She knew what it meant to her and that was renewed hope.
“I like this.” She ran her fingers over the letters on his chest that spelled Bee, over his heart. “Why did you get it?”
He took her hand that was pressed against his tattoo. “Because you are my heart,” he whispered and kissed her fingers. She felt overwhelmed with happiness, her heart swelled with joy.
Adalynne stood up and unbuttoned her jeans, sliding them down her legs. Fox followed her every movement, drinking in all of her. “Would this be considered taking advantage of you, since you are clearly drunk?”
“Fuck no.” Fox stood up, pushing off the wall. He shuffled through his playlist and turned on his stereo. Adalynne smiled at his sudden playful mood. He wrapped his arms around her and Adalynne melted against his solid body. They both moved to the music, getting lost in the moment. His hands followed her every curve, leaving her skin heated and wanting more.
Fox always knew how to move, drawing the eye of anyone that could see his tall gorgeous form. He moved in a tantalizing manner that spoke of sex and promises. He sang along with the words playing through the speakers, his voice more alluring than the vocals from the original song.
“I love monkeys.” He chuckled.
“What?” Adalynne looked down where his attention was drawn and noticed her underwear. Heat bloomed in her cheeks as she noticed she was wearing underwear with little monkeys holding hearts and blowing kisses. “Oops…I wasn’t planning on seducing anyone today.” Adalynne’s face flamed red as she buried it in his shirt.
“I am very seduced. I have never seen monkeys look so appealing. In fact, I think I would like to sit down and get a better view.” Fox sat on the edge of his bed with a crooked smile.
“Monkeys do it for you, huh? Well what about dancing monkeys?” Adalynne teased. She swayed her hips to the music, turning around so that she could entice him with her round bottom as she moved with the music.
“Especially dancing monkeys.” He grabbed Adalynne by the waist, pulling her against him as he rolled her onto the bed. Adalynne screamed in excitement until he kissed away the sound that left her lips before he began trailing down her neck. She didn’t know why his lips made her skin explode with pleasure but everywhere he touched was left tingling with delight. Adalynne unclasped her bra and threw it down to the floor with the rest of her clothes. He leaned up on his arms to explore her body with his intense eyes, as if he was remembering every detail. His lips sought the soft flesh of her breast before they teased her taut nipples. Adalynne couldn’t stifle the moan of pleasure that escaped her lips as an intense heat pooled in her core. His eyes had never looked as dark as they did when he stood up and kicked off his pants. “Sorry monkeys, but it’s time to go.” Fox pulled them off.
Fox knew the secrets of her body like he was playing a beautiful song on his guitar, hitting all the right notes. They both moved in a slow, lovely dance. She had never felt as beautiful as she did when she was in his arms. There was no denying his attraction for her as he cherished every part of her body and she celebrated the thought that in this moment he was hers.
Fox grabbed hold of her hands and pinned them on the bed over her head. His other hand grabbed hold of her hip as he plunged deep inside her. His eyes never left hers as he pushed and pulled at her core until she came undone in his hold, melting upon the bed. Her head swam with pleasure, the rest of the world completely forgotten.
***
Adalynne awoke in Fox’s bed. She was surrounded by darkness from the late hour. She roused when she noticed Fox was no longer in bed with her. She sat up and slipped her feet off, her foot grazing something that was sticking out from under his bed. She turned on the lamp beside the bed. Looking down, she noticed a shoebox. She planned to slide it back into its place when she noticed a music sheet sticking out of the top. Curiosity got the better of her. She pulled off the cover to reveal a stack of notebooks and music sheets all in Fox’s handwriting.
They were all songs Fox had written. She looked at the words and was taken aback by the beauty of his words and the fact that her name was written in some of the lyrics. He had written songs about her. Excitement bubbled deep within her with the realization that Fox cared for her more than she realized, first with the letter and now his music. A noise startled her, she quickly put away the box so she wouldn’t be caught looking in his private things.
She noticed a light in the kitchen as she walked down the hall. Fox was leaning against the counter, his chest was bare and his jeans rode low on his narrow hips. The sight of him was breathtaking but the smile immediately fell from her face when she noticed what was in his hand. He was drinking in the middle of the night. His hair was mussed like he had run his fingers through it countless times. He was obviously not in the same blissful state that Adalynne was in.
“Fox? What are you doing?” Adalynne couldn’t stop her hand from covering her mouth in shock. She didn’t realize until now how lost he was. He looked up at her with dull eyes. Liquor bottles and various pills spread out over the counter, along with bags of suspicious looking substances. He had already taken whatever it was that he decided he needed. She could tell he was already experiencing a new high along with the buzz of alcohol. He leaned against the counter, not even fazed by the fact that she found him amongst a sea of drugs decorating his kitchen counter.
“Why do you keep coming into my fucking life and showing me everything I want but can never fucking have?”
Adalynne reached for him but he pulled away like he was disgusted with her. “Why can’t we be together?”
“Because I am no fucking good for you, Bee. You won’t be happy with me, I will ruin you. We are not supposed to be together. We were never fucking supposed to be together. Why can’t you fucking understand that?”
“You’re wrong, Fox. You are all I ever wanted. I have loved you since you found me when we were six years old. How can everything I have ever felt be wrong?”
“I should never have been there that day.” He turned away from her. His words tore at her, threatening to break her.
“What are you saying, Fox…that you wished you never met me?”
“Yes.” He was cold. “That’s exactly what I’m saying. Why did you even come here?”
“To give you this.” She grabbed her purse off the floor and retrieved the letter. She thrust it into his chest, pushin
g him back against the counter. She was mad, the anger pulsed through her. She watched him open the letter and read it while she stood there and watched. Her heart beat was the only sound she could hear as it echoed through her body. She didn’t even know if he could make out the words in his state.
“This doesn’t change anything,” he said after he read the letter. She could see the tears in his eyes and his hands shook when he held the paper. “It’s too late.”
“Is it because of your girlfriend?” Adalynne fumed.
“What? Fuck no. I don’t give a shit about her.”
“Then why?”
“Look at me, Bee.” He hit a bottle of liquor off the counter, causing Adalynne to flinch. It shattered on the floor. “I can’t get through the fucking day without getting high. You were the only good thing in my life and I have done nothing but try to stay away from you so I wouldn’t take you down with me when I fell. Everyone knew I was going to fucking fall on my face.”
“Fox…”
“Get the fuck out of here. Do me a favor and just forget about me.” He leaned his elbows on the counter, raking his hands through his hair.
“I can’t forget about you,” Adalynne cried.
“Get the fuck out!” he yelled, rubbing the heels of his hands into his eyes.
“I still see the Fox I fell in love with,” Adalynne pleaded, moving closer to him. “Let me help you.”
He held up his hand to stop her from coming any closer. “You can’t help me. Do me a favor and don’t waste one more minute on me.”
“I will wait for as long as it takes,” she said stubbornly.
He held the paper up for her to take it back, the paper shook in his grasp. Adalynne refused to take it. “It was meant for you,” Adalynne whispered sadly.