by Dagny Rand
Paige never felt prepared for the things Jeremy said. She still couldn’t decide who he was. He seemed like a truly good guy, but he was so mysterious. For every new thing she found out about him, she had many more questions that demanded answers. For now she decided that he had given her no reason to doubt that his intentions were good. So she took his word for it and was grateful that there still was a good guy in her life. With that she leaned in and gave him a big hug. As she laid her head on his shoulder she allowed herself to be swallowed up in his arms. Jeremy gave the absolute best hugs; so warm and full of meaning. She felt safe in his arms and was so glad that she had ended up in front of his building last night.
After pulling away she got up and headed to the bathroom. She forced herself to look in the mirror and, though she didn’t look as bad as she’d thought, she did look like a booger in search of a nose. Her hair was everywhere, she had makeup in splotches all over her face, including mascara that was running down her cheeks and her face was dry from all of the tears. She took a nice long, hot shower. While in there she heard the door open and worried that he was going to try to come in with her, but a minute later it had closed again. She shrugged, finished her shower and brushed her teeth. She looked down and realized that her clothes were gone. Finding a comb in a drawer, she tried to put her hair in some semblance of order. She had found a hoody and some basketball shorts in his laundry basket and put them on.
Just as she was getting ready to head back to the kitchen, she realized how hungry she was. Following the wonderful smells permeating through the loft, she found her way into the kitchen and sat down. Jeremy took a plate out of the microwave and sat it down in front of her. He had made scrambled eggs, pancakes, bacon and sausage. It looked absolutely delicious. As she settled in and began to eat she realized that Jeremy now knew things about her that no one else knew; things that she wouldn’t have wanted anyone to know. She thought it was time for her to get some more information on him.
After swallowing a bite of food she started, “Okay, so at this point you know way too much about me and I still don’t feel like I know much about you.” Jeremy hoisted himself on the counter and said, “What do you want to know?” Paige had to take a moment to think about it. There was so much that she wanted to know, she didn’t know where to start. She thought it best to start at the beginning. She asked, “Where are you from? Where did you grow up?”
“I was born just outside of Addis Ababa, Ethiopia. My mother was an archeologist. We moved all around the world on her digs and putting together her research. Unfortunately, while I was still young my mother died. From there I moved with my grandfather who was also an archeologist so we moved around quite a bit as well. When it was time to go to college I chose one in the states. The rest as they say is history.”
“I’m sorry to hear about your mother. What about your dad?”
“He was never involved in my life. I barely knew him. I only saw him a few times in my life, by accident. I’m related to RJ on his side, which is why I wasn’t really around them for the most part. I moved here just a few years ago.”
“You said knew him and was.”
“He died some years ago. Killed by one of his women.”
“Wow that’s awful. What about your grandfather?”
“He was killed in Portugal. He had a bad habit of sleeping around and living recklessly. It finally caught up with him. He’s it from that side of my family. I don’t have anybody left. They either died or I never knew them. I’m a loner.”
“I see. What made you move here?”
“Bad memories every other place I want to live. I got pretty close with my paternal grandmother, so I moved to be closer to her.”
“Oh, is she the grandmother RJ lost last year?”
“Yeah”
“That’s a lot of loss.”
“Yep”
“I guess that explains why you’re a loner. You’re not seeing anybody?”
“No. I haven’t been in a relationship in quite some time.”
“Any reason in particular. You don’t have to answer if you don’t want.”
“The women I meet are usually, for lack of a better word, ridiculous. It’s like they have been indoctrinated by Rom-Coms and romance novels and all they want is generic, cliché relationships.”
“You haven’t met one woman that you liked?”
“I’ve been on dates, but they usually find me unsuitable.”
“You??”
“I’m not the prince charming they were looking for.”
“So who are you?”
“I’m a lot of things. Not what people typically expect.”
“I think you’re a great guy.”
“Well, like you said, you don’t really know me.”
“What am I missing?”
“I can be a bit sterile. I’m not a warm, fuzzy type of guy usually. I can take or leave people. That’s usually a turnoff.”
“I can understand that. You’ve lost a lot of people. It makes sense that you wouldn’t like to get close to people.”
A faint smile crossed Jeremy’s face. He was obviously impressed by Paige’s reading of him. Paige felt much more comfortable with him now. It felt less lopsided now that she knew things about him too. She decided to keep going. She asked, “You don’t get lonely?”
“I prefer to be alone. People have never understood me. They’re not comfortable with my silence. They think it means I’m sneaky. There are a lot of assumptions made when it comes to me. Based on how I look and that I keep to myself. That I’m stuck up, arrogant, vain, cold, calculating.”
“You can’t stay alone forever.”
“I have friends. Not a lot, but some. I have a relationship with some of my family. I’m not really alone.”
“But what about being in love? Don’t you want to get married and have kids?”
“Not really”
Paige was taken aback by this answer. She had never met anyone who didn’t want to be married with children. She thought it was want everybody wanted. It was the most natural thing in the world. She could see how women would be turned away by him. Why would anyone want to be in a relationship with someone who didn’t want to be married? There was no future in it. So now it all made sense why such a beautiful man would be single. She took a moment to think and said, “Wow. You’re right that is different.”
“You think of me differently now.”
“I don’t really know what to think. I’ve always wanted to have a husband and a family. Having neither is like a nightmare. So what do you want?”
“I don’t really think in those terms. I just take things as they come.”
“You don’t have any plans for the future?”
Jeremy shrugged and said, “I don’t know what tomorrow brings. One day you have a mother, the next you don’t. Not to use you as an example, but I’m sure before last night you thought you knew what your future would bring. Now look. You have to completely retool your thinking.”
Paige took a moment to think about this. He was right. She had thought that Leo was her future and now she was back to the drawing board. She would have to start all over with a new man. Just the thought of it filled her with dread. Having to get to know someone and then become comfortable with them would be so much work. It made her sad to think about it.
Apparently her feelings showed on her face because Jeremy continued, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”
“No you’re right. I guess maybe I would feel better if I hadn’t have thought that I was going to marry Leo.”
Paige took a minute to think and asked, “Why are you telling me all of this? You said you’re not warm and fuzzy, but you’ve been incredibly sweet and thoughtful with me. It doesn’t make sense.” Jeremy just stared at her for a while. His expression was blank, but his eyes were intense. Paige got that naked feeling again, like there was nothing she could hide from him. After taking a few more beats, Jeremy began, “I told you. I enjoy your c
ompany. I like your spirit. I think you’re a good person. There’s just something about you. You remind me of my mother. Not in a weird maternal way, just that she was a phenomenal woman; smart, generous, beautiful, with a huge heart. Her name was Ramona. She had a vitality about her that was like nothing else I have experienced in my life. I see that in you. She was my absolute favorite person.”
Paige was incredibly touched by his words. At no point had she thought that he had thought much of her at all. Yet here he was telling her that he thought she was special. It was very flattering. She didn’t want to jump to any conclusions here. He had just told her that he preferred to be alone and wasn’t looking for a serious relationship, yet here he was comparing her to his favorite person. She was becoming confused.
After giving it another moment to sink in she said, “Thank you. That’s a great compliment. What does that mean?”
“In terms of us, you mean?”
“Yeah.”
“Honestly, I don’t really know. I just like having you around. I think at the moment with you fresh out of a relationship, you should probably take some time for yourself. I’d like to continue to be your friend if that’s okay.”
She thought about it. Of course, she was attracted to him. She had been since she first laid eyes on him, but he was absolutely right. She had been in a committed relationship for years and she did need to take some time. She liked her friendship with Jeremy. She liked being able to come and talk to him. It was probably best for them to just be friends. She replied, “I’d like that too.” With that thought she finished her breakfast and got up to wash the dishes. Jeremy remained seated on the counter watching as she washed. Once she had finished rinsing the final dish she heard a beeping sound.
Jeremy jumped down off of the counter and said, “It’s the dryer. Your clothes are done.” He went to the laundry room and came back with her clothes. Handing them to her he said, “So what are your plans for the day?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I don’t have to work today and I didn’t have any plans. I think I was supposed to do something with Leo, but…”
“I get it. So do you want to go home and be alone now?”
“If I go home I’ll feel like I’ll have to call people and start telling them what happened. I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. I also don’t want to go bury myself in my bed and weep. I don’t know what I’m gonna do.”
“Well, I finished my last project early, so I don’t have anything going on. You’re free to hang around here. We could go somewhere if you’d like.”
“Like where?”
“I think I know a good place. If you don’t mind the outdoors.”
“The outdoors are fine with me.”
“Cool, well if you want to get dressed now, we can head out.”
“Great, I’ll get ready.”
Paige went off to the bathroom and got ready. She heard Jeremy walk into his bedroom. Once she had her clothes on and put her hair into a neat ponytail she walked out to find her shoes. She glanced into Jeremy’s bedroom just as he was taking off one shirt and putting on another. He was even more ripped than she initially thought. From the glimpse she got she could see he had a few more tattoos than she had initially seen. He had a few on his arms and one rather large one on his right side. She tore her eyes away and went on the hunt for her shoes. She found them on the other side of the couch. Just as she was getting them on, Jeremy walked out apparently ready to go. She got up and followed him to the lift. They went down and out to his car.
She sat down in his passenger seat and was immediately impressed by his ability to make all things that were his so cozy and cool. The car was a navy blue on the outside with a turquoise interior. It smelled absolutely amazing and as soon as he put the key in the ignition, Sade began to play from the speakers. Even his driving was smooth. He whipped the car effortlessly out of his parking spot and down the road. She tried to remind herself that he was just her friend.
Once she was settled in and they had driven a little ways she asked, “So where are we going?” After singing a bit of Cherish the Day, with a very nice singing voice, he said, “There’s this great spot I want you to see off the Pacific. Then we can go to the fair.”
“The fair?”
“Yeah, I like going to the fair. You don’t?”
“I’ve never really been to one. I’ve only ever really seen them on TV.”
“Well it should be a nice change.”
With that she sat back in her seat and enjoyed the ride. The playlist was all Sade so she enjoyed the smooth music, with the occasional vocals from Jeremy. It was difficult for her not to appreciate his presence and how serene she felt in it. She thought about how it had been with Leo. Leo was so self-involved they mostly did what he wanted to do. He was bossy and they would often get into arguments about things that shouldn’t have mattered. In this light she really began to wonder why she had stayed with him at all. A list of things that looked good on paper. In reality, who he really was, just didn’t hold up. It was better that their relationship was over. It was for her best.
They hadn’t ridden long before they were pulling up to a cliff overlooking the ocean. It was a cozy little nook in a grove of trees that was absolutely stunning. Paige had never really been much of a nature person, but she could not deny the pure beauty of the scene. It looked like a real, live landscape that a great artist would paint. They sat there in silence, looking at the water and listening to the music. After a while, Jeremy said, “I come here sometimes when I need to reset. It’s crazy how I’ve been all over the world and looked out over many different waters, from the Atlantic to the Indian, the Mediterranean Sea, and the other side of the Pacific in Japan. It always makes you think of what is possible. There is no end to the horizon. Makes impossible feel like a myth.”
“Yeah, this definitely feels like a place God would dwell. Maybe Eden looked something like this.”
“Yeah, maybe…You have a big family, Paige?”
“Yes I do. Tons of cousins, aunts, uncles. I’m one of 4 myself. It’s pretty major. A lot of my family is down south though. You know, down in Alabama.”
“You see them often?”
“Try to. We have family dinners. Two big family reunions every year. One here, one in Alabama.”
“What’s it like being in a big family?”
“It’s nice to feel loved by that many people, even if you don’t like them all. It can get to be a bit much sometime, but overall it’s fun. Plus my new family through the company.”
“That sounds cool.”
Paige felt bad for Jeremy not having a family like she did. They often drove her crazy, but she didn’t know what she would do without them. She considered Jeremy’s life as a lone wolf and realized in many ways he hadn’t had a choice. He had simply accepted it. She looked over at him and was glad that she was a part of his life now. Maybe he wouldn’t feel the need to be alone anymore.
They sat in silence for a while longer, then as if blinking out of a dream he said, “So, ready to go to the fair?” Paige took it all in a minute longer before replying, “Let’s go.” They drove back down the road. It only took about 15 minutes for them to pull up to the fair. It looked just as Paige had imagined that it would; the many different tents and people milling around eating treats and playing games. They got out of the car and entered right between the popcorn and cotton candy stands, so of course they had to stop and get some. Jeremy went straight for the games. He seemed to be good at everything. Before long they had amassed quite a stack of prizes.
Paige played a few games too, but mostly she just stood back in awe. Not only had Jeremy won her many prizes, but he handed some out to the kids around them. It got to be so much, the manager asked that he please stop and let other people get the prizes. Jeremy simply shrugged, hauled the prizes to the car and came back to enjoy some more food. He joined in on a pie eating contest which he very nearly won. The whole while he and Paige laughed and gabbed like they were the best
friends in the whole world. Paige could not remember the last time she had had so much fun. She was upset when it was time to leave.
They drove back to Jeremy’s loft and went inside. After finding places for his prizes, they both flopped down on the couch exhausted and blissful. For some time they said nothing, just sat there, each in their own thoughts. Out of nowhere Paige leapt across the couch into Jeremy’s lap and began to kiss his him passionately. She thought for a second that he might resist, but instead he pulled her into him and kissed her back just as passionately. For a while they just sat there entwined, kissing and caressing each other. Then Paige reached down and pulled Jeremy’s shirt over his head. She looked down at the tattoo on his side. It said Ramona in big stylized letters. As she continued to pull at his clothes, he countered by doing the same. He unbuttoned her shirt and began to pull down her pants. In that moment she allowed herself to consider if this was what she really wanted. She realized that she had been the one to initiate, but now she thought that perhaps this wasn’t such a good idea. It felt incredibly right, but that was her body talking, not her head.