“God, please bring them all home.” How could she pray for them? If Aaron came home, she’d crawl on her knees before God. She’d done so many wrong things in her life and every one of them taunted her now. She’d tell Him she was a sinner. If that’s what it took to have Aaron back, that’s what she’d do.
Cora lifted her head and wiped the tears from her eyes. The shadows of evening disappeared as night crept over the land. She stood and walked to the edge of the porch. Dark shapes moved in the east. She was sure of it, although night was darkest there. She stood watching, straining to see.
“Esther, come out here.” She called without turning toward the house. “Mother, Eliza, I think they’re back.”
She ran to meet them as they rode toward the shelter.
Father gave her a tired-looking smile. “Cora, let us take care of the horses before we talk.”
Aaron wasn’t with them. She ran alongside. “But Father, did you find him?”
He shook his head. “I’m sorry. We looked everywhere.”
An arm around her waist kept her from slumping to the ground. Esther led her to the porch. “Sit down, Cora. Let’s wait to hear what they’ve done and if they know anything else.”
Mother sat in the rocker, so Cora took the straight-backed chair. Tears slid down her cheeks and dripped onto her clasped hands, although she scarcely noticed. Esther and Eliza stood on either side of her, their arms around her shoulders. After a while, Father and Ben stepped on the porch. Cora launched herself into her father’s arms.
“Let’s go inside.” Father kept Cora close. His solid comfort was the only reason she didn’t crumple into a heap on the floor.
Ben told of searching for Aaron. “We found a campfire where he might have cooked a rabbit or squirrel. After that, we lost his trail. I’m sorry, Cora. Even if we’d gone all the way to Springfield, we might not have found him. It’s too far, and to be honest, we don’t know if it was Aaron’s campsite we saw. He might have gone another direction.”
Despair crept into Cora’s heart, filling the vacuum left from Aaron’s absence. She pulled herself up the ladder to her room where she fell across her bed, praying sleep would relieve the pain in her heart.
When Cora opened her eyes, the sun shone through the window. Had she slept the entire night? A figure bent over the bed, and Eliza came into focus.
“Cora, are you going to get up today?”
“Oh.” Cora pressed her eyes to block out her sister and the morning sun. “My head hurts.”
“Probably because you cried all night.” Eliza sat on the edge of the bed. “You can’t do this to yourself. Why don’t you get up and get dressed. Mother’s worried about you and so is Father.”
“All right.” What difference did it make? Her life was over as surely as if she’d succeeded with the laudanum. Just as it would have been if George had taken her away from her home and from Aaron. Her eyes filled with tears that ran silently down her cheeks.
All through the day, she tried to hide her sorrow from her parents, but still they watched her as if she might break. Truly, she wondered the same thing.
During the darkness of the second night, she woke to softly spoken words coming from Ben and Esther’s bedroom. They were praying for her. Their love surrounded her, but still her heart remained shattered. Although the night passed and days and more nights slipped by, Cora ached with the weight of broken love.
She lay in bed early one morning, staring at blackness as dark as her dreams. She slipped from bed, careful not to disturb Eliza. Today Ivy would become Mrs. Bill Reid. Cora dressed and descended to the floor below. With the silence of a shadow, she made her way to the kitchen and lit a lamp. By the time the summer sun touched the eastern horizon and the rest of the family began to stir, she pulled a pan of biscuits from the oven and placed them on the table with oatmeal and crisp bacon.
“This looks good enough to eat.” Father joked as he pulled Mother’s chair out and waited for her to sit down.
Mother caught Cora’s arm as she passed close. “You didn’t have to do this, Cora, but it does look wonderful. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.” Cora smiled. If she could keep her mother from working so hard, maybe her life would have purpose after all.
After they ate, Eliza took Cora’s shoulders and turned her away. “You’ve done your share this morning. Go get ready to stand up with Ivy. You’ll be all right, won’t you?”
“Yes, I’ll be fine.” Truthfully, Cora felt more alive than she had since before Aaron left. She could live without Aaron. Resolve grew within. She would survive.
As the wagon rounded the last curve in the trail, the rough log church building came into view. Cora loved the pretty setting with the rugged church sitting beside the trail. Several trees created shade for the yard. The Newkirks had been generous in their donation of the land. Many others in the area had given their time and labor to build the church and the small cabin in back for Reverend Timothy Donovan. Some of the people had started calling him Brother Tim, but Cora didn’t feel that freedom although he was near the same age as Ben.
She’d been so numb this last month since Aaron left, church had been just one more thing to go through. She stepped into the building and looked around. Primitive plank benches on either side had already started to fill with men and women from the area. Bill Reid was well liked for his fiddle playing. Had most come to see him get married or had they come for Ivy?
“Good morning.” Reverend Donovan hurried forward to meet them. He shook hands with Father and Ben then turned to Mother. “How are you doing, Mrs. Jackson?”
She gave him a sweet smile. “I’m fine. How are you, Brother Tim?”
He laughed. “Fit as a fiddle and ready to help a fiddler get married.”
Cora couldn’t help but smile at his silly play on words. He spoke to each in turn before he came to her. “Miss Jackson, I believe you’re the one Miss Stark is expecting in my cabin. I’ve turned my domain over to you ladies this morning, so feel free to go right in and make yourself at home. We’ll be starting in about fifteen minutes, I imagine. Maybe I can talk this young man into coming for you when it’s time?”
The pastor turned to Lenny and enlisted him in taking the message. Cora slipped outside and went around the church to the parsonage in back. The grass had been clipped and a wild rose bush grew against the side of Reverend Donovan’s house. When she stepped inside, a clean, neat sitting room greeted her. For a bachelor, he seemed to take pride in his surroundings.
“Oh, Cora, I’m so glad you’re here.” Ivy, as usual, looked beautiful. She’d arranged her dark hair on her head in shining curls, and she wore a pure white veil tossed back over her hair. “I’ve been so afeard you wouldn’t show up.”
Cora ignored the pang that struck her heart as Aaron’s image came to mind. He knew Ivy would be getting married. He’d given her his blessing. Why wasn’t he here?
“I promised, Ivy.”
“I know.” Ivy stood in front of a mirror on the wall. “Ain’t it strange for a bachelor to have such a nice mirror in his house?” She smoothed one errant lock of hair into place.
“I suppose it is.” Most of the furnishings in the one room Cora could see were nice. Where had the preacher gotten them? “He seems to like nice things.”
Ivy’s eyes grew large, and she turned to look at Cora. “He ain’t married, you know. You might just as well forget all about Aaron. You could do a lot worse than Brother Tim.”
Cora’s mouth fell open. How could Ivy say such a thing? She shook her head. “No, I’ll never marry. I’ll never stop loving Aaron. Not ever. If he feels the same for me, he’ll come home.”
“Well now, that’s the thing.” Ivy shook her head. “Aaron loves you too much to come back here. ’Course, he don’t know George lost you too. I reckon he thinks you’re married by now. But he still won’t come back. He said he couldn’t stay here where you’d been. It’d hurt too much. You might as well find someone to love, Cora. I
think the preacher’d be just right for you.”
Cora tried to laugh, but it sounded more like a sob. Imagine being married to the preacher. Then she’d never escape going to church. She’d be sitting on the pew every service, listening to her own husband shout out warning of dire consequences for her sinful ways.
She shook her head. No, she’d never marry. The very thought curdled her stomach. “Reverend Donovan said they’d be ready to start in about fifteen minutes. Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Now, don’t laugh.” Ivy’s lips twitched. “There’s this one little spot on my back that itches, and I can’t reach it. It’s right where the shoulder blade sticks out. I declare, sometimes I envy Old Blue. That dog for sure’s scratched ever single inch of his back.”
This time, Cora did giggle, and it felt wonderful.
A hush came over the guests at Ivy’s wedding when Cora stepped into the church and began a slow walk up the center aisle. She stepped to the side in front and turned to watch Ivy glide toward her future husband. Ralph had been waiting outside, and he now walked beside his sister. A flush of anger burned Cora’s cheeks. Aaron should have given Ivy away. How could he have done this? What would it have hurt for him to trust her love? How many times did he expect her to say she wanted him and him alone? But no! He’d chosen to believe a lie when the truth stared him in the face.
Cora shoved her rage toward Aaron to the side and tried to concentrate on the wedding. Ivy truly looked happy. Mr. Reid puffed out his chest and grinned as if he’d won the prize belle of the ball. Maybe he had. Ivy had changed lately. Everyone was changing. Why couldn’t things stay the same? Somehow, she got through the wedding, but afterward home seemed even drearier than before.
The next morning, she repeated her actions of the day before and rose early. Today, her mind raced with memories of Aaron and the last night she’d seen him. Letting her go off with that puffed up toad as if he didn’t care. He could’ve stopped her. If he cared, he would have.
She jerked a bowl from the shelf and dumped in flour, baking powder, and salt. Lard followed. She held the bowl against her side and used her wooden spoon as if Aaron were hiding in the ingredients. If she could catch him, he’d feel the sting for sure. Her spoon beat a staccato against the sides of the bowl.
“All right. You can quiet down now. I’m up.” Father closed the bedroom door and tiptoed across the floor in his bare feet, carrying his boots.
Cora looked up. “Oh, Father, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
He grinned. “You didn’t. I usually get up about now.” He sat at the table and pulled on one of the shoes in his hand. “But we might hold down the noise for your mother. She’s not feeling well.”
“What’s wrong?”
Father’s normally merry eyes grew serious. “She didn’t get much sleep last night. This might be a good time to move Nora to her own bed.”
“She could sleep with Eliza and me.”
Father grinned. “Why? So you can spoil her even more?”
Cora nodded. “Sure. She’s one of the few pleasures in my life now.”
“Is that why you were beating a hole in Mother’s dishes?” He indicated the bowl still in her hands.
A long sigh escaped Cora’s lungs. She dumped the dough out, kneaded it a few times, and smoothed it with a wooden rolling pin. Next, she began stabbing it with a tin cup dipped in flour. “I’ve decided to be angry with Aaron.”
“Good.” Father nodded. “That’s a healthy emotion. He probably deserves it.”
“He believed a lie. He had no right to listen to someone like George. He should’ve trusted me.”
Father chuckled. “I couldn’t agree with you more. He oughta be horsewhipped.”
Cora jerked her head up, her eyes wide. “I wouldn’t go so far as to . . .”
The amusement in her father’s eyes stopped her. She laughed with him. “Oh, Father, I’m angry with him and defending him at the same time. What’s wrong with me?”
Father stood and gave her a hug. “Nothing. There’s not a thing wrong with my Cora that time won’t cure.” He headed toward the back door. “I’ll be outside. Let me know when those biscuits are done.”
Cora had oatmeal cooked, meat frying, and was taking up the biscuits when Ben and Esther came downstairs followed by Eliza. Ben’s only reaction to Cora’s industry was raised eyebrows as he went past. “I’ll tell Father breakfast is about ready.”
“What’d you do, get up in the middle of the night again?” Eliza shook her head. “If you make a habit of this, I’m not going to complain.”
“I couldn’t sleep.” Cora set a skillet on the table. “If you want to help, there’s still gravy to make, and Mother’s not well, so I think we should fix her a try.”
“I’ll make the gravy.” Esther stepped forward. “Eliza, do you mind fixing a tray for your mother? I think Cora’s done enough.”
“Oh, that’s fine. I’d like to make the tray and take it in to her.” Cora took a plate and dipped a spoonful of oatmeal before Eliza could stop her.
“What’s wrong with Mother, Cora?” Eliza watched, her eyes wide and questioning.
“I don’t know. Father said she didn’t feel well this morning. Maybe she’s just tired.”
Eliza sighed. “She hasn’t been well since Nora was born. I’m afraid, Cora. I don’t want to lose her.”
Fear struck Cora’s heart as if she’d been stabbed by a thrown dart. She paused for a second and then placed two slices of bacon on the plate. “Don’t be afraid, Eliza. Mother is still young. We aren’t going to lose her.”
They couldn’t lose Mother, or Father either. Cora brushed Eliza’s fears aside. No need to borrow trouble. She finished making the tray for Mother and carried it to the bedroom door, then knocked and went in. She glanced toward the bed. Nora still slept. Mother had scooted up with her shoulders against the pillows, holding her Bible. She lay it aside and smiled at Cora, but when she started to speak, a spasm of dry coughing stopped her.
“Mother, are you all right?” Cora set the tray on the foot of the bed and rushed to her side.
“I’ll be fine.” Mother pressed her hand against her chest. “I’ve caught a chest cold. They always seem worse in the summer.”
When she leaned back against the pillows, Cora picked up the tray. I brought you some breakfast.”
“Thank you, Cora.” Mother took the tray from Cora and placed it across her lap. She looked up with a smile. “Will you stay and visit while I eat?”
“Yes, of course.” Cora sat on the end of the bed.
Mother bowed her head, her eyes closed, her lips moving. When she looked up, a tiny smile curved her mouth. “I haven’t carried my share of the load around here lately, have I?”
Cora shook her head. “We don’t want you doing anything except getting well. Esther’s a hard worker and so is Eliza.”
Mother smiled. “Yes, Ben’s wife is a treasure among women. Just as my daughters are. I couldn’t ask for better girls.”
Cora’s heart warmed at the praise.
Then Mother’s brows drew together. “Cora, are you going to be all right—about Aaron?”
“I don’t know. I think so.” Cora stared at her hands clenched in her lap. Just the mention of Aaron the last few days made her want to hit something. “Right now I’m just angry.”
Mother’s eyebrow lifted. “Angry? What about?”
“Aaron.” Cora flounced off the bed. She walked away a few steps and then back. “Oh, Mother, he had no right to leave. The least he could have done was talk to me to learn the truth. Don’t you see? He believed a lie when all the time the truth was right there in front of him. All he had to do was ask me and believe.
A soft gasp from the bed brought Cora to her mother. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“I’m fine.” A tear slid down Mother’s cheek. “Oh, Cora darling, You and Aaron are so similar, each of you failing to ask and believe. I’m the one you should be angry with, no
t Aaron.”
“You’ve done nothing wrong.” Cora knelt beside the bed and clasped her mother’s hand.
Mother turned to her, holding her gaze. “Yes, Cora, I have. I taught you to believe a lie. I trained you to believe you are a Christian, even though you have never been born again.”
Cora’s heart began a heavy beat. “I don’t understand.”
“Don’t you see? You believed all the years of your childhood we were Christians. Ben believed, too, until he discovered he needed to be born again. He could remember no time in his life when he had made a commitment to Jesus.”
Why did Mother say these things? A tingle of dread crept through Cora’s body, frightening her. Why was she going into this now? She should be focusing on getting well. Only love for her mother kept her in the room.
“Please, dear.” Mother dried her eyes. “Hand me my Bible.”
Cora obeyed, though she’d rather be anywhere else.
After turning pages, Mother handed the open Bible back. “Will you read? It’s Ephesians 4:18. It’s talking about those who don’t know Jesus Christ as their Savior.”
Cora began reading. “‘Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart.’”
She looked up. “Are you saying I’m ignorant?”
“No.” Mother coughed. “You have been blind to the truth. You can surely see we are all sinners, and God sent His son Jesus to save us from our blindness. Can you forgive me for leading you astray?”
“Of course.” Cora whispered, her head bowed.
“Please, explain to me what you think I’m trying to tell you.” Mother persisted.
Cora glanced at the door, but she couldn’t leave now. She took a deep breath. “All my life I’ve believed a Christian is someone who goes to church and lives a good life. You’re saying that isn’t true. Then what is a Christian?”
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