by Aston, Jana
I walked in on her and her boyfriend having sex. Not a post-coital cuddle. I'm in college, I've walked in on that plenty. And not a demure romp under the covers. Nope. Hell, I had a roommate freshman year who'd do that with me asleep in the next bed. I learned to pee before I went to bed if I didn't want to wake up to something awkward that year.
No, I walked in on Jeannie and Jonathan midday. Lights on. Mid-thrust. In profile to the door. And she was getting double-penetrated. By Jonathan and a toy.
It was like walking into a TMI brick wall. Too much information.
I throw the covers off my head and stare at the ceiling. I mean, I'm curious. But I prefer to be educated by online porn, not my roommate live and in person.
The door clicks open and Jean slips in and takes care to shut the door quietly behind her. She's dried her long hair and dressed in the bathroom in an effort to let me sleep in.
"I'm awake."
"Oh. Sorry, Soph." She looks contrite as she stuffs her shower basket into her bookshelf. Our tiny room is crammed with all the necessities of dorm life.
She looks at me and pauses.
We both burst into laughter.
"I was hoping I'd stayed away long enough for you to forget." She collapses onto the bed and wipes away tears of laughter. "I thought you were in class. I am so sorry you walked in on us."
"Professor LaRoche let us leave early after a group project."
"No, it's not your fault. I should have texted you." She gets off the bed and digs through her dresser drawer. "Thank you for not judging me."
"Oh, I'm judging you," I reply. "I'm awarding you a perfect ten. On flexibility." I can't even finish the sentence before I start laughing again.
"Oh my God. I have never been so happy to have a class I have to be at." She swipes some lip gloss on and screws the container shut.
"Wait!" I call out. "Before I forget to tell you. I'm spending the night at Mike's on Saturday. You've got the place to yourself." I spread my arms wide to indicate our tiny dorm room.
"Okay, good to know." She pauses with her hand on the doorknob, slinging her backpack over one shoulder. "See you later, Sophie."
I flop back onto my pillow and stare at the closed door. I have econ studying to do. I hear doors opening and closing up and down the hallway. A cell phone is ringing somewhere.
Jeannie won't be back for at least two hours. I reach over and slip my iPad off my desk. In a room this small, I don't even have to get out of bed to reach.
I flip open the cover and the device springs to life. I tap on the internet browser and navigate to my favorite porn site, Porn Hole.
Propping open the iPad on the case stand, I navigate through the available videos, looking for something promising. Here's one. Play.
I slip a hand into my pajama bottoms and touch myself. I rub my clit with the tips of two fingers. The blood rushes to my clit as I play with myself. Wait. This girl's voice is so annoying. I'm only two minutes into this video and already my ears hurt. I wonder if this guy is wearing ear plugs. Mute.
I forward to the penetration. That's what I like. I watch as the man on screen slides into the woman. By the contorted look on her face I'm glad I muted her already. The camera zooms in on where they're joined. I watch him slide in and out. He's average-sized, based on my limited porn-viewing research. Maybe a little bigger than Scott.
I rub my clit vigorously in rhythm to the couple on screen. That looks like it feels good. The in and out, her body stretching to accommodate his. I wonder how big Mike is. I haven't sucked him off. After two years of giving Scott blow jobs with no return favors, I'm not exactly in a rush.
I bet Luke is bigger than this guy on screen. He looks like he'd be substantial. I wonder what Luke would feel like inside of me? His finger felt snug.
I rub harder and use my other hand to pinch my breast. I imagine that it's his fingers touching me. It felt nice when he touched me on the exam table, but it was clinical. I squeeze my breast, imagining it's Luke grabbing me roughly. His hands are so much bigger than mine. Stronger.
There was a moment on the exam table when his finger was inside of me, and his thumb swiped across my clit. I clench at the memory.
He's a big guy. Solid. Muscular. More filled out than a college guy. What would it feel like to have him inside of me? It wouldn't be comfortable at first. I know that. But after, after he stroked back and forth, easing into my body. After he sank himself inside of me all the way, my body stretching to accommodate him. After I adjusted to the invasion and he started to really move. What would that feel like with Luke?
Would he bend me over and use my hips to anchor himself as he thrust in and out? Or would he lay me on my back and part my thighs? Settle between them, resting his upper body on his forearms and sucking at my tits as he thrust?
I come.
Thinking about Luke.
Not my boyfriend, Mike.
Did I think about Mike once? I try to recall. Disgusted with myself, I grab my shower supplies and head to the communal bathroom at the end of the hall.
* * *
I hang my damp towel on my closet door and slip into a pair of old faded jeans before pulling a long-sleeved powder-blue tee shirt over my head. Pulling my still-damp hair over one shoulder, I braid the end of it and secure it with an elastic, then shove my feet into an old pair of Ugg boots, sans socks. I've had these things for years, a Christmas present from my grandparents back in high school.
Grabbing a textbook, I take a seat at my desk and crack it open. This is so dull. I'm tapping my pen against the desk when my phone chirps, like I've missed a call. I pick it up, seeing I've missed three calls, all from my grandmother's cell phone number.
My heart races a little. Why would she call me three times in a row? It looks like I missed all three calls while I was in the shower. I hit play. The first message is a hang up, followed by a message from my grandmother asking me to call her. The third is my grandmother again. "Sophie, it's Gram. Your grandfather slipped on a ladder cleaning the gutters. I'm sure everything will be fine, but we’re at Baldwin Memorial getting him checked out.” She sounds a little distressed. "I'm sure it's fine." The message ends.
Oh, no. I check the call log. She called forty minutes ago. I hit the call back button and pace to the window. Answer, answer, answer. Please answer.
"Hello?"
"Grandma!" I'm so relieved to be speaking with her and not her voicemail.
"Oh, Sophie, good. You got my messages."
"What happened? Is Grandpa okay? What happened?" I'm firing off questions without giving her time to answer.
"He insisted on cleaning out those damn gutters himself and slipped off the ladder. He hit his head and blacked out for a minute. The hospital is going to scan to make sure his back and neck are okay."
“What did the doctor say?"
"Oh, honey, I don't know. We got here a couple of hours ago. We're still in the ER."
"I'm on my way," I say, grabbing my wristlet with my ID, keycard and some cash. Jacket. Where's my jacket? I grab a University of Pennsylvania hoodie.
"Are you sure, Sophie? You don't have a class?"
"No, I don't have any classes this afternoon, Gram. I'll be there soon."
Chapter 6
I walk into the front entrance at Baldwin Memorial Hospital, grateful I found someone at my dorm with a car willing to drop me off. My grandmother called while I was en route and said they'd taken Grandpa to radiology and she'd be waiting in the ER. I check in at the visitor desk and am given directions to the ER and find my grandmother sitting in a little curtained-off room flipping through a magazine.
"Sophie, honey, thank you for coming." Gram hugs me.
"Of course. Are you okay?”
"I'm fine, I was on the ground where I belong. Your grandfather, on the other hand, may have a concussion."
"Grandma! A concussion is serious."
"Well, we're in the right place to have it checked out. How is school?" She pats the empty chai
r next to her and I obligingly sit and update her on all the happenings at school.
My grandfather is eventually wheeled back into the room with word that they'll be back with the results "soon." Then we wait. And wait some more. I give Grandpa all the same updates I gave Grandma between nurses bustling in and out and the never-ending waiting.
Grandma finally agrees that she would like a coffee after I've asked her several times. I think she just wants something to break up the waiting at this point.
* * *
I head back to the main entrance in search of a hospital cafeteria. I'm standing lost in the lobby looking for a helpful sign with an arrow to point me in the right direction when I feel a hand on my arm.
"Sophie. What are you doing here? Is everything okay?"
It's Luke. His hand is still cupping my elbow and his eyes are concerned.
"Yeah," I say, but I shake my head. "I'm fine. It's my grandpa. He fell off a ladder. We're just waiting for some test results. I'm getting my grandmother a coffee, if I can find the cafeteria." I'm babbling. Luke has dropped my elbow and put his hands in his expensive suit pockets. "Why are you here?" I ask, confused.
He smiles at me. "Hospital. Doctor. I hang out here a lot."
"Oh. This is your hospital? But you're in a suit. Why are you never in scrubs?"
"I'm not usually in scrubs unless I've got surgery. And I don't schedule surgeries for Wednesdays, because the board meets on Wednesdays." He tugs on the end of my braid. "Would you prefer I wear scrubs when getting coffee, Sophie?"
"I, um. No. The suits are fine." I'm flustered.
"Come on, I'll walk you to the hospital coffee shop. It's got a better selection than the cafeteria." His hand on my back maneuvers me to a hallway off the lobby. The coffee shop is just around the corner. I must have been too distracted to notice it earlier. "Is your grandfather okay?"
"I don't know. I think so? He had a CAT scan a couple of hours ago and we've been sitting in the ER waiting on results."
Luke nods. "Okay."
I'm twisting my phone around and around in my hands. "Thanks for helping me find the coffee shop," I offer when he continues to stand there looking at me.
"Are your parents here Sophie?"
I look away. "No. I don't have—" I look at him. "No, it's just me and my grandparents."
He places a hand on my wrist, stilling me from spinning my phone yet again. "It's going to be fine, Sophie."
"Right." I offer a weak smile. "Thanks." I get in line to get my grandmother the coffee she doesn't really want, and watch Luke walk away.
***
I'm back in the ER with the coffee for just a few minutes before a doctor enters the curtained room.
"Sorry to have kept you waiting. I'm Dr. McElroy and I have the results from the CAT scan. They look good but I still want to keep you overnight for observation. You have a slight concussion and I want to keep an eye on that." She smiles at each of us like concussion-watching is her favorite pastime. "We're going to get you moved up to a room in just a minute. And Mrs. Tisdale, you're welcome to stay the night in Mr. Tisdale's room if you like. The couches open to very comfortable beds if you want to be nearby."
The doctor excuses herself as my phone beeps.
Your grandfather is being moved to a room for the night for observation. Dr. McElroy is an expert in her field & is only admitting him as a precaution. Let me know if you need anything. Luke
I stare at my phone, dumbfounded. This is nice? Creepy? I look up. I feel like I'm being watched. How does he know so much? More importantly, how did he get my phone number?
Dr. McElroy breezes back into the curtained room with an orderly and announces they're ready to move us. I look at her with more interest than before. She's in standard-issue scrubs and a doctor's lab coat, but I can't help but notice how beautiful she is. Huge blue eyes framed by dark lashes so thick I wonder if they're fake. They look real. Her dark glossy hair is cut in a stylish bob. There's not a stray hair out of place.
I find myself wondering if this is the kind of woman Luke goes for. Accomplished. Polished, even in scrubs. My curiosity questions if they've slept together. They work in the same hospital. The staff are always sleeping together, at least on the medical dramas I watch on TV. They could be sleeping together currently for all I know. The thought causes a wave of discomfort to flash through me.
We sat waiting for hours. Then I bumped into Luke and within minutes Dr. McElroy was at our side. Is Luke doing a favor for me? Or is Dr. McElroy doing a favor for Luke?
The orderly is a tiny girl who introduces herself as Kaylee. She doesn't look big enough to maneuver an occupied hospital bed through the halls, but she unlocks the bed wheels with a confident flip of her foot and weaves us out of the ER with an ease that belies her size.
I express my admiration at her strength and she laughs. "I'm a mom," she tells me. "A grown man in a rolling bed is easier than toddlers in a double stroller, trust me."
I laugh and drop back as she works the bed around a tight corner and onto an elevator. She pushes the button for five and chats with my grandmother while I check my phone again. I should reply. Right?
Thank you.
You're welcome, Sophie.
How did you get my number?
Hospital database. You're listed as an emergency contact on your grandfather's file.
That seems like a misuse of the hospital database. And a violation of HIPPO laws.
HIPPO!
Damn autocorrect! HIPPA.
I think your admonishment lost its luster at the word hippo.
Yeah. A little.
Can you keep a secret, Sophie?
In general, or yours?
Mine.
Sure.
Then it's our secret.
I bite my lip to suppress a smile as I slip the phone into my pocket. Kaylee expertly guides us through the doorway of room 5853 and locks the bed wheels into place before wishing Grandpa a speedy recovery. I stay and get them settled in. More for me than them. I need to know they're okay before I leave.
They tell me they got a good offer on the house and that they've found a couple of places in Islamorada, Florida. It's a village of islands located in the Florida Keys, they tell me. Average highs of eighty-nine degrees, sunny days and clear water for snorkeling. My grandparents are only in their sixties. They’re active and in great shape, they’d love a climate that allowed more time outdoors.
I encourage them to take the offer and go. Don't spend another winter in Pennsylvania when Florida is just a short plane ride away. I think they're finally accepting that I am graduating in the spring and I won't be coming back to live with them.
I text Mike and ask if he can pick me up and drive me back to campus. He agrees, so I give my grandparents one last hug and head to the lobby to wait.
Exiting the elevator when it reaches the lobby, I find it's busier than earlier. I take two steps before I spot Luke. He's standing, hands in pockets, staring right at me. He's talking to another doctor in a white lab coat with a stethoscope draped around his neck.
I falter a moment. Is he waiting for me? Why? I decide I'm not going to interrupt him and keep walking, intending to find a bench out front where I can sit while I wait for Mike to pick me up.
I exit the hospital and I'm hit with a blast of cold air. Maybe I'll wait inside instead. I turn around and head back in, finding Luke's eyes still on me. It's weird. There's nowhere to sit where I can still see the cars pulling up, so I stand in front of the glass windows instead.
"I talked to the lead tech in radiology and Dr. McElroy. His back and neck are fine. They'll just keep him for observation on the concussion."
Luke is right beside me. I have to look up a little to see his face. I'm not usually standing right next to him. He's taller than I thought.
"Thank you. Whoever you talked to, it worked. We finally saw a doctor and he got moved right away." I untie my hoodie from around my waist and slip my arms inside the sleeves.
> Luke shrugs, his gaze roaming over my face. "How'd the condoms work out?"
What? I'm stunned. He can't ask me that. I look at him, but he's not backing down in the slightest. He's staring at me like he expects I'll answer him.
"I haven't used them yet." I'm not sure why I'm answering this man. His question is so out of line. Yet I feel compelled to respond to him.
"Are you going to?"
What exactly is he asking me? If I'm planning on having sex? Or if I'm planning on being safe when I have sex?
"Yes."
He's silent now. His jaw ticks.
"You've waited a long time."
"I have." Where is he going with this?
"Is he worth it?" Luke's eyes are dark, yet his expression is curious.
Oh. That's where he's going with this conversation. Some kind of parental 'does he respect you' second-guessing. I'm twenty-one. I don't need this from him.
"Maybe it's not about him. Maybe it's about me." I'm angry now. Who is he to question me about any of this? And why am I answering him? Because of my misplaced lust?
A car honks outside and my attention is diverted from Luke's face. Mike is outside, idling in the no-parking lane, trying to get my attention.
"Is that him?" Luke is standing even closer than he was before.
"Yes."
"Sophie—"
I cut him off. I've had enough of this. "Thanks, Dr. Miller, for everything. I'll use the condoms, I promise. I'll even YouTube directions so I don't screw it up, okay? So don't worry about me. I've got it covered." I laugh. "Literally, I'll make sure it's covered, okay?"
He looks surprised. Does no one call him on his bullshit?
"My ride is here." I shake my head. "My boyfriend is here." I correct myself. "Thank you for your help with my grandfather and your repeated safe-sex talks. I promise you I will not show up at the clinic knocked up."