As the only family member, Alfie would have been alone in the front row of pews, but Winnie sat on one side of him, and directed Raj to sit on the other. The newsagent was first to burst into tears. Winnie passed him a tissue. Being nearly thirteen, Alfie was determined to be strong, but soon his tears came too in huge crashing waves.
The hymns and prayers gave little comfort, but Winnie putting her arm around him did.
With his dad gone, the boy was sure he would never know happiness again. His face soaked with tears, he rested his head on the big comfy pillow that was Winnie. There was no need for words really, all Alfie needed was to be held.
For the past couple of weeks Alfie had been staying at Winnie’s flat.
Yes, she wore clothes so multicoloured it gave you a splitting headache just to look at them.
Yes, she drove her moped like she was a one-woman motorcycle display team.
Yes, she would always devour the last biscuit.
But slowly and surely, Alfie was growing to love her.
When the funeral service drew to a close, the church gradually began to empty.
“I know your father would have been very proud of you, Alfred,” said Raj, as he stroked the boy’s hair. “Be strong,” he added before bursting into tears again and shuffling out of the church.
During the funeral, Gabz had been sitting in the row of pews behind Alfie. As she left, she leaned forward and whispered in his ear, “We are going to have one hell of a story to tell our children.”
Alfie smiled sadly and replied, “They are going to love hearing all about their grandpa, the hero…”
“You bet!” she said, before kissing him tenderly on the cheek and leaving.
Soon Alfie and Winnie were the only two souls left in the church. The boy wasn’t ready to go outside and face the crowd of townsfolk just yet. Slowly he reached his hand over to hers, and Winnie held it tight. The pair sat there in silence for a while, as they both sniffed away their tears. Eventually Winnie spoke softly…
“How are your teet?”
“My what?” asked Alfie.
“Your teet!”
“You mean my teeth?”
“Yes. That’s what I said.” Winnie had arranged for the boy to see a very kindly dentist in the next town. Mrs Gleam had laboured for hours and hours to give Alfie an absolutely perfect set of gnashers.
“They’re great. Thanks.” He traced his tongue around his shiny new teeth.
“Alfred, as much as I wish I could undo the past, I can’t. Now we must look to the future,” said Winnie. “And just before your father died, he asked me to promise him something. Now I know this might not be the right time, but…”
“But…?” asked the boy.
“But at some point,” continued Winnie, “we need to talk about who’s going to look after you.”
“Oh yes,” replied Alfie. He was only staying with the social worker for a few weeks. With both his parents gone he would have to be put up for adoption. “Well, Winnie, we might as well talk about it sooner rather than later…”
“Good. Well, as your social worker I’ve been talking to the adoption agency on your behalf…”
“Yes?” replied the boy.
“And there’s quite a few different options, lots of very nice couples out there, who I know would be very lucky to have you, but…” Her sentence trailed off but she took a deep breath and started once more. By now her voice was cracked with emotion. “Well, I have thought long and hard about what your dad asked me the day he died and…”
“And…?” Was she about to say what he hoped and prayed she would?
“Well…” began Winnie again. This wasn’t any easier for her than it was for him. “I was wondering if…” The poor woman was really grasping for her words now. “Well, I was wondering if you might consider letting me adopt you…?”
Alfie smiled, though a tear welled in his eye. Sometimes you can feel happy and sad all at the same time. This was one of those times.
“Oh, Winnie!” he exclaimed. “I was hoping you were going to say that!”
“Well…?” she stammered.
“Yes! Yes! Yes! Of course I would! I love you, Winnie!”
“I love you too, young Alfred!” exclaimed Winnie. She wrapped her big arms around the boy and squeezed him tight, Alfie’s face buried deep within her bulk. After a few moments came a voice…
“Sorry. You’re squashing me!”
“Oh dear!” said Winnie, as she relaxed her grip a little. “Is that better?”
“Yes,” replied Alfie, as he wrapped his arms around her too. “Much better. Much, much better…” No one could replace Dad, but Winnie made him feel safe.
And warm. And most importantly, loved.
Epilogue
The next time Alfie visited the church, it was a much happier occasion. It was the following year, and much to everyone in the town’s surprise, Winnie was finally getting married.
But to whom?
Despite the fact that Alfie was now a teenager, his new mum had asked him to be her page boy. It was a role traditionally reserved for toddlers. Alfie had had no idea what a page boy’s duties were, or more importantly what a page boy had to wear. So he had said yes. Little did he know then that Winnie would dress her adopted son in a sailor-themed outfit for her wedding day. Alfie had on a tunic, shorts, knee-high socks and a cap that Winnie insisted should be worn at a ‘jaunty angle’.
Well, thought Alfie, it is her wedding day…
However, the boy wasn’t the most absurdly dressed person in the church that day. Oh no. And surprisingly, the bride-to-be only made it to second place, despite wearing a dazzling canary-yellow wedding dress, with numerous bustles, layers and a long frilly train. Winnie looked like someone had dipped a hot-air balloon in a giant bucket of custard. But beautiful, in a hot-air-balloony* custardy* type way.
* * *
**Double made-up word ALERT
* * *
As Winnie walked up the aisle, with her adopted son a few paces behind her carrying her train, the pair saw the groom beaming at the altar.
The man stood waiting proudly for his beautiful bride-to-be, munching on an out-of-date toffee. Yes, the town’s most eligible bachelor had found love again…
Raj!
The newsagent would have easily won a prize for being the most absurdly dressed person at a wedding. Ever. Winnie had kitted him out for their special day in a bright purple top hat and tails. Raj’s outfit was what a comedy penguin might wear on a mid-price greetings card.
It was Alfie who had brought them together. He would often ask his new mum to stop off at Raj’s little shop on the way home from school. Over all the crazy special offers and out-of-date chocolates, the unlikely pair had fallen in love.
Both Winnie and Raj had lived alone for many years. Although neither had children, both dearly wanted to be parents but assumed the opportunity had passed them by forever. Fortunately they were very much mistaken. Now they were going to be part of a loving family. With Alfie at the centre of it.
“Do you, Winnie Prophecy Mystelle Passionfruit Turquoise Dave Smith, take this man to be your husband…?” recited the vicar. He looked more than a little concerned that the list of Winnie’s middle names would never end.
“I do,” boomed the bride.
“And do you, Raj…?” The vicar stopped. Surely the newsagent had at least a surname?
“No, vicar, it’s just Raj…” chirped the groom.
The vicar continued. “Do you, Raj, take this woman to be your wife?”
“Is this the bit where I say ‘I do’?” asked Raj. Winnie rolled her eyes.
“Yes!” she barked.
Raj looked at his beautiful bride with great love in his eyes, before replying, “I do.”
“Then I now pronounce you man and wife,” concluded the vicar. “You may kiss the bride.”
The unlikely pair of lovebirds kissed.
When they finally parted, some of Winnie’s mandarin-coloure
d lipstick was smeared all over Raj’s mouth. It looked like the newsagent had been sucking greedily on one of his own ice lollies. The newly married couple turned to face the congregation, who applauded wildly at this happy union.
No one louder than Alfie. Now he could have all the free sweets in the world. Well, all the out-of-date ones at least.
Outside the church the confetti was thrown, and the photographs taken.
All that was left was for Winnie to throw her wedding bouquet over her shoulder. Folklore said that whichever woman caught it would be next to be married. As Miss Hare, Mrs Morrissey and all the unmarried maids of the town circled behind the bride, Winnie flung her spray of flowers high into the air. Without her even attempting to catch it, the bouquet landed squarely on Gabz’s head. The girl, who wasn’t quite so little any more, laughed and smiled over at her boyfriend. Alfie smiled back. Maybe one day we will… he thought.
Soon it was time for the bride and groom to leave for the honeymoon, and Winnie straddled her moped. There was a ‘Just Married’ sign stuck on the back, and the small vehicle trailed cans on string, as is traditional for the wedding vehicle.
“Come on, husband!” she cooed. Raj took a running jump and leaped on the back.
“And come on, Alfred!” said Raj.
“Yes, come on, pup…” called Winnie. Alfie hopped on between them, before the three tutted away on the tiny moped, its engine struggling under their considerable combined weight.
“Hold on!” said Winnie, as she threw the bike into a wheelie outside the church to delight the congregation, before righting it again and whizzing off down the road.
Sandwiched between Winnie and Raj, and with the warm summer wind blowing on his face, Alfie couldn’t help but smile. The day his father died, Alfie thought any chance he had of ever being happy again had died too. However, as they zoomed through the town and off into the distance, he closed his eyes. He wanted to catch this feeling. Happiness.
In his head, Alfie could hear Dad’s voice.
“All you have to do is close your eyes, and believe…”
More from the World of David Walliams!
The Boy in the Dress
Mr Stink
Billionaire Boy
Gangsta Granny
Ratburger
Copyright
First published in hardback in Great Britain
by HarperCollins Children’s Books 2013
HarperCollins Children’s Books is a division of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd
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Text © David Walliams 2013
Illustrations © Tony Ross 2013
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Printed and bound in England by
Clays Ltd, St Ives plc
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Source ISBN:9780007453566
Ebook Edition © SEPTEMBER 2013 ISBN: 9780007453597
Version: 2013-09-19
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