He’s off to the sin bin and the Vikings score twice within the next five minutes. They take full advantage of the momentum. Their hits are hard, a few guaranteeing that I’ll be sore tomorrow. Hell, I’m already sore. Somehow, after the second intermission, my mind clears completely. This is my game and I need to play it.
We get in sync again. Every time they push, we push back harder. The puck makes a loud smack when I shoot it across the ice diagonally to James. The blades of our skates slice into the ice as we pump our legs to put ourselves in position. James rears his stick up and pulls it back with such force that the puck glides like a beauty toward the goalie, who misses catching it.
Fuck yeah! I throw my arms around James as if he just won me a million dollars by tying the game. After changing lines with a minute left, I’m sitting on the bench as I watch Darryl crash the net and score.
The only thing that would make the win sweeter is to hear Hadley’s voice. It’s odd to be away from home and not text or call her. It takes all my strength to refrain from doing either of those things while I’m in Portland.
~ ~ ~
Once we land and exit the plane, I finally text Hadley.
Me: Just landed. I’ll be quick and just get my clothes.
Hadley: Fine. I’m home.
I sigh and start making my way home. For the first time, I’m nervous about seeing her. I’m not used to this. I mean, we’ve had our fights over the years, but nothing like this. The drive seems too short. When I enter the house, I don’t see her right away. I hear her in the bathroom as I walk down the hallway to our room.
There’s no reason to make this last longer than it needs to, so I grab a few suitcases from my closet and start packing. All I need are clothes and a few other things for the time being. There’s a hotel close to the arena that I’ll probably stay at until the season is over.
“Luca, are you sure you want to do this? We can work this out.”
I glance over to see her standing in the doorway, but I keep packing. My view on children has been the one thing that hasn’t changed over the course of my life. “No, we can’t. We want different things, and we aren’t changing our minds.”
“This is your baby, too. Don’t you get that? Do you really want our child to grow up not knowing you?”
“The baby will be fine because it has you.” That much I do know without a doubt. Hadley is too good of a person to not make a good mother as well. “I can’t raise a kid, Hadley,” I add.
“Why? Is this because of Valeria? Are you seriously going to leave me and our baby because of it? Luca, it wasn’t your fault.” Her voice is soft and tender, and it pisses me off.
“Yes, it was!” I yell, throwing socks into my suitcase. I take a deep breath to calm myself down. “And even if it wasn’t because of her, I don’t like kids. Never have. You don’t want someone like that around.”
“You don’t like other people’s children. This is our baby.” Is there really a difference between the two? Other than I’m forever tied to one of them? “This is a child we’ll raise together. This is your flesh and blood. Luca, why can’t you see this?”
For a moment, I wonder if I should tell her that I can’t even picture myself as a father, much less a good one. Instead, I say, “Because I don’t want it. The only way I’m willing to be involved is to write you a check every month. That’s it.”
“I don’t need money. I need you, Luca. I need you to help me with this. “
“I am helping!” I explode, giving her my full attention. “I’m helping by walking away. I’m not cut out for this and you know it.” She knows what happened with Valeria. She knows why me being responsible for a child is a bad idea.
“No, I don’t know it. The Luca I know is a strong, determined man. In front of me is a coward. You’ve never stepped away from any responsibility before and look at what you’re doing right now. You’re breaking my heart and leaving your child, Luca. Your child.” The pain in her voice and the sadness etched on her face stabs me right in my chest, so I reveal my pain right back to her.
“You don’t think it’s not killing me to walk away from you? You are the only thing I’ve ever wanted. You were supposed to be the one girl who could be happy with me and the fact that I’ve never wanted kids. But you do, and now you’re pregnant. I’m doing what I need to do for me, the best thing for me and that baby.”
“You’re doing nothing but making excuses and being a fucking coward. There’s no point in arguing since you’ve made your mind up. But, know this, Luca, I love you. There isn’t anyone in this world I want, but you. However, when I need you the most, when I need you to be the man I know that you can be, you failed me. I never thought that you of all people would do that.” Hadley walks over, removes her engagement ring, and places it on the suitcase before she turns and leaves me to finish packing.
“I’m sorry,” I mumble. After grabbing a few suits, I quietly make my exit.
Maybe it is stupid to leave her over this, but I know it’s better this way. It’s wrong to not what your own child, but I don’t. And it pisses me off that I didn’t question Hadley about it more to make sure this is what she wanted, too. I should have gotten a vasectomy years ago and then this wouldn’t have ever happened. Out of all my emotions though, I’m hurt. Hadley thought I would be strong enough to overcome my past, be strong enough to do what she thinks is right, and be strong enough to do this with her.
Unfortunately, I’m not nearly strong enough.
Chapter Seven
Hadley
“Thank you, Mr. York. I mean it.”
“It’s not a problem, Hadley. I’ll keep everything quiet until then.”
When I disconnect my call with Mr. York, I almost collapse in my chair. I want this job badly, but I had to tell him about the baby. I can’t spring something like that on someone who wants me to run his network.
Thankfully, Mr. York is a family man and proud of his children and grandchildren. He was thrilled of hearing the news of a hockey baby joining the Bucks clan. I lied when I told him that Luca and I didn’t want to announce it until after the playoffs, but what else am I supposed to do?
I page Amy to come to my office. Since I have the all-clear from Mr. York, now it’s time to get down to the nitty-gritty. I need to focus on the baby and me. With the break that I’ll be taking from KSPN to The Hockey Network, I can get the house ready for the baby.
I ordered six books from Amazon to help guide me into this. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I’m an only child. I never had any cousins or family, but Mom. I only have Luca. Had! I had Luca.
My heart twists as the argument from last week plays in my mind. We haven’t spoken at all. I’ve been trying to figure out if I should contact a lawyer about the house. I don’t think Luca will make me move. Then again, I didn’t think that he would have left me.
When Amy walks in, I quickly to my focus back to work.
~ ~ ~
I’m starving and exhausted. I toss the large pizza on the counter along with my purse, keys, and briefcase.
Amy was ecstatic about her new job opportunity. When I went and told my boss, he wasn’t thrilled to lose both of us, but he understood. Amy and I will be there for the next two weeks and then I’m off until September. Mr. York did email me and told me that there will be some events and sponsors I’ll need to meet between now until then, but I don’t have a problem with that.
I kick off my heels and throw a couple slices of pizza on a paper plate. I miss Luca’s cooking skills. That’s something that I’ve never had. I flop down on the couch and turn on the TV. The Bucks made it to the second round, barely, and game one is going to be here in Omaha against the Blacksmiths. I hate that team and their cocky captain, Carson Lee. Although, I did meet his girlfriend one time, Kinley Wright, and she seems to hold her own against him.
The ring of the doorbell confuses me since I am not expecting anyone. When I open the door, I almost pass out where I’m standing.
�
��Surprise!” Mama and Papa say as they walk in and hug me.
“Oh my God,” is all I can say.
“We wanted to surprise you and Luca. Aren’t you happy to see us?” Mama hugs me again.
“Oh my God,” is still spinning in my head and the only thing I can say again.
“Hadley, you look pale. Are you all right?” Papa holds my face in his large hands. “You don’t look well.”
“No,” I step back. “I’m fine. I’m surprised. I didn’t expect for you both to be here. I’m very happy,” I lie. Oh God, this is going to be bad. So very bad. Luca's obviously not told them anything. I don’t know how this is going to go down.
“Now, we know Luca is already at the game, but you can take us and we’ll all three surprise him.” Mama claps her hands.
“Great,” I lie again. “He’s going to be so surprised.” Oh, this is going to be the worst thing ever.
“Hadley, why aren’t you changed?” Papa looks me up and down.
“I just walked in from the office. I didn’t have time.” Great, now I’m becoming a pathological liar.
“Well, let’s get to it. I want to be there for warm-ups.” Papa smiles brightly.
I give a small grin back, but it’s Mama’s eyes that catch mine. She’s staring at me with a confused look on her face. I can’t tell what she’s thinking, but I know she’s thinking something serious.
“I’ll go change right now.” I race away from her gaze and go to bedroom.
I stare at my jersey, the one Luca gave me so long ago. I run my hands over ‘My Girl’ on the back and the tears roll down my cheeks. If I wear anything else, they’ll know something is up.
Fuck. Why did Luca do this to us?
I don’t have time to dwell on that, I think as I quickly change.
On the drive over, I tell Mama and Papa all about my new job and The Hockey Network. I did everything I could so they wouldn’t bring up Luca. I talked the entire ride over to the arena.
I flash my family badge to the guard and he waves me through. Of course, the only open spot is next to Luca’s SUV. Oh, this night is going to fucking suck.
We walk into the arena and I go to the ticket office to grab the family tickets. I’d worried for a second that Luca removed my name from the list, but he didn’t. I grab the tickets and we head off to our seats. The same seats as always. Right behind the player’s bench where Luca will see us.
Fuck.
Mama and Papa are sitting next to me, talking about how this is going to be Luca’s year and how proud of him they are. I try my best to keep up, but my heart is beating a thousand beats per second and I feel like I might faint.
This isn’t going to be good, as the first of the Bucks take the ice to warm-up. As always, Luca is last. I watch his every movement as he skates around and talks to his teammates. He hasn’t noticed us yet, and I pray that, for the first time, he doesn’t look in the stands.
That doesn’t happen.
When Luca skates over to grab a bottle water, he stops when his eyes connect with mine. They’re as big as silver dollars when Mama and Papa jump up and begin to wave at him. His mouth drops a little and the only thing I can do is shrug.
What the fuck am I supposed to do?
Luca rejoins the teams as the head back down the tunnel. Mama sits down and turns to me.
“He didn’t wink at you.”
“What?” I try to play it off as if I didn’t hear her.
“Luca always winks at you when going into the locker room. He has for the last ten years. Why didn’t he?” Mama’s voice is more stern.
“Oh, didn’t he? I thought he did,” I lie, again.
Mama narrows her eyes at me. For a woman who’s only 5’2”, I know that she can kick my ass. I turn my attention the jumbotron and pray that she doesn’t ask me another thing through the rest of the game.
~ ~ ~
I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed a rougher game than this one. If Carson Lee isn’t throwing Luca into the board, then Luca is tossing him. I think at any minute they'll drop the gloves and kill each other. Even Mama cringes a couple of times. Luca is going to be sore in the morning.
Thankfully, the Bucks win 1-0. I didn’t think it was going to be a win, but somehow they managed to hang on.
Back at my car, my hands are sweaty and my insides are jumping. How is this going to work out? Luca isn’t going to come out here and be all sunshine-and-roses about me being here.
“Hadley, is Luca going to meet us at the house or are we going to dinner?” Mama asks in an overly sweet voice.
“Um…”
“I vote dinner. Don’t you Hadley?” Papa jumps in.
“Um…”
“Something wrong?” Mama asks. She knows something is up. I can see it on her face. I’m about to open my mouth, but the player’s door opens and Luca comes out.
Luca’s never the first one out.
“Hey, Mama, Papa. I didn’t know you two were coming.” He tries to act casual, but there's panic in his eyes.
“We wanted to surprise you.” She hugs her son’s waist. “But now your papa is hungry, so are we going to eat out or just go back to the house and cook something?” She looks up to Luca.
“Uh,” Luca looks at me. He can’t go back to the house because he doesn’t live there anymore.
“We’ll go out,” I jump in. “No reason to mess up the kitchen, right?” I’m getting too good at lying. I need to stop this right now.
“Right.” Luca looks a little relieved. “Where do you want to go? I can follow in my car.”
“No,” Papa says sternly. “We ride together as a family. Hadley leave your car here. Come on, let’s head to the steakhouse.”
He takes Mama’s hand and helps her into the SUV. Luca cuts me a look and I shrug. What the hell does he want me to do? This isn’t my fault. Luca finally gives in and holds the door open for me to climb in.
The trip to the steakhouse is filled with tension between Luca and I. Mama and Papa are talking all about the game, their home in Russia, and family.
When we are seated, Luca doesn’t sit by me. He sits across from me at the table. Our eyes keep connecting, but we look away from each other.
How can I be so mad at this person that I love more than anything else in the world?
How is that possible?
Mama and Papa continue to do most of the talking. I do most of the eating. I’m starving and Luca watches every move I make. I try to ignore him, but I’m too hungry to care at that particular moment.
Thankfully, no one wants to hang around once we finish the food. Now the big question is how are we going to explain why Luca isn’t coming home with us.
We all get out and are standing behind the SUV. Luca and I stare at each other. All I want is for him to hold me. I want him to tell me he’s sorry and we’ll be okay.
That’s not going to happen.
“Now,” Mama steps up to us. “Is someone going to tell us what’s going on between you two? Or, do I need to pry it out of you both?”
I knew that she would be the one to figure it out. Nothing gets past that woman.
“You don’t have to pry.” Luca’s voice sounds deflated. He must be as tired of pretending as I am.
“Hadley isn’t wearing her engagement ring,” Papa points out. “You two looked miserable through dinner. And don’t act like we haven’t noticed it. Did you two break up?”
I’m wrong. Maybe Mama isn’t the only one to figure it out.
“Yes.” There’s no reason why I need to hide it anymore. They both know something is going on.
“Why?” Mama gasps and her face shows how shocked she is by my answer. “What happened?”
Luca doesn’t say anything, but looks at me. Oh, hell no. He’s not going to pin this on me. There’s no way. I may have been the one to tell him to leave, but he’s the one that wanted me to have an abortion.
I cross my arms. “Do you want to tell them?”
“Luca, tell me now.�
�� Mama’s voice is stern and I’ve never heard her take that tone with him before.
Luca glances down at the ground, unable to face his mother. “She’s pregnant,” he whispers so low I almost miss it.
Mama and Papa gasp, look at me, and then look at my belly.
“Then why did you break up?” She looks confused. “This is amazing news.”
“Luca, tell them.” I take a step away from him. I’m not going to be the one to tell his parents why he has done what he’s done. This is on him. I’m not the bad guy this time.
Luca looks at his parents. “We broke up because she’s pregnant. She wants the baby and I don’t. I’m happy to see you two, I am, but I don’t want to get into this right now.”
“Luca Zotov,” Mama’s voice is low again and I actually fear the way she’s looking at Luca. “Are you telling me that the son I raised is abandoning his child and his fiancée?”
Luca takes a deep breath and looks at me for a quick second before turning back to Mama. “Yeah, I guess so.”
Mama takes a step closer to Luca. I didn't even see her hand come back as she slaps Luca across the face. I gasp and cover my mouth with my hands.
“I did not raise you this way!” she yells at him. “You never turn your back on family, especially your child. How could you do this to Hadley?”
Luca doesn’t even rub his face and I see the red outline from his mother’s hand.
“Mama, let’s leave him.” Papa pulls her away from Luca, but her eyes are still pinned on him. “Hadley, we’ll stay with you if that’s okay.”
I nod at Papa and look away from Luca. “You’re always welcome in my home.”
Chapter Eight
Luca
I’ve never felt more alone than I do right now. As I lie on the bed of my hotel room, I realize this is probably how the rest of my life will be unless a miracle happens, and I decide I actually want Hadley’s baby. Mama and Papa love me, but they’re going to be there for Hadley. I’m glad, I really am, but I’m not sure where that puts me. Once again, I’ve hurt my parents.
You and Me Forever (Oh Captain, My Captain Book 6) Page 4