by Stacy Finz
He draped his arm over her shoulder. “We’re all together on this, Em. Things may be strained right now but you couldn’t ask for a better Christmas. Even our self-centered teenagers realize what a miracle it is having Hope back.”
She gazed over at Paige sleeping in her portable crib, a momentary smile touching her lips, then she let out a sigh. “I don’t want to screw this up. How do Drew and I divvy up custody? Instead of rebuilding one family, she has to assimilate to two.”
Clay was wondering the same thing. The truth was he was having a difficult time seeing his wife and her ex together. As selfish as it was, he’d pondered more than once whether Hope’s return would bring them closer together. Unlike Clay and his late wife, Emily and Drew hadn’t fallen out of love or become incompatible. Their problems stemmed from inconsolable grief and in Emily’s case, guilt. Hope had been snatched during Emily’s watch. She’d left the child in the backyard to play for several minutes while she went inside to take something out of the oven, wound up talking on the phone, and by the time she returned, Hope was gone. As ridiculous as it was, she’d heaped all the blame on herself. Taking on that kind of burden didn’t leave her enough energy to sustain a relationship, let alone make her feel worthy of one.
But things were different now and Emily had always said that Drew was her first love. So where did that leave Clay? Just the fact that he was thinking about himself right now instead of celebrating Hope’s return, made him feel like an asshole. But he loved Emily so much he didn’t know if he could stand losing her.
“We’ll work it out,” he said, but didn’t know how without shorting one parent, given that they lived a fair distance apart. The obvious solution was the one that would break his and his children’s hearts.
The next morning, Drew and Kristy came over from the barn for breakfast. Hope was still asleep, or pretending to be. The boys were out doing their chores. Kristy was so damned chipper, praising everything from the clean air to the mountain water, that it gave Clay a headache. Midway through the meal it dawned on him that she was feeling as insecure as he was. Whether it was over her relationship with Drew or Hope or just over the situation in general, Clay didn’t know.
Hope eventually came down, looking as dejected as she had the night before. His insides hurt for her and he wished there was something he could do or say that would put her mind at ease. How could he though, when he was feeling pretty adrift himself? One thing he did know was that they had to stop walking on eggshells around her. Otherwise she would never feel like she truly belonged.
“Morning, Harper.”
She barely spared him a glance.
Emily immediately started to fuss over her, giving her a list of breakfast options as long as a restaurant menu to choose from. It was exactly what the counselor had warned them against. Don’t shower her with gifts and special favors. Treat her like you do the rest of your children, she’d said.
“Before breakfast Harper has chores to do,” Clay said and got up so he could walk her to the paddock where he’d rustle her up a job.
Drew started to interfere and Clay held up his hand. “This is a working ranch. Everyone who lives here has chores. Animals get fed before we do. That’s how it works.”
He glanced at Emily, wondering if she would countermand him but she held her tongue. Drew rose and Kristy subtly pulled him back down.
“Put on your coat and hat,” he told Hope, and eyed her tennis shoes. “First thing we’re gonna do today is get you a pair of boots.”
She looked down at her feet and Clay nudged her toward the mudroom. “And by the way, we get up at seven around here on weekends and holidays, earlier on school days.” He ruffled her hair. “Since it’s Christmastime, I’m cutting you a break.”
Silently, she followed him to the stable, her little feet crunching the snow, her eyes downcast.
“What do you say we put you in charge of feeding the horses?” By now Ramon had probably handled it. But he’d show her the ropes for the future and have her fill their water troughs to get the hang of it.
She shrugged and Clay questioned whether his tactics were too harsh. He didn’t have much experience with thirteen-year-old girls, let alone kids who’d never lived on a ranch before. “Is that a yes?”
She looked up at him with eyes as blue as Emily’s. “I guess.”
“Good.” He continued to sludge through the snow. They’d gotten about four inches overnight and according to the weather forecast, were in for a few more inches today. “You ever been sledding?”
“At home in Morton, my dad and I used to go.” She said it so softly Clay had to strain to hear.
“Emily wants to go shopping. But after that we’ll go sledding.”
When they got to the barn, Clay went through the feeding ritual with Hope. “Ramon over there will help you in the beginning.” The ranch hand, who’d been with the McCreedys for two generations, smiled at Hope and went off on an errand.
Hope tried to act uninterested but when she thought Clay wasn’t looking she’d stick out the palm of her hand and feed one of the mares a carrot or a slice of apple like he’d shown her how to do.
“You keep doing that and you’ll give ’em bloat,” he said, and she snatched her hand away. The girl was a pixie version of Emily, bundled up in her little red coat. Someday she’d be a real heartbreaker. “You cold?” He lit the kerosene heater and motioned for her to sit next to it on a bale of hay while he fixed a feeder that had come loose in one of the stalls. In no rush to get back to the house and face down Drew, who was probably good and pissed, he took his time.
“Why doesn’t Justin or Cody feed the horses?” Hope asked, surprising Clay. She typically didn’t talk unless she’d been directly addressed.
“They’ve got other chores.” The truth was throwing a few flakes of hay and filling a couple of water troughs took no time at all. “On Saturdays, they muck these stalls. If you’d prefer I could give that job to you.” He grinned at her to show that he was teasing.
She didn’t respond and he figured they’d at least made some small headway with her question when she suddenly said, “Why didn’t Emily and Drew look for me?”
At first, he thought she meant now, in the barn. But yeah, the counselor had warned them about this, about how muddled and even angry Hope might be. He probably should’ve saved the question for Emily and Drew to answer but she’d asked him. “They did, sweetheart. They never stopped, not even a day. Not only did they have the police and FBI involved in your search but they hired private investigators. They went on TV and talk shows, bought newspaper ads, and put up billboards with your picture.”
“I guess people in Idaho don’t watch TV or read the paper.” She tossed her head.
“Or they do and they didn’t recognize you as the girl in the pictures.” Maureen had said they’d cut and colored Hope’s hair in the beginning. Though to him, nothing could disguise her from being Emily’s daughter. The fact was, people were so caught up with their own lives they weren’t that observant when it came to others. “When I met your mother, she was lost without you. Since the day you went missing, nothing’s been the same for her. It was like a part of her had been ripped out. She loves you so much. And so does your father.”
“And they hate Maureen and Duke, don’t they? I don’t care because I’ll always love them, no matter what they did.”
Clay crossed the stall and sat with her on the hay bale, rubbing his hands over the heater. “What I do know is that you’re their priority. And the fact that Maureen and Duke kept you safe, happy and loved for all those years trumps all else. So no one will ever blame you for loving them. Ever. You understand that? It’s more important to your parents that you had a good life than what happened. That doesn’t mean they didn’t miss you like crazy and that they aren’t angry that you were taken from them. But they’re not angry with you. And, Harper, take my word for it, they did everything humanly possible to find you. When they saw you in Morton it was the happiest day of their lives.”
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Her eyes and nose dripped and she quickly used the back of her hand to wipe the wet away, feigning indifference. But Clay knew they’d made significant inroads.
Chapter 12
Harper woke up sore. Her butt, legs, and back hurt from the sledding the day before. It had been fun, even though she hadn’t wanted it to be. Cody’s best friend, Samuel, had come over and had carried her sled up the big hill so she wouldn’t have to lug it herself. Sometimes, Justin did it too. Harper had caught his girlfriend, Cynthia, rolling her eyes. She was pretty with dark hair and super long lashes and could probably be a model. She was also kind of stuck up and annoyingly mushy around Justin.
When they’d gone shopping in Reno, Harper and Cody saw Cynthia and Justin kissing in the Macy’s parking lot. Cody made gagging noises and Harper laughed. Then they went and got lunch at a restaurant and Cody ordered two hamburgers and ate her leftover fries. Afterwards, they stopped at this giant store near the ranch and Clay got her cowboy boots—pink because that’s what she wanted—and a warm jacket because he said her red coat was too nice for feeding the horses. Kind of weird to buy something brand new to save something old but she wasn’t going to argue because she’d really wanted the jacket. It was just like Missy Templeton’s, only silver with pink trim to go with the boots.
Kristy had tried to talk her into the black jacket because she said silver would get dirty in the barn. But Drew said that’s what washing machines were for. Emily spent the whole time wiping her eyes and sniffling as if buying boots and a jacket were the most momentous thing in the world.
When they got home, they carried in more shopping bags than Harper had ever seen in her life. Emily told her and Cody not to peek and she and Kristy wrapped them while they were out sledding. When they came back there was hot chocolate and apple cake and Samuel got to stay for dinner.
She felt guilty for enjoying herself but told herself that her mom would want her to have a good Christmas even though she was dead. Harper just wished Maureen could see this place and wondered if she was looking down from heaven. What scared her was that maybe her mom hadn’t gone to heaven because she was a kidnapper and God had rules about that. But she wasn’t going to think about it now, especially because it was almost seven and she had to feed the horses.
She quickly put on a pair of jeans, a sweatshirt, and her new boots and jacket and ran down the stairs. Something smelled amazing, like sugar and cinnamon, and it brought back a flood of hazy memories of her mother baking, which was odd because Maureen didn’t bake. Harper had been the baker. She’d learned in Girl Scouts and loved making the Toll House cookies from the back of the chocolate chip bag.
“You’re up?” Emily was in the kitchen.
“Clay said seven to feed the horses.” She hoped she hadn’t gotten it wrong.
“That’s great.” She gave Harper a quick glance, noted the new boots and jacket and smiled. “The boys are already out there. We’ll have breakfast as soon as you get back. You want one of us to go with you?”
“No,” she said, though she was a little nervous about doing it herself.
“Okay. Be careful.” Emily bent down to take whatever was baking out of the oven.
“What are those?”
Emily straightened and looked at her. “Snickerdoodles.”
“I think my mom used to make them when I was little. I used to love them so much that one year she made a giant one for my birthday party instead of a cake.”
“That was me,” Emily said and her voice trembled. “Wait here.”
She returned a few minutes later with a big photo album, set it down on the table, and began thumbing through the pages. Harper was getting nervous about the horses. She didn’t want to screw up her first time and have Clay think she was lame. Emily finally found what she was looking for and pointed to a picture of a bunch of kids sitting around a table. Sure enough, in the middle was a giant snickerdoodle.
“That’s you,” Emily said, and put her finger on a little girl in a yellow dress. “There’s Drew and me. Do you remember?”
Harper didn’t know why but she lied and said no, even though she sort of did. “Can I go now?”
Emily nodded and Harper was pretty sure she was crying. By the time Harper got outside, she realized she was crying too.
Later that afternoon, they went to town for a thing called a cookie swap. Harper had never heard of one before but everyone seemed pretty excited about it, even Drew and Kristy. There were tons of people walking from table to table, eating cookies, right in the middle of this park where all the shops and a big fancy inn were. Samuel’s brother’s wife owned the inn and he said she could go inside and look around at all the holiday decorations if she wanted to. Cody introduced her to a bunch of people as his sister, which was bizarre but kind of nice, even though they weren’t really related. A lady from the newspaper took their picture and said it would be on-line later. The counselor had warned her that reporters would be interested in her story and that she shouldn’t be afraid, that people would be happy for her. Happy? Her mother was dead, but whatever.
“Let me have a look at you.” An older woman who everyone seemed to know squatted down to stare at Harper. “You’re the spitting image of your mother. Just gorgeous.”
“Donna, give the girl some room to breathe,” Clay told the woman.
A bunch more people came to meet her, including Samuel’s brother, who was the police chief. He gave her a little squeeze and said, “Welcome to Nugget, Harper. We’re sure glad to have you.” His eyes got wet. To Harper he didn’t seem like the kind of man who cried but maybe he had allergies or something.
The police chief’s sister was even prettier than Cynthia and her boyfriend’s name was Griffin. He fixed cars for a living just like her dad used to do. He also owned a ton of houses and told Drew and Kristy they should buy one. There were so many people that Harper couldn’t remember all their names. She met some of the kids she’d be going to school with, including Katie who was a couple of years younger than Harper and lived at the ranch next to Clay’s.
By the time they went home, she’d eaten so many cookies she felt like barfing. Emily and Drew kept hugging her, which creeped her out but at the same time was okay she guessed. If someone stole her child she’d probably act the same way.
Emily made fried chicken for dinner and even Cody was too full to eat it. The adults did, though, and oohed and aahed so much that it made Harper curious about what she was missing. Emily promised to save her some for later, kissed her forehead, and told her to cuddle up on the couch to watch a Christmas movie. She said it used to be their tradition when Harper was a little girl. Again, Harper had a vague memory of it but couldn’t remember if it had just been a dream.
During the movie—the one about Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer—Emily and Drew sat with her and shared a blanket. When she looked over at Clay in the recliner he looked mad. But then he winked at her and she decided she was being a drama queen.
* * *
Christmas morning came too soon and Emily didn’t know how she’d managed to get everything done on time. Between the cookie swap, last-minute shopping, and meal preparations, she’d barely had time to get stockings stuffed and everything wrapped and under the tree. There’d also been a never-ending trail of visitors who’d come to meet Hope and wish them holiday cheer. Ordinarily, she would’ve reveled in a Nugget-style Christmas, where neighbors and friends showed up to deliver gifts and food offerings without calling first. But having Hope home was so new and precious that she wanted her all to herself. Then there was the fact that she was exhausted. Paige still kept them up at night. Although Clay had been great about shouldering the late feedings, even he was starting to fray around the edges.
She suspected it was more than just Paige’s sleeping habits or lack thereof, though he’d been wonderful with Hope. Of all of them, Emily got the feeling that Hope was most comfortable with Clay. Probably because he didn’t tiptoe around her. She and Drew were trying so hard to
please her that sometimes it had the opposite effect. Still, even Drew seemed to have a better rapport with her than Emily did.
And soon, they’d have to hash out a custody arrangement, which Emily knew was going to kill her. She never wanted to be separated from her daughter again. It was bad enough that she was a stranger to Hope and that every piece of history they had together had been erased by Maureen and Duke.
“The kids went out to do their chores and Drew and Kristy are on their way over from the barn.” Clay took his field coat off and hung it on a hook in the mudroom.
“The French toast soufflé is in the oven. Coffee’s made, table is set, and Paige has been fed and changed. I’m good to go. How’s everything outside?”
“Snowy.”
He didn’t kiss her like he usually did when he came in from the barn.
“Something wrong?”
“Nope. Harper’s doing a good job. She’s still skittish around the animals though.”
“I don’t think Maureen and Duke had pets.” She went up on tiptoes and brushed her lips over his. “Merry Christmas.”
He hooked his arm around her waist. “Merry Christmas, baby.”
“I know it’s been stressful but things will calm down soon.” All she wanted was for Hope to fall into a rhythm on the ranch and for them to find their way back to being mother and daughter.
“Are you and Drew going to be able to come to terms on Hope’s living situation?”
Before she could answer the doorbell rang.
“That’s them,” Clay said. “I’ll let ’em in.”
“I’ll start the bacon.”
After breakfast, they began the gift opening ritual. Despite the admonition from the counselor not to overwhelm Hope with gifts, she’d gone a little nuts. With the boys and Paige too. Between that and Drew and Kristy’s presents, the kids were still tearing open wrapping paper well past noon. She loved the jacket, scarf, and earrings Clay had gotten her. In all the upheaval these past couple of weeks, the boys had managed to surprise her with a charm bracelet with miniature pictures of Justin, Cody, and Paige.