She started to cry, but it wasn’t through sadness. It was a release of sorts. She could relax knowing everyone was okay. And even though she was crying because she already missed them, she was also crying with happiness as she felt so unbelievably lucky she had so many amazing people in her life.
And this was, in a big part, thanks to Kyle. After everything she’d heard about him and how she’d tried to fight her feelings, it was him who made this trip for her friends to visit her happen, and who went to all this effort to bring a bit of home here for her. She was so lucky.
A noise behind her made her start, but when she swung her head around to look at her bedroom door there was nobody there. It must have been one of the doors downstairs slamming. She’d opened the windows and it was a breezy day.
The sound, though, brought her back to the present and she dried her eyes and reapplied her make-up.
The visit from Violet, Lily and Polly had lifted her. She hadn’t realised that she’d been feeling homesick, but now she was reinvigorated and was sure the feelings would keep her lifted through until Christmas when she could visit home again and see her parents.
As she was chopping salad twenty minutes later to go with the grilled steaks she planned to cook for dinner, she heard a knock on the front door. Putting down the knife, she opened the door to see Kyle standing there.
‘Why are you knocking? I texted you to let you know I left the door unlocked and just to come straight in. I was vacuuming a bit earlier so I didn’t want to not hear you arrive.’
He looked a bit hesitant. ‘I didn’t see it. Sorry.’
‘Don’t worry, come in anyway. I’m getting dinner ready.’
He paused in the doorway so she ushered him in and reached up for a kiss. ‘Is something wrong?’
‘No, nothing. Did the girls get on their flight okay?’
She carried on slicing cucumber as she explained the sad farewell and how she’d received a text to say they were taking off and were already two glasses of champagne deep into their first-class experience. ‘I think it’s safe to say they’re absolutely fine.’
‘Are you?’ he asked, taking a sip of the Budweiser he’d taken out of the fridge as he marinated the steak next to her at the counter.
‘Me? I’m fine. Why?’
‘I was just worried you might be upset saying goodbye.’
‘Well, yes, of course I am. That’s my sister and my two closest friends, and I probably won’t see them now until Christmas. But it means the world they came here. And it means the world you organised it for me.’
She reached up to wrap her arms around his neck and he hugged her tightly back, burying his head in the crook of her neck, breathing her in. It was all she could do to stay upright as her legs went to jelly.
Just two days apart and this was what happened to her. She needed help. She was taken.
The embrace was over all too quickly and he headed into the garden to throw the steaks on the BBQ.
She was woken at five thirty the following morning by her phone ringing. She quickly silenced it and ran out of the bedroom so as not to wake a slumbering Kyle.
Wearily looking at the screen, she pressed answer when she saw it was her mum’s mobile. That was strange in and of itself as she always called Abbie from home, and compounded by the fact that she had only spoken to her mother the morning before, when they caught up on her birthday week and all the things she did with Lily when she visited. Her stomach flipped as her instinct told her something was wrong.
‘Mum, are you okay?’
The soft sound of her mum’s voice started to fill her ear and she felt a wave of homesickness.
‘Yes, love. How are you? I bet you’re enjoying a nice quiet house now the girls have come back home.’
‘I’m okay, Mum. It’s pretty early here, I’ve just got up. Is everything okay there?’
Her mum paused momentarily. ‘Well, love, I don’t want you to worry at all because he’s in the best place, but we’re at the hospital at the moment with your dad. He’s just getting a few tests, nothing to worry about, but I knew you’d not be happy if we didn’t tell you.’
‘Tests? What tests? What’s happened?’ Abbie asked urgently, a sick feeling hitting the pit of her stomach and tears springing to her eyes.
‘Don’t get upset, love, I don’t like the thought of you being so far away and I can’t give you a hug if you’re crying.’
‘I’m getting upset because I don’t know what’s going on, Mum. I’m worrying. Tell me, please,’ she begged, pacing the living room.
‘Okay, but remember, he’s in the best place with brilliant doctors and nurses. They’ve been fussing over us ever since we arrived. He woke up in the middle of the night feeling a lot of pressure on his chest.’
‘Oh my god, he’s had a heart attack?’ Abbie shrieked, the feeling of panic deepening with every second.
‘We don’t know that at the moment. They’re doing tests because chest pain can mean a few different things and, although some of the symptoms point to a heart attack, none of the tests so far have shown the right markers for it to be that. It’s just a waiting game while they look at a lot of different things.’
Abbie did everything she could to stop herself from bursting out crying. ‘Okay, Mum. Look, I’ll get on the internet as soon as I’m off the phone and come home. I can get a flight tonight and be home tomorrow morning.’
‘No, no, love, I don’t want you to be going to all that expense and leaving your job when we don’t even know what it is yet. I promise you I’ll call you later on. He’s up and talking and saying he wants to go home as it’s all a big fuss over nothing.’
‘Have you told Lily?’
‘Yes, I have. She landed this morning, and she’s hanging out at Polly’s house today while she waits for news. Polly, bless her, hasn’t got work today so she’s looking out for her.’
‘Oh, thank god. I’ll call her and check in. Mum?’
‘Yes, love?’
‘I love you and Dad so much. I feel so far away right now.’ She started quietly crying, her hand gripping the phone, not wanting to say goodbye.
‘And we love you. We’re so proud of you and what you’re doing, and you’re having these adventures that we would never have been brave enough to try. Don’t feel guilty about being there, this would have happened no matter where you were.’
‘I know, but I can’t help but feel that I should be there helping you, though, and be there in case, in case…’
‘Stop it now. Get yourself into the kitchen and make yourself a cup of tea and please don’t worry until we know that there’s actually something to worry about. I promise I’ll call you as soon as the doctor’s been in to see us.’
After saying goodbyes, Abbie sat on the sofa in shock, her eyes wet with tears. She started when she heard the door open, and Kyle looked at her with fear written all over his face.
‘What’s happened, babe?’ he asked while dashing to sit next to her and took her into his arms.
She crumpled into him and started crying harder, haltingly explaining the phone call she’d had with her mother.
‘And I feel so helpless being here so far away,’ she finished, as a fresh burst of tears hit her. ‘I’ll never forgive myself if something happens to him.’
‘Okay, babe, I need you to breathe,’ Kyle said, holding her tight. ‘I know this must be scary, but your mom’s right. We can’t worry until we know what we’re dealing with, and then we can make a plan. If that involves getting you home as quickly as possible, that’s what we’ll do.’
‘We can’t worry?’ Abbie almost shouted, and pulled out of his embrace. ‘It’s easy for you to say. Your parents are a drive away and they’re healthy. My dad’s in the hospital and realistically it would take me two days to get to him. I can’t not be stressed right now.’
‘I know, I know, come here,’ Kyle soothed. ‘I’m sorry, I know I’m not in your shoes but, believe me, I can imagine how you’re feeling. Do y
ou want to stay home today? I’ll talk to Hank and explain what’s happening.’
‘No, I’ll go mad if I stay at home,’ she said, finally slowing her breath a little. After a pause, she continued, ‘I’ll come in with you and try to keep my mind off it a bit by keeping busy, but I’ll pack a bag and bring my passport in case I need to go to the airport straight from work.’
Wordlessly, Kyle put his arms back around her and pulled her in close.
The morning at work felt like it lasted a week. Every time Abbie checked the time, feeling like hours had passed, it was only a few minutes since the last time she looked. She couldn’t concentrate on any task and simply flicked between computer programmes and web browsers in a bid to pass the morning.
Kyle brought her some lunch at noon but she couldn’t eat a thing and tossed the sandwich unopened into the bin.
She had texted her mother on and off all day, so she knew her father was stable and not in any immediate danger, but there was still no news on a diagnosis and the torment was eating away at her.
Finally, just after two, her mother’s number flashed up on the phone again, and Abbie trembled as she answered.
‘Mum? How is he?’
‘He’s going to be absolutely fine, love.’ Abbie’s shoulders dropped as she recognised a smile in her mother’s voice. ‘He’s had a gall bladder attack. One of the symptoms can be mistaken for a heart attack, as he had very severe heartburn.’
‘Oh, thank god!’ Abbie exclaimed. ‘So, he’s going to be okay?’
‘Yes, love. They’re giving him some medication and will see how he gets on. It might go away on its own, and they’ll only need to look at removing stones if it happens again, but it’s all pretty straightforward if that does happen, from what they’re telling us.’
‘I’m so relieved. You have no idea how worried I was, Mum. I’ve got a bag here at work so I could dash to the airport if you needed me.’ Abbie felt like the air was suddenly easier to breathe in. She had no idea how tense she’d been.
‘If I’m being honest, I was a bit worried too, but I should have known it was just your dad making a performance. It was bin day wasn’t it, I think he was wanting to avoid putting them out.’
Abbie laughed for the first time that day and felt the stresses start to melt away.
‘I love you, Mum. I’ll come home soon for a visit, yeah? I’m missing you.’
‘That would be lovely, Abs, but don’t you worry about us. I promise you, we’re fine.’
Abbie texted Kyle as soon as she hung up to let him know the good news. She might just be able to go to sleep that night.
CHAPTER 23
Two days later and Abbie was in her kitchen again preparing dinner, when Kyle knocked on the door. She’d barely seen him in the past couple of days as their workloads had been heavy, and she’d gone to a gig with Rose the night before.
As always, she reached up to kiss him, but it felt odd. He didn’t seem to be kissing her back with any enthusiasm and his body felt rigid. He’d been distant since the incident with her dad, and she was worried. His text replies were short and not the usual warm or flirty tone.
This strange mood made her anxious but she hated confrontation so she zipped around the kitchen, finishing the spaghetti carbonara she’d made for them and dishing it out into two large bowls, the steam rising off the pasta as she placed the bowls on the table.
Kyle ate, but barely spoke during dinner and she felt sick to the pit of her stomach. The awkward atmosphere was building and she couldn’t let it continue any longer.
‘Babe. What’s wrong? Is everything okay with your family?’ Her hands were shaking as she broached the subject, not sure what was going on.
He sighed and carried on looking at the contents of his bowl. ‘Abbie, I need to talk to you.’
Oh, god. He’d called her Abbie again. Never a good sign.
‘Okay, what do we need to talk about? Do you want more pasta?’ She started to get up from the table to avoid whatever it was he was going to say as she already knew she didn’t like his tone.
He put his hand on top of hers to stop her. ‘I’m good. Sit down.’
She could barely believe what she was hearing over the next ten minutes. He delivered a stuttering, hesitant monologue that she heard only bits of as she sat, silently, trying to understand what was happening.
‘It’s not you, it’s me…’
‘I just need to focus on my career right now…’
‘You haven’t done anything wrong but I can’t be with you at the moment…’
‘I think I’d better leave.’
She managed to blurt out, ‘Yes, I think you better had. Get out.’ Then she turned around and faced the sink. She felt his presence watching her for a moment before he got up and left.
It didn’t matter. The words. The clichés. They all added up to him walking out the door as she felt herself shrinking more and more into an abyss.
What the hell had just happened?
Two days ago, he had comforted her when she was a mess worrying about her dad. They had been having the greatest time. She knew she had snapped at him after she got off the phone from her mother, but surely, he wasn’t so fragile that a comment when she was in a highly stressful situation would have driven him away?
As she stared at the door that he’d closed on his way out, she felt bereft. She needed to talk to someone. This didn’t make any sense. Not Violet. She would be asleep. Rose. Yes. Rose. She grabbed her mobile and found the number, slowed by her shaking fingers fumbling on the keypad.
Her friend answered after two rings and had to ask Abbie three times to repeat herself as she didn’t understand what she was trying to say through the crying.
‘I can’t believe it’s happened to me again. He’s just finished it with no real explanation. I thought everything was fine, we were having an amazing time, and he said it’s over. What’s wrong with me? It can’t be a coincidence that the same thing has happened twice, can it?’
She knew she sounded hysterical, and Rose sounded worried at the other end of the phone, but her whole existence in her new city had just been turned on its axis.
‘Calm down, Abbie, I’m coming over to your place now. Just sit down and wait for me.’ She heard a door close and figured Rose was already leaving her apartment.
‘What am I going to do, Rose?’
Her heart hurt as she continued to sob.
CHAPTER 24
The final match of the Utah Saints season was upon Abbie before she knew it. The past four weeks since Kyle broke up with her had been confusing and upsetting, and even though Rose had been a rock, she had felt very lonely at times as her day-to-day life had changed from the easy routine she’d got into with Kyle.
She’d tried to start a new structure and was taking things day by day. Although she was desperately sad, she didn’t want to fall in the same trap she’d plunged into after Josh, and she had enough going on to fill her hours. Before she left England, she’d thought she might start exercising when she got to America, but that hadn’t happened – until now. It was Rose who suggested it. She had a friend who ran to keep his mind clear, and it worked wonders for him. So, every morning for the past three weeks, Abbie had laced up her running shoes, put some upbeat music on her headphones and run for thirty minutes through Liberty Park. The first ten days she hadn’t wanted to get out of bed, but had forced herself. The last ten days she hadn’t even tried to talk herself out of it. Up, dress, run, shower, get ready for the day.
She had thrown herself into work, focusing to a level she didn’t know was possible, and even travelling twice in the past three weeks to away games in different states. Hank didn’t need her to do it, but she said she wanted to keep stepping up and would go if he agreed. He was more than happy for her to join the team in St Louis and Seattle, and she had taken the chance to explore these new cities. The weekends were the worst, so filling her time with football games was a great distraction.
And thank g
od for the blog. Every night that Rose wasn’t working in The Live Joint, she had organised for them to go to a gig somewhere. And, when she was working, she insisted that Abbie go to the bar to keep her company.
It meant that some of the benefits of the running were being negated by alcohol on more nights of the week than she would normally drink, but she was limiting herself to one or two a night and was feeling good.
Luckily, she hadn’t seen Kyle much. They were obviously and actively trying to avoid each other. He hadn’t come near the marketing office, and she had stayed away from places she thought she might bump into him. She had driven out for lunch every day to avoid a possible meeting in the canteen and asked Kitty to go to him directly with any questions or information about the youth team trip to the UK.
She hadn’t told Kitty about the breakup. If she was honest, she was absolutely mortified. Kitty had given her fair warning and told her some extremely personal information to try to keep her safe, and she’d ignored her entirely.
She also didn’t want Kitty feeling sorry for her. They had the big finale today and the youth team trip next month and she needed Kitty focused. But, more than that, she needed herself focused. She was scared that Kitty’s reaction would throw her off the course she had set for herself, of getting through this.
She didn’t want to sink again.
All her focus right now was on today, the big final. The players themselves had a job to do. They had enjoyed a steady season, and if they won today, they’d finish third in the championship. That would be their best result in history and she could feel the nervous excitement through every corridor. From the cleaner who had worked there for fifteen years, right up to Hank, everyone was on tenterhooks.
Half the World Away Page 19