The Way We Are

by Sinéad Moriarty

  ‘She’s a wonderful wife. Keep trying.’

  ‘God, what will Alice think of me now?’ David worried.

  Ben was more concerned about Alice finding out that he had known about the affair. She would not react well to his having kept it a secret from her. But David had begged him not to tell her and, in any case, he hadn’t wanted to. She would have been furious, and it would probably have made her suspicious of him, too. ‘Alice knows you’re a good guy,’ he said. ‘She’ll probably just give you a lecture, then try to fix your marriage.’

  ‘I envy you,’ David said.

  ‘Why?’ Ben said, looking around the palatial room.

  ‘Because you and Alice never seemed to lose your spark. You still challenge each other and seem to get on so well all the time.’

  It was nice that David thought that, but it wasn’t necessarily true. Ben and Alice had had their bad patches, but neither had strayed. Their marriage was by no means perfect. He did still love her and knew she loved him, but they had to work at keeping the spark alive. If he was being honest, they’d got lazy lately. When he’d seen Pippa’s bracelet, he’d known it was a guilt gift but he’d still felt bad. It hadn’t even crossed his mind to buy Alice a card, even when he’d been picking one for Holly. ‘Every marriage has its ups and downs, David. I suppose it’s just about getting through the downs that matters.’

  ‘And not having affairs with nurses.’

  ‘Yes, well, that too.’ Ben smiled. ‘Apart from the sex, why did you do it?’

  David peered into his glass. ‘She thought I was wonderful. She hung on every word I said. It sounds so childish now, but I liked it. She told me I was marvellous and handsome, always looked so happy to see me and was always in a good mood and enthusiastic about everything.’ David laughed miserably. ‘In the last few years, Pippa seemed to be constantly irritated by me. I couldn’t do anything right. She was always criticizing me, and I suppose I was fed up. Part of why I fell for Sally was because she was lovely to be around. It sounds ridiculous but it’s true.’

  ‘Sounds nice, actually,’ Ben said honestly. It did. He couldn’t remember the last time Alice’s face had lit up when he arrived home. She was usually tired and irritable after a long day of work, then arguing with Jools about her homework. And lately she was more likely to glare at him for taking the time out to cycle home. When was the last time they had done anything spontaneous and fun? Even on the rare nights they went out for dinner, they ended up talking about the girls, or work, or Kevin.

  In the old days, they would always have been the last to leave the restaurant after drinking too much and declaring their love for each other. Now they often opted to eat early because Alice fell asleep after two glasses of wine. Where had the romance gone? Why hadn’t he noticed it had disappeared? What the hell did that say about them?

  David interrupted Ben’s musings. ‘It was nice, but not worth all the hurt and trouble I’ve caused. Sebastian’s not talking to me. He wrote me a letter from school telling me what a let-down I was and how he would never forgive me for hurting his mother. It was like a knife to the heart, I can tell you.’ David’s eyes welled with tears. ‘To know your only child thinks ill of you is a hard blow.’

  ‘God, that’s awful.’

  ‘Yes, but as Pippa said, I have only myself to blame.’ David wiped his eyes with a napkin. ‘What a mess. If you’re ever tempted, don’t do it, my friend. It is not worth it.’

  Ben was about to answer when Alice came back into the room. ‘Pippa’s upstairs. I think it’s probably time we left.’

  ‘Yes, of course.’ David stood up and called a taxi.

  Alice went over to him and shook a finger in his face. ‘David, you’re a bloody fool and you have a lot of making up to do to your lovely wife.’

  David held his hands up. ‘I know, I know.’ He walked them to the front door. ‘Sorry about everything. Not the night you expected, I’m sure. Probably makes your Christmas Day drama seem quite normal.’

  ‘Not at all. We all have our ups and downs. Hang in there, mate.’ Ben hugged him.

  Hang in there? Alice thought. He needed to do more than hang in there. He needed to be the sorriest man alive, beg forgiveness and bloody well behave himself. Alice was very fond of David, but she was angry with him for having hurt Pippa so much.

  Alice kissed his cheek. ‘She’s a very special lady, David.’

  He nodded. ‘Believe me, I know what an idiot I’ve been and I’m trying to make things right between us.’

  ‘Well, I hope you work it out. You guys are great together.’

  ‘Thank you, Alice. I do appreciate that.’

  They climbed into the waiting taxi.

  ‘Didn’t expect we’d be going home this early. Interesting night,’ Ben mused.

  ‘You can say that again.’ She laid her head back against the seat.

  ‘Poor Pippa, is she all right?’

  Alice frowned. ‘Of course not. She’s completely shattered. Her heart is broken, her confidence has been crushed and she doesn’t know if she can trust him.’

  ‘She can. David’s a stand-up bloke. He’s one of the finest men I know. He just had a silly dalliance. It meant nothing.’

  ‘Then why did he bother? He’s hurt his wife deeply for no reason.’

  Ben sighed. ‘Well, obviously it wasn’t nothing, but it wasn’t as if he was in love with her or anything.’

  ‘It went on for six months. That’s a lot of dinners, time together, sex and intimacy.’

  ‘I don’t think they saw each other very often.’

  ‘How do you know?’

  Ben shifted about in his seat. ‘He mentioned that it was just an occasional thing.’

  Alice tried to eyeball her husband, but he refused to catch her eye. ‘Oh, my God, you knew, didn’t you?’

  ‘Knew what?’ He continued to avoid her glare.

  She punched his arm. ‘You bloody well knew. How could you not tell me?’

  He squirmed. ‘He begged me not to. Sorry, Alice.’

  ‘I’m your wife. We’re not supposed to have any secrets from each other.’

  ‘I didn’t want you to think less of him.’

  ‘Well, I do now.’

  ‘I was hoping he’d stop before he got caught.’

  ‘Because that makes it so much better?’

  ‘It would have, Alice. If Pippa had never found out and the whole thing had run its course, they would still be happy.’

  ‘But then he would have got away with it and what’s to say he wouldn’t have done it again, for a bit of excitement?’

  ‘He wouldn’t.’

  ‘Did you tell him to stop seeing slutty Sally?’

  ‘Of course I did.’

  ‘Well, you obviously weren’t very persuasive.’

  ‘Jesus, don’t blame me. It’s over now and he deeply regrets it.’

  ‘So he bloody should.’ Alice sat with her arms folded. She wanted to scream and shout and say, ‘Why?’ She knew it was irrational, but a deep fear had gripped her. If Ben’s best friend was having an affair and lots of great sex with Sally, what was to stop Ben doing the same thing? Alice felt afraid for her own marriage. Why had David, who seemed to have the perfect wife, looked elsewhere?

  She took some deep breaths and tried to calm down. Shouting at Ben wasn’t going to solve anything. In fact, it might just drive him into one of Sally’s friends’ arms. ‘Why did he do it? I don’t get it. Pippa’s fantastic and gorgeous and lovely.’

  Ben shrugged. ‘I don’t know, really. He said Sally made him feel good about himself.’

  Alice snorted. ‘And Pippa doesn’t?’

  ‘It’s not that. Look, I don’t really understand, but I suppose maybe their relationship had got a bit stale and David was looking for some adventure.’

  ‘Adventure?’ Alice’s rage bubbled over. ‘Why couldn’t he climb a bloody mountain or go sky-diving? Why did he have to shag someone in work and break Pippa’s heart?’

 
‘He didn’t mean to.’

  ‘For six months he didn’t mean to? That’s just the point. Men don’t think. Not only has he hurt Pippa but he has also really upset Sebastian. Pippa said the poor boy is devastated. So David’s little bit on the side has basically ruined his family.’ Alice was determined to lay it on as thickly as she could. She wanted Ben to see what an affair had cost David. She wanted to drive home to him that the consequences of David’s mid-life crisis were far-reaching and very painful.

  Ben took Alice’s hand in his. ‘I know, darling. I agree with you. But it’s done now so all he can do is try to fix it.’

  ‘I’m not sure he can,’ Alice said, looking out of the window and sighing deeply for maximum effect. ‘He’s ruined everything. A really brilliant marriage has just been ripped apart and it’s a terrible shame. There’s absolutely no way Nurse Sally could have been worth it.’

  Alice hoped her husband understood that her words were a warning.

  Chapter 6

  Holly

  Mummy slammed the fridge door. It made me jump.

  ‘Morning,’ I said.

  ‘Oh, hi, sorry, I didn’t see you there. Here, sit down and have your breakfast. I have to drop you in a bit early today. I’ve got an eight-thirty start.’

  ‘Was last night fun?’ I asked.

  ‘Super,’ Daddy said, from behind his newspaper.

  ‘Fine.’ Mummy sounded angry.

  Jools looked up from her mini-iPad. ‘That’s weird. There were only four of you and clearly Daddy had a good time but Mum didn’t.’

  Mummy’s face was red.

  ‘Did something happen?’ I asked.

  ‘No.’ Daddy frowned at Mummy.

  ‘Well, actually,’ Mummy said, ‘David and Pippa had an argument so it wasn’t much fun.’

  ‘David and Pippa?’ Jools sounded surprised. ‘They never argue.’

  ‘It wasn’t a big deal.’ Now Daddy glared at Mummy.

  ‘What was it about?’ I asked.

  ‘Probably David being annoyed because there was a speck of dust in the hall.’ Jools giggled. ‘Or Pippa furious because the plates weren’t hot enough.’

  ‘They’re not like that,’ I said, defending David and Pippa. ‘They’re lovely and always so nice to everyone.’

  ‘I know, squirt, I was just joking.’

  ‘Anyway, it all worked out well and we had a nice time.’ Daddy shut the conversation down.

  I glanced up at Mummy, who was staring out of the window and shaking her head. My stomach felt a bit funny. Something really bad must have happened.

  ‘I bet David forgot Valentine’s. Was that it?’ Jools asked, taking a bite of her toast.

  ‘Oh, no, he remembered. He bought her the most stunning diamond bracelet I’ve ever seen,’ Mummy said, but she said it in a snarly voice.

  ‘Oh, my God, Pippa is so lucky. I want to be her when I grow up and have my husband buy me amazing diamonds. Are they huge, Mum?’

  ‘They weren’t huge, but they were beautiful. Jools, a good marriage has nothing to do with diamonds.’ Mummy stared at Daddy. ‘A good marriage is based on honesty and loyalty and trust.’

  Daddy slapped his newspaper onto the table. My stomach did a flip. Mummy and Daddy had clearly had a big fight.

  ‘Don’t forget forgiveness, Alice. That’s also important,’ he said.

  ‘If you’re honest, loyal and can be trusted, there is no need for forgiveness,’ Mummy snapped back.

  ‘OK, hold on.’ Jools threw her hands into the air. ‘What the hell happened last night?’

  ‘Nothing.’ Daddy looked really cross now. ‘This is not a discussion for breakfast. I’m off. I’ll see you later.’

  ‘Will you be cycling until late again?’ Mummy’s eyes were all squinty.

  ‘I’ll be home by eight.’

  ‘After dinner and homework, great.’

  Daddy shrugged. ‘I’ll talk to you when you’re feeling less tense.’

  ‘Don’t hold your breath,’ Mummy barked.

  Daddy waved goodbye to us and walked out.

  ‘Jeez, are you sure it was David and Pippa who were fighting last night?’ Jools said. ‘Seems to me like it was you and Dad.’

  ‘Is everything OK?’ I asked. My throat felt sore and achy. I didn’t want to cry, but I hated it when Mummy and Daddy fought. They didn’t usually argue, and when they did it was in their bedroom or away from us. My best friend Lucy’s parents had just got divorced and she was crying every day in school. I didn’t want it to happen to our family. Lucy said it started with her parents fighting all the time. I felt sick.

  Mummy came over and put her arm around me. ‘Sorry, it was a complicated night. Your dad and I are just tired and grumpy. Don’t worry, darling. David and Pippa are having a little bump in their marriage, but they’ll be fine. They love each other and that’s what matters most.’

  ‘That and the diamonds,’ Jools said, with a grin.

  Mummy laughed, a nice sound, reassuring.

  Chapter 7

  Alice

  Alice looked at the clock and cursed under her breath. It was half past eight and there was no sign of Ben. She’d spent two torturous hours with Jools, trying to help her with her maths homework. It had ended up with both of them shouting at each other.

  Alice felt bad for losing her temper, but it wasn’t fair. Ben needed to bloody well come home earlier and help her, like he used to. All this cycling was ridiculous, not to mention selfish.

  After last night’s revelations, Alice wondered if she should be suspicious. Was he really cycling all this time or was he seeing someone? When he’d gone to sleep last night, she’d checked his phone and his emails but found nothing remotely suspicious. She didn’t honestly think he was having an affair, but he had kept David’s secret from her, which had really upset her.

  For months he’d known David was having an affair and said nothing. When she’d told him she hadn’t been able to get in touch with Pippa, he’d just said she must be busy. He’d lied well. And if he could lie so well about David’s affair, what was to say he couldn’t lie well about his own?

  Was she being naïve? Maybe they needed to spice things up. Life had got a bit mundane. It was all work, the girls and dealing with household problems. They had lost some of their spark. Alice sighed. It was hard to find the time and energy to go out or have raunchy sex. Most nights all she wanted to do was crawl into bed and pass out so that she could get through the next day.

  She poured herself a glass of wine and gazed at her reflection in the oven door. She still looked OK for a woman in her early forties. She had kept slim and, although the lines on her face were more pronounced, she didn’t think she looked older than she was. Her work clothes were a bit dull, but when they went out she made an effort. Did Ben still fancy her? When they had sex he seemed happy and he was always ready with a compliment when she dressed up. But what about all those young females strutting about the hospital with their pert bums and fresh faces? Alice had no doubt there was temptation everywhere for Ben.

  But she’d had temptation, too. A few of her male patients had been very flirty and at times suggestive. She had even been attracted to one, but she had remained completely professional. Yet she could see how easily it might happen. Alice knew that all marriages required work and needed to be kept alive . . . but she had so much on her plate and felt stretched so thin, she just didn’t have the energy.

  Why couldn’t Ben get off his bloody bike, help her more and lighten her load? Of course she’d rather his mid-life crisis or whatever was spent on a bike and not on top of a colleague, but what about her? What about Alice? She’d like an hour or two every day doing something for herself, having ‘me time’. But there was no ‘me time’ for her because she had to keep everything at home ticking over while Ben cycled.

  She’d moaned about it to Kevin, thinking he’d back her up. But instead he’d surprised her: ‘Let him off on his bike. If it helps him, leave him alone. Better that than hi
m looking elsewhere for fun or him sitting at home resenting you. Men are different creatures, Alice. You have to accept that. Ben is clearly having a little mid-life moment, so just go with it. He’s a good husband and dad. Focus on the positives.’

  ‘The difference between men and women is that women don’t have time for mid-life wobbles because we’re too bloody busy!’ she’d snapped.

  Kevin had laughed, but then, in a serious voice, he’d told her to be careful not to nag Ben. ‘Try to focus on him a bit more. He obviously needs it, and if he feels better, so will you.’

  Alice took a long drink and let the cold white wine enter her system. She felt it calming her down. She needed to do something. She needed to shake things up. While she was furious that Ben had kept the affair from her, she understood why. He was right: it would have made her suspicious. Every time he went to meet David, she would have wondered if Sally and some sexy friend of hers were meeting them too.

  She wondered if Ben was jealous of David and all the sex he’d been having with young, fit Sally. He probably was. She was glad Pippa had found out. She was glad that the whole thing had exploded and David was now desperately sorry. If he’d got away with it, Ben might have been tempted . . .

  Her phone pinged on the counter. The message was from Pippa: I’ve bad news and good news for you, Alice. Bad news is I’ve moved into the Goring Hotel for a few days. Need to clear my head a bit. And have a break from arguing. Not telling Sebastian, of course. If you’re free for lunch any day, would love a chat. The good news – very happy to say Russel said yes! I’m to send him Kevin’s number so they can set it up. Send number to me and let’s hope we can make two people very happy! X

  Alice stared at the message. She felt sad for Pippa and how things seemed to be unravelling. But, then, maybe a break would do them the world of good and they’d get back on track. She really hoped so. But the news about Russel made her smile from ear to ear. She was thrilled to have something positive to tell Kevin. She fired off a text to him and immediately got a string of happy faces back. This could be the start of a beautiful relationship. Let’s hope.