by Tessa Teevan
His words do nothing to ease my fears, and I close my eyes tight, praying that this isn’t my time. It can’t be my time. I finally have so much to live for.
I curl into a ball as the car twists and spins, and suddenly, I’m lurched across the trunk as the car goes into freefall.
Down.
Down.
Down.
Splash.
And my whole world goes black.
THE DARKNESS THAT’S SEEPING in, I quickly realize, is water, and it registers that we’ve most likely run off the side of a bridge. Hope swells, and I pray that the police get to us in time. Panic and fear, however, quickly take over as the water rises higher and higher.
“Adrian!” I scream. “Please, Adrian, I’ll do whatever you want. Just please let me out! I’ll go with you anywhere. Just please, please let me out!”
My heart shatters as I say the words, but right now, I’ll say and do anything. But all I’m greeted with is silence. Adrian either isn’t out there or doesn’t care. Either way, I’m all alone with no escape route.
As the water rises, all of my hope fades away, and I brace myself to see the end.
It’s often said that, when you’re on the brink of death, your life flashes before your eyes. You relive the fond memories, see glimpses of your most significant moments and freeze-frames of loved ones you’ll sorely miss.
I wish that were the case.
For me, I see the total opposite. As death rears its ugly head, I don’t see my past. Instead, I see my future. The future I’m never going to experience. The future that’s being stolen from me, even though I’d do anything to make it all come true.
I watch with fascination as it all plays out in slow motion, a sick, cruel, tormenting reminder of what I’ll be missing. But still, I can’t look away.
I see him pressing me up against that kitchen counter for the first time, telling me how much he wants me—he needs me. How he’ll always cherish me.
I see us sitting on the swing on our front porch, sipping iced tea as we listen to the crickets chirp, enjoying the silence as our thighs graze, a slow, easy foreplay for what is soon to come.
Visions of a swaddled baby, with his daddy’s piercing, blue eyes, nestled in my arms, with the love of my life gazing down at us, affection all over his face, flash through my mind. I squeeze my eyes shut tightly. That one hurts just a little more than most.
White picket fences. Yellow nurseries. My favorite lilies adorning the kitchen counter just because he wants to make me feel special.
Sippy cups. Messy hair. Exhaustion that is never too much for beautiful lovemaking with my gorgeous future husband.
For a split second, it’s as if I’m living it, all of these moments, and I reach my arms out, trying to hang on for dear life so that all those moments can come to be.
And as the water rushes in, I cling to those thoughts, but they’re ripped away when I realize I need to fight like hell to survive.
The memory of long-ago swimming lessons and Coach Hamilton’s words come back at the right time, and I close my eyes for a split second, trying to regroup. Trying to coach myself through this.
You can do this, Brie. Just relax. You are strong. You can do anything, especially survive. You’ve never been meant to die. Surviving is what you do. Surviving is what you will do.
Exhale.
Inhale slowly.
Hold.
Exhale.
Inhale slowly.
Hold.
Do not panic.
Whatever you do, do not panic.
Remain calm.
Breathe out.
Breathe in slowly.
Hold.
Cough.
Sputter.
Gasp.
Sink.
Panic.
People can tell you the steps of how to breathe when you’re under the threat of drowning, but until you’re in that dire situation, you have no idea how easily all rational thought evaporates from even the most logical mind.
All I know is that the sand in the hourglass signifying my life is quickly emptying, and I know I don’t have much time. Every moment counts. I can’t afford to panic, yet every instinct inside me wants to do just that. Even as the water rises, tormenting and relentless, the desire to take a breath is tantalizing, intensifying with each second I go without air. Spots cloud my vision, my mind dizzy with the crushing need to breathe. Instinct tells me that must hold on a little longer, but it’s too late. The overwhelming desire to suck in a breath is irresistible, and even though my brain is sending impulses screaming no, my mouth inevitably opens.
Water rushes in, invading my mouth, a vicious army surging in and ready for war, my body unwilling to fight even the first battle. It’s inevitable. This is really it. That beautiful future will never happen now, all the fight in me is gone.
Out of nowhere, light flickers beyond my closed eyelids. For a moment, I think it’s the bright one that awaits every death. But soon I realize it’s different. It has a reddish hue, weaving back and forth, almost like a flashlight. It’s beacon of hope from beyond the confines of my watery tomb, giving me renewed strength. My eyes burst open, seeking refuge and spotting the last tiny pocket of unsubmerged space, yet no longer seeing any sign of light. Did I imagine it? Was that just one last cruel joke before death takes me?
Struggling, I swim until my head comes above water, coughing, sputtering, and then ultimately cursing myself for only delaying the inevitable as the water rises all around me. I shouldn’t have bothered with the phantom light. This would’ve been over already. I’d be with my parents, the job finally finished once and for all.
You weren’t supposed to live.
As I take one last gasping breath, water covers me, and I know the end is near. All those visions of my future were a fluke. I’ll never live them. I’ll never experience having a family, being a wife or a mother. I’ll never know the truth.
This is it. This is the end, and I will never have the answers I seek.
Now, I just have more questions.
How could I have been so blind?
How could he have done this me?
Why did he do this to me, and who, exactly, was he protecting me from?
And most of all, where is my savior now, and what will he do when he learns the truth?
Who the hell is Rafe Matthews? If you’re wondering, you won’t have to wait long to find out. Book 2, Escalation, will be out late summer 2015. Make sure to follow me on social media for updates on the release and teasers. In the meantime, check out this sneak peek!
Rafe, you should know . . .
Those three little dots told me everything, and I couldn’t let her say it. Not until the truth was out in the open between us. No, when she told me whatever she wanted me to know, it’d be to my face, using her words, because there was no way in hell I was letting anything happen to her. Not on my watch.
I slam my hand against the wheel, pissed beyond belief that I let this happen. By the time I figured out Morningstar was back in town, I was too damn late. Now, as I glance to my right to the screen tracking them, I push my foot on the accelerator, weaving in and out of traffic, not giving a fucking damn about anything except getting closer to them. The police scanner squawks, and my blood runs cold as it details a high-speed chase in progress. My breath catches as I wait to hear the description of the offending vehicle, hoping like hell it’s not them.
It is.
Even though I knew I could’ve called in a kidnapping in progress and given them the location of Adrian’s vehicle, I wanted to do this on my own. It was my own risk, a gamble I didn’t exactly want to take with Brie’s life when I had no idea what state of mind Adrian was in, but there was no reason to bring unnecessary attention to his current predicament. As far as the world knew, Adrian Morningstar was an upstanding citizen, and for all intents and purposes, we needed him to still appear to be that man. If the media got wind of this, who knows what the hell would happen?
Hell, who
knows how he’d react if he was aware he was being chased? The last thing Brie needs is for Adrian to get spooked by the cops. He’s an unstable fuck, and there’s no telling what he’s thinking right now. Not to mention what the hell he might be on.
He knows and he thinks he’s protecting her.
The reminder is enough to chill me to the bone. What the hell does he know, exactly? And who does he think he’s protecting her from? Me? Or someone else?
Still, part of me had a feeling he wouldn’t hurt her. At least, not intentionally. I’ve seen the tape. Even as he tied her hands and led her down the tunnel, he wasn’t forceful. He movements were cautious, his touch easy, and when he lifted her and placed her in the trunk, he did it with a gentleness not of someone wishing to inflict harm. And then, when he closed it, he placed his hands on the lid and bowed his head. His chest heaved as if he were taking a deep breath or releasing a heavy sigh. Reading his body language, I gathered that he was conflicted about what he was going to do.
So why was he doing it? And what, exactly, was it?
It’s just another one in the long list of questions that has piled up tonight. I need answers, and I need them quickly. I’m running out of time. First things first though. More than anything, I need to get to Brie. Everything else can come after that.
The closer I get to the sirens, the more my heart pounds, practically threatening to beat out of my chest. As the sounds increase, I realize that it’s because they’re no longer moving. When I glance down, I see that the dot has also ceased movements, which can only mean one of two things. He willingly stopped or he was forced to. Either way, it means Brie is close.
My heart ceases to beat and my lungs fail as I hit my brakes. After throwing the car door open, I rush to the edge of the caution tape and try to push my way past, but I’m stopped before I can get to the bridge and assess the situation.
“Sir!” a young police officer shouts in my face, his hands gripping my shoulders. I have at least four inches and twenty pounds on the guy, but the last thing I need is to be placed in the back of a cop car right now. “Please stay behind the tape. We have an active scene right now.”
A small crowd has gathered, and I glance around, knowing that anyone could be among them, watching with a careful eye, studying my reaction. I struggle for a moment then let my shoulders collapse in defeat before I fall to my knees.
“My girlfriend was in that car,” I announce.
The crowd gasps as sympathy flashes in the officer’s expression. To the outside world, I’m a boyfriend who’s filled with grief, expecting the worst but praying for the best.
I wish that’s all I were. So much more rides on this—on both of their survivals.
The officer lifts the tape and gestures me under. Quickly, I scramble to my feet and comply. He points to a spot at the edge of the scene and directs me there. After thanking him profusely, I get in position and force myself to watch and wait.
Flashing red, blue, and white lights adorn the scene and nearly blind my vision while I watch as she’s pulled from the water. A sense of helplessness washes over me as I take a step forward to witness the paramedics begin to perform CPR on her. I’m fixed in my spot as they work on her, and I inch forward as they load her onto a stretcher, wheeling her towards the ambulance.
My ears strain to hear something, anything, like what her condition is, where they are taking her, and what her chances are. I try to watch her chest, and my heart falls as I see that it’s unmoving. I didn’t know just how much it meant to me to see that tiny yet significant sign of life until now. Now that it’s been taken from her. Now that she may be taken from me.
Closing my eyes, I take a few deep breaths and silently plead for her to do the same. Just breathe, dammit, I will to her as if the sheer force of my thoughts can somehow travel the distance between us and force the air into her lungs. Hell, if I could do it myself, I would.
Yet hope is lost when I force my eyes open and nothing’s changed. As the paramedics continue to assess her, they quickly load her into the ambulance, and the back door slams shut. The sound echoes in my brain with such finality, and the fear of losing her starts to truly seep in. The only hope I can cling to is the fact that she’s not in a body bag. At least, not yet.
My head hangs, shame and remorse filling me. I promised to protect her. And what did I do? I let her down.
I should’ve known that it would end up like this. I should’ve seen it coming. Yet my mind was clouded as my days and nights, and soon my heart, were filled with her and she was all I could see. I let my guard down, and this is where it got me. Where it got us.
I never got to tell her the truth.
I never got to tell her how I feel.
I will never forgive myself if I never get the chance.
And I will spend the rest of my days hunting him down. When I find him, I will kill him.
Because for her? I’d do anything.
Just as I turn from the scene, my cell phone rings.
“Yeah, boss?” I ask, wincing at my raw, scratchy voice.
“Is it done?”
I hold the phone down and close my eyes as I take a deep breath, trying to choke down the sob that’s threatening to bubble up. Only a couple of seconds pass, and I will myself to calm down, not wanting him to get suspicious.
When I bring the phone back up to my ear, I say four fucking words that will haunt me forever.
“Yeah, boss. It’s done.”
Two Weeks - FKA twigs
Say You Love Me - Jessie Ware
I’m Not The Only One - Sam Smith
Drowning - Banks
Retrograde - James Blake
Poison -Vaults
Don’t Wannt Be Your Gir l- Wet
Cruel World - Lana Del Rey
Tired - Stone Sour
Waiting Game - Banks
Something in the Water - Carrie Underwood
Brand New Me - Alicia Keys
Pendulum - FKA twigs
Losing Your Memory - Ryan Star
Fire and Dynamite - Drew Holcomb & The Neighbors
Wet The Bed - Chris Brown feat. Ludacris
Do I Wanna Know? - Artic Monkeys
Stay - Tenth Avenue North
Irresistible - Fall Out Boy
Don’t Deserve You - Plumb
No One Really Wins - Copeland
Smoke & Mirrors - Lifehouse
Derek- The Clandestine Affairs were created very much thanks to you. It’s evolved so much and I appreciate you being such an important part of the process. You were my original sounding board and I’d probably still be staring at a blank screen if it weren’t for you, nor would I ever have had the courage to try something new. I can’t wait to see what we come up with next!
To My Amazing Beta Readers: Polly, Teri Beth, Michelle, Bianca, Mara, Sarah, Lisa Jayne, Beverly, and Ashley . . . I cannot thank you ladies enough! This was one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done, and I couldn’t have completed it without each and every one of you.
Michelle- You are my ramblings and music extraordinaire. My playlists would be nothing without you!
Teri Beth- Your line by line beta notes are essential this process. I have no idea what I would do without you! May we bond over book boyfriends & Chris Messina for the rest of our lives!
Polly- Thanks for the loaning of the Matthews name. If I missed a condom, my bad! Or maybe not!
To The Readers: Whether you’re new to my work, have been with me since the beginning, or have even just read on or two, I just wanted to give my thanks to you for giving me a chance on this book. Love it, hate it, or feel ‘meh’ I appreciate you taking the time to read! I promise you won’t have to wait long for book 2!
I’m a twenty something book junkie who decided that there were too many stories in my head to keep to myself. It’s a crazy, busy life, and I love every single second of it.
If I’m not writing or looking through tons of photos of hot men, all in the name of research, then you can
probably find me curled up with my Kindle, ignoring the rest of the world. I love my sports almost as much as I love my books. My other obsessions include red wine, hot men, country music, and all things Grace Potter.
I LOVE to hear from readers, so please feel free to contact via any social media site listed below.
Website: http://tessateevanauthor.blogspot.com/
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Email: [email protected]
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7170636.Tessa_Teevan