‘Do you know how you made these bruises, Josh?’
Josh twisted to look at his legs and shook his head. ‘I didn’t fall over.’
All Ellie could see in her mind’s eye was Steve before he died. He’d been pale like Josh and so easily bruised by the dysfunction in his blood from the leukaemia.
Ellie felt the bile rise in her throat and she pulled Josh close against her so that he couldn’t see her distress. It had to be something else. She couldn’t go through this again. She drew a shuddering breath and wondered where she would get the strength from.
This was retribution for not putting Josh first. Please, God, don’t take my little boy, she prayed silently. I’ll never put him second again.
Wednesday’s blood tests assumed enormous importance. Luke had ordered copies of the results to be sent directly to the paediatrician but Ellie was sure he would have been sent his own copy to be scanned into Josh’s files. Except that Luke would be at the hospital till at least six, and he wouldn’t be at the surgery to pick up the results.
Ellie bundled Josh into the car and raced around there. Of course, the surgery was shut. June was with Belinda. She drove on to the hospital and pulled up in the operating theatre car park.
When she burst into the outside office at Theatres, Luke was walking beside a stretcher, about to usher a new patient in. He took one look at her wild-eyed expression and gestured to the theatre nurse to wait. ‘Excuse me for a few moments,’ he said to the woman. He turned to Ellie. ‘You’d better come into Sister’s office.’
As soon as Ellie heard the door close behind Luke she turned on him. ‘Look at Josh!’ She slid the boy’s shirt up and the bruises stood out like ink smudges on his pale skin. ‘See what happens when I get sidetracked by you. I should have done something about this days ago. I need the results of his blood tests now. I can’t wait until tomorrow.’
Luke crossed the room and pulled his chair right next to where Ellie was sitting with Josh on her lap.
He spoke to Josh. ‘Hello, old man. You must be wondering why your mum is so upset.’
Josh nodded and Ellie gulped air past the lump in her throat as she stifled the sob that wanted to come out. Luke was right. She needed to be calm for Josh. But she’d panicked as all the implications had crashed in on her.
Luke was talking calmly to the child. ‘Mums always get upset when their children get sick. So I’ll try to get an appointment for this evening, if I can, so Mum doesn’t have to wait until tomorrow for you to see the doctor.’ Josh nodded and Ellie closed her eyes. That was sensible.
Luke picked up the phone and spoke to the paediatrician personally. He murmured something Ellie didn’t hear and then agreed out loud. He put the phone down. ‘He can get back to the hospital to meet you around seven o’clock. I’ll come with you.’
Ellie’s eyes flew open. She’d promised God she’d do this on her own. That way Josh would get well. ‘I don’t want you there. This is between Josh and I and the paediatrician.’ She hugged her son and turned her shoulder to Luke. ‘Josh is my responsibility and has nothing to do with you.’ She knew she was being irrational but she was ready to bargain where the power was to keep her baby.
‘Ellie? What I said this afternoon was in the heat of the moment. June explained—’
Ellie cut him off. ‘I don’t care about your problems. I just want Josh well.’
* * *
At seven o’clock that evening, the paediatrician was gravely troubled. ‘We’ll do further tests. My practice nurse is setting up for an urgent bone-marrow aspiration now, but I have to tell you, Mrs Diamond, it doesn’t look good. We’ll know more after some extra blood tests I want tonight, but we won’t know anything definite until tomorrow. I’m very concerned about his blood-clotting time, which is why he’s bruising so easily.’
Ellie nodded but her face felt frozen. ‘What do you think it is?’
He hesitated and looked at Ellie over his glasses. ‘I’d give it a ninety per cent chance that your son has acute lymphocytic leukaemia.’
Ellie felt as if she were falling down a long black tunnel. She grasped at straws. ‘And the other ten per cent?’
‘Has your son had any viral infections lately?’ The specialist’s eyes were kind but Ellie had the feeling he was humouring someone with their head in the sand. Ellie tried to clear her mind and think back to before Josh had started to get tired. ‘Just before we left Sydney he had a tummy bug, but he was well by the time we moved.’
He nodded and stood up. ‘My nurse will be ready for us now. Are you going to stay with us while we do the procedure?’
Ellie squeezed Josh’s hand. ‘Of course.’
The next fifteen minutes were horrific for Ellie, and not much better for Josh. After a whimper as the local anaesthetic went in he just lay quietly on his stomach and let them syringe a sample of bone marrow and blood from his hip-bone. Ellie held his hand the whole time and the tears trickled down her face. Then they took venous blood and the paediatrician washed his hands.
Dr Donald complimented Josh on being so brave and left them to return to his patients. Ellie held a pad firmly over the puncture site for another twenty minutes until finally the nurse came back to check that Josh wasn’t bleeding from the procedure.
The nurse lifted the dressing and appeared satisfied. She handed Ellie Josh’s clothes. ‘Josh can go, Mrs Diamond. The doctor will see you both again tomorrow at one o’clock in Bell’s River. He’s going to try and rush the pathologist first thing so that the results will be ready for you then.’
Ellie moistened her dry mouth and nodded. ‘Thank you.’ She just managed to get the words out past the lump in her throat. She held out her hand for Josh. ‘Come on, darling, let’s go home.’
The nurse added, ‘Dr Donald also notified Dr Farrell as he was the referring doctor.’
Ellie shakily helped Josh with his clothes and they walked out into the corridor towards the exit. Her limbs felt stiff with tension and Ellie didn’t know how she was going to get through the night.
CHAPTER TWELVE
WHEN Ellie turned into her driveway, Luke was waiting for them. She’d told him not to come. Thank goodness he hadn’t listened.
Suddenly, the tears she’d tried to hold back seeped out of the corners of her eyes and trickled down her face. How had she ever thought she could do this without Luke?
As the car stopped he opened her door and she tumbled out into his arms and he hugged her to him and cradled her head.
‘All right, sweetheart,’ he soothed as she shuddered against his shirt for a moment before she gathered herself. Jerkily, she pulled out of his grasp and met his eyes briefly before moving to Josh’s door. He lay slumped in his car seat, snoring softly after his traumatic day.
‘I’ll get him,’ Luke said, and Ellie nodded as she unstrapped Josh and then stepped back for Luke to pick him up.
Ten minutes later, Josh was asleep in his bed and Ellie and Luke were sitting on the lounge. Ellie’s head rested on Luke’s shoulder.
‘Today was horrific. Thank you for being here when I got home.’ He squeezed her shoulder and didn’t say anything.
‘The doctor says it might be leukaemia.’ She raised tortured eyes to his.
He squeezed her shoulder again. ‘It’s not definite. Whatever it is, we’ll get through Josh’s illness together. I want to be with you in this, Ellie.’
She nudged him. ‘You said you didn’t want to see me again.’ It was good to talk of something else, even for a few minutes, because she didn’t think she could discuss the doctor’s prognosis again just yet.
He looked at her. ‘I was angry.’ She felt him shrug against her shoulder. ‘Shocked and confused and very, very angry—and you were the whipping boy. I’m sorry. If it’s any consolation…’ he smiled ‘…Travis wore it worse later.’
She could forget that now, but there were things she had to know.
‘Why did Travis let everyone believe he was dead?’
Luk
e sighed. ‘Amnesia. The day he went missing, he must have been hit by his surfboard or been knocked semi-conscious when he was dumped by a wave. He was picked up, floating on his board, about three miles out to sea by a fishing boat. They dropped him at the next port, which turned out to be in Coffs Harbour.’
‘Why didn’t they report finding him?’
‘Apparently they weren’t a strictly legal vessel and no one on board wanted to answer any questions. I’d say he was lucky they didn’t just leave him to the sharks.’
‘He couldn’t remember his name and except for the slogan on his T-shirt, which he found familiar, he couldn’t remember anything. Anyway, when he got off the boat, one of the young blokes was jumping ship with plans to work on an oil rig he’d heard about on the North-West Shelf. He convinced Travis to travel with him because the money was supposed to be phenomenal.’
Ellie shook her head. ‘So when did he remember he had a wife and a family?’
‘About a month later.’ Luke shook his head in disbelief. ‘June saw me this morning after she left the hospital and told me everything. He rang my office when he realised everyone must think he was dead, but I was up at the hospital. He asked June what was going on and she told him about the memorial service and that Belinda was coming to me for her antenatal care.’
He shook his head. ‘That’s when it got crazy. I didn’t quite get whose idea it was for him to stay at the rig until just before the baby was born, but the idea was to raise enough money for some boatyard he’d fallen in love with and start a new life away from my mother with Belinda and the baby.’
‘How could he do that to his wife?’
Luke shrugged. ‘He said the damage had been done and he could see a way for good to come out of it. June kept him posted and as it got closer to the time he would come back, she was to drop hints to Belinda so that she wouldn’t be destroyed when he did turn up. He honestly believed this was his last chance to break away before the baby was born.’ He smiled wryly. ‘He did save enough, incidentally.’
Ellie shook her head. She really didn’t care. ‘So why didn’t they tell you?’
‘Because he knew I wouldn’t allow my mother to grieve a minute more than was necessary.’ Luke shrugged. ‘I know she has done some very cruel and selfish things in her time. Look what she did to us.’ He met Ellie’s eyes. ‘And that’s another apology we both owe you. She knows that I believe you. When I pressed her, she admitted to fabricating a wife for me. But she’s still my mother and Travis knows I could strangle him if I weren’t so glad he was alive.’
Ellie squeezed his hand. ‘I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you when I realised there was something going on.’
His arm tightened around her shoulder. ‘No, I’m sorry. I should never have blamed you. They say you take things out on those that are closest to you and unfortunately you bore the brunt of my hurt at his actions.’
Ellie rested her head back on his shoulder. ‘I’d promised Belinda and June I wouldn’t break their trust. I hated those secrets between us.’
He soothed her and then he took her to bed. To hold and comfort until the morning brought answers to her biggest fear. But whatever the answer, he would be there for her.
* * *
‘Please sit down, Mrs Diamond.’ Dr Donald gestured to the chairs in front of his desk.
‘Luke?’ Ellie reached for his hand, although she was calmer now. It was right for Luke to be there. She didn’t think she could listen to this without him. She needed a group hug before they did this. Ellie rested her forehead on his chest and she could feel Josh’s tiny hand playing with her hair. She lifted her face to Luke and took a deep breath.
‘All right. Let’s hear what he has to say. The important thing is we’re all together in this.’
They sat down to face the doctor and Ellie cuddled Josh on her lap as if to protect him.
‘First of all…’ Rob Donald paused and smiled at them all ‘…the bone-marrow biopsy clearly rules out leukaemia. As I said before, Josh’s blood tests are back as well.’
Ellie started to shake with the reaction and Luke edged his chair right next to hers so he could slide his arm around her shoulder.
His warmth seeped into her slowly and the shaking settled a little.
The paediatrician went on, ‘Josh’s blood tests do indicate a very high leucocyte count and prolonged bleeding times consistent with my initial diagnosis.’ He looked under his shaggy brows and with a gentle smile he looked at Ellie. ‘I’d say young Josh is in that ten per cent we touched upon. He has an idiopathic—meaning from no specific cause—thrombocytopenia, perhaps triggered by the previous viral infection when he had the tummy bug.
‘Basically, his body is producing an antibody that is coating the platelets—the bleeding stoppers—in his blood and making those platelets break down. The lack of platelets is what is making him bleed and the increase in white blood cells is what is making him tired.’
Ellie nodded. ‘You said it’s not leukaemia—which means he will get better? Is that right?’
The doctor nodded.
Ellie frowned. ‘So you can treat it?’ He nodded again. Ellie went on, ‘How long before he starts to feel better?’
‘I’ll treat him with corticosteroids, which can cause a decrease in the production of the antibody and also decreases the spleen’s efforts to get rid of the antibody-covered platelets. Plus, it will help his actual blood vessels not be so fragile to help stop them breaking and bruising.’
‘And how long will he have to be on steroids?’ Ellie hated the thought of Josh taking prednisone but it was worlds better than the chemotherapy she’d been dreading.
‘For about a month. We’ll have weekly blood tests to monitor his progress but it’s up to you to keep him quiet and rested for the next few weeks. Encourage his appetite and see that he gets a little sun and lots of fluids.’ Ellie nodded.
Josh had fallen asleep in Ellie’s arms and Luke stood up and lifted him from her lap. He stood there with her son in his arms and Ellie struggled to her feet. ‘Thank you, Doctor.’ She shook the older man’s hand and smiled tremulously at Luke.
‘Let’s go home.’ He nodded and held the door open for her. She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry—all she knew was she wanted to be at home before she did either.
* * *
An hour later, Josh lay asleep in his bed and Luke and Ellie sat together on the lounge. Her hand was in his and she sighed as she began to dare to believe that Josh would be fine.
Luke had been there with them, as he should have been, because he was a part of her and she couldn’t hide from it any longer. It was her time to stop running. To accept that this was where she belonged, for ever. There were no greener pastures than this.
‘I love you,’ she whispered.
Luke stiffened beside her. Then his finger came down under her chin and lifted her face so that he could see it.
His eyes were filled with dawning hope and she felt the tears well in her own eyes because of all the pain she’d caused him.
‘Now she tells me. Well, thank the Lord for that. I was beginning to think I’d never hear those words from you.’
Ellie leaned forward and allowed her lips to rest on his for a second as if to draw strength before moving back to stare at him. ‘I’ve had a lot of problems coming to grips with it—but after today I’ve come to realise that everything in life is so uncertain, I’d better live it how I want to.’ She didn’t flinch. ‘And I don’t want to live without you ever again.’
He closed his eyes for a moment and when he opened them she could see herself reflected in his eyes. ‘Then let’s get married,’ he said. ‘Forget that offer I made about living together, it was never what I wanted. This week. Next week. Soon. I’ll look after you and Josh. You can work or not work, whatever you want. You’ll be free to take the next few months off just to spend time with Josh.’ He hugged her again.
‘When Josh is better, the three of us will go away for a holiday to get
some time for our family away from other people. How does that sound?’
It sounded like heaven to Ellie. ‘Wonderful.’ The emotions of the last few days crashed in on her. She felt too drained to move and she just sat there, drawing strength from Luke’s arm around her. She knew in his mind he was making plans for their future. Like he always had. And this time she wasn’t going anywhere.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
THE wedding was held at the cove.
The beach was strewn with colourful market umbrellas dotting the sand and a hundred barefoot guests milled around, drinking champagne and congratulating the newly married couple. Louise Hollows, still pregnant, sipped juice and laughed with her friends. Everywhere babies and toddlers crawled and played and bigger children splashed in the rock pools.
Ellie walked hand in hand with her new husband and Luke’s hand rested on their son’s shoulder. Josh fidgeted with a surplus of energy as he looked enviously at the children playing in the edge of the waves.
‘Off you go.’ Ellie smiled. ‘You’ve been very patient this last month and you’re well now.’
Elsa and June sat together in an uneasy truce and both stood up as Ellie and Luke approached.
‘Congratulations, both of you. It was an unconventional but beautiful wedding,’ Luke’s mother said.
June’s eyes twinkled behind her glasses. ‘Elsa and I have to get on now, for the sake of the grandchildren—isn’t that right, Elsa?’
Elsa gave a faint smile in June’s direction until her attention was taken by her granddaughter. Her lined face softened and she chucked the baby under her chin. ‘She is adorable.’
Luke’s mother looked over to where Belinda and Travis stared out to sea at their new boat moored off the breaker line. Then she turned to Ellie. ‘I’ve been given another chance, and in the time I have left I hope I can make up for some of the mistakes I’ve made.’
Ellie allowed her cheek to be kissed and she met her mother-in-law’s look with her own. She and Elsa had made good progress in understanding each other in the month since Ellie had agreed to be Luke’s wife. And while she couldn’t forget Elsa’s selfish and destructive actions, Ellie was prepared to forgive her mother-in-law, for Luke’s sake as much as anything else. ‘Let all the bad things wash away,’ she said. ‘Starting afresh is a wonderful feeling.’
Delivering Secrets Page 16