by Penny Jordan
‘I’ll be there as soon as I can. Jessie, ring for that taxi, will you?’
He spoke in a tone that brooked no further argument, and, although Stephanie was aware of the killing glance Susy gave her, she felt too weak to care. There was something blissfully comforting about having Jake take charge, and already her queasy stomach seemed to be settling slightly, although she still felt dreadfully weak.
Jake didn’t wait for the taxi to arrive, decidng instead that they would leave straight away.
Once she was safely installed in his car, Stephanie opened the window slightly.
‘What’s that for?’ Jake asked, ‘and don’t tell me “fresh air"—at this time of the day, all you’re likely to inhale is petrol and diesel fumes.’
‘I’ll give you advance warning if I think I’m going to be sick,’ Stephanie told him shakily, adding, ‘Jake, there was really no need for you to do this. I could have gone home on my own.’
‘Why did you come in if you weren’t feeling well?’
She frowned. His voice was perfectly cool, and yet she sensed beneath it a tension that she couldn’t understand.
‘I… I felt fine this morning…’
‘Until Susy arrived, I suspect,’ Jake agreed, briefly glancing at her. What she saw in his grey eyes made her own widen and darken.
‘Well?’ Jake queried. ‘Am I right…?’
‘I did start to feel ill after Susy had arrived,’ Stephanie agreed unsteadily, not sure where his questions were leading, or why he should be subjecting her to such an intense scrutiny.
‘Rather a violent reaction to someone you barely know, wouldn’t you say?’
Stephanie frowned. Her nausea seemed to have retreated and her brain was starting to function properly once again.
‘Jake, I wasn’t sick because of Susy,’ she protested. Surely he couldn’t really think that? ‘It was just coincidence that I should start feeling ill so soon after she arrived.’
‘Was it?’ He asked the question drily. ‘On your own admission, you were feeling fine this morning, and yet, within seconds of Susy’s arrival, you were ill enough for me to either have to take you home or feature as the sort of unfeeling monster of a boss any self-respecting trade union would love.’
‘Jake…’ Stephanie felt as cold now as she had felt hot before. ‘Jake, please. I don’t know what this is all about, but…’
‘Don’t you?’ Jake cut in curtly. ‘Tell me one thing then, Stephanie. How do you feel now?’
‘Now?’ She glanced at him in bewilderment, and then said uncertainly, ‘Well, I feel much better actually.’
Jake looked at her grimly. ‘Now tell me again that your sickness had nothing to do with Susy…’
Stephanie opened her mouth to protest, and then said shakily, ‘She was wearing a very strong perfume, it could have been that…’
‘An allergic reaction, you mean?’ Jake’s smile was cynically mocking. ‘Personally, I found it very… erotic…’
‘Yes, so I noticed.’ Stephanie couldn’t keep the observation back. They were right outside her block of flats, and Jake stopped the car, grasping her forearms and turning her towards him before she could move. ‘And just what do you mean by that?’ he asked softly.
Stephanie tried to shrug and appear unconcerned.
‘Nothing, apart from the fact that it was obvious that you had been kissing her… If you hadn’t wanted anyone to know, you should have made sure you removed all her lipstick before you left your office,’ she added waspishly.
‘Tell me something, Steph,’ Jake asked with unnerving calm, and a look that sent alarm warnings jolting a powerful voltage of lightning along her veins. ‘Why should the thought of me kissing Susy have such a traumatic effect on your nervous system?’
Stephanie stared at him, stunned. What was he implying? That she had simply pretended to be ill to get his attention? But no, it was something more than that, something deeper and so highly personal that her mind cringed away instinctively not wanting to explore or analyse his comment.
‘It didn’t,’ she denied, automatically. ‘Why should it? No…’ Hurriedly, she dragged her glance from his. ‘No… it must have been Susy’s perfume…’
‘Have it your own way.’
He sounded so totally unconvinced by what she was saying that it provoked her into unwary speech. ‘Why should the thought of you kissing Susy make me feel sick?’ she demanded angrily. ‘I know you’ve been lovers. I’m not totally naive, Jake. I know you don’t live the life of a monk, and I accept that… that you…’
‘That I have sexual needs that have to be satisfied,’ he finished contemptuously for her, ‘and that you can turn a blind eye to them just as long as they don’t intrude into your safe, antiseptic, asexual little world. It’s time you stopped burying your head in the ground, Stephanie, and examined just what sort of human being you’re becoming.’
‘And what sort would you have me become? Someone who goes from man to man, bed to bed, like your precious Susy?’ Stephanie didn’t know what had happened to her; she was practically screaming at him, and when she saw the satisfied glint in his eyes, she wanted to lash out and scratch felinely at the masculine satisfaction; she wanted to cry and scream, and most of all, she wanted him to take back his accusation about the root cause of her sickness.
‘At least she knows what being a woman’s all about,’ Jake gritted unrelentingly, ‘while you…’
‘I feel sick at the thought of anyone touching me sexually,’ Stephanie threw back at him in a high, strained voice. ‘Is that so very hard to understand?’
‘You weren’t sick when I kissed you…’ Jake reminded her in a soft drawl. ‘Only when you thought about me kissing Susy.’
Stephanie stared at him in the confines of the car, appalled by the direction the conversation had taken. ‘I don’t want to talk about this any more,’ she said shakily. ‘You’re quite wrong, Jake… You’re trying to impute motives to my responses that just don’t belong there. I refuse to believe that I was sick…’
‘With jealousy?’ he finished quietly for her as she thrust open the door.
She paused in mid-flight and stared at him with eyes that were brilliantly green with pain and heightened emotions. ‘Jake…’
‘Why don’t you think about it?’ he suggested softly.
‘I couldn’t possibly be jealous of your sexual relationship with Susy,’ Stephanie interrupted him heatedly. ‘You know I couldn’t. I don’t think about you in that way. I…’
‘Think about it,’ he advised her, slipping the car into gear. ‘Think about it, Stephanie.’
CHAPTER FOUR
IT seemed to Stephanie in the weeks that followed that she thought about precious little else. At work, an atmosphere of uneasy calm prevailed. Although Jake had made no further references to his accusations, they lay at the back of Stephanie’s mind like an unbearable weight. In the first flush of anger and anxiety, she had even contemplated handing in her notice, but that impulse had quickly waned. How could she leave? Later, she was to wonder why she hadn’t questioned that thought more deeply, but, at the time, she had been so convinced that she was right and Jake was wrong that she had simply accepted it.
Susy was in and out of the office almost constantly, but there had been no repeat of her own initial sickness, which surely proved just how wrong Jake had been.
‘I’m taking Susy out to view the riverside property this afternoon,’ Jake told her one morning when she went in with his mail. ‘She’s looking for somewhere in that area. No comment?’
‘What am I supposed to say?’
‘Did you give any thought at all to what I said to you?’ He lifted his eyebrows and watched her across the desk.
Stephanie didn’t pretend not to understand. ‘Since I haven’t been sick since, I thought it hardly necessary,’ she returned coolly. ‘I realise you seem to think it’s high time I got over my… what happened, but it simply isn’t true that I’m sexually jealous where you’re c
oncerned, Jake. We’re friends… I owe you a great deal, and I’d be sorry to lose our friendship, but…’
‘But you won’t go to bed with me?’ He laughed when he saw her expression. ‘Don’t worry, Steph,’ he told her cruelly, ‘I doubt I’ll ever be that desperate. By the way,’ he added almost as an afterthought, ‘next weekend I’m taking a couple of days off. I’ve got a lot to catch up on. I’d like you to come down to Mile End with me if you will. I’ll pay you overtime, of course…’
It wouldn’t be the first time she had visited Mile End, the small Manor House Jake had inherited from his parents, several miles outside Bath, but it was like a slap in the face to hear him talk about ‘overtime’; in the past, their working weekends had combined work and friendship and she had treasured them. The old order endeth, she reminded herself, and she didn’t have to look far to know why her and Jake’s particular order was coming to an end. Gossip and speculation were high in the newspapers that Jake and Susy would marry, and no doubt, once they did, there wouldn’t be any place in his life for her.
Not that she wanted a place in the life of the new Jake he was turning into. She barely recognised the man who had been her friend and rescuer in the hard, often sardonic, always watchful person he had turned into.
Where once she would have done everything in her power to preserve their friendship, now she was aware of putting up invisible barriers between them. Jake had hurt her badly with his accusation that she was jealous of Susy, so badly that she didn’t want to analyse why.
There had been other changes in her life as well. Jessie, who she had only known casually before, had become a closer friend. The other girl had called round at the flat to see if she was feeling any better, and they had discovered several interests in common. Jessie lived with her family in Hampstead and Stephanie had enjoyed the couple of evenings she had spent there.
‘Doing anything this weekend?’ Jessie asked her over lunch.
‘No, I’ve nothing planned.’
‘Good, then you’ll be able to come to my birthday luncheon party on Sunday.’ She pulled a wry face. ‘It’s an annual event and Mum loves it. The whole tribe will be there, so I’ll be glad of your moral support. You will come, won’t you?’
On the point of refusing, Stephanie changed her mind. She couldn’t turn back the clock to the time when she and Jake had been so close that nothing could come between them, and neither could she live the rest of her life in limbo. She owed it to herself to broaden her horizons, to make more friends.
‘I’d love to come,’ she said instead. ‘What time do you want me there?’
‘We normally get going about one, but don’t worry about transport, I’ll get Keith to come and pick you up.’
Keith was Jessie’s elder brother, a pleasant, fair-haired man whom she had met on one of her previous visits.
When Stephanie protested that there was no need, Jessie grinned across at her. ‘I daren’t tell Keith that. He’s threatened that I won’t get a birthday present if I don’t persuade you to come.’
Stephanie laughed but, on Sunday morning, studying her reflection in her bedroom mirror, she felt the frissons of alarm she always experienced at the thought of meeting new people. She hadn’t been able to decide what to wear and, in the end, had opted for her new leather skirt and the matching silk shirt. She was just brushing her hair when Keith arrived, the admiring look he gave her tall, slender figure making her flush faintly.
‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that,’ he apologised as he opened his car door for her. ‘Jessie’s always going on about the chauvinistic way men look at women, but you’re so very attractive that…’ He broke off as Stephanie blushed again, and grinned. ‘You’re a very dangerous lady, Stephanie Walters,’ he told her softly, ‘a rare and highly intoxicating blend of innocence and provocation. I can’t understand why there’s no permanent man in your life.’
There was a question in the lighthearted comment, but Stephanie chose to ignore it. Much as she liked Jessie’s brother, she had no wish to get too involved. She liked him, but as a person, not as a man. She bit her lip, her eyes darkening faintly. She hadn’t lied when she had told Jake that she found it impossible to be sexually responsive to his sex, whatever he might choose to think. Keith was nice and she enjoyed his company, but if he made any attempt to touch her… She shivered, tensing in her seat.
The luncheon party proved an extremely enjoyable affair. She had already met Jessie’s parents and immediate family. Today their large house was bursting with family, friends and neighbours and Stephanie found herself welcomed among them with a warmth that helped to ease the ever-present pain of Jake’s defection. In the end, she stayed far longer than she had intended. Long enough to be among the last guests present and when she said that she really must go, Keith immediately offered to take her home.
It was already dark outside and she shivered, imagining the walk from the tube station to her flat. ‘That’s settled, then,’ Keith announced before she could object, ‘I’ll go and get my car out.’
‘Thanks for coming,’ Jessie murmured as she went with her to collect her coat, ‘and for the terrific present. I’ll see you on Monday. Lunch at the usual place?’
‘Providing Jake doesn’t want to work through,’ Stephanie agreed as they walked downstairs together.
‘Umm, he is something of an ogre in that respect, isn’t he?’ Jessie laughed, ‘although if you ever wanted a replacement the other secretaries would be standing in line—with me at the head of it. He’s so gorgeously sexy isn’t he? Just looking at him makes my bones melt.’
Stephanie stiffened slightly, ‘I’ve… I’ve never thought of him in that context,’ she said quietly, sensing that some response was expected of her.
In other circumstances, she might almost have laughed at Jessie’s bemused expression.
‘You’re putting me on,’ the other girl appealed. ‘There can’t be a woman worthy of the name who wouldn’t think of him in that context. I can’t even walk into his office when he’s in there without imagining him without…’ She broke off as the front door opened and Keith walked in.
‘Ready?’ he asked.
‘Yes, she is, but don’t go looking for any dark laybys to park in brother dear,’ Jessie teased him. ‘Stephanie has the sexiest boss you ever saw and if she’s as impervious to him as she’s just claimed, you haven’t a hope.’
They all laughed, and Stephanie hoped that neither of the other two could detect the strain behind her laughter.
It started to drizzle as Keith drove through the centre of London and Stephanie was glad that she had accepted his offer of a lift. Outside her flat, he parked and switched off the engine.
‘My mother always told me it was the polite thing to do to make sure my dates got home safely,’ he told her with an easy smile as he followed her on to the pavement.
‘I’m not your date,’ Stephanie pointed out drily.
‘No, but that doesn’t stop me hoping. I’m not going to push things, Stephanie,’ he added gently, as they approached her door, ‘so there’s no need to look so scared.’
‘Was I doing?’ She managed a light laugh. ‘It must be all those stories Jessie’s been telling me about you.’
‘If you say so.’ He touched her lightly on the arm and, as she tensed automatically, he bent and kissed her lightly on the lips.
‘Night, Steph.’
He was gone before she could protest, leaving her stunned by her own lack of response. Although she had recoiled instinctively from him, it had been a reflex action, and the brush of his mouth against hers had produced none of the panic or fear she had expected; and certainly none of the strong emotional reaction Jake’s kiss had provoked.
‘Jake!’ As though her thoughts had somehow conjured him up, as Keith drove off she saw Jake crossing the road and coming towards her.
‘Where the hell have you been? I’ve been ringing all afternoon.’ He looked lividly angry, although Stephanie couldn’t understan
d why.
‘Where were you?’
‘Out,’ she responded aggravatingly, ‘with a friend.’
‘So I saw. Who is he, Stephanie?’
‘Does it matter?’ Suddenly she was blindingly angry with him, although she couldn’t understand why. ‘It’s the weekend, Jake,’ she told him coolly, ‘my free time—remember, and I don’t have to tell you where I spend it or with whom.’
‘Stop trying to be clever, Stephanie.’ All at once, he sounded tired and her resistance to him crumbled. She was on such an emotional see-saw these days she hardly knew how she was going to react to him.
‘I went to a friend’s luncheon party,’ she told him in a more natural tone, ‘and her brother was kind enough to bring me home.’
‘And in repayment for that kindness, you let him kiss you?’ His voice was harsh once again. ‘I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve brought you home, and yet never once did I get that kind of reward for my kindness.’
‘I’m getting wet Jake. I want to go in. I’ll see you on Monday.’
From the security of her flat, she watched him walk back to his car, his dark head bare. Only then did she realise that she hadn’t asked him why he had come. It wasn’t unusual for him to call round to see her during the weekend, or at least it hadn’t been until that fatal Friday when he had fractured the security of their relationship for her, and why had he made that comment about Keith kissing her? Depressed to find him once again occupying her thoughts, Stephanie tried to banish him from them, and realised that, for the first time since she had known him, she wasn’t looking forward to spending time alone with him, and that she was beginning to dread the subtle sexual pressure that seemed to emanate from him these days. ‘Sexy’ Jessie had called him, and she had a sudden and very disturbing visual memory of her initial interview with him, before her attack. Then he had come across as intensely sensual, and she had been bemusedly aware of it and of him. Frowning, Stephanie tried to turn her mind to other things. For two years she had been quite content to think of Jake as a friend, so why, now, were these strange ambivalent feelings surfacing? What were they trying to tell her about herself that she had previously kept hidden?