Secrets of a Sinner

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Secrets of a Sinner Page 15

by Yolonda Tonette Sanders


  “Boyfriend, huh? I figured you were sweet on someone.” She pointed to Natalie’s plate. “You better eat that before it gets cold.”

  Natalie looked at the spread before her. Despite her protest earlier, she was starving. The aroma of the homemade buttermilk biscuits and scrambled eggs made her mouth water. Her roaring stomach convinced her to take a bite. Mmm... “Aren’t you gonna eat?”

  “Naw, chile, I made this for you. I don’t too much eat breakfast even though you cain’t tell it by lookin’ at me.” Her laughter brought a smile to Natalie’s face. “So this boyfriend of yours—”

  “Ex-boyfriend...”

  “Okay... Do you wanna talk about what happened with y’all?”

  “No, not really. He just wasn’t what I thought he was.”

  “Well, you know that I’m here if you wanna talk...I really hate to see you go so soon.”

  “I know...I’ll be back, I promise.”

  “I know you have to go back to work, but you’ve come all this way. Do you think you could at least stay ’til Sunday?”

  “Why? What’s so special about Sunday?”

  “We’re havin’ a celebration for Tommy in honor of his tenth year bein’ drug-free. We usually have a small dinner for him either here or at Earl’s. But this year, we’re gonna do it at the church immediately after service. Folks from the center will be there.”

  “You guys really celebrate his recovery on a yearly basis?” Such a celebration seemed unusual to her.

  “Like I said, this is the biggest celebration ever, but yeah, we do. What better way to remind ourselves and show others what God can do? I’m sure Tommy would want you to be there. But please don’t tell him. It’s a surprise. He thinks we’re just havin’ dinner again. Oh, and Tawanna said she was comin’.”

  “I guess it won’t hurt to stay until then. On second thought...I don’t know. I don’t want to get pinched again. You left a bruise, you know.”

  Her grandmother smiled. “Soak in some Epsom salts and put a li’l cocoa butter on it. You’ll be all right.”

  Chapter 26

  Mumbo Jumbo

  Troy was up early Saturday morning after another sleepless night. He immediately looked at his cell phone—still no call from Natalie. It had been a week since he’d received her letter and he wasn’t any closer to finding out where she was now than he had been then. He tried calling her again and as he’d expected, her voice mail came on. By now he figured it was pointless to leave yet another message for her since all of his others had gone unanswered. He was relying on Aneetra to keep him informed and the last time he’d spoken with her—yesterday—she hadn’t heard from Natalie either—at least that’s what she’d told him. Frustrated, Troy got of bed and threw his running gear on. On his way out he left a note on the refrigerator for Elvin, who had arrived in town last night.

  The morning air was very breezy, but knowing how cold Ohio winter weather could be, Troy had no complaints. As his size elevens hit the pavement in a rhythmic fashion, he began to warm up quickly. The sounds of passing cars, barking dogs and other morning pedestrians faded as his mind automatically shifted back to Natalie.

  The more he thought about his negative reaction to her pregnancy, the angrier he got with himself, and the harder his feet pounded the ground. How could he have been so stupid! After running a couple of miles Troy went back to his residence and found Elvin awake and sitting in the living room, his light skin contrasting drastically with the black sofa. “What’s up? Did you get my note?”

  “Yeah. I heard you when you left, I just didn’t feel like getting out of bed right then and there. I was about to load up Madden.... You wanna get on?”

  Troy didn’t really feel like playing the Xbox 360, but what else would he and Elvin do this early in the morning? “Let me jump in the shower first.”

  “Your cell phone was ringing a minute ago.”

  “Thanks, man.” A glimmer of excitement shot through him as he rushed to his bedroom, hoping it was Natalie who had called. “Dang it!” he muttered. It was just a buddy of his from work. Disappointed, Troy ripped off his clothes and jumped in the shower.

  The two men had finished playing one game when Elvin suddenly tossed his controller on the table. “Why’d you do that?” Troy asked, still holding his.

  “Who is she?”

  “Who?”

  Elvin shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. That’s what I need you to tell me. I just beat you fifty-nine to six. It’s like you weren’t even tryin’. Man, I ain’t crazy. Something has gotten you all worked up, or shall I say someone?” He raised his thick eyebrows and gave Troy a sly smile, pushing his pointy chin further toward the ground.

  “I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about. My game is just off, that’s all.”

  “Okay, I’ll just play stupid. You know, like I haven’t peeped you checking your cell phone every so often like you’re trying to make sure it still works. I take it you’re expecting a call?”

  “Are you a private eye now or something?”

  “Oh, so you got jokes, huh? Man, you look as sick as a dog chasing its own tail. You don’t have it together, bro.”

  Not having the will to continue denying, Troy gave in. “It’s that obvious?”

  “Yep... Do you want to talk about it? Whoever she is, I have to give her mad props because I never thought I’d see the day when the playa fell in love.”

  “In love?” Troy frowned as though he was allergic to the word.

  “Please don’t tell me you’re denying that, too.”

  “I like the girl and all, but no one said anything about being in love.”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah... Okay, Sergeant Troy N. D. Nile, what’s going on with you and this woman who you like, but are not in love with?”

  He pretended not to notice Elvin’s sarcasm. “I don’t know. It doesn’t seem like anything is going on between us. I’ve been trying to call her since last Friday and I keep getting her voice mail.”

  “Is she mad at you for some reason?”

  “Yeah... I’ve sort of been a jerk these last few weeks.”

  “It sounds like you have some serious damage control to do. Why don’t you surprise her by sending a dozen roses to her job, or take her out someplace special?”

  “I can’t...she’s gone,” Troy said sadly.

  “What do you mean she’s gone?”

  “She left town. Last week, the same day you called and said you were coming here, I got a letter from her saying that she had left. I’ve tried calling her at least a hundred times.”

  “Something else must have happened to make her leave town besides something you said. Did you cheat on her?”

  “No.”

  “Did you hit her?” Elvin asked, giving Troy a sideways glance of disapproval.

  “No! I would never lay a hand on her.”

  “Well, what happened? It doesn’t make sense for her to leave town just because y’all got into it.”

  “She was pregnant,” Troy confessed.

  “Pregnant?”

  “Yes. And I forced her into having an abortion.” Troy was ashamed and couldn’t look his friend in the eyes. “She wanted to keep the baby and possibly get married. I told her I didn’t want to do either, and now she’s gone.” He cleared his throat to mask his quivering voice. “I miss her, man...I really do.”

  “In all the years we’ve known each other I’ve never seen you this distraught over a female. You’re in love with her.”

  “I really don’t want to be.” Troy didn’t deny the accusation this time. “Love is such a tricky word. Why can’t two people get along, have a good time and just be happy? Why does everything have to center around the L-word? Natalie and I would be kickin’ it like we’ve always done if she just hadn’t gotten p
regnant.”

  “Man, you’ve been my boy for a long, long time. I have to be real with you. You can’t keep being scared of long-term, intimate commitments.”

  “Scared? You’ve been my best friend since grade school. Call me crazy, but that sounds like a long-term commitment to me.”

  “You’re right, it is. But that still doesn’t mean that you’re not afraid of letting a woman get close enough to your heart that you’d marry her.”

  “Getting married and starting a family might work for you, but everyone doesn’t have those goals. Who said I wanted the wife, white picket fence, two-point-five kids and the little dog? Besides, that picture only lasts for a while. Afterwards, she’ll have the house, the kids and the dog, and I’ll be left paying child support and alimony for the rest of my life.”

  “See! Why’d you have to put the latter part on it? Why couldn’t you end with the description of a happily married family with children?”

  “Because that’s not reality. Reality is that most marriages will end in divorce.”

  “It’s sad, but nowadays that is true. Don’t think that Nicole and I haven’t had hard times in our marriage. The difference is that we have both committed to working this thing out for life, the way God intended it to be.”

  “And what makes you think God intended it to be forever?” Troy challenged. He believed in God, but not to the extent that Elvin did. Elvin was on some type of religious trip—going to church all the time and reading the Bible like he didn’t have a regular life. Troy wasn’t on all of that. He considered himself to be a good person. He didn’t do anything immoral and tried his best to maintain his integrity. That was really all it took to get to Heaven.

  “Marriage is a covenant between a man and a woman, honored by God. It was first instituted with Adam and Eve. In Mark 10:9, Jesus says that what God has joined together, let no human tear apart. Technically, that means the marriage should only end when one of the spouses die.”

  Troy rolled his eyes. “Please don’t start with the Bible study.”

  “You asked.”

  “Yeah...well, I’m sorry I did.”

  “Look, I’m definitely not trying to preach to you. This is something you’ll have to work out on your own. Remember, your marriage will be what you make it. It doesn’t have to be like your parents’, your grandparents’ or that of any of your other relatives. Be determined that if you get married, your marriage will last. That’s what I did.”

  “Well, good for you.”

  “Get mad at me if you want, but you know I’m gonna always tell you the truth.”

  “No, what you’re really saying is that I need to join a church so that I can have the relationship with God that you have, and everything will be peachy-keen in my life. I can get married to Natalie and the two of us can live out the fairy-tale, happily-ever-after life.”

  “I have never said that.”

  “Then what are you saying?”

  “First of all, let me clarify one thing—there is a big difference between joining a church and having a relationship with God. In order to have a relationship with Him, you must confess Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and believe that He died for your sins and rose again...that’s what it means to be saved. Saved people should want to join a church so they can learn more about God and fellowship with other believers. Unfortunately, many people substitute joining a church for salvation, but it truly can’t be done.”

  “Well, whatever...”

  “As far as having a peachy-keen life goes—it’s not so. It will never be so. Salvation is the assurance that when a person dies his or her soul will reside in Heaven for the rest of eternity. It allows one to tap into God’s resources of maintaining such things as joy in spite of sorrow and peace in the midst of turmoil. If you don’t remember anything else from the Bible, remember Matthew 6:33, which says ‘Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness; and all these things will be added unto you.’ You’re never really going to have peace and be able to get over your fears until you’re willing to put your life and everything that’s happened in it into God’s hands.”

  “Enough already with the Bible study. I get your point!” Troy was getting irritated. None of that mumbo jumbo would do him any good with finding Natalie. She was his major concern right now. “Why didn’t I think of that before?”

  “Think of what?”

  “I know someone who can help me find Natalie.”

  “Cool. I hope it works out.”

  “I do, too.... Look, man, I didn’t mean to snap at you. I know you were just trying to help me. Believe it or not, I heard everything you said. I guess it’s just gonna take some time for me to work all of this out.”

  Elvin nodded in agreement.

  “Now, so we don’t sit here and talk about my woman troubles all day, let’s go get something to eat. I’m starting to get hungry.”

  “Cool, but let’s play one more game of Madden first. Now that you’ve cleared your mind, I want to make sure I beat you fair and square. I don’t want you crying mental distress when I put another whuppin’ on you.”

  “You better hang on to the previous win because it’ll be your only one from here on out. I’m about to put it on you for real this time. I see you got a little arrogant because I let you win.”

  “Oh, bring it on, partnah!”

  “Yeah, you might know a li’l somethin’ about the Bible, but I got a patent on Madden...I even got a scripture. ‘Seek first Troy Evans and his wisdom and all the knowledge of football will be added unto you.’” Troy smiled, plopping the other controller in Elvin’s lap.

  Elvin could do nothing but laugh. “It’s good to see you acting like yourself again.”

  Chapter 27

  True Deliverance

  Once again Natalie sat in the front pew with her grandmother as service began, this time hoping that seven hours of sleep last night and the Red Bull she’d drunk on the way over would guarantee her attentiveness. Some good the Epsom salts and cocoa butter had done...evidence of her grandmother’s assault had yet to fade completely.

  “The Bible tells us that there was a woman who suffered for twelve years with an issue of blood,” Earl said, using Mark 5:25-34 for his text. “Picture, if you will, what it’s like dealing with the same problem for that long. Some of us catch a two-day headache and we’re ready to die,” he chuckled lightly. “Can you imagine what it would be like if any kind of ailment afflicted your body for twelve years? Scripture tells us that this woman had sought physician after physician, hoping to find a cure for her condition. After exhausting all of her resources, she was no better. As a matter of fact, her condition was worse.”

  “Imagine the level of faith it took for her to believe that just by touching the bottom of Jesus’ garment, she could be healed of her disease. That’s what I call being desperate for deliverance. Desperate people are those who have become frustrated by trying one solution after another. They lay aside their pride and are willing to try anything because they believe that something has to work.”

  Natalie wasn’t sure if it was genuine interest or fear of another ambush, but to her surprise, she was actually being drawn into the sermon.

  “The Galilean woman suffered from a blood disease, but there are many people sitting in this congregation today who also suffer from an affliction. Your disease is one that has plagued all of mankind. It’s called sin and is what separates us from God.”

  “John 3:16 says that ‘God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten Son that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.’ Jesus is the means by which we can be forgiven for our sins and be connected with God.... Do me a favor, will you?” Earl addressed the entire congregation. “Turn to John 3:16 in your Bibles and repeat that scripture to yourselves, but substitute the word world with the word me.” />
  Big Mama opened her Bible to the aforementioned passage and handed it to Natalie, who began following her uncle’s instructions. “For God so loved me that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” She’d learned that scripture long ago as a child in Sunday-school class, but there was something about substituting the word world with me that personalized it in a way that she’d never felt before, and the phrase cycled through her mind.

  Earl signaled for the congregation to stand up. “If you have not yet accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, why don’t you do so now? Don’t you want deliverance from your disease of sin? Sin can manifest itself in a variety of ways—alcoholism, drug abuse, sex and depression among other things. Maybe you’ve tried remedies like self-help books, pursuit of money or even impure relationships. Know that these things may provide temporary relief, if any at all, but there is only one solution as true deliverance can only come from Jesus.”

  Natalie continued repeating, “For God so loved me,” under her breath.

  “Jesus wants to save you and no matter what you’ve done, there’s nothing in this world that God is not able and willing to forgive you for. First John 1:9 says that ‘He is faithful and just to forgive you of your sins.’ If you don’t have the assurance that you would go to Heaven if you died tonight, then you need Jesus in your life. Won’t you step forth?”

  Natalie felt a tug at her heart, prompting her to go, but her feet stayed planted. She was scared. Committing her life to Jesus would be a big step. Could she really do something like that? Tears mixed with mascara ran down the sides of her face. Her eyes met Earl’s directly and as much as she wanted to break his gaze, she couldn’t.

  “I sense there may be someone here who desires salvation, but you’re afraid. Trust me when I say you have absolutely nothing to lose, but everything to gain,” he spoke softly, still looking at Natalie. “Remember that God knows the secrets of every sinner. He knows the things that haunt us—the things we can’t seem to get past. You’ve tried everything else, why not try Jesus?”

 

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