He sighs. “I can’t either. He’s always been my biggest supporter, from the time I started skating. My biggest fan. I suddenly thought about playing without him watching and it feels like…playing for no one.” He pauses, then adds quietly. “I’ve wanted to play in the NHL my whole life, and it feels like time is running out. Not only because I’m getting older…but because if it does, my dad won’t be around to see it.”
“Stop.” I squeeze his hand. “You do play in the NHL. You have shown your father you can do it. It doesn’t matter if you have some contract or whatever. I don’t think anyone is ever guaranteed they’re going to always going to play for a certain team. Right?”
“I guess.”
I don’t know a lot about how professional hockey works. I guess the very best players in the world would never get sent down. But still…maybe it could happen.
“I’m sure he’s proud of you.”
One corner of his mouth lifts. “I hope so. He’s never been the kind of dad who pushed us to play. He let us do what we want. My brother Asher never even tried to make it into the NHL. After college, he decided to write about hockey instead of play it. And Dad was fine with that.”
“See? I think you’re putting the pressure on yourself.”
“You’re probably right. But even so…I want him to see me make it.”
“I understand that.”
We approach a bench and Harrison slows and turns to sit on it, tugging me gently with him, my hand still clasped in his. His is big and strong. His knuckles are rough and reddened. My heart melts a little at seeing that.
“And I’m also a selfish dick,” he says.
“What? Why?”
“I need his advice. My coach had a talk with me when they called me up, and…and I need my Dad’s take on it. But I don’t feel I can do that right now. He’s got enough problems.”
I study his face, the set of his jaw, and his firm lips. “I bet he wouldn’t agree. I bet he’d love to give you advice.”
He tips his head. “You think?”
“I think parents live to give their kids advice.” I laugh softly. “Even when they don’t ask for it.”
“Thanks for letting me yak about it,” he says. “I don’t want to be a downer.”
“You’re not. It’s a major event in your life. It will take time to work through what it all means, and in a way, I think, you’ve already started grieving. That’s a hard process.”
He purses his lips and nods. “Yeah. I didn’t think of it that way.” He stares out at the dark ocean for a moment. “My family—my extended family—is kind of messed up. This might be something that brings everyone back together.”
“Yes. Adversity can do that.”
“Or maybe make everything worse.” He slants me a crooked smile. “Maybe this will show us who everyone really is.”
Chapter 11
Arya
“I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
Harrison turns to face me more directly. “Thanks. I shouldn’t have dumped it on you.”
Truthfully, I kind of like it that he did. “I don’t mind. Talking can be helpful.”
“It was. So thanks. Should we head back?”
“Okay.”
We rise and stroll back the way we came.
“Do you have brothers and sisters?” he asks me.
“I do. I have an older sister, Grace. She’s married and still lives in Fargo. I miss her.”
“Yeah.”
“And I miss my dog sister.”
“Dog sister?” He grins. “You mean Roxy?”
“Yeah.” I smile too. “She’s so funny. And you have a brother you mentioned, and Everly…and another brother?”
“Yes. Noah. He’s younger. He plays hockey in San Diego.”
“And your nephews…they both play hockey?”
“Not exactly. JP—who you met—plays for the Golden Eagles. Théo used to play, but now he’s the general manager of the Condors.”
“Huh. He’s your boss?”
“Yep.”
“Couldn’t he just give you a permanent gig on the team?”
He laughs. “He could. But he won’t, unless I deserve it.”
“Harsh.” I pause. “I’m teasing. I’m not really a proponent of nepotism.”
“I get it. But our family has been involved in hockey forever—my dad played too, way back. Nobody ever got ahead because of our name. And none of us would want that.”
“That’s really…admirable.”
Christ on a cracker. I’m liking this man—and his family—more and more. “What did you mean when you say they’re messed up, though?”
“Long story. My dad remarried not that long after his first wife died. My mom’s twenty years younger than him. That caused some bad feelings for Mark and Matthew—his sons from his first marriage. They’ve never liked my mom.”
“Oh no. That must be hard.”
“Yeah. I wasn’t totally aware of it all when I was a kid, but as I got older I clued in. That caused tension between all of us, for a long time. Then…well, I might as well tell you, it’s not secret. The media had a feeding frenzy when it happened. My dad apparently borrowed money from Mark and Matthew, from the trust fund they inherited from their mom. He was supposed to pay it back and he hasn’t, and now they’re suing him.”
“Oh my God. Okay, yeah, that could cause some family drama.”
“You have no idea.” But he smiles.
“Do you think…his Alzheimer’s has something to do with that?” I ask hesitantly.
“I do now. We’ve been working on trying get this mess figured out. Funny, yesterday, at my parents’ place when they gave us the news, we never talked about that. But Mark and Matthew need to know too—he is their dad.”
We arrive back at the street where we crossed Ocean. I stop to brush sand off my feet and put my shoes back on. He offers me an arm to steady myself.
Mother of cake. I really like this man.
“How did you get here?” he asks. “Can I drive you home?”
I don’t answer while I think about this and we walk toward Ocean Avenue. I really like him. He seems like a good guy. But I don’t trust my instincts anymore. “I’d rather not. I took an Uber here. I’ll take one home.” I pull out my phone.
“That’s crazy,” he says. “That could be dangerous.”
“I’m careful.” Although he’s right, I also know the danger of giving out my address to someone I don’t really know that well. I bring up the app.
“Seriously, just let me drive you. It’s no trouble.”
Pushing doesn’t make me feel any better. “Please. This is what I prefer.”
He goes silent and when I glance at him, he looks…hurt. “Okay,” he says slowly. “I get it.”
He doesn’t get it. At least, I don’t think he does.
A car will be here in a few minutes. Perfect. We stop at the corner.
“Thank you for dinner,” I say. “It was amazing, with all the different wines. And thanks for opening up about what’s going on with you.”
“Thanks for listening.”
We stand on the street corner shadowed by a big tree as traffic passes by. Neither of us says anything else as our eyes meet. He moves a little closer. I want him to kiss me.
A car pulls up at the curb. It’s my Uber.
I smile. “Gotta go. Thank you again.” Since he hasn’t made a move, I do, going on my toes to brush my lips over his.
I check out the car, slide into the back seat and have the driver say my name, then wave at Harrison as we pull away.
I lean my head against the side window. I should have let him drive me home.
No. He may have been hurt that I didn’t trust him, but my safety is more important than his hurt feelings.
I can’t get sucked into stupid decisions by worrying about how others feel or what they think of me.
Except I’ll probably never hear from him again because of it, and damn, I like him. I like him a lot.
I dig through my purse and find my phone. Might as well deal with it now.
I type in a message to Harrison. Thanks again for a really nice evening. I had fun.
He doesn’t reply. After a few minutes, I tuck my phone away and sigh, staring at the city lights flashing by outside the car.
At home, Taj is there, watching Disasters at Sea on TV.
“Hey,” he says, looking up. “How’d your date go?”
“Well.” I drop my purse, then hear my phone buzz. “It was good. Until the end.”
I pull out my phone. Now Harrison has replied. Did you really?
I sink down onto a chair. Yes, really.
Honestly? I thought you were brushing me off.
I nibble my lower lip. I knew he thought that. I don’t want him to think that. Honestly? I wasn’t.
He sends me a smile emoji. Okay, then. When can I see you again?
Before I can answer, I get another text. Shit, I’m going out of town. We’re back Saturday.
I tap in my reply. So…Saturday, then?
Another smile emoji. Great.
A big smile tugs at my lips. I look up to see Taj watching me with raised eyebrows. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah.” I set my phone on the coffee table. “It is now.” I grimace. “I didn’t want him to drive me home, and he was a little…”
“Pissed?”
“No.” I shake my head. “If he’d been pissed about it, I probably wouldn’t see him again.”
“Good girl.”
“He was more hurt, I think. He thought I was giving him the brush-off, and I wasn’t, I was just being careful.”
“He doesn’t know about what happened.”
“No. And I’m not going to tell him. Anyway, I texted him to let him know I did want to see him again. So we’re going out on Saturday. He’s away on a road trip until then.”
“You really like this dude?”
“I do. I mean, we’re just getting to know each other. He seems great.” I purse my lips. “I’m just still…gun-shy, I guess.” I pause. “He told me about some bad news he just got about his dad. We talked about it and I felt touched that he would open up to me about that. But then I thought, what if it’s a big story designed to soften me up and make me feel sorry for him?”
Taj squints. “Ah, Ary.”
“I know, I know. I can’t help it, though.”
“I get it. Just take things slow…there’s no harm in going out and having some fun. It’s up to you how far it goes.”
“Right.” I nod. “Good advice. Well. I’m going to bed. I have a ten o’clock class tomorrow.”
I wash my face and get ready for bed. Then, in the dark, under the covers, I relive nearly every moment of our date, remembering the way Harrison looked at me, how he seemed nervous at first, which I was too, the vulnerability he revealed when he talked about his dad.
I want to believe in him. I really, really do. I just don’t know if I can.
Chapter 12
Harrison
We win in Vancouver, lose in Calgary, a horrific six-one loss. Calgary’s out of the playoffs, which makes it even more humiliating. I’m a little annoyed actually, because I feel like I’ve been playing so well on the line with Pavel and Eddie, and tonight Coach moved Eddie up to the first line to give Jimmy a break and made Pavel a healthy scratch too. So was playing with Scotty and Olle, who are great but different. But it’s not about me and what’s best for me—it’s what’s best for the team.
Anyway, Calgary’s coming to our town next week and we’ll have a chance at redemption. The games are meaningless for us, but like I told Arya, now we’re playing for our pride.
I’ve had a lot to think about this week. The news about Dad, going out with Arya, the way she acted at the end of our date, and then taking off on a road trip.
The guys would laugh at me if they knew, but I did some yoga in my hotel room, since we had extra time. I use it to relax my body and turn off my mind. Of course yoga makes me think about Arya. I can’t wait to see her again on Saturday. What should we do? I don’t want to do another restaurant thing. So I ask my teammates for ideas when we’re out for a team dinner the night before the game at the steakhouse in the Westin in downtown Calgary.
“Okay you guys, I’m taking my future wife out on a date on Saturday and I need ideas.”
“Future wife.” Wyatt shakes his head at me. “You need to slow your roll, dude.”
“Don’t worry, I haven’t told her yet.” I smirk at him.
“Dinner at Rossignol,” he suggests. “I took Everly there. We saw Tom Hanks.”
“Don’t want another dinner date,” I reply. I cut into my perfect medium-rare steak. “We’ve done that. I want to do something fun and different.”
“Take her on a hike to the Hollywood sign,” Wyatt offers. “I did that with Everly too.”
I roll my eyes. “I don’t want to go on the same dates as my sister, thanks.”
He snorts.
“How did you get her to do that, anyway? Did she hike in her Prada heels?”
“Yeah, of course,” he says. “Dumbass. It was me. She wanted to be with me.”
“Uh-huh.”
“How about a movie?” Bergie suggests. “Chicks like rom coms.”
I consider that. Sitting beside Arya in silence for a couple of hours doesn’t sound that appealing. Although maybe we could make out in the back row of the theater….
“Griffith Observatory,” Jabber suggests. “You can look at the stars. Very romantic.”
“Huh.” That’s a possibility.
“You two could hang out with us,” Nicky says.
“Ha. I’m not bringing her around you guys.”
“What? Why not?” Nicky looks offended.
“She sees enough of you at yoga class. Besides, that’s too high pressure. I might as well take her home to meet my family.”
That gets a bunch of laughs.
“She’s going to have to meet them at some point,” Jimmy points out. “If she’s going to be your wife.”
“Yeah, at some point. But she’s already met my sister. And Bellsy here.”
“Aw. Am I family now?” he asks. “I’m honored.”
I shrug. “Sort of. Also JP.” I grin, remembering knocking him into the water at the first SUP class we went to.
“Take her shopping,” Scotty says. “Buy her something expensive.”
I stare at him incredulously. “Seriously?”
“Lots of women like that.”
“If that’s how you have to get women to date you, that’s sad.”
He flicks his middle finger my way. “Fuck you.”
“I’ll figure something out.” I shake my head.
“Don’t ask Archie,” Bergie says with a grin. “He has the worst luck with dates.”
“It’s true.” Archie rolls his eyes. “Remember my blind date?”
I shake my head. I haven’t heard these stories.
“I met this girl at a restaurant. She didn’t say a word the whole time we ate dinner. Seriously. Not. A. Word. After I paid the bill, she just got up and left.”
“What the fuck?”
“Yeah. Then I checked my phone and discovered a text from the chick I was supposed to meet, saying she couldn’t make it.”
I crack up laughing.
“Still don’t know who the hell I had dinner with.” He shakes his head, grinning.
“How about the time you texted your date that you wished you hadn’t asked her out?” Nicky asks.
“Ha! I was trying to text
you. Right in the middle of the date, I accidentally texted her. She looked at her phone, then looked at me. Awkward!”
We take our time at dinner because we’re going to a dance club that doesn’t even open until nine-thirty. We pile into a bunch of cabs the valet at the entrance of the hotel waves up for us. This place supposedly has great DJs, and on a Thursday night, should be hopping.
Not that I care. I’m not feeling the club vibe right now. I want to get home and see how Dad’s doing and take Arya out on a date and maybe go see my half brothers, Mark and Matthew, and give them shit.
It doesn’t take long for women to notice us. Nicky and Jimmy order bottles of wine and pour them drinks, and a bunch of guys are dancing with girls in short, sexy dresses. I catch the eye of a hot blonde. She smiles. I look away and sip my whisky.
I’m used to this, although the cities I usually travel to are smaller and the bars not quite as plush as this one. Wherever we are, women always seem to notice the hockey players. Tonight, I’m not interested. I lean back on the banquette where I’m sitting and think about Arya…her toned body, how her soft hand felt in mine as we walked on the beach, her pretty mouth, and how she helped me process what’s happening with Dad.
It’s been a while since I had a girlfriend. I forgot what it’s like to have someone to talk to, someone you can share that kind of stuff with and not feel like a complete dork. I haven’t forgotten what sex is like, though, and I’d really like to know how that is with Arya too. I bet it’s spectacular. I was all pissed at Archie when he made that comment about Arya being flexible, but I have to admit I’ve thought of it too.
I start imagining the kinds of positions we could try…No. Stop. I’m getting a boner. Can’t have that. Instead, I think about what’s going to happen with Dad. And the team. And Mom. Yeah, that takes care of the ill-timed erection, all right.
* * *
—
Arya won’t let me pick her up at her home, which makes me sigh. It also makes me wonder why not. She lives with a man. She said they’re just friends, and she said he has a boyfriend…but maybe that’s not true….Is she hiding something from me?
I hate thinking things like that. I’m not naïve, but I like to think that people are mostly good and honest. And when I think of it, I wouldn’t want my sister letting strange men pick her up at home. Not that I’m strange. Ha.
For the Win Page 10