by Kimbra Swain
“Levi, I don’t care if you see me feed him. I don’t care who sees me honestly. Stay if you don’t mind. If it makes you uncomfortable, you need to get over yourself,” I said.
He laughed. It was so good to hear him laugh. To feel the tingle as his arm brushed beside mine. “I’ve missed you, Grace.”
“Where is Winnie?” I asked.
“Finley has her. I ran ahead of them. I needed to get to you,” he said, dipping his head to rest on my shoulder. “I knew if I could get to you everything would be alright.”
After the long sleep following our trip to the Summer realm, I opened my eyes to look in his face. Wandering in the darkness seemed to be the only explanation for where I was the whole time. The first thing that shocked me was the long, pink puckered skin of the scar down the side of his face. The second more disturbing thing was he no longer looked young to me. Any innocence he had had was gone.
Somewhere in the otherworld, Levi grew up. He wasn’t the unsure, brooding youngster that left Shady Grove with my brother. His eyes were full of emotions that I ached to know he had felt. I knew that the day would come when the world of fairies took over Levi’s life. He was racing toward it before he left. It had slapped him in the face while he was away from me. I hated myself for sending him after the book. I hurt to know that he endured the pain to keep Winnie safe. I loved him for the mature sacrifice that he made because he loved that little girl. Because he loved me at one time. I wasn’t sure what he felt now.
I wanted our connection back, but I wasn’t sure if he wanted it. He was free of me finally. Perhaps he wanted to live his own life, unconnected. Granted he was here now, pressed against me as we watched my child. I lowered the sheet to give the baby access to my breast. Putting my finger in his mouth again he sucked instinctively. When I removed my finger, his little lips puckered continuing to suck. Offering him my breast, he rooted around for a moment, before his natural instinct kicked in. The first couple of pulls hurt as the sensation of him latching on surprised me. After that, I only felt the intense connection between a mother and child. Heat radiated from his little body like his father. Like Dylan, who wasn’t here.
“He’s a natural,” Levi said.
“Seems so,” I replied, stroking his thick head of hair.
Tabitha slipped out of the room quietly leaving us alone.
“We have a lot to talk about,” I said.
“Yes, we do,” he replied. “But not now. Let’s just enjoy this.”
“I’ve learned that you can wait too long to talk about things,” I said.
“I’ve learned that sometimes you need to enjoy the little things,” he said.
“You left your innocence behind in the Otherworld,” I said.
“No, Grace, it was ripped from me,” he said sadly. The statement made me ache. A lump formed in my chest full of love for the child in my arms, and the man at my side.
He kissed my bare shoulder. “It’s going to be fine,” he said.
“One day,” I said.
“It is right now. Look at him. He’s perfect,” he said.
“I wish Dylan were here. He deserves to be here,” I said as tears welled up in my eyes. “Your daddy was so excited to meet you, Aydan. I’m sure wherever he is that he is so proud.” I couldn’t say anymore without being a complete basket case.
Levi leaned up, reaching over to the tray of instruments that Tabitha had laid out for the birth. Levi picked up one of them, but I couldn’t see what it was. “I swear to you that I won’t rest until we find Dylan.” His oath wasn’t light, because I felt it sink into me.
“I don’t even know if he still lives,” I muttered. A tear fell from my cheek onto the half-asleep baby in my arms. It rolled off his belly on to the sheet laying across my lower body.
Levi took the scalpel that he grabbed from the tray, running it across his palm. I gasped knowing what he was about to do. “I learned this, too. Give me your hand,” he said. I offered him my hand palm up. He cut across it. The sharp instrument cut cleanly across my palm where two other scars had left their marks. Placing his bloody hand over mine, I watched the blood drip from our hands to the same sheet that held my tears.
“Grace, Queen of the Exiles, my blood is your blood. I swear my life to you,” he said, squeezing my hand tightly. A floodgate of emotions rolled over me as his mind was opened to me. The tears streaked down my face harder as the child fell listlessly asleep.
“Levi Rearden, Royal Bard, my blood is your blood. I swear my life to you,” I said.
“No!” he said. His hand shook. “You are supposed to accept my life as a gift.”
“I know. I’d rather swear mine to you in return. I won’t have you as my servant, Levi. You are different from all the rest. Not just a pawn in the game of queens and kings. You are my rock, and I need that more than anything. Not your service. Not to bend to my will. There is a fight coming, and I want you beside me, not behind me or under my foot,” I said.
He leaned down over our hands humming a soft tune. I felt the wound close, leaving only the red blood behind with a soft pink scar. I looked at my hand in astonishment. The pink line in my hand and his matched the pink line down his face.
“It didn’t hurt for long, but that didn’t stop him,” Levi said. “I’ve got a lot of scars.”
“Damn it,” I muttered.
“It’s in the past. I won’t dwell on it,” he said, leaning back on the pillows. He looked exhausted. I shifted my weight to lean back next to him. The baby slept on my chest. His little lips still sucking at air. “I need to hear you here.”
“Welcome home, Dublin,” I said.
“You are my home,” he said before drifting off to sleep. My eyes fluttered, as I saw Tabitha’s form in the darkened hallway. She watched us closely at a distance. She stuck her head in the door.
“I’ll get a diaper. Is your hand okay?” she asked quietly.
“It’s fine,” I said. “Is Finley here yet? I want to see Winnie.”
“I’ll bring him back as soon as he arrives,” she promised.
Exhausted from the labor pains, I tried to relax, but I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t take my eyes off the child sleeping on me. I was so in love.
LEVI SLEPT ONLY a little while before helping Tabitha move me to a chair in the room. Then they both helped me put on a light blue sundress. I didn’t own anything like it, so I assumed it came from Tabitha’s stash. I needed to sit up after laying on my back for so long. Finley arrived with Winnie in tow. She was a bundle of energy. The baby slept quietly in my arms even as we jostled him around.
“Oh! Momma, he’s so cute,” Winnie exclaimed.
“He’s your brother,” I said.
“Well, then, of course, he is adorable,” she said. Humble wasn’t in her vocabulary apparently. “Does he have a name?”
“Yes, of course, he does,” I said, but refused to say it until everyone had gathered in the room. Levi sat on the window sill beside me while many of our family and friends gathered in the room.
Tabitha leaned on Remy. Fatigue had set in and she needed to rest, but she insisted on staying with me. I told her that I wasn’t the first fairy to have a baby, and I was sure I could handle it without her. At least, I hoped I could. She promised to go home and rest as soon as I told everyone his name.
Nestor and Mable waited patiently as others began to fill the room. Finley sat next to Levi on the window sill. I was pretty sure both of them were sucking up the air conditioning from the vent just below the window. Everyone was here that I wanted to be here. Luther, Betty, Jenny, Amanda, Troy, Mark and Lachlan. Rowan was notably missing while the ginger-haired knight stayed in the darkness of the hallway. I tried to coax him inside, but he insisted on remaining in the hallway.
“You must take him to your father. He would love to see him,” Lachlan said.
“I will. Soon enough,” I said.
“Well, tell us his name!” Betty exclaimed.
“One day just after Chri
stmas when Dylan really got baby fever, he chatted away about names and how he couldn’t wait to name his son. He tossed around names. I just listened. He would spend hours sometimes searching the internet for the right name with the right meaning. He once asked me if I had suggestions, and I told him that I didn’t because to be honest, it was hard for me to see myself as a mother. Of course, now, I can’t imagine myself without my children. Both of them,” I said with a smile to Winnie. She pointed at herself. Humility overload. The people in the room chuckled at her nonsense. She was becoming more like me every day. “He did finally decide on a name, but he told me that it would be up to me to pick a middle name. I protested because I didn’t have the first clue about naming children. However, I named myself each time I moved. Picking out whatever name I thought fit the situation. Of course, Dylan had done the same thing. So, I chose an appropriate middle name for him that relates to the current situation. I admit that I didn’t decide until I looked into his precious face. Although his father isn’t here, he left me with a wondrous gift. One that I didn’t completely understand until I held him in my arms.”
I looked around the room with all the people I loved. Every one of them openly crying or trying to hold back tears. Just a few short months ago I thought I was alone in this world, but when I let Dylan into my life, the world opened up to me in a way that I could never have imagined. Dylan was a gift, too. One that I desperately hoped I got to see again. I tried to imagine him here for this moment when I told them our son’s name.
“I’d like to introduce you to Aydan Thaddeus. My gift from the fire,” I said, wiping tears from my eyes.
“Hello, Aydan,” Winnie said. Her sweet little face glowed with admiration and love for her little brother. Looking down at my children, I felt at peace for a moment despite the knowledge of the things I’d learned in the summer realm. There was so much to do. Now, more than ever, I was determined to stop whatever plans my Uncle had for the world and the Otherworld. My friends and family came up one by one to see the sleeping little boy.
Nestor was dying to hold him. When he took him from my arms, I felt a sense of panic that I had to subdue. Nestor was so proud. A great-grandchild. Even if Aydan never received his fire from his father, he was still the son of two very powerful beings. I had to hope that some of Dylan’s Thunderbird heritage would pass to him. Either way, bless his heart, the poor thing was a fairy.
Looking through my fairy sight, it shocked me that he had no blaring sign that told me what he was. However, the light blue hue around his body indicated winter royal fairy. Inside the aura, flashing sparks reflected in the sunlight from the window like the glitter in Nestor’s coffee. My child was a unique being that I had never seen. Perhaps one that the universe didn’t know how to label.
As I watched Nestor show him off to everyone, Levi moved closer to me. His hand rested on my elbow. “Who is with your knight?”
“He is not my knight,” I protested. Looking into the dark hallway, I watched a figure clasp hands with Astor in the way that he did with his fellow knights. The men hugged tightly. When the man moved away, I realized it was Caiaphas. Of course, he had to be a knight too. “Caiaphas.”
“Shit.” Levi sounded panicked because all he knew of the Sanhedrin was that they wanted him dead. Except for Jeremiah.
“He swore an oath to me. He’s my servant now,” I said.
“Wow. I feel like we need to have a long talk,” he said.
“Yes, very soon,” I replied.
Tabitha started shooing people out of the room. Nestor laid Aydan into my arms and kissed us both on the forehead. Finley kissed me on the cheek.
“Good job, Glory. He’s wonderful. I’m going to go sleep,” he said.
“Thank you for bringing them home,” I said.
“Of course,” he replied. Nelly wasn’t here, but I assumed she was nearby.
“Come on, Winnie,” Nestor urged.
“Aw, do I have to?” she asked.
“I’m going to stay here one more night, then we will go home. Stay with Nestor and Mable tonight, okay?” I said but choked on my words realizing we really didn’t have a home to go to. The house I was building would be done soon. I needed to talk to Remy, but he and Tabitha had already left.
“Can I hold him tomorrow?” she asked.
“Yes, of course,” I said.
“Come on, Uncle Levi,” she said.
“You go ahead. I’m gonna stay with your momma,” he said.
She gave us both big hugs. She seemed so unaffected by her captivity. “She didn’t know what was going on,” I said watching her leave.
“No, they showed her to me. She thought she was staying at a house with a bunch of kids until you came to pick her up. She is resilient,” he said.
Sometime during the chaos, a bassinet had appeared in the room. Levi helped me stand up and lay Aydan down in it. He covered him up with a blanket. We watched him for several minutes when I felt my legs start to ache. I was still tired, but Levi and I needed to talk.
“THIS CAN WAIT,” Levi said.
“It shouldn’t,” I replied. He helped me climb back on the tall hospital bed, then dimmed the lights. “Your knight is out here guarding the door.”
“He is not my knight,” I protested again. “Astor, come here.”
“Yes, my Queen,” he said, rushing into the room.
“My head hurts, and I’m not sure how you are even alive,” I said. He started to open his mouth, but I quickly kept talking. “But you look like ten miles of bad road. Go sleep somewhere.”
“I don’t have anywhere to go,” he said. “Besides, I need to be here protecting you.”
“I’ve got that,” Levi interjected.
“I understand, Mr. Rearden, but I swore an oath,” I said.
“Astor,” I said, calling his name quietly. He lifted his amber eyes to me. “I’m glad you are still alive. Now, go find one of the 49 beds in this place that isn’t occupied and sleep!”
“Thank you, Grace,” he said relenting to my request.
Levi sat down in the chair next to the bed. He waited until we heard a door click down the hallway where Astor had picked a sleeping spot. The distance was probably good for this discussion. I started telling him about the night that Brockton ripped him from my arms.
“I knew you were pregnant,” he said.
“You did not,” I said.
“Ask Tabitha. I suggested it, and she denied it. Guess I was right,” he smiled, satisfied with himself.
“Well, you get a cookie,” I said.
“I like cookies,” he replied. His smiles were only half-smiles. The normal light of life in his eyes had dimmed.
“In those few moments while the trailer sank, you knew?” I asked.
“No, the night we took you home after the council meeting,” he said.
“Wow,” I replied. Levi knew me better than I realized. I had always thought that my bard underestimated himself, but apparently, I did as well when it came to me. Of course, I’m sure Dylan didn’t which was why he begged Levi to watch over us. Like he knew something would happen to him. But he had the wedding dream. He told me that he did. We held on to that fact through the next couple of days. He was so happy. The only logical explanation was that he was still alive, and that future was still a possibility for us.
Levi reached up and pulled his collar away from his neck. As he scratched an itch on his lower neck, I saw the hint of a scar there. Looking closer, I saw more than one pink puffy mark.
“Show me,” I said.
He ran his hands through his hair. I was glad that he hadn't cut it. It looked good long. “Grace, I'm not sure that I'm ready for that,” he said.
“Okay,” I said. I felt bad for asking. He had more scars than just the ones on his body. Lengthy torture can't be washed away from the depths of your brain so quickly. I knew it would take time for him to recover from whatever my Uncle put him through if he ever completely recovered at all. Whatever it took, I was here fo
r him. “If you ever are, I’m here. If you never are, I’m here.”
“Damn, I missed you, Grace,” he said leaning over to put his forehead on my hand.
“I’ll never be able to thank you enough for saving my child,” I said. “Both of them.”
“Tell me about the knight,” he said.
Knowing Levi and his good heart, he was asking because he didn’t like the idea of someone new, especially a fairy becoming a part of my life. I didn’t think it was jealousy.
“Astor is Rhiannon’s son, Tabitha’s brother,” I said.
“Wow. He’s a big fella,” he said.
“I suppose he is. He’s also a good man. A pure man,” I said.
Levi lowered his voice, “He’s a virgin?”
“Supposedly. In this life,” I said.
“In this life?” he asked.
“Oh, hell,” I swore. I didn’t know where to start with this conversation. So, I started with my betrothal to a man I never met, then led into who my father was in his first life. As I told the story of how I found everything out, he paced the room. Occasionally, he would stop next to Aydan’s crib to check on him.
“My power is Taliesin’s power. A gift from your father, Oberon, who was Arthur. Like King Arthur. Excalibur. The Knights of the Round Table. Arthur,” he said.
“Yes. It was an eventful trip,” I said.
“Why would they hide this from you?” he exclaimed. Aydan stirred. He clamped his hand over his mouth, and I heard a muffled apology escape.
Aydan quickly went back to sleep. “I think it is because my father knew that no matter how many times their lives got reset, the same arguments would filter through each time. Sometimes pain is so deeply seated that people have a hard time letting go.”
“And he thought you would be different,” I said.
“Maybe. I am different. Being here on earth for so long, I look at all of it differently. I’m sure you do as well. Even Dylan, who never lived in the Otherworld, looked at it in a different light. We have to figure out how to do this right,” I said. “We have to do it together. Brock is just a product of insanity.”