Breaking Free

by Ellie Rose

  She took the phone and looked down at the screen.

  “Is this some kind of joke?” she asked through the clenched teeth.

  “What do you mean?”

  “This isn’t his phone number.” She shoved the phone back in my hands, and she took a few steps towards my door, distancing herself from me.

  “Don’t worry, P. I’ll talk to him.” She walked out of my room without a backward glance. That was the last time I really talked to Beth.

  The next day at school, I went to go sit at the lunch table, but nobody would move to free up space for me to sit. When I tried to talk to Beth, she never even acknowledged me.

  I slowly backed up, looking around at everyone who sat at the table. Nobody would look at me. It was like I didn’t even exist to them.

  I turned away from the table and almost ran into Joshua, who was standing behind me.

  He smirked and leaned down to my left ear. “You really thought she would believe you over me?” his smug voice washed over me.

  I watched him go over to Beth, and she got up to hug him with a smile on her face.

  For just a second, our eyes connected. Her showed fury. She hated me for telling her the truth.

  I lost my best friend, and over something I thought she had the right to know about her boyfriend.

  I walked away from the lunch table with tears in my eyes. Now I knew exactly how Wendy felt...

  Chapter 11: Present

  The next morning, I sit on the bed, waiting for Anna to wake up. The sun comes up through Anna’s bedroom windows. I fell back to sleep twice, and both times the nightmare came back.

  I gave up on sleep around four in the morning. I try to rub away the memory of feeling of his hands on me.

  Anna wakes up shortly before eight, yawning and stretching her hands above her head. She looks over at me, a smile already on her face. “Did you sleep well?” she asks me.

  I nod and give her a weak smile, throwing the covers off me and begin to climb out of the bed when Anna’s next words stop me cold.

  “You know the guy outside your homeroom last Tuesday?” she asks.

  “Yea-yeah”

  “He found me before sixth period and introduced himself.”

  I freeze, not breathing. I hear her get out of bed.

  “He’s hot, but I think he knows he is, and that’s a total turnoff for me.” I hear her moving around behind me, but I don’t turn around.

  “Did… did he say anything else?” I whisper, afraid of what her answer might be.

  “He was wondering if I could hang out with him sometime.”

  I fling myself off the bed and run over to her. I grab her upper arms and make her look me in the eye.

  “Promise me you will never go anywhere with him by yourself.”

  Anna stares at me, openmouthed. I see fear reflecting in her eyes.

  “Promise me!” I say urgently, needing her answer, needing her to promise.

  “Okay. Okay. I won’t. I promise,” she says in a scared voice.

  I relax and let go of her arms. “Sorry,” I say apologetically. “He’s not a good guy.”

  She smiles at me reassuringly, but I can see the questions racing behind her eyes.

  “It’s okay. I appreciate you looking out for me.” She turns away from me to rummage through her closet for some clothes.

  I sigh in relief as I start to get ready as well.

  Anna doesn’t ask why I reacted the way I did about Joshua, and I was thankful she didn’t. I know that she will ask one day though, and one day I know I will have to tell her the truth.

  We finish getting ready and walk downstairs to eat breakfast. I refuse to look at Seth, who sits across from me. I can feel his eyes on me, but I pretend I don’t notice him.

  Anna talks about Harry Potter to her mom and dad.

  “We didn’t finish the movies because we fell asleep halfway through the fifth one. We probably would have woken up on the couch this morning if Paige didn’t get up to use the bathroom and get lost.”

  I freeze with my fork halfway to my mouth, and my eyes dart to Seth, who either didn’t hear what Anna said, or chose to ignore it because he is still eating.

  He swallows what’s in his mouth and says, “We’ll need to finish the rest of the series one day soon.”

  Anna speaks up, “What about today?”

  I shift uncomfortably in my chair. “Uh, my mom needs me home. She texted me earlier. I have to do some chores around the house.” It wasn’t a complete lie. My mom did text me this morning, but only to ask when I’ll be home.

  Anna groans and says, “Ugh! Fine. Maybe next weekend we can finish them!”

  Anna’s mom interrupts, looking exhausted with dark circles under her eyes, “Next weekend we all are going to visit your grandparents in Miami. Remember?”

  Another groan from Anna.

  Anna’s dad says, “We haven’t seen Grandma Betty and Grandpa Pat since we moved here. We need to go visit them.”

  I look down at my plate as the conversation about visiting the grandparents continues. I feel out of place, and I’m ready to go home.

  I push my plate away from me and stand up from the table.

  Anna stops talking to look over at me questioningly. “You okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m just ready to go home,” I tell her with a small smile.

  Seth gets up from the table and walks over to the kitchen counter, where he left his keys. “Come on, I’ll take you home,” he says to me.

  Anna jumps up from the table. “I’ll come too!”

  She starts to walk towards the garage door to the right of the refrigerator, but her mom stops her halfway. “No, you won’t. You need to clean the living room, then the upstairs bathroom.”

  Anna’s shoulders slump in defeat. “Fine.” She sits back down at the table to finish eating her breakfast.

  “I need to get my stuff from Anna’s room, and then I’ll meet you outside,” I tell Seth, and he gives me a nod in acknowledgment.

  He opens the garage door and walks out.

  As I run upstairs to grab my stuff, I wish that Anna could go. I don’t want to sit in the Jeep with Seth in uncomfortable silence. I’m afraid he will ask me about last night, and I don’t want to talk about it. I never want to talk about it. I don’t want anyone to ever find out about it. It’s my fault that Joshua raped me. I stupidly suggested Beth and I talk at Josh’s instead of asking Beth to come to my house. I got what I deserved.

  Back downstairs, I find Anna cleaning up the living room. She is folding up a blanket she dragged down last night. I reach for one to help, but she stops me. “Don’t you dare help. Mom would kill me if she saw that our guest is helping me clean.”

  “But I helped make this mess,” I tell her.

  She rolls her eyes playfully. “My mom won’t care. Whenever we had a guest, my mom would never let them clean up their own messes. Even if it’s my grandparents.”

  I watch her fold the last blanket, and she turns to give me a hug. She pulls back, putting her hands on my shoulders to look me in the eyes. She says in a serious tone, “I know something is bothering you. I knew it from the moment I saw you crying in the bathroom.”

  Fear courses through me as I stare at her. “You can lie and say there’s nothing wrong, but I won’t believe you. I know you’ll tell me one day when you are ready.” She smiles at me before hugging me one last time. She picks up the folded blankets off the couch. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning!” she says in her normal cheery voice before walking up the stairs.

  I watch her go in disbelief. I have never known such a thoughtful person before.

  I turn to walk back towards the kitchen and smile to myself. Since meeting Anna, I have felt more like myself these past few days than I have in a very long time. I have never felt more grateful to meet someone so nice and understanding like Anna.

  As I enter the kitchen, I see Anna’s mom cleaning up the table from breakfast, and Anna’s dad is finishing his coffee.r />
  “It was nice to meet you, Paige. I hope to see you more often,” Anna’s mom says to me as she puts some dishes in the sink. “Tim, can you please do the dishes? I have to get back to my office.”

  She left the kitchen, not waiting for him to answer her. Anna’s dad gets up and puts his coffee cup next to the sink. “Please don’t be afraid to come back, Paige. You’re welcome here any time,” Anna’s dad says before he starts cleaning the dishes.

  I nod and walk through the garage door from the kitchen.

  As I get closer to Seth’s Jeep, I want to turn around and run back into the house.

  But I gather strength and open the passenger side door, slowly climbing in. I don’t look at Seth, and we don’t say a word the whole trip to my house.

  The silence in the car is deafening. I move as far as possible to the right side to get away from him.

  We finally arrive at my house after what feels like several hours. I go to open the Jeep’s door, but Seth reaches over and stops me with a hand on my arm. I jump and look down at my hands in my lap. I don’t look at him.

  I hear him let out a long sigh.

  “Look, I don’t know what happened last night. And it’s clear you don’t want to talk about it. I won’t push you by asking questions. I just… I want you to know I’m here if you need to talk. I know we just met, and we don’t really know each other yet. But I can tell you are scared. I won’t hurt you. I can promise you that.”

  He’s trying to comfort me, but all I feel is fear. He’s giving me the invitation to tell him, and I can’t. I can’t bring myself to say the words that have burdened me.

  I lift my head up to see him in the corner of my eye. He’s staring straight ahead, and his hands are gripping the steering wheel.

  “Thank you,” I whisper before I bolt from the Jeep and head for the front door of my house.

  Chapter 12: Past

  July 4th, 2018. The day my whole world turned upside down.

  It was the day of celebration for most. But for me? It became the worst day of my life.

  The day started out like any typical Fourth of July. My parents and I planned to see the fireworks later that night at the lake.

  I was excited to leave the house after weeks of being cooped up inside since school ended.

  Beth was still not talking to me since that day I told her about Joshua. I’d sent her many messages hoping for a response, but she never did.

  After school let out, Joshua seemed to put an end to his stalking of me, and I hadn’t heard from him either.

  I began to relax, feeling glad that life was becoming normal again.

  I spent most of the day with my parents at the lake, enjoying every moment. My mom and I laughed until our sides hurt from dad’s horrible jokes.

  When the fireworks show started, I stood between my parents, and I was happy. For just a second, I forgot about Beth. I forgot about Joshua. I lived in the moment.

  We were on our way home in a quiet car except for the soft music playing on the radio. We were all tired and couldn’t wait to get home.

  I dozed off in the back seat of the car when my phone pinged. I grabbed it, Beth’s name flashing. I couldn’t type in the numbers fast enough to unlock my phone.

  I read the message, and my heart soared with joy. She finally wanted to talk. She wanted to meet at Joshua’s house.

  Now I was wide awake and couldn’t wait to get home.

  We arrived home, and I walked quickly to my room. I hid in there and waited for my parents to go to bed. It was a little after midnight when I finally heard their bedroom door shut.

  Opening my door a crack and sticking my head out to see the light had gone out in their bedroom. I waited thirty more minutes for good measure before leaving.

  As I snuck towards the front door, I prayed the floor beneath my feet wouldn’t squeak. I reached the door and keeping one eye on my parent’s room I quickly snuck out making sure the door didn’t make any loud noise when I shut it. I found my bike leaning against the side of the house and took off down the street.

  I didn’t care how dark it was, or that I was going to the house of the person who had stalked me most of the past year.

  Having Beth back as a friend was the only thing on my mind.

  Chapter 13: Present

  Later that night, as I am getting ready for bed, there is a knock on my door. Before I can answer, my mom walks in.

  “Hey, honey.”

  I know right away my mom is stressed. I always know when because her brows knit together, and tiny wrinkles show up in the middle of her forehead.

  She shuffles towards where I stand near my bed and sits down.

  “Everything okay, Mom?”

  “You tell me. Is everything okay with you?”

  My breath catches in my throat.

  She knows…

  But how can she?

  I clear my throat and hope what I say next doesn’t reveal how nervous I feel, “Uh… what do you mean?”

  My mom looks at me then, and my heart sinks. The look on her face tells me she knows something isn’t right with me.

  “You came home from the sleepover this morning looking pale and distraught. I didn’t want to ask you in front of your father… Paige… I’m worried about you. You are losing weight, and you dyed your hair black. You barely smile anymore, and when you do, it’s forced….” My mom looks down and takes my hands in hers. There are tears in her eyes when she looks back up. “Are you doing drugs? If you are, we can get you help…”

  I feel the breath rush out of me in relief when I realize she doesn’t know.

  “No, Mom. I’m not doing drugs. I promise.”

  “Then what’s wrong?”

  She is giving me a chance to tell her about Joshua and the rape. My heart is breaking as I look at her, but I just can’t tell her.

  “I… I can’t tell you right now. Just give me time. I will tell you one day, but not right now. I promise you; I am fine.” I half-smile at her and kiss her on the cheek.

  “I think you should talk to someone.”

  I shake my head at her and get up from the bed. “I don’t need to talk to anyone.”

  “Paige. Please. You are going through something you won’t tell me about. I have a friend who is a therapist. I met her last year.”

  This gets my attention. “What do you mean? You met a therapist last year?”

  My mom sighs. “I have been seeing a therapist for years. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to be concerned. Being a wife, a Navy wife has been stressful on me, and I just needed someone to talk to.”

  I stare at my mom, speechless. She’s been seeing a therapist, and I didn’t know about it.

  “Are you okay, Mom?”

  My mom gives a small laugh. “Of course, I am.” She stands up from the bed and puts her hands on my shoulders. “Will you do this for me? I understand you can’t talk to me. You seem to be going through something, and clearly, you won’t let me help you. So, will you?”

  I look into my mom’s eyes and see the love and concern she has for me.

  I give in. “Okay. All right. I will go see your therapist, but I’m not promising I will talk to her about anything.”

  My mom blows out some air, and her shoulders seem to slump in relief. She leans in and kisses me on the forehead. “Thank you.” She pulls away and heads for the door. “I’ll make an appointment for you tomorrow and let you know when it is.”

  She shuts the door with one last smile.

  Dread fills my body.

  There is no way I can tell the therapist about Joshua. I couldn’t trust the therapist not to tell my mom. I have to come up with something to get out of talking to the therapist.

  But what?

  The next day Seth and Anna pick me up for school. Anna is her usual cheerful self and talking a mile a minute about the Harry Potter movies. “I can’t wait to finish them! I need to know what happens. When do you think you can come over again, Paige?” She turns in h
er seat to ask me.

  “Since you’re going away this weekend, you can watch the movies without me if you want.” As I say this, Anna’s face falls. I backtrack and say, “We can watch them any time you are ready. Just let me know what day, and I’ll be there.”

  Anna’s face lights up with a smile again before she turns back around. She talks excitedly about making plans to continue the series. I look up just in time to catch Seth eyeing me in the rearview mirror. I blush and look away quickly.

  We pull up to the school and get out of the Jeep and head for the front doors. Seth waves goodbye when we are finally in the school and takes off for his homeroom.

  Anna and I enter the hallway, and once again, the stares bore into me, making me feel uneasy and nervous. I look straight ahead and see Joshua.

  When we get closer, Joshua turns to grin at me, but I ignore him and say goodbye to Anna.

  I stroll by him into the classroom and sit down at my desk.

  The classroom only has a few students in it, and they are all talking between themselves. They don’t see Joshua come to the side of my desk. His right hand grabs the back of my chair, and his left hand clenches the desk. He leans in towards me and smiles.

  If anyone was watching us, they would think we were just talking.

  “Did you forget about me already, my Paige?” He says through clenched teeth.

  I don’t look at him as I take my notebook and pencil out of my backpack.

  Fear courses through me at his words, but I keep my expression void of emotion.

  He leans in and talks through the fake smile plastered on his face. “You looked mighty hot on Saturday at the mall, and so did your friend Anna.”

  I freeze. He was there. I knew I saw him that day. I look up at him, and I can see the blissful joy in his eyes at knowing what his words do to me.

  “I know you saw me there. You felt my presence.” He leans in to whisper in my ear, “You are mine. Never forget that.”

  A clearing of a throat behind us makes Joshua stand up straight.

  “Is this conversation important enough for the whole class to hear?” asks our homeroom teacher, Mrs. Silver.