by Bella Knight
“La Diabla, Little Devil Woman, likes to kill on contact.”
4
Aftershocks
“Real recovery is a long, painful process that always sucks.”
Inola stretched her legs out, and touched the ground in the Downward Dog yoga position, groaning. “Ow, ow, ow,” she said.
“Keep at it,” said Bella. “I’m doing what you’re doing.”
“Um,” said Inola. The yoga instructor moved them into the Cobra position, hands to the floor, back arched up. “Fuck fuck fuck,” said Inola. “Ow.”
“Same here, girlfriend,” said Bella.
They went back to Downward Dog. Then, back to Cobra. The instructor, Numa, brought them back up and had them stand on one foot, hold out an arm, and slowly lift the opposite leg to touch the foot to the hand. Numa put a little chair next to each woman, so they wouldn’t fall.
“Try to balance. Teach your body to balance.”
“Fuck you, Nema,” said Inola. “You’re trying to kill me.”
Numa laughed. “Not even close. Switch legs now.”
“Fuck,” said Bella, huffing, and puffing. “Inola shovels hay and horse shit, and I lift cases of beer all damn night. Why is this so hard?”
“You lift,” Numa said. “Now, stand on one leg, and lift the other knee.” They lifted. “But you don’t balance. Now, put your hands in the prayer position.” They wavered on one leg, and put their palms together. “Now, push out toward me.”
Inola nearly fell over, and had to grab the chair. She got back on one leg, put her palms together, and pushed them out, her arms straight.
“Now, move slowly, twisting your hips, and then back to center. Then the other side, then back to the center. And back…”
By the time they had gone back and forth ten times, they were breathing hard and sweating.
“Trying to kill me,” sang out Inola.
“Now, we do this in the flying position,” said Numa.
“Still trying to kill me,” Inola sang again. They did ten of those, then the upright one, then the flying one.
“Showers,” said Numa.
Inola clung to Bella, and Bella walked them toward the shower. Numa looked out the window, onto the paddock. Jeffrey Bearpaw was out in the yard, walking the new rescued gray and white pony, Chenoa. He was from Utah, and had been playing basketball every day on his res, unable to find a job, until Henry invited him over as a teen res rescue case. Jeffrey was smiling, his long black hair flying behind him in the wind. The best part of this mess, thought Numa, is the coming together of our people.
“Hurry up,” said Numa, to the closed bathroom door. “I need a shower too, and that Bearpaw boy is alone with Chenoa. Don’t think he knows how to handle her yet.”
“Bullshit,” said Inola, over the noise of the shower. “That boy has the touch.”
The noise from the barn expansion rose up, hammers and saws, and the warm smell of sawdust came in through the open window. The fan stuttered, and Numa smiled as she actually saw Jeffrey laugh. The boy had been silent when he arrived. His parents loved him, but he needed training in a job. His mother worked part-time as an online receptionist; the father fixed cars. They were desperately poor. They thought Jeffrey could learn to build a barn addition, and the dorms for the kids. They didn’t foresee his touch with the horses. Delighted, Inola had requested an entire van of kids from the remote res, and they were on their way, their basketball-playing days to be replaced by learning skills on Henry’s farm.
The hair dryer ran. Numa wiped down the yoga mats, rolled them up, and stowed them. She went into Inola’s drawers and came out with underwear, a camisole bra, and jeans. She put them on one of the chairs and put the chair in front of the door to the bathroom. The door opened slowly, and Inola’s scarred hand shot out. She took the clothes and brought them back in.
“Thank you,” she said, her voice muffled by the door and the banging from the far end of the barn.
Bella walked out nude, nearly tripped over the chair, moved the chair out of the way, and laughed. She went to her underwear drawer, put on a bra and underwear, white socks and black jeans and a Poison rock band T-shirt.
“Sorry for all the groaning,” she said. “I thought I was athletic, but it seems I’m not.”
“You will improve,” said Numa.
Bella lowered her voice. “I feel like I’m not. We have sex, but she wears yoga pants and no touching below the waist.” Tears stood out in her eyes. “I don’t want to rush her in any way, but it… it hurts.”
“Keep at it,” said Numa. “It will get better.” The women hugged.
Inola came out of the bathroom. “Get your hands off my woman,” said Inola. “Get your own.”
Numa laughed. “My turn in the bathroom.” She went in to shower.
Inola looked out the window. “He’s doing fine,” Inola yelled through the door. “Kid has the touch.”
“Hmf,” said Numa through the door.
Inola put on a pale-yellow shirt. “Let’s go. I’ve got a barn to check, to see if the kid mucked it out right, and you’ve got to open Dirty Vegas.” She kissed Bella soundly.
“That’s my woman,” said Bella. “Have a great day.”
Inola flipped her off. “Get out of here,” she said.
Bella sniffed, pretending to be miffed, and thundered down the stairs. Inola was slower, but the barn was her most favorite place in the world, holding no fear, even with the people working on the end. They were mostly Paiute, with some Nighthawks. Uncle David had refused all flowers, all cards.
“Come and make the barn larger,” he said. And, they did.
They often ran until midnight and started at six am. She loved the sawdust smell and had a say in the barn design. She had also turned the barracks plan, with rows of bunk beds, into a plan with dorm rooms, and a lot more bathrooms. They were almost finished framing the barn, and the dorm was graded and concrete poured.
They were going to sell land to the tribe to pay for it, but both Henry and Bella received money for information leading to the capture of a cartel member. Talamates had tried to run, but he’d been caught trying to escape to Ecuador. His US operations were closed, his people caught. She should feel something positive about it. He had raised a monster, and sent him out into the world to hurt women like her, and now countries were fighting for his extradition. But, she just didn’t care.
She looked out at the horse, mane flowing in the wind. That, she cared about. She was broken, but she had found a way to pay back the tribe for their care. They didn’t treat her as broken.
“You are a bird with a broken wing,” said David to her one night in the hospital. “You shall fly again. Rest, gain your strength. Feel the wind. Then, fly.”
Bella… now Bella made her cry. All the joy was gone from her eyes. Inola wanted to touch, to be touched. But, she felt like a polluted river. Some of her banks were clean, untouched by frost. But there were others, others that were contaminated by dead things, like blood in the water. She gasped aloud. It had been three weeks, and no blood. She thought Numa would know; the store on the res was hers. So, so. She could tell her. She took a deep breath, and went back up the stairs.
Numa was dressing herself from a gym bag. She turned, and saw the wild look in Inola’s eyes. “What do you need?” she said.
“A pregnancy test.”
Numa sucked in a breath. “They should have given you a morning-after pill. But, it is possible they did not. I will get one and bring it back.”
“Good,” said Inola.
“The best time to use it is the morning,” said Numa. “I will bring it back tonight.”
Inola nodded. Numa walked forward, and held her. “You will survive this, and fly again.”
Inola nodded, broke free of her grasp, and ran back downstairs. She walked horses, curried and combed them, oiled their hooves and checked them for stones, and quietly told Jeffrey how to handle terrified rescue animals.
“People don’t know
how much feed a horse takes, then there’s vet bills, and constant care. They look pretty. So, people leave them where they think they’ll find enough fodder, and they die of starvation, or from heat or cold or disease, or are bitten by snakes, or fall in holes. Wild and tame horses are two different things. We take in as many as we have time and fodder for. Our vet discounts for us; she’s the one who finds some of them, and she knows other vets. We’re not the only ones that rescue them, but we’re building to take on more.”
“She’s beautiful,” said Jeffrey, warming to her gentle voice and touch. “How could anybody hurt her?”
“There’s evil in the world,” said Inola. “Carelessness, stupidity, and just plain wrongness. We have to stand up to it, fight against it.”
“I can do that,” said Jeffrey. He stopped, and half-turned to her. “Can we build a ranch house too, a small one like what your uncle got?”
“We might, wecould,” said Inola. “We’re building apartments like mine over the extension, one above the new tack room and one above the barn itself, next to the loft.”
“Who are they for?”
“Getting bigger means more people,” said Inola.
“Can, can my mom come? She can answer phones, help out. My dad can fix cars. Maybe he can learn to fix tractors, or bikes, or something.”
Inola flashed to Bonnie, taking in street girls and turning them into Harley mechanics. She was only twenty, without Bonnie’s hard-bitten years. But…
“We don’t drink here. None. Too much damn alcoholism on the res. No beers after work, no going out to get drunk with friends. No fighting, no stupid stuff. Everyone here is family and gets treated like it. If they can abide by our rules, yes, they can come.”
She sighed, thinking of what Henry would say, or what he would say when he came out of it. He had gotten pneumonia in the hospital, taking the long route home. He was sunken, looking to have aged fifteen years in three weeks. He’d only talk to David, and only in grunts. Even Ivy and Ace were ignored. They ran the Nighthawks without him.
She thought it over. Bella was a bartender, not a ranch hand. Nina needed the money to be a bar back at Dirty Vegas. Numa had a res shop to run, and she employed res people. She had to stay open.
Inola longed for Henry’s experience, his dry wit, his laughter. She needed help. Even if —when, he came back to her, he still had the school in town. She needed to step up in a big way if this was to work.
“Yeah,” she said. “Send a text. They can ride up if there’s room in the van. It’s a hard life,” she warned. “Long work in the hot sun. And, they may not want to leave their home.”
He whipped out the phone, madly typing. She sighed. “Meet me in the tack room when you’re done. We’ve got to see to the equipment.” He nodded at her like a bobblehead.
Good boy, that one, she thought. She touched her stomach. If she had a little rider, then that was, perhaps, a good thing. Maybe her rounded belly would bring Henry back to her.
The next day, Inola woke early and padded to the bathroom. Bella still slept, a hand up over her eyes. She slept right through the horses nickering for their feed. Inola peed on the stick and went down to feed the horses. Jeffrey often slept in the barn on the hay rather than the main house with Inola, Henry, Bella, and David. She helped him feed them and let them out into the paddock.
The work team was already banging, finishing the framing on the barn and starting on the dorms when Inola went back to the bathroom. The plus sign was clear. Sighing, she drank a cup of water, wiped herself down, and peed again on a second stick. She changed shirts and went into breakfast. David had eggs, bacon, salsa, and cheese rolled into a soft tortilla for her; two of them. She ate and drank, and said little. She went back up the stairs and looked. A second plus sign. She nodded to herself and went down to Jeffrey.
“Repeat yesterday,” she said. “If Bella wakes up and comes looking for me, tell her I went to town.” She put on her helmet and driving gloves, and went to her Harley.
The free clinic in North Las Vegas was crowded. She drank an entire bottle of water, and peed again.
“You’re pregnant,” said the doctor, a woman with hair almost as long as Inola’s, and with tilted eyes.
“I was raped,” said Inola. “Make the exam the quickest you’ve ever done.”
“I can do that,” she said.
Soon, she had Inola out of the stirrups and dressed. Inola dried her tears, and went in to see the doctor.
“Very early stage of pregnancy,” said Doctor Nybaum. “You want an abortion?”
“Let me talk to some people,” she said. “But, I don’t think so.”
She rose, made it to her bike, then rushed back to a garbage can. She was noisily sick. She wiped her mouth, bought cold water at a convenience store, and washed out her mouth.
She called Katya. “Did you get me a scholarship?” she asked.
“Yes,” said Katya. “I left the message on your answering machine. You start online anytime, get rid of ‘baby’ classes. Then, go to the veterinary assistant program, the social work degree, or both.”
“Both,” said Inola. “Can you get me enrolled?”
“Yes,” said Katya. “I do today. I will send you email with your student number and login, yes?”
“Great,” said Inola. “Sounds like a plan.” She paused. “I never said thank you…”
“My daughter, she says talk to the hand.” Inola barked out a laugh. “You are family, no? So. You start school.”
“Tonight. I swear,” said Inola.
Inola took the drive back slowly. She had many things to think upon. But, the child was Paiute, and there were few enough as it was. She parked the bike, took off her helmet. She circled the house, knowing David would put Henry where he could see the red-tailed hawks dive. She found him there, Henry sitting in an Adirondack chair, his dog Bess at his feet. She sat next to him, took his hand.
“Henry,” she said, “Come back to me this instant. You were severely injured. You could do nothing. Now, I am injured, and you must help.”
Tears fell from his eyes. “I did not stop them.” His voice was rusty from disuse. “I heard you screaming. I did not move.”
“Hard to move with a skull fracture, stupid,” said Inola. “You got that fracture trying to protect me.”
“How are you injured now?” asked Henry. “I am a fool. Of course, you are injured. Please forgive a selfish man from running away for a time.”
“You were in the Spirit Lands. Now you are back.” She waved her hand, dismissing his apology. “I have already done what needed to be done. I have sent for help, and our people are here every day. The barn is being expanded for new rescue horses, and now they build dormitories for the children of the reservations. Katya is enrolling me in two schools, animal husbandry, and social work, and I have scholarships. I have Bella and Numa at my side. It will be well. I will be very busy, but well. But, I need you to be the man you have always been, right now, my rock. This will try my spirit.”
He took her hand in his. “You have the strength of ten women. What tries your spirit?”
“We will have a child,” she said.
At that, Henry bowed his head and wept, as hard as he had ever wept before. David brought out a handkerchief and withdrew back into the house. Inola sat, and let the river of his tears wash her banks, wash her deep places, wash her blood and pain away. She kept a hand on his wrist. The dog licked his other hand.
Finally, the tears stopped. “They,” he pushed the words out, through gritted teeth. “They raped you. More than one. Of them.”
“And they are all dead,” she said. “I shot them myself, just as you taught me. Find the quiet place, squeeze the trigger.”
“Good,” said Henry. “Saved me some trouble.” He sighed. “I am as weak as a kitten. I will spend some time getting better.” He tried to stand, but sat down again. “I must see this new barn.”
“New rescue horse, too. Her name is Chenoa. She’s beautiful.”
They sat in the sun awhile. “I have an idea,” Inola said. She rose.
“It —it doesn’t hurt you?” asked Henry, his face a mass of pain.
“The hurt has been washed away, right now,” said Inola. “Stay here. I will be back shortly.” She patted his hand and swung around the house.
David came out, and sat next to his old friend. “You were in the Spirit Lands a great while. But, I knew you would not abandon her.”
Henry choked. “I did abandon her.”
“You had a brain injury,” said David. “That’s what they’re calling it now. But, you are back. And…” His voice was heavy with grief. “A child, born from such sorrow and pain. We must bring light into that child’s life.”
“How can I make it up to her?” asked Henry. “I wasn’t there to protect her. I wasn’t there when she needed me most.”
“None of us were,” said David. “Do you not see that? Even Ivy, the avenging warrior, the one that took her out of that, that pit, was not there in time. She bears those scars, as do we all.”
Henry laid back and sighed. “I could hear her screams. I tried to move. I tried. I kept passing out. I swear, I tried.” He cried again. His friend held him as he sobbed.
He had wiped his face a second time when Inola came around the side of the house riding Arrow, Henry’s favorite mare. She was a chocolate brown horse, her coat shiny with health, and a blaze on her nose. She nickered. Inola passed him a carrot, and he fed the horse. She took it from him delicately and snuffled his hair.
“Come here, old friend,” said Henry.
It took both David and Inola to get him on the horse. Arrow stood patiently, awaiting her rider. Inola led Arrow back around the house. They stopped at the paddock to watch the horses graze, and to see Jeffery work with Chenoa.
“Beautiful horse,” said Henry. “Who is the boy? He is Paiute, I think.”