by Chelle Bliss
I didn’t want to be alone anymore, and I couldn’t waste time with City. My heart ached around Kayden and Sophia, and I envied them, wanted what they had—that great love, the one that you can feel and almost touch, and I wouldn’t settle for anything less. I had to walk away from City and move forward in my life.
Tears formed in my eyes while I thought about having to give him up as we pulled in and I climbed off the bike. I put my helmet on the bike and started to walk away from City. I didn’t want him to see the glistening in my eyes.
“Where you hurrying off to?” Reaching out, he grabbed my wrist, pulling me into his arms.
“Nowhere, I was just going to unlock the door.” I shrugged, keeping my arms down and not melting into his touch.
“You okay, sugar?” he asked, looking at my eyes with a question on his face.
“Yeah. The wind made my eyes water.” I smiled at him.
“Glasses will block the wind. We’ll have to get you a pair.”
Thank God he bought that crock of shit. He wrapped his arms around me, smashing my face in his t-shirt. I inhaled, enjoying the musky scent in the material. I closed my eyes and luxuriated in the smell of him.
“Maybe.” I felt shitty and my heart ached. Why bother buying me glasses? I didn’t plan to spend the rest of my life riding on the back of his bike. Although Sophia and Kayden were opposites, they worked, but City and I didn’t have a future.
“What’s wrong?” he asked, squeezing me tighter.
“Nothing. I’m just tired.” I squeezed him back and relished in the feel of his tight muscles. Don’t say it; don’t look like a girl whose head is filled with fairytales.
“Sugar, that’s bullshit. You’ve never walked away from me or been snippy. Your sparkle’s gone. Spill.”
Don’t do it. He isn’t your knight in shining armor riding in on a white horse.
Shifting my weight, I stared at the ground, trying to avoid his gaze. “Nothing, City. I just need sleep. I swear.” That lie felt easier than I’d thought.
“Look me in the eyes and say that.” He pulled my chin up, forcing me to look into the clear azure eyes that showed sadness. I swallowed hard and steadied my breathing. I knew he could read me like an open book, everyone could, and I had to pull this off. Don’t cry or blink, girl—breathe.
“I’m just tired, really.” I stood on my tiptoes and placed my lips against his. This would be the last time I’d kiss him. I couldn’t spend more time with him without risking my heart. I could fall in love with him easily, but I wouldn’t risk the heartbreak that would follow. “Call me tomorrow?” I said as I backed away.
“You don’t want me to come in, beautiful?” he asked, drawing his brows together and studying my face.
“Not tonight, City. I want to crawl in bed and drift off. If you come in, I know what will happen.” I grinned at him as a sly smile spread across his face. He ran his finger down my cheek, and I wanted to lean in to it—I wanted more. “No, no. Don’t even think about it.” I giggled as he tried pulling me into a kiss. “Down, tiger.”
“Tomorrow then,” he said as he kissed me on the lips.
I instantly felt the loss of his heat as he let go of my body, and I looked at him. He really was beautiful. He looked like every girl’s fantasy with his bike behind him, hard muscles, dreamy eyes, and kindness. I couldn’t let myself fall any deeper for him. Every time my phone rang, my text alert chirped, or I stood in his presence, my heart raced. My heart and body responded to him, but my mind kept saying run. He wasn’t the type that settled down and had a family, and I couldn’t blame him. He was a playboy that led a different life than I did. He was on a different path.
I stood at a fork in the road—travel down the path of heartbreak and further immerse myself in his world, or make a clean break and continue on my journey to my ultimate destination of happiness and the love I couldn’t live without.
“Tomorrow, big boy,” I said with a meek smile, and waved to him before disappearing inside the house without watching him drive away. I threw my keys on the table, walking through the darkened house to my bedroom. My eyes felt heavy, and they burned from the tears that wanted to break free.
The roar of his engine made the walls in my bedroom rattle. I’d never hear that sound again without thinking of him and feeling butterflies in my stomach. He’d altered my thoughts and invaded my mind.
I undressed and put on my favorite comfy pajamas, catching a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. I wanted to turn back the clock to a time when life felt simpler. When I didn’t know the pure animal magnetism and sexual chemistry like I felt with him, but I couldn’t. He ruined me and stole that from me.
My phone vibrated as I turned it in my hand and caught a glimpse of his message.
City: It’s tomorrow—one minute after midnight.
Setting the phone on my nightstand, I stared at the empty bed and thought of how different the night could’ve been.
Me: Night, City. Drive safely.
I crawled under the sheets, loving the crisp material against my skin. I stared at the ceiling and watched the fan whirl, causing a shadow to form against the white background. I couldn’t fall asleep, and turned on the television, praying that the mindless entertainment would help calm my thoughts and help me forget him.
My phone danced across the wooden surface. Don’t pick it up. I couldn’t do it. I wanted to see if I could break free of him—quit cold turkey like a junkie. I had to try to put distance between us. I’d only known him a week, but he invaded my life.
Flipping through the channels, I stopped on a show about a group of bikers. I’d heard about the show but never found interest in it until now. I couldn’t bring myself to turn it off. Every man on the screen reminded me of him. The roar of the engines made my heart flutter and my stomach hurt. Curling on my side, I hugged the pillow as tears poured out, plopping on the material. I wanted to feel the wind in my hair and my arms wrapped around his body, but it could never happen again. My eyes burned as I gave in and drifted off to the sound of roaring engines.
***
I woke to a couple of messages from City wishing me good morning and asking when I could see him again. Leaving my phone on my nightstand, I made a glass of tea and sat on my front step sipping the warm cinnamon liquid. The neighborhood was quiet as a few couples walked down the sidewalks and children played in the front yard down the street. I stared at the sun shimmering off the wet grass and thought about him. I couldn’t sit here all day and think about him. I had to find something to do today to keep my mind off him and move toward my future.
I needed a shower, had to wash his scent off me and start my day. No more wallowing in self-pity and the whirlwind that I’d lived for the last week. I grabbed my phone off the nightstand, but there were no new messages from City. Maybe he got the hint after I didn’t send him a good morning text.
The ringing of my phone made me jump as I waited for the water to warm. I walked to the phone slowly and peeked at the screen—relief flooded me as I saw that it was Derek and not City.
“Hey,” I said, as I stood there naked, staring in the mirror, the fog blurring my reflection.
“Hi, Suzy. What are you doing later?” Derek had a deep voice, but it didn’t have half the effect on me that City’s voice did.
“Not much, just about to jump in the shower. What’s up?”
His sharp intake of air made it evident that he had just pictured me naked. “I wanted to know if you wanted to go to dinner tonight and maybe play some mini-golf. Do you want to go with me?”
“Oh, well…” I gnawed on my thumbnail and debated a date with Derek. He worked on paper, and we ran in the same circles. Our worlds were similar and we could relate to each other. Maybe he was the path that I needed to follow—or at least he’d help keep my mind off City.
“Come on, Suzy. We’ll have fun. What do you say?” His voice was hopeful. Couldn’t blame a guy for being persistent—he’d never taken no for an answer.
“It’s a date. I’ll pick you up at six.”
“See you at six.”
“Great. I can’t wait to see you tonight. Bye for now, Suzy.”
“Bye, Derek.” I heard him celebrating his victory before the line went dead.
I stood in the shower and daydreamed about City before touching myself, relieving the ache between my legs. The orgasm wasn’t as satisfying as I had hoped. It dulled the need I felt for City. I craved the earth-shattering orgasms I felt under his deft fingertips, but I couldn’t let my sexual desire cloud my judgment.
City sent me two more text messages before Derek picked me up for dinner. I ignored the urge to reply and finished my makeup, smacking my red lipstick together before running the brush through my hair one last time. The tight black miniskirt and yellow tank top helped show off my fading tan. Soon the winter cold and weakened sun would cause my skin to return to its almost ghostly shade of white. Grabbing my strappy black stilettos out of the closet, I thought of that last time I’d worn them—the night City rode into my life. I put my favorite Reef sandals in my purse for later, when my feet ached and we played mini-golf.
The chime of the doorbell snapped me out of my memories of the first night in City’s bed. Opening the door, I took in the sight of Derek in a pair of khaki dress pants and crisp white linen shirt, with his toes peeking out from the fabric around his feet. His smile beamed as his eyes roamed my body, taking in my outfit before stopping on my breasts. He licked his lips before he settled on my face with a goofy smile.
“Wow, you look sexy, Suzy.” His nostrils flared as his gaze drifted down my body again.
The way he looked at me made my skin crawl. “Thanks, you look great too.” He did look nice, but not heart-stopping or panty-dropping.
He held out his hand to me. “Ready?”
I placed my fingers against his smooth palm, “Yeah,” I said, although I was anything but.
Derek opened the door to his beat-up Nissan Altima, waiting for me to climb in before he kissed my hand and slammed the door.
I sighed as I watched him walk around the car, a brilliant and victorious smile on his face. “God, this is a horrible idea,” I mumbled to myself as he opened the door and climbed in.
“What did you say?” he asked as he climbed in, closed the door, and looked at me.
“Just saying how hungry I am. Where are we eating?”
He brushed the hair off my shoulder, gliding his fingertips across my skin, lingering longer than felt comfortable. My body involuntarily moved away from his touch. “Sorry,” he said as he turned away and gripped the steering wheel, his knuckles whitening from his firm grasp. “We’re going to Paesano’s for some Italian, if that’s okay with you?”
“Sounds great.”
I stared out the window, watching the trees pass by as Derek chattered about work. I looked forward to my weekends and escaping the stress and my job, but that was all Derek wanted to talk about. I listened to his words and answered when asked a question, but he already bored me. Thankful that the drive to the restaurant wasn’t long, I climbed out of the car as Derek jogged to me and grabbed my arm, hooking them together.
The conversation during dinner was stagnant. We didn’t have much in common besides work. It became evident as he talked about video games. My idea of a great night did not involve playing a mindless game on the television. When the food finally arrived, I found myself thankful for the silence as he shoveled the food in his mouth without care. He ate like a pig, with sauce from his pasta dribbling on his chin and resting at the corners of his mouth. I moved the food around on my plate, trying not to stare.
“You want to go for some drinks after here or you want to go to mini-golf?” he asked with a full mouth, a small piece of pasta falling in his lap.
Why the hell did I think this was a good idea? “Drinks sound great.” I prayed that a few drinks would make him interesting and have the evening end on a high note.
We skipped dessert and headed to Club Karma for drinks. The club had opened a couple months ago, but I hadn’t set foot inside. It had a big-city feel, not like the typical small-town hangouts. The walls were blood red, decorated with black-and-white photos of couples in various sexual positions and states of undress. Colorful lights bounced off the shiny black tile floor as dancers moved their bodies against each other. There were small seating areas with couches filled with couples laughing and touching, and a large bar on the opposite side of the entrance.
“Drink first?” Derek asked. I nodded and looked around as he guided me through the overcrowded space. Derek rested his body against the bar, his arm touching my skin. “You want to dance?” he shouted in my ear above the music.
I shook my head and waited for the bartender to come in our direction. A large mirror hung above the liquor bottles on the wall behind the serving area. Watching people dance with such erotic and methodical moves made me think of City and our dance last weekend. I never felt sexy on the dance floor, but with him I had been able to feel the music instead of thinking of my next move.
I ordered a martini, wanting the alcohol over a virgin daiquiri, needing to forget City and find a way to make Derek more palatable. His arm brushed against my back as he rested his hand on the bar, effectively trapping me. I ignored him, staring into the mirror as the bartender placed my drink on the bar.
I took a sip, testing the sweetness of the raspberry martini. This whole night had been a bad idea. I knew it from the moment I accepted his invitation to dinner. I wouldn’t have said yes to him if I weren’t trying to forget the tall, muscular Italian man.
“Suzy,” Derek whispered in my ear, further invading my personal space.
“What?” I said into the glass still pressed against my lips.
“Drink up, babe, because I can’t wait to get you out there.” Derek bobbed his head like a character in a skit from Saturday Night Live. I could see his reflection in the mirror, and my cheeks felt heated at the thought of someone seeing me with him.
“Uh huh.” I didn’t turn to look at him but kept my eyes on the scene in the mirror, like I was watching a television show. I’d find a way to stall. I couldn’t go on to the dance floor with him. No way in hell would that happen. He didn’t have the ability to make me dance like City had, and his awkward movements would only draw more awareness to us, when all I wanted to do was blend in.
His fingers touched the skin of my arms and hand as I fought every urge to kick him in the balls. He rambled on about his clubbing days in college and how he mastered the dance floor and people would stop to watch him “bust a move.” Almost spitting my drink out, I broke out into laughter, tears forming in my eyes. I could imagine the scene. Derek thought people stopped to admire his ability, when in actuality they were stunned or entertained beyond belief.
“What’s so funny?” His lips were turned into a frown as he moved his head away from mine and stared at me.
“Oh, nothing, Derek. Just something I remembered from college.” God, I had always been a shitty liar, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. The man had confidence, and who was I to kill it?
“Ah, okay. I thought you were laughing at me.” He shrugged before sipping his beer and wiping his lips on his shoulder. “Come on, just one dance,” he begged, and released me from my human cage.
I sloshed the pink liquid in my glass, now half drained, and lifted it to my lips. I owed him at least one dance for his efforts. I swallowed the last mouthful and placed it on the bar. “Just one.”
His eyes lit up as he grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the writhing bodies in the middle of the room. The beat of the music made me unable to feel my pulse, even though I knew it had to be hammering. I wanted to throw up at the thought of anyone watching me make an ass out of myself. Just as we reached the spot that Derek
wanted, dead center, the DJ switched songs. Fuck, why me? A sad, slow melody filled the air as Derek pulled me into an embrace. I’d rather make a complete asshole out of myself with a wicked beat that didn’t require touching.
“Perfect,” he said, wrapping his arms around me, his hands resting a little too close to my ass.
Placing my hands on his shoulders, I tried to keep some distance between us, but Derek didn’t get the hint. His body felt nothing like City’s; there was no hardness to it. Derek’s hands roamed my back as he swayed our bodies side to side to the music, and I gave in, letting him control our movement. He didn’t speak as he moved us back and forth to the beat. Time passed slowly, and I felt like I had been wrapped in his arms for hours with no escape.
When the song ended, Derek broke the embrace and backed up to look at me. He gave me a silly grin, “Thank you.”
“For what?” I yelled as the music began to thump through the speakers.
“The dance, Suzy. I loved having you in my arms,” he said, as he reached for my hand and kissed the top.
“You’re a sweet guy, Derek.” I blushed. He wasn’t a bad guy—he just wasn’t City.
“Another drink?”
“If I didn’t know any better, Derek, I’d think you’re trying to get me drunk.”
He smiled, his face turning pink as he pushed on my back and led me off the dance floor. “Can’t blame a guy for trying.”
We passed a set of couches, and something drew my attention. There before me was a woman in a skintight, barely there dress with red stiletto heels and long brown hair. The woman didn’t draw my attention, but the man whose lap she sat on was City. He didn’t notice me as he talked to her, giving her his total attention. His hand rested on her ass as she nibbled on his lips. I wanted to throw up. He didn’t seem to have a problem forgetting me.
Bile rose in my throat at the sight of the two of them together. I’d spent the entire day trying to forget him without success, but he had moved on to someone else. “I’ll take you up on that offer, Derek.” No longer able to watch City with another woman, I walked to the bar with Derek right behind me. Derek only had eyes for me tonight, and the smile on his face made it clear that I had made him happy with my response.