“Thank you for that.” With a final kiss, she stands and finishes off the scotch in the glass she’s holding. “Let’s go inside.” She grabs my hand and leads me back inside, walking backward, so her sexy smile is still in my view.
Ainsley takes a seat on the floor in front of the fireplace and nods toward the guitar I have next to it. “Sing me a song no one else has heard,” she requests.
I grab my guitar and tap on the wood, considering which song to play. “That not even my manager has heard?” I ask.
“Yup. One only you know about.” She leans back on her hands with her legs crossed, patient while I choose a song.
Strumming the chords on the guitar, the house becomes quiet as I play a song I wrote years ago when I was in high school.
I’ve never felt as free
As when I’m with you
Underneath that oak tree
We claimed as ours,
Where we carved our love,
Made it immortal
Under the eyes of God and nature
Loving you is easy,
Your name on my lips,
Don’t you see, you’re perfect for me
I see you now with the same eyes
Though you’re no longer mine,
The past is my present
While I keep your love alive,
You may no longer be mine,
But it’s easy to forget
When I visit our oak tree
Where we carved our love
Loving you is easy,
Your name on my lips,
Don’t you see, you’re perfect for me,
Loving you is all I’ll ever do
Until I’m buried beneath our oak tree
I finish off the final verse, eyes looking down at my hands as they play the last bit of the song. I hadn’t played in months, swearing it would be a long time before I picked up my guitar again.
One request from Ainsley and I can’t deny her this. It felt good, too. Playing something I wrote a long time ago, albeit not my best creation, was fun.
“That was really good,” Ainsley smiles with pride, “and kinda sad. How come you’ve never shared that song?” She stretches her legs in front of her, massaging her knees.
“I wrote it when I was in high school. It’s not up to par with professional standards,” I explain.
“I doubt that. It’s a really good song, and I’d jam to it if it came on my radio.” I chuckle. “It’s true,” she exclaims. “Maybe not jam because again, unrequited love and all, but I’d sing along.”
“Thanks.” I take in her body, sweeping my gaze up her legs, pausing at her breasts before landing on her face. She watches me as I observe her, giving me this opportunity. “You’re beautiful,” I tell her.
“Thank you,” she whispers.
I place the guitar on the floor next to me and grab her ankles, pulling her to me. Her screech fills my living room, and makes me laugh. Ainsley’s hands hold my shoulders to steady herself as she tumbles over to me. I grab hold of her face and kiss her. I hold nothing back as I run my tongue over the seam of her lips, begging her to open for me. Tongues dancing, lips meshed together, and hands roaming, I cup her ass and lift her body enough to position her over me.
My hands tangle in her loose hair and tugging to angle her head so I can deepen the kiss. I swallow up her moans, wanting to hear more of her sounds. I move my hands down slowly, feeling the sides of her breasts and brushing my thumbs over her nipples through her sweater. Her body pushes into me when I do, encouraging me.
I move my lips from hers and kiss down her jaw and neck, finding that spot behind her ear and testing how crazy it makes her. Ainsley squirms when I suck, and my dick grows in my jeans.
I cup her breasts, keeping her top as a barrier, and she arches into my hands as her lips seek mine. Her kiss is desperate and controlled at the same time, knowing exactly what she’s doing. Her nails scratch the back of my neck, and she bites my lower lip, causing me to growl. That’s fucking hot.
Ainsley gives me one more kiss and moves her head back enough to stare at my eyes. Her chest rises and falls in quick sprints, my hands still cupping her breasts. I give her a playful squeeze and move them down until they land on her hips. Her eyes travel down our bodies to where her body sits on mine and our legs tangle. When her eyes sweep back to mine, she gives me the sexiest smirk I’ve ever seen and groan.
“You’re killing me,” I say, then shake my head. “Actually, scratch that, you’re giving me life again.”
Her chest swells as she sucks in a breath and slowly lets it go. She cups my face and rubs her thumb across my cheek. Part of me wants to look away from her probing eyes, but I know with her I can show who I really am without judgment.
Her gentle caress continues as her fingers lightly brush my lips, and I shiver. She moves to my eyebrows, tracing their shape before circling my face and coming back to my lips.
“I could kiss you for hours.” She pecks my lips. “I want to do a lot more than kissing,” she confesses with another kiss. “But what I like most is talking to you, being in your presence.” I close my eyes to still my racing heart and feel her lips touch my forehead.
Only one other woman has ever treated me like this, and the guilt for thinking about her in this moment swallows me. I shake my head and expel a breath. If I want to move forward with Ainsley, I need to be honest with her.
“I think I should tell you why I got divorced.”
Ainsley looks down at me, her expression serious as she nods and moves off me, sitting across from me. I run a hand through my hair as I collect my thoughts.
“Before I say anything, I need to ask that what I tell you stays between us, please. This can’t come out.” I shake my head with a pained expression.
“I promise.” She gives me a small smile and grabs hold of my hand.
“Thanks.” This will probably change her idea of me, and I rather get this over with now before what I feel for her becomes more serious.
“Before I became a well-known artist, I was dating a woman. We were together for two years, and she supported me in every step of my rise to stardom, if we must call it that. We never made our relationship public, especially when I gained popularity, so we wouldn’t get thrown into the drama of it all. I wanted to protect her.” I blow out air and comb back my hair.
“Anyway, when RWB Records heard my demo and called me, I was excited as hell. Harris, my manager, worked with them, read over the contract, negotiated on my behalf. He got me the best deal for an emerging artist with no real following. I had no right to be picky, and the offer looked amazing when I had no other deal thrown my way after years of trying and RWB Records being one of the most coveted labels.
“Anyway, after talking it through with Harris, we both decided it was in my best interest to sign with them. It didn’t take long for people to learn who I was and my fanbase to grow. Reese and I kept our relationship hidden, but we had no doubt we wanted to be together. I loved her with everything I had.” It’s hard to share this with another woman, but Ainsley needs to know. She listens on, giving nothing away as I speak.
“One day, my publicist called me in for a meeting, telling me about a pop star and how she was a breakout artist at the time. I didn’t understand why she was telling me that until she finished talking and it all clicked. RWB Records is connected to Amelia’s label, sister companies let’s call it. They were working on merging pop and country music, wanting to become a powerhouse. Our publicists set Amelia and me up. I had no choice but to marry her. The label owned everything about my image when I signed my rights to them a few months prior.
“All I wanted was to be with Reese, and at that moment, I realized how dirty this career was and that I was nothing more than a puppet to them. A money maker. When I told Reese the situation, she broke up with me. She wouldn’t be the other woman, and I couldn’t get her to understand she wouldn’t be. In her eyes, I was going to be a married man, and those vows meant as much
to her if they were real or for show.” I rub my fingers over my forehead.
“I sold my soul to the devil without realizing it, and I was stuck performing songs I hated, playing up an image that wasn’t me, and married to a woman I never loved. The worst part is that I broke the heart of the one woman I loved and my own heart in the process. I lost myself, lost the passion and respect I had for the industry, and slowly began hating everything about myself and my life. Four years was too long to play this game I’d never win, and I decided to take my life back into my own hands. This is where I am now.” I shrug, searching Ainsley’s eyes for some kind of clue as to what she’s thinking.
“So that’s why you saw Reese recently,” she states instead of questions, knowing damn well what the answer is.
I nod. “I went to tell her I was getting a divorce as if that would change what I did, make me a hero, but I needed to tell her.”
“You still love her,” she states with a sad smile.
“She was the first woman I ever loved and truly wanted to build a life with. Our end was unconventional, so I felt like I never got closure. I won’t lie and say I don’t care for her anymore, but when I saw her last, I received the closure we both needed. She’s with someone now. She’s happy, which was all I ever wanted for her. Yes, she’s the reason I wanted to take my life back because I knew what it felt like to have it all and wanted that again.” I reach for Ainsley’s hands.
“I think a part of me will always feel guilty for what I did. I never thought of myself as a heartbreaker, and I became that years ago. It made me hate myself.” I’ve never told anyone exactly how I felt and continue to feel. I never expressed the extent of my disappointment and sadness.
“Maybe we should take a step back, so you could have time to figure out exactly what you want,” her suggestion is a punch to my core.
I shake my head. “If I wasn’t ready, I wouldn’t have asked you out.”
“I understand and believe that, but I don’t want to get in the way of anything.”
“You’re not. That’s just it. I left Nashville, left the music scene, angry and resentful because it took everything I cared about away from me. It took away the one thing I’ve always wanted, which was a happy life. It turned success into something dirty. I got here, feeling sorry for myself, giving Axel a hard time to get me out of this house. Then, I met you, and something about you made me smile again. You reminded me of everything I lost, and at first, I was angrier at myself, but then it’s as if I started to remember what it felt like to be happy.” I want her to understand that seeing her, whether at Clarke’s, the grocery store, or a planned date, makes me see things differently.
“I won’t come second.” She shakes her head. “After what my ex-boyfriend did, I want to make sure the next man I end up with is fully present for me.”
“I won’t make that mistake again. Let me show you.” I lace our fingers together.
“I really like you, Knox, and I knew that your life was complicated. Because of that, I think it’s important that you find happiness again, but not because of me. I can’t be responsible for making you happy, but if you need someone, I’m here. Promise.” She leans forward, and her lips ghost over mine.
I hug her to me and murmur against her hair. “I like you too, Hard_Ains, and I’m going to prove to you that I mean it when I say you’re the woman I want in my life.” Her arms wrap around my middle and squeeze tightly.
I may always hold Reese somewhere in my heart, but I know we’ll never have a future. I want her to be happy, even if it’s without me. I’m still working through those emotions, mostly on the anger of my reality, but Ainsley has dawned new light on my life, brightening it so I could see in the dark. I’m going to fight for her, something I never did for Reese.
“I guess I should take you home.” I lean back and look into her blue eyes.
“Yeah,” she nods, biting her lip.
“I meant what I said. I still feel guilty for my past, but I’ve learned from it. I know when I’ve found a woman worth fighting for, and I’m gonna fight for your trust,” I assure her.
Ainsley’s eyes crinkle as she smiles. “I hope so,” she whispers.
When I drop Ainsley off at home, I make a promise to myself to figure out what I want to do with my life, work through my stuff, so I can have a life I’m proud of. Reese is my past, my lessons, and I finally believe I can have a future.
Ainsley
I dry the glass in my hand with a towel as I stare at the wood grain pattern on the countertop. For the last two days, I’ve been distracted thinking about Knox. I was so close, and then reality dumped a bucket of ice water over my head. I knew his life was complicated, but I wasn’t expecting all of that.
“Hey.”
I jump when I hear the greeting and look up, hand still inside the glass. I find the eyes of the person I was thinking about, smiling.
“I didn’t mean to scare you,” Knox says as he settles on a stool in front of me, chuckling lightly.
“I spaced out. How are you?” I set the glass down and drop the towel on the shelf beneath the bar top.
“Good, thought I’d come see my favorite bartender,” he winks.
I smile, shaking my head. When he told me everything he went through, my heart broke for him. I can’t imagine being in a position where I have no control over my destiny. It broke further when I realized he still wasn’t over his first love, and a girl can’t compete with that.
“Well, here I am,” I open my arms. “Whiskey?” I tilt my head.
“Actually, I’ll take a beer today.” I nod and grab a bottle of Sam Adams, popping the cap and placing it in front of him along with a glass.
I thought he’d come by yesterday, but I told him he needed to take his time to figure out what he feels and where he wants his life to go, so I don’t know why I expected him to run to Clarke’s the day after our date with the way it ended. I can’t be responsible for anyone’s happiness, no one can, so when I told him he had to find that joy himself, I meant it. It hurt to make that choice, but ultimately, it’s for the best.
The truth is, I like him a lot and knowing he has feelings for someone else hurts, even if he says I’m the person he wants in his life.
“How are you?” he asks with a serious tone.
“I’m good.” I nod. It’s not a lie, I tell myself. I’d say I’m more confused, knowing he likes me but feeling as if he hasn’t fully gotten closure with his past and unsure of how you get that type of closure. Will he always wonder, what if?
“Can I get a beer?” I look to the left where a man is waving me down. I nod, making my way to him so I can take his order. More and more people trickle in, hiding from the cold, and my slow shift suddenly becomes hectic. Thankful for the crowd, I get to work, enjoying a job I never thought I’d be good at but was always curious about. Some people bartend while in college. I never did like doing what others did, so bartending can be my post-career job.
Throughout the night, I sneak glances at Knox, who says hi to some of the locals that approach him. He looks relaxed, so handsome too, especially when he combs back his wavy hair and smiles genuinely. That kind of smile brightens up his face, adding a twinkle in his dark eyes.
“You’re staring,” someone whispers in my ear and I startle. What is it with people sneaking up on me today?
I look up to find Axel laughing. “Asshole,” I mutter. “And no, I wasn’t,” I play it off with a shrug, looking in another direction.
“Yeah, right,” he continues to chuckle.
“Whatever.” I roll my eyes.
“He likes you,” Axel confides, but I shake my head.
“He’s still in love with Reese.”
With furrowed brows, Axel looks at me and then at his brother a few seats down. “He told you that?”
“Not exactly, but he told me what happened between them and with Amelia,” I whisper. “It’s obvious he isn’t over her,” I confide in him.
“Give him time. Th
ese last few years have been hard on him, with not being able to really say what happened and living a life that wasn’t real, but he’s moving on.” I’m grateful for Axel’s attempt to make things seem better, but a few words of encouragement won’t magically heal the heart.
“Thanks. You want a beer?”
“Yeah, I’m gonna go sit over there.” He taps the counter before making his way to Knox.
I take a moment to look at them and observe their relationship. I’m an only child, but I’m sure having a sibling you can count on is amazing. Fortunately, I have a family I can count on, even if we’re states apart.
“What are you doing for Thanksgiving?” Axel asks when I serve his beer.
“I don’t know, rest,” I shrug. “And spend the day eating homemade pumpkin pie.” I rub my belly, causing the Bentley brothers to laugh.
“No way,” Axel says, looking at his brother as they communicate with their eyes. “Thanksgiving should be spent with family, and I know yours is away, so you’re coming over to celebrate with us,” he finishes off.
“What? No, no.” I shake my head, waving a hand in front of them.
“Yes,” Knox speaks up with authority.
“I appreciate it, but it’s just another day, and I’m looking forward to relaxing at home.” I play it off. I won’t interrupt their family dinner by inviting the new girl in town.
“Ainsley, don’t be stubborn. We’ll be more than happy to have you,” Knox smiles.
I cross my arms and narrow my eyes. “I’m not being stubborn.”
Knox leans forward and whispers, “You are, and you look cute as hell when you are.”
I widen my eyes and lock my jaw while Axel laughs. He slaps a hand on Knox’s shoulder, shaking his head while others look his way to see what’s causing a ruckus.
I look away, not wanting people to put two and two together, and head to the person flagging me down with a ten-dollar bill in their hand.
It doesn’t take long for Knox to call me over again, ordering another beer and making sure I understand how serious he is. “Thanksgiving isn’t meant to be spent alone. We have more than enough space for you and would be honored if you came. Bring your homemade pumpkin pie, if it makes you feel better. Hell, bring two if you want to eat one all by yourself, but you’re coming to spend it with us.”
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