by Fox, Logan
“You’ve never told anyone this, have you?”
My stomach flips over. I shake my head, not trusting my voice right then.
“Then tell me. I can take it, whatever it is. Tell me, and forget about it. I’ll keep it for you.”
I frown at him. Keep it? What the hell—?
He grabs my hand and puts it on his heart. Just like when I shoved him away from Addy the other day.
His heart pounds like a racehorse’s.
“Feel that? It’s going strong. And it can still take a fuck load more.”
I tense my fingers, burrowing my nails into his flesh through his cotton shirt. His lips part, and his breath washes over me as he lets out a sigh.
“They — he — tied her up.” My heart starts pounding harder, faster. Blood roars in my ears.
Briar’s eyes light up, but not for the story. I’m confiding in him, and for some reason he’s eating it up. I can’t think about what this means, not right now.
I’ve reached the top of this fucking roller coaster, and there’s nothing left to do but close my eyes, hold tight, and hope I don’t fucking die.
Chapter Twenty-One
Briar
Indi’s story comes out slowly, reluctantly. But then it builds speed. I’m swept along like a leaf down a river running heavy with snowmelt.
I want her to stop.
I want her to keep going.
I want to hear everything.
And then I want to forget I heard anything at all.
Because I can do that for her. I can take away her pain, her suffering, her nightmares.
Christ, how can she not have fucking nightmares?
Her eyes glow, but this time her anger, her hate, it isn’t directed at me. But it’s just as fucking beautiful as if it was.
“I went out that night. The night he killed her.” Her voice grows thick before she clears her throat. “Random house party, wasn’t even anything special.”
Indi blinks, but the movement is frozen in time. I can’t look away from her eyes, but at the same time I feel drawn to watch her lips as she speaks. Could be because she’s barely more than whispering.
I understand. A secret this dark, this depraved — no one should ever have to hear it.
I lean in until her face is a blur. Until every word touches my mouth in a flurry of her breath.
“Got drunk. Got easy. But then I had to go home. Always gotta go home, right?”
I tighten my grip around the back of her neck. I want to cut in, to tell her home isn’t the end-all and the be-all of this fucking life. Take it from someone whose home is nothing but an empty shell. Or from a guy like Marcus, where home is a rusty bear trap just waiting to slam shut.
Not unless that home is with me.
“I thought the cab driver took me to the wrong address.” A soft laugh puffs against my lips, and I lick them on instinct. I lean back a little, cradling her face in my hands. Not wanting her to stop, already feeling her sense of relief as these words spill out of the dank, dark hole she shoved them in.
“It was all black, my house. And still smoking. Hardly anything left of the place.” She shakes her head, and I tighten my grip until she stops. Her eyes fix on me, draw at me until I want to kiss her. Instead, I smooth away a chunk of hair from her forehead.
“I got a bit mental when I figured out what had happened. When it all sunk in. They gave me a really strong sedative. It was better then. Everything wasn’t so loud anymore, so bright, so fucking real. But I still knew what was going on. Guess the other people didn’t know that. The cops and shit.”
Her eyes drop, but I tilt her head back until she looks at me again.
“I overheard two of them talking. If I hadn’t been so fucked up, I’d have covered my ears, walked away…something.” She shakes her head. “But I just sat there. Listening to every fucking word.
“They said he’d…he’d had to have done this kind of thing before, because it didn’t look amateurish. The ropes, the knots he used. How rough…how rough he’d been when he’d raped her.”
My heart feels like it wants to fucking implode under the weight of Indi’s words. But I swore to her I’d listen, that I’d take this burden from her. I have broad shoulders and a big heart. She’s a tiny thing. No one like her can withstand this kind of shit. I can. I’ve done it before, I can do it again.
“He stabbed her with one of our kitchen knives. Not just once, but over and over and over again. And then he strangled her with his belt.”
She should be sobbing again, but it’s as if there’s nothing left.
“He left her tied up. Wrists and ankles, face down on the bed. There was still…he’d used a soda bottle to, to—” Indi shakes her head hard, signaling the end of the morbid recitation.
I crush her against me, inhaling her scent. She’s stiff at first, but then she relaxes. I can feel her heart pounding against my chest, just as I’m sure she can feel mine.
But slowly, ever so fucking slowly, her heartbeat grows softer, steadier. I like to think I tame it. That, as an animal, only I could know how. But if that were true, then I’d have learned to tame mine a long time ago. And I haven’t. If anything, it just starts beating harder the longer I have her against me.
Because I still want her. Right here, right now, despite everything I’ve just heard. Perhaps because of everything I’ve just heard. I want to drown her sorrow with ecstasy.
But it’s not right. It’s not decent.
And it may never be. And I’d have to be okay with that.
I never knew she was this broken. But now all I want to do is force that darkness from her mind.
But how can I, when all I have to offer is more darkness? More depravity? More violence?
Dark doesn’t consume dark. It festers and grows and expounds.
The last thing Indigo Virgo needs in her life right now is a sick fuck like me.
* * *
Indi
I finally understand what he meant by letting him ‘keep it’. He’s eaten out my pain like a bad cancer, leaving me disease free.
For now, anyway.
But what about him? How can he take on such brutality without succumbing to it in some way?
Then again, I know nothing about Briar. He said he can handle anything…and maybe he can. Maybe he’s been eating his own pain for so long, it doesn’t taste spoiled anymore. Maybe he even enjoys it. Like it’s an acquired taste that makes normal people retch, but makes his mouth water.
I’m fully aware of how hard he is for me. And for some disgusting reason I can’t fathom, I’m wet for him too. But instead of putting his hands on me, he moves back and pushes me away. Separating us.
We’d be hot as fuck together.
The same can be said of wood and a butane fucking torch.
I’ve stopped trying to out-think Briar — it’s too exhausting. But I expected him to say something. Anything.
Not, ‘sorry.’
Not, ‘it’s gonna be okay’.
Neither of us are that fucking naive.
But he’s silent. Distant. Cold, even. He stands, watches me for a moment until I do too, and then slips a hand in his pocket. He takes out my switchblade, hands it to me, and then leads us out of the woods.
As soon as I see where the sun’s sitting, my stomach drops an inch.
It’s past lunchtime already. How the hell could we have been gone for so long?
We walk back to the stables, silent and more than a yard apart. Briar’s head is constantly turning — looking for our horses, I guess. But when we get to the stables and Mr. Denard and Ms. Parsons step out of the shadowy depths of that big barn…well, I kinda get a premonition about why we didn’t find our valiant steeds.
* * *
“So where were you?” Addy whispers.
I’m toying with the corner of my notebook, flipping the pages over my thumb as our teacher drones on in the background.
“Horse riding.”
“And what, you lost track of time?”
There’s a detention slip burning a fucking hole in my left breast pocket. Briar has one just like it.
Apparently, extending your free period to an over two-hour-long leisure ride in Lavish Prep’s foothills is frowned upon. As are boys and girls disappearing off the grounds together.
Ms. Parson’s got as much of a dressing down as we did for pairing us up. Denard had her pegged as some kind of pedophilic matchmaker, and I’ve never felt as sorry for her in that moment as I did right then while Denard’s forehead grew pulsing veins.
Even Briar’s rapport with the French teacher did nothing to reduce our sentence. We each got a week, and Denard’s sincere vow that our parents would be notified about our lack of attendance before the day was out.
I almost laughed at that, and I caught a glimmer of something that might have been amusement in Briar’s eyes. If anyone can communicate with the fucking dead, it’s Mr. Denard.
“So…was he a good fuck?”
My eyes snap over to Addy. Her nose is up in the air, her jaw bunched like she’s gritting her teeth.
“The fuck, Addy?” I whisper furiously. “Nothing happened.”
“Mmm,” she says.
“Addy.”
But she ignores me, now and for the rest of the fucking class. Even my texts go unanswered, and I give up with a growl of irritation that makes our teacher glare at me.
As soon as class is over, Addy’s out the door. I’m only a step behind her, but fuck she’s got long legs.
“Addy. Addy, come on! Just—” I break off with a frustrated curse and put all my effort into catching up with her.
She’s waiting for me around the corner, wearing a mask of such cool indifference it’s like she transformed into a robot on the way over here.
“Thanks,” I say, trying to talk and haul in a breath at the same time. I really gotta take a look at getting my fitness levels up. I mean, fuck, racing after Addy, running away from Briar? Then again, if shit keeps on like this, I think I’ll be ready for the Olympics come Christmas.
“Thanks for what?” Addy prompts, crossing her arms over her chest.
“For listening.”
She shifts, and glances away. “You haven’t told me anything yet.”
“Not for lack of trying.”
Her brown eyes settle on me, but they flit away an instant later like nervous butterflies. I sling my arm through hers and start walking. I have one more period before home time. If I don’t iron this out with Addy, who’s to say she’ll even listen to me tomorrow? She obviously thinks I broke her trust by sleeping with Briar. I can only hope she’ll listen to reason.
“We didn’t…there wasn’t any sex.”
She rolls her eyes at me.
“We just…spoke.”
With that, Addy spins to face me. “About?” Her eyes are wide with expectation.
I look away before I can look at her again. “Not that. Not yet.”
My skin starts crawling. As much as I thought this whole amateur sleuth thing would be a blast, I don’t think I’m cut out for it. I keep feeling eyes on me, and it doesn’t matter where I look, I can’t spot who’s watching me.
Paranoia. Just some standard high-school geek paranoia, Indi. It’ll pass, most likely when you’re twenty-five and high school is nothing more than a bunch of vague and slightly disturbing memories.
“I shared stuff with him,” I say.
“Like herpes?”
I close my eyes as a laugh bubbles out of my mouth. When Addy glares at me, I shrug. “I know you don’t like this, Addy, but it’s working. I think he’s opening up to me.”
She shakes her head, but more like she can’t believe how stubborn I am. Stand back, Addison Green — you ain’t seen nothing yet. “Next you’ll be telling me you’re pranking him back, just for fun.” Her words are heavy with sarcasm, but I let out a little squeal of joy and hug her arm.
“That’s a fantastic idea!”
“No, it wasn’t—” Addy cuts off with a sigh and another shake of her head. “You’re fucking nuts, you know that, right?”
“Guess that’s why we’re friends.” I stare at her until she gets what I’m saying and her imperious expression finally cracks into something resembling a smile.
“Fuck you, Indi.”
“Thanks, but I don’t swing that way.”
Addy jerks her arm out of mine with an exasperated sigh and then brushes off her clothes. She stabs a manicured nail in my direction, frowning. “I’m not gonna keep reminding you how dangerous he is. You promise me you’ll be careful.”
I nod, and grin.
Well, I try to grin.
Of course I know how dangerous he is. He’s a savage wolf, and I’m a baby lamb parading around him without any wool on, going on and on about how tender my flesh is.
I feel like a traitor thinking this, but out here in the glaring fluorescents of Lavish Prep’s hallways, all that sentimental shit that happened back there feels more like the memory of an acid trip than real life.
Addy’s right — I keep forgetting that Briar gets off on pain. But if I’m fast enough, nimble enough, I can get what I want out of him before his teeth can break skin.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Briar
I can’t concentrate on a single word Kruger is saying, but I don’t need to. I’ve read the whole textbook already, and memorized most of it. I only bother paying attention when Kruger goes into detail on something, and that happens rarely. I’m not a fan of Business Studies, but I prefer learning at my own pace. That is, a month or two, not twelve.
If this were psychology, of course, I’d be paying attention. As much as I loathe Veroza, he drops nuggets of his time as a practicing psychiatrist all the time. I think it’s technically unethical, but he can never remember his patients’s names, so I guess it’s cool.
I can’t wait until I get real world experience in that field. I’m keeping my options open, but I decided a long time ago that I want to work with people. I’ll probably intern as a social worker for a while to build up my experience, and then move onto something else. I’m easily bored, so I can’t imagine myself settling down long enough to open a practice or anything like that.
With my trust fund maturing on my twenty-first birthday, I don’t have to do anything. But that would be boring as fuck. What’s the point of traveling around the world and merely existing for the sake of being alive, when there’s no one to do it with you?
A yawn cracks my jaw. I stretch into it, rocking back on my chair until it creaks. The gesture makes the note in my pocket crumple.
I snort softly to myself.
Detention.
I don’t think I’ve ever had detention. Why the fuck Denard thought my abscondence was bad enough to punish me, I can’t begin to—
My chair legs thump back onto the carpet, jarring me.
Addison.
The bitch.
No one else would have bothered to report me. But she’s got a fucking stick up her ass of late. Probably thought I was out there raping her friend. Explains why Denard was being such a cunt to Parsons. Ms. Parsons is a wallflower, but I’ve seen her standing her ground before. She obviously knew she was in the wrong, because she gobbled up Denard’s bullshit with a spoon and asked for a goddamn second helping.
I thump my fist down on the desk before I can control myself.
Kruger stops talking, and stares at me for a long moment.
Don’t come over. Don’t come over. Don’t—
My mental plea works — Kruger gives the class a haughty once over before carrying on with his lecture.
I haven’t eaten yet. Should let Marcus know we’re stopping for food somewhere before heading home.
I pull out my phone, but before I can open my messenger app, a new notification comes through.
Told you t
o stay away.
I’m torn between anger and disbelief. She rats me out to the teachers, and then she still has the audacity to fuck with me?
I can’t even remember how many times I told Jess that Addy wasn’t good for her. The jealous cunt always had something catty to say to me behind Jessica’s back. I didn’t mention it at first, but when Addy started getting personal — asking if I’d fucked her friend yet, or if I was stringing her along for another month — I lost my cool. I had a long talk with Jessica and laid it all out.
Jess chose Addy’s side, of course. They’d been BFF fucking pinkie friends and shit since kindergarten.
I couldn’t get it into Jessica’s head that people change. Sometimes, for the worst. No one likes to think that. We’re all real fucking precious about everyone that’s been in our lives for longer than a year or two, but it’s the goddamn truth.
People lie.
People change.
But when it’s a friend, we’re blindsided.
Think I’m bluffing? Let me show you…
I’d been so caught up in my thoughts, I hadn’t even typed out a reply. I sit back, inhaling a heavy breath as I wait.
Yeah, show me what you got, Addy. This oughta be fucking good. Wish I’d got me some popcorn.
A download icon appears.
I glance up, making sure no one’s paying me any attention.
What the fuck is it? Lavish Prep’s wi-fi is fucking fast — if it weren’t, the students would have rioted years ago — so I can’t understand the delay.
But when the file finally loads, it all makes sense.
My screen goes black. I narrow my eyes. A video? My finger instinctively moves to the volume button, but I’m too slow. Before I can silence my phone, Marcus’s voice rings out loud and true.
“She’s so fucking trashed, bro.”
My skin goes ice-cold. My phone’s already back in my pocket before I lift my head, but that doesn’t help.
Kruger tilts his head at me and beckons.
I swallow hard.