I decide to go to Marsha’s directly instead of calling her. I need to be face-to-face when I explain that I’m going to help her whether she wants me to or not.
When I pull up to her apartment building, the tricked-out Trans Am I’ve seen here before is sitting in the front lot, some sort of cowboy rap blasting out of the speakers. I’m a musician, I like all kinds of music, but whatever that is must be the worst crap ever recorded in pop music history.
As Chet and I approach the staircase to Marsha’s floor I get a look at the guy leaning under the Trans Am’s hood. My feet stop when I see Carson digging around in the engine.
“Hey!” I yell to be heard over the blasting auditory insult.
Carson hears me and looks up, an oily smile slowly oozing across his face. He holds up his index finger and then walks to the driver’s side of the car to lower the volume. He rests his arms on the roof of the car and looks at me.
“Can I help you?”
“I thought I made it clear that you need to stay away from Marsha and Sean?”
He chuckles. “Well, I can’t do much about it when I live downstairs.”
What the fuck? “You live here?” I ask, incredulous.
“Sure do. Guess your little piece of ass isn’t as upfront with you about everything as you might think. Kind of like how she didn’t tell you about getting rid of your kid, right?”
I’m not a fighter. Big surprise, right? I haven’t thrown a punch since the third grade, and my tussle with Carson last night is the closest I’ve come since then. Mike’s been known to brawl, and as big as he is, he wins too. Walsh has even gotten into a few bar fights here and there when he was still drinking. Joss and I don’t fight. Him because he’s too superior to bother. Me because—well—I’m a pacifist. I really don’t believe in violence, but right now I wish I had Mike here to sic him on this asshole.
As if he’s read my mind, Chet starts to growl. The fur on his neck stands up and he bares his teeth. Carson looks across the roof of the car, his discomfort rising.
“I don’t think Chet here likes the way you’re talking about my girlfriend.”
“Maybe you need to put that monster on a leash,” Carson mutters, his face turning red as Chet gets a few steps closer to the car.
“And maybe you should look for a new place to live. Chet, heel,” I tell him.
I actually have no idea if he’ll obey me or if he’ll decide to take a chunk out of Carson, and I’m good with it either way. But the bluff seems to work, and the dog follows me up the stairs, his eyes on Carson the whole time. Carson stays put on the far side of his car until we’ve made it to the top of the stairs. I hear the hood shut, and by the time I’ve come to Marsha’s door, the engine on the Trans Am is roaring as Carson drives away.
I knock on the door, and almost immediately, Marsha opens it up. She’s been crying—her eyes are puffy and the tip of her nose is red.
“Oh, baby,” I whisper as I step into the doorway and wrap my arms around her.
She stiffens at my touch, and I have to count to ten to keep from saying something about it.
“Can I come in?”
She nods and gestures me inside where I look at her more carefully. Her face is tense, her hair mussed, and her shoulders droop in defeat.
“Jesus, come here,” I say as I fold her into my arms again. This time, I sense the tension leak out of her as she slumps against me. “Listen to me—he’s not going to take Sean away. I won’t let him. And you’re not going to think the worst. You’re not going to panic over this. We’ll fight it together, and I’ll be right here with you the whole way.”
She looks up at me. “I’m afraid. I know you mean well, but this isn’t your fight, and the fact is, if you get tired of it, you can leave at any point.”
“What do I need to do to convince you that’s not going to happen?” I lead her to the sofa and pull her next to me where I stroke her hand and look her in the eyes. “There is nothing more important to me right now than this. Nothing more important than you and Sean. I know my track record with you when the going gets tough hasn’t been great, but I’m a different guy now. I would never leave you to clean up a mess that exists at least in part because of who I am.”
She nods, but I can tell she’s still scared shitless.
“Talk to me. Please.”
“What if I lose him?” she whispers. “He doesn’t even know Jeff, and Jeff has no idea how to care for him. I wouldn’t trust him with Sean for one night much less days at a time. Or God forbid, all the time. I’m thinking…” She pauses, looking like she’s choking on the very words she’s about to say. “I’m thinking about running. Disappearing. Would you be willing to give me a little bit of cash? I’d pay you back as soon as I landed somewhere and had a—”
“Don’t you fucking dare,” I snarl, harsher than I meant to sound. “I’ll give you all the cash you want, but not so you can run—from me, from our relationship, from that son of a bitch who donated some sperm and thinks he can terrorize you now.” I embrace her, burying my face in her hair.
In this moment, I know that if I lose her again, I might not be able to survive it. All those years I spent numbing myself so I wouldn’t feel the loss of her—there won’t be enough drugs in the world to numb me this time.
“Please don’t say shit like that, babe. The thought of you and Sean out there alone, on the run. I can’t…” I stop talking, my words and thoughts clogging my throat. I kiss her forehead then her cheek, and move to her lips. The only way I can express the intensity of my feelings is through touching her.
I claim her with my mouth, and soon I’m claiming her with my whole body, pressing her back on the sofa, hoping to make her understand how much I need her in my life. We’re both frantic, clawing at clothes, hands and tongues and lips grasping at one another. I yank her shorts and underwear down and she gasps as my hands smooth up the inside of her velvety soft thighs. Her T-shirt is gone, and next I pull the lace cups of her bra down until her tits pop out the top.
“Don’t leave me,” I pant as I lick around first one nipple then the other. “Don’t run.” I press openmouthed kisses all down her torso, stopping to lick around her belly button. “Don’t be scared. I’ll take care of you. I swear it.” I move farther south and meet up with her hot, wet center, darting my tongue out and tasting her.
She writhes under me, moaning as she runs her fingers through my hair.
“Touch me,” I whisper. “I don’t care where or how, just touch me. I want you so fucking much.”
Her feet slide up and she runs them along the backs of my thighs and my ass as I continue to lick and suck at her clit, pushing one finger inside of her tight, hot channel.
Her hands clutch at my hair. “I want you inside me, Colin. Please. Come here.”
I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather be, so I sit up and strip out of my T-shirt while she watches me, her eyes filled with desire. I unbutton the fly of my jeans and let my cock out. We’re both too far gone for me to get the damn pants all the way off, so I shove them down a few inches and settle between her legs.
Once I’m there, one good push from paradise, I stop, trying to get control of myself. I rest my forehead against hers. “Are you okay?” I ask.
“No, but I want to believe you. I want to trust you. I’m trying so hard. I really am.”
“I know you are.” I brush my lips across her cheek. “I’ll do anything you want. Anything except let you walk away from me again.” I tilt my hips and press against her center.
“Ohh,” she moans. “God, you feel good.”
I chuckle and push in more, the pleasure nearly undoing me. It feels even better than normal and I realize why. “Shit,” I say as I pull back out.
“Wait,” she gasps. “What are you doing?”
“Condom.”
“I have an IUD,” she whispers. “It’s pretty much foolproof.”
“I don’t even know what the hell that is, but if it prevents babies, we’re goo
d. I’m as clean as a person can get. I promise.”
“Then hurry up,” she demands as she shifts her hips up.
I push in, all the way to the hilt, and we both moan in absolute ecstasy. “Fuck,” I grunt.
She doesn’t respond, but wraps her gorgeous legs around my hips and I start to pump. In and out. Sliding through creamy silk. She’s so firm, so tight and hot, that every nerve ending in my body is alight with the sensations.
“Right there,” she cries when I shift the angle a bit. “Yes, yes.”
I pump harder, and when I think I can’t wait another second, she freezes, every muscle in her body seizing up as she cries out, “Oh God!” and clenches around me. Waves of pressure squeeze me so tight it’s like I’m in the world’s most tender vise. I follow her in mere seconds, my balls turning hard as rocks before I come, filling her with liquid heat.
When we both finally finish I collapse on her, sweating and breathing hard.
“Holy hell,” she whispers.
“I can’t move,” I mumble into her neck.
“You have to. I can’t breathe.” She shoves at me.
I roll off her enough for her to use her lungs. We’re on the sofa, so if I roll any farther I’ll end up on the floor.
I push a tendril of hair off of her face, and she looks at me, our faces mere inches apart.
“You know I’m in love with you, right?” I ask.
Her eyes get glassy. “Colin…”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to say the same. But you need to know how I feel. I don’t think I ever stopped loving you. All those years, I was like this shell of me. I did stuff that distracted me, stuff that numbed me. But inside, I think my heart was dead without you. Being with you again… It’s like I’m feeling things for the first time in a decade.”
She puts her palm along my cheek and looks at me tenderly. Then she kisses me on the lips.
“As much as I’d love to stay like this and forget all the bad stuff, we need to talk,” I say as I stand and pull my pants back up.
I go to the bathroom and get her a washcloth to clean up. Then I spend a few moments watching her put her clothes back on. When she’s done, she faces me, her face all determination and that strength that got her through the mess I left her with ten years ago.
I breathe and start with the thing that’s bothering me the most. “You didn’t tell me that Carson lived in your apartment building.”
She runs a hand through her curls, frustration etching her features. “Because there’s nothing you can do about it.”
“Like hell. I want you out of here, like yesterday.”
“Except you’re not in charge of me, in case you’d forgotten that.”
I grit my teeth. I love her, but sometimes I could do without the redhead portion. “Okay, I’m sorry. Look, I would really like to invite you and Sean to stay at Mrs. Stallworth’s for a few weeks while we get all of this settled. You keep your place here, pay your rent. I’ll cover the expenses at Mrs. Stallworth’s. You won’t have given anything up. This place will be waiting for you if you get sick of me or whatever. I don’t think it’s safe for you to be so close to that asshole while he’s threatening media exposure and Jeff’s about to get out.”
She folds her arms and stands to pace the length of the tiny room a few times. “Okay.”
“Really? You’ll do it?”
She nods once briskly. “I can admit when you’re right. I don’t want to be here alone with Sean when Jeff comes looking for us.”
“Thank you. I really didn’t want to have to sit outside your door with a gun all night every night.”
She laughs, tries to stifle it, then explodes into giggles.
“Fuck, it’s not that funny,” I mumble. “There’s more though. I have two different law firms working on this.”
“What?” She looks perplexed.
“My regular firm in Portland—the attorneys who deal with everything for Lush—they’re filing an injunction against Carson to keep him from talking to any media about me or you or Sean.”
“Oh.” She breathes the word, her eyes big and round.
“Then I’ve hired the best custody lawyer in Texas. He’s meeting us tomorrow in Dallas.”
“Are you serious?”
“Hell yes, I’m serious. And don’t you dare start in on how you can’t pay for it and you’ve got this handled. Sean is not something to risk for your pride or your fear of trusting me.”
I stand and put my hands on her shoulders. She needs to get this, and there’s no time to finesse it.
“I have money, Marsha. A shit-ton of it. That money gives me perks and power, and while I don’t normally take advantage of that, I have no qualms doing it for you and Sean. I didn’t protect you when you were pregnant all those years ago. I wasn’t there to give you a place to live or a shoulder to cry on, and I wasn’t a friend to hold your hand. But I’m here now, and I have the means to help you. I have the means to make sure Sean stays with you forever. Please let me do that.”
A single tear fills her eye and runs down her cheek unchecked. She swallows and nods her head.
I press her against me and hold her close as her arms wind around my waist. Now to make good on all of my promises. I’ve never committed to anything or anyone in my life. I pray that I can do it now.
Chapter Eighteen
Marsha
IN THE span of twenty-four hours my life has been destroyed and put back together. Colin told me he loves me, he hired lawyers, and he’s moving me into Mrs. Stallworth’s. I’m not sure what to feel or think or do. The idea of handing my fate over to him is still so frightening, but the possibility of Jeff taking Sean away is more frightening, so I’ve chosen the lesser of the two.
After I pick Sean up from school we go straight to the boarding house. Colin loaded up his truck with all of our stuff earlier and he’s there waiting for us. I explain to Sean that there is some work that needs to be done on our apartment building so Mrs. Stallworth offered to let us stay with her. He thinks it’s one big slumber party with Mrs. S. and Colin, so he doesn’t mind.
“Welcome home,” Colin says when we walk onto the porch.
“This isn’t our home,” Sean says, his brow puckered. “Mom said we’ll go back to our apartment when they finish all the work on the building.”
Colin grabs Sean’s hand and holds it while Chet licks Sean’s face a few times for good measure.
“Is that right?” Colin asks. “And here I thought you and your mom were going to live with me and Mrs. Stallworth until you’re, like, thirty or something.”
“Thirty?” Sean giggles and holds on to the scruff of Chet’s neck. “When I’m thirty, I’m going to have a big house and a job and Mom’s going to live with me and make me dinner.”
Colin busts out laughing, and I have to admit that I can’t help but smile too.
“Dude,” Colin says, “When you’re thirty, you’re going to have a big house and a job and you’re going to pay for your mom to have her own house because you’re going to have a girlfriend or a wife living with you and maybe you can cook your own dinners.”
Sean considers it for a moment then shrugs. “Okay. As long as everybody has a good place to live.”
Colin walks us inside and Mrs. Stallworth is waiting with open arms.
“Come here,” she says, grabbing Sean’s hand while she hugs me. “You poor dears, having to leave your home. You come right in and I’ll get you settled. I have two beautiful bedrooms right upstairs for you. He”—she gestures at Colin—“has to stay in the basement because he’s one of those rock stars, but I put all my young ladies and their children upstairs.”
Colin laughs and gives Mrs. S. a kiss on the cheek. “You liked that vegetarian skillet dinner I made you last night though, didn’t you, Mrs. S.? Even if I am one of those rock stars.”
Mrs. S. is trying not to smile, but she wants to.
“I already put all your stuff in your rooms,” Colin tells me. “Go get settled
in and then come to the kitchen. We have cookies, don’t we, Mrs. S.?”
By the time I’m ready to go to work at the Bronco, Colin and Mrs. S. have convinced me to give Sean’s babysitter a paid leave of absence. Between the two of them they have Sean covered while I work nights. It’s so foreign having people who care about us and want to help—it makes my itchy and uneasy. I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, pins and needles under me everywhere I go.
But I have to admit that when I walk into the Bronco, I’m smiling, thinking about how I left Colin sitting at Mrs. S.’s kitchen table helping Sean with his math homework. Mrs. S. had baked a batch of chocolate chip cookies and Sean and Colin each had a cookie in one fist, using their free hands to add numbers on their fingers.
It’s going to be hell getting Sean out of there when this is all over. What kid would want to go back to a life like ours once he’s seen the other side? Once he knows what it would be like to have a father who cares and a grandmother who loves him. I shiver and shake off the thought. One day at a time. One crisis at a time.
“You doing okay tonight?” Jimmy asks when he sees me prepping the tables, filling saltshakers, wiping down the yellowed varnish tops, and unstacking chairs.
“Yeah, but it’s been a crazy day.”
“That little bitch give you any more trouble?” he asks, referring to Carson.
“No, and Colin rode in on a white horse, so it looks like I have a fighting chance against whatever Carson and Jeff might try.”
Jimmy chuckles. “Of course he did.”
“What’s that mean?”
He cranks the handle of a keg and opens the tap. “He’s whipped, and he’s rich. He’s not going to sit around while Jeff and Carson bully you. Wouldn’t be much of a man if he did.”
I stand, goggle-eyed, hands on hips, and stare at him. “Whipped?” I sputter. “You did not just refer to the guy I’m dating as pussy-whipped, did you?”
He clears his throat. “No, I said he was whipped. You added the pussy part.” He has the grace to blush a bit.
“You know that’s completely sexist, right?”
He puts his back to me as he fills a pitcher with foam from the top of the keg before he tosses it down the drain. Then he mumbles something that includes “feminist bullshit” and slams the pitcher down.
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