“Did they give you a personality transplant in there?” I joke.
Luckily, he gets the humor of the whole thing. “No, but it sure did give me time to examine my choices and my life. I met someone—”
I raise an eyebrow, wondering how he managed to find himself a woman from behind bars.
“Not like that,” he chides. “A pastor. He’s worked with me a lot. Counseled me and helped me make some decisions about my future. I need to focus on getting my head on straight right now. Someday.” He clears his throat. “Someday, I’d like the chance to get to know Sean, but I don’t want to lead him on right now.” He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “Does that make sense?”
The adrenaline that’s been lingering since I opened the door collides with the relief rushing through me, and if I weren’t already sitting I’d collapse for sure. I raise a shaking hand to my mouth and cover it to keep from crying out. Then I breathe and try to count to ten.
“You okay?” he asks, looking a little panicked.
“Yeah,” I choke out. “Yeah, I’m fine. A little surprised, but fine.”
We look at each other for a few moments.
“It wasn’t all bad, was it?” he asks finally.
I give him a small smile. “No, it wasn’t.”
“And you got Sean.”
“And I got Sean.”
“Can I see a picture?” he asks.
I go and grab one from my bedroom nightstand. then bring it back to where he waits. I sit on the arm of his chair and hold it out.
He strokes a finger across the glass. “He looks so much like you.”
“But he has your nose,” I tell him.
He nods, then hands the photo back to me.
I stand. “Jeff. I have to ask—do you still want to be his father? Do you want to keep your parental rights?”
“All I want is to get updates. You know, how he’s doing, what he likes. Stuff like that. I don’t need anything else. But if he asks about me, or if he wants to see me, will you let me know?”
I nod. “Of course. How do I know you won’t change your mind? That you won’t show up one day and try to take him away?”
“If I give up my rights does that keep me from doing that?” he asks.
“Yeah. It does.”
“Then I’ll do it. I don’t want you to be worried all the time. I’m not ever going to try to take him from you.” He looks around my apartment. “Do you need any money or anything? I have a little bit of cash to get me started in Killeen. I have a job working with that pastor at the church there.”
I think about it briefly but realize I’ve gotten everything I ever needed from Jeff. I shake my head. “No. If you’ll sign those papers, that’s all I need.”
“Good.” He yanks his wallet from his pocket and hands me a business card with the name of the Killeen Community Fellowship church on it. “That’s an address where you can find me. Send me those papers and maybe an update on him every now and then?”
“”I will. And, Jeff?”
He stops in his path toward the door.
“Thank you,” I say.
“You’re welcome. Take care, Marsha.”
With that he’s out the door, and out of my life.
WHEN I arrive at work I’m thrown right into the thick of things. The place is hopping, and there’s a strange kind of energy going on. Even Jimmy seems wound up. It makes me nervous. We’ve had a few people make remarks about the night Carson outed me, but Jimmy immediately tosses them out. I hope it’s not another one of those nights.
About two hours into my shift I’m standing at the bar watching the room while I wait for Jimmy to fill my drink order. When he taps me on my hand, I pick up the tray. Standing up amidst the drinks is some sort of a fancy, colored brochure.
“Jim?” I ask, not looking up from the brochure. “What’s this?”
But he’s already moved on down the bar, serving others.
I pick it up. The front reads The Lush Foundation, and it has a picture of Colin showing his bass to a group of kids in a remote village somewhere. My breath catches in my throat, and tears spring to my eyes. I try to get control of myself as I open the pamphlet. Inside is a mission statement and other information about the foundation interspersed with pictures of all four band members doing things like performing at charity concerts, working with kids at an afterschool program, and one of Colin with Chet at a park. Then I see the highlighted text—the Lush Foundation focuses on funding programs that assist women and children in poverty and provide for animal welfare.
I swallow the emotion down and look around the room expecting to see Colin nearby, but he’s not anywhere, and I’m crushed with disappointment. I slip the brochure into my apron pocket and try to shake off my haywire emotions. After I’ve delivered the tray of drinks I make my way back through the room. A hand waving in my peripheral vision catches my attention and I see Ronny and Leanne sitting at a table looking through a stack of photos.
“Hey, you two,” I say as I approach, trying to sidestep the sticky mess someone’s made with a spilled rum and Coke. I make a note to get our busboy over here to clean it up.
When I get to their table I see that the photos they’re examining are of a beautiful house. It’s a white Cape Cod–style place in front of a lake, with a wide, green lawn and a giant play structure.
“Oh my goodness,” I breathe. “That place is beautiful. Tell me you’re not moving. That’s not around here for sure.”
Leanne smiles up at me as she hands me the stack of photos. “Oh, no. It’s in Portland. Colin just bought it. Isn’t it perfect?”
As I stare at the photos in my hand a strange bitter taste coats my mouth. I think it’s called envy, because with a house like this a wife and family aren’t far behind, and I wonder if there’s someone back home he never told me about. Maybe he got back together with an old girlfriend? I know he was in Portland recently. Mrs. S. makes a point of telling me all of his comings and goings even though I don’t ask.
I paste on a tight smile. “It’s lovely,” I say as I hold the photos out to Leanne. “Here you go.”
“Oh, you can have those. You should keep them so you can look at all of them when you have time later. It’s the prettiest house I’ve ever seen.”
“Leanne, I couldn’t possibly keep photos of Colin’s house. That would be, well, strange.”
She shakes her head and refuses to take them from me. “No, really. He gave those to me. He’s so excited he wanted us to look at every room. Seriously, you want to see that place. Hang on to them. I’ll get them from you later.”
I can’t for the life of me understand why she’s being so insistent, but I have to get on with my job, so I stuff the photos in my apron pocket along with the Lush Foundation brochure.
“What can I get you two to drink?” I ask.
“I’d love a cranberry juice,” Ronny says.
“And I’ll have a glass of red wine,” Leanne adds.
“You know it’s the stuff from a box, right?”
Leanne laughs. “Still can’t get Jimmy to buy bottles, huh?”
“Nope.”
“That’s fine. I probably wouldn’t know the difference anyway.”
I laugh, and my discomfort over the house photos dissipates some. Maybe I’m the one who’s being strange tonight.
It’s close to ten minutes later when I make my way back to Ronny and Leanne’s table. I set their drinks down and Ronny stands and puts his arm around my shoulders.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” he asks.
I look down at Leanne who smiles and nods her head.
“Okay. I can’t be gone too long though. I have a six-top that’s pretty thirsty.”
“It’ll be a sec.”
He holds my elbow and leads me through the crowd to a table at the front of the room next to the stage. When we get there one of Ronny’s ranch hands is sitting there. He stands when he sees us.
“Thanks for holding down the
fort,” Ronny tells him.
“Any time.”
The guy disappears and Ronny gestures to the chair. “Have a seat. Your feet must be killing you.”
I look at him and now I definitely know it’s not me being strange. “Ronny. I’m working,” I say, squinting at him like he’s a puzzle I can’t solve.
“Please,” he says, pulling the chair out. “This won’t be long.”
I sigh and sit down then look up at him, clearly asking, Now what? with my eyes.
He pulls an envelope from his pocket. “Everything’s going to make sense in a few minutes. Promise you’ll stay right here. There’s something for you to read while you wait.”
I slowly remove the envelope from his hand and blink at him, my heart racing with anticipation.
“Promise?” he asks.
I nod, and he smiles before he walks back into the crowd.
I look around me. No one seems to be paying me any mind, so I tentatively open the envelope. Inside is yet another brochure, this one for the Rose Academy, a private elementary school in Portland. I look through the information and by the time I read the end my hands are shaking. I’m standing on the edge of a very large cliff and I can’t leap, because if I’m wrong I’ll crash-land at the bottom and it will break me into a million pieces.
The lights suddenly flicker and the crowd quiets a bit. There on the stage is Colin. He doesn’t have his bass, just the microphone. A spotlight flicks on over him and he taps the mic to see if it’s live.
“Hey,” he calls out. “Can I have your attention for a few minutes?”
The noise in the room dies out and Colin smiles at everyone, landing on me last, where his eyes linger.
“How is everyone tonight?”
The crowd cheers, and a few drunks yell out things like, “We’d be better if you were Jenny.”
“Yeah, I know,” Colin admits. “Jenny’s lots prettier than me, and she sings better too, but I won’t be up here too long.”
I haven’t taken a breath since he stood onstage and I struggle to inhale and exhale slowly.
“Two weeks ago a man stood on this stage and talked about my private life. I’m a public figure so I’m used to that shit, but he included the woman I love in his display, and she never asked for that.”
There are murmurs all around the room and I swallow, my face burning hot with the remembered shame.
Colin watches me and his eyes plead—for what, I don’t know.
“I want to set the record straight,” Colin continues. “Ten years ago I fell in love with a beautiful girl. She was smart and kind, and she was the most genuine and hardworking person I’d ever known. But we were young, and I think you all remember that young people don’t always make the best decisions. We made some mistakes and we had to pay for them. My beautiful, smart, kind girlfriend made choices that no teenage girl should ever have to, and I didn’t stick around to help her with that.”
He pauses and looks around the room again. “The choices she made and the mistakes I made are between her and me—no one else. I’m really sorry that I even have to address the whole thing this way, but I want to make sure that everyone who heard what Carson had to say two weeks ago knows the truth. Marsha O’Neill is one of the most devoted mothers I’ve ever known. She’s a supportive friend, a devoted employee, and a beautiful person I’m privileged to love.”
I know the women in the room are swooning, and I think I even hear one guy say that Colin’s going to make the rest of them look bad. But all I can do is stare up at him while my heart beats like a hummingbird’s.
“Marsha and I have been through a lot,” he continues. “But I’ve spent the last week getting ready to put the hard times behind us.” He steps off the stage and walks to where I’m sitting. Then he drops down on one knee. Oh dear God. The tears start and I can’t control them no matter how hard I try.
“Marsha.” He picks up one of my hands in his. “I want you. I want a life with you. I want a future with you. I want to live with you, and work with you, and be your partner in every sense of the word. Will you marry me?”
The crowd breaks into cheers and I look into his beautiful brown eyes, my own overflowing with tears of relief and joy and the purest, most genuine love I’ve ever felt.
I nod, unable to speak, before I throw my arms around his neck and sob.
Colin drops the mic and holds me close. Then he shouts, “She said yes, by the way!”
The crowd goes nuts, everyone cheering before someone, probably Jimmy, sets the jukebox to Billy Idol’s “White Wedding.”
I finally pull myself off Colin’s soaked neck and stare into his eyes. “I love you,” I whisper.
“And I love you,” he says before kissing me softly on the lips.
“The foundation, the house, the school—that’s all for me? For me and Sean?” I’m almost afraid to ask, afraid it’ll disappear if I question it.
“Yeah, it is. But that doesn’t have to be everything. If you don’t like the house we’ll get a different one. If you aren’t interested in the foundation, I’ll do it by myself. There are hundreds of great schools in Portland to choose from. That one’s supposed to be the best, but there are lots of others.”
“Shh.” I place my finger over his lips. “It’s all so wonderful. I love it almost as much as I love you. There might be other things I want to do too. I may want to go back to school. I’m not sure, but we can plan it together, do it together. Right?”
“Yes, absolutely. And if the courts won’t let Sean leave Texas because of Jeff, then we’ll figure out a way to do it all here instead.”
I smile at him before I hug him tight. “That won’t be a problem. Jeff won’t be a problem.”
“What happ—”
I cut him off. “I’ll tell you about it later. Right now let’s enjoy this.”
“Oh!” he cries out as he shoves his hand into his front jeans pocket. “Shit, I almost forgot.” He pulls out a small velvet box, and I think I must be dreaming.
Things like this don’t happen to girls like me. But then he opens the lid and I have to admit that they do. Inside is a beautiful white-gold ring with a diamond in the center and three colored stones flanking it.
“This one’s an amethyst for your birthday,” he says, pointing the purple one. “And a ruby for mine.” He grins. “And a sapphire for Sean’s.”
“It’s beautiful,” I whisper.
He slides it on my finger, letting his touch linger as he examines it on me. “There’s a spot for a fourth stone right here.” He points to one side. “I thought maybe someday you might want to give Sean a little brother or sister?”
There aren’t words now, so I put my hands alongside his cheeks and kiss him with everything in me. All the pain melts away, all the sadness vanishes, all the joy fills its place. I kiss him until neither one of us can breathe, and then I kiss him some more.
Finally I hear someone loudly clear his throat above us. When we look up, Jimmy is standing awkwardly, wiping his hands on a bar towel.
“Why don’t you get your new fiancée home?” he suggests to Colin.
Colin stands and helps me up too. “I’d love that. What do you say, babe?”
“I’m in the middle of my shift.”
Jimmy scoffs. “I have that covered. And don’t bother coming in tomorrow either. I’ll be busy interviewing new waitresses.”
“What?”
“You’re fired,” he says with a big grin.
I stare at him until it sinks in. Then I cry again and hug Jimmy as tight as I can.
IT’S DARK at Mrs. Stallworth’s house. As Colin crowds me down the hallway to his room I trip and bump into walls, giggling. He grabs me around the waist and spins me to face him.
“Shh,” he scolds. “If you wake her up she’ll kick us out, and then I’ll have to have sex with you in my truck, which would really put a damper on all my plans.”
He nuzzles my neck, still pushing me backwards toward his door. I hiss a breath,
all of my nerve endings standing on end as he presses his palm against my nipple through my top.
“Mmhm,” I moan. “You make it hard to keep quiet.”
He es around me and opens the door before he walks me through and pushes me down on the bed. I push up on my elbows and look at him silhouetted in the moonlight that streams through the high window.
He shuts and locks the door behind him. “Now you can make as much noise as you want,” he instructs as he unbuttons his short-sleeved shirt.
When he drops it to the floor my mouth waters. He’s lean, but cut, and so beautifully smooth. My hands itch to touch him. Next to go are his shoes and jeans. But lo and behold, he shimmies his boxer briefs off with them. He’s already semi hard, and my breath picks up pace as I look at him standing there. All I can think is that he’s really all mine. For good this time. Forever.
“Your turn,” he says, his voice scratchy and low.
I inhale, so hot now that it’s like my insides have melted into liquid. I stand and slowly remove my T-shirt. My clothes are from work, and they smell like stale beer and french fries. I don’t smell sexy and I’m not wearing anything sexy except for a pair of thong underwear so I spin around to remove my jeans. I shimmy them down and make sure to bend over to step out of them and my shoes. I hear Colin’s breath catch and then he’s behind me, his hands on my hips. His thumbs skate down my ass, and he presses openmouthed kisses on my shoulder.
I arch my neck, my hair tickling between my shoulder blades.
“Jesus,” he groans in my ear as he lifts my hair and nibbles up the back of my neck. “Longest damn two weeks of my life.”
I’m panting at this point, and I can’t help but thrust my ass back into his erection.
“Promise me we’re done breaking up,” he pants as he rotates me in his arms and lowers me back to the bed.
“I swear,” I answer.
He kneels over me and freezes, his face inscrutable. Then he runs his hands down my torso, his eyes following them.
“You are everything I’ve ever wanted in my life. I’m going to spend the next sixty or so years doing whatever I can to make your dreams come true.” He kisses me on the mouth. It’s sensual and passionate, and it makes me vibrate with need.
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