by J. Lynn
God, that was the last thing.
Cupping her cheek, I softly kissed her until her body relaxed under mine and then, shocking the hell out of me, her small hand ended up under my shirt, pressing against the bare skin of my abs.
It was like being branded.
Heat roared through my veins as my body jerked on reflex. Air punched from my lungs. She wanted to touch me? Holy hell, she could touch me. I pulled back, reached down and yanked my shirt over my head.
Avery’s mouth parted as her gaze moved over my chest, the tattoo, and then down. It was like a touch, but better. My body was burning to feel hers.
I tugged the comforter down and planted my hands on either side of her head, tangling them in her hair. There was a primal part that took over when her hands flattened over the lower part of my stomach. My entire body tightened.
I dropped my forehead to hers. “You have no idea what you do to me.”
She dragged in a deep breath as I lowered my body onto hers. The feel of her softness under me had my pulse pounding like I had run a mile in sand. I clenched my jaw shut as she shifted under me, spreading her thighs and allowing our bodies to meet.
“Fuck,” I growled as a tremor shook me to the core.
Claiming her lips in a kiss that scorched my skin, I slowly rolled my hips against her. Fuck-a-dee-fuck, pleasure rolled down my spine. I wanted to sink into her, completely lose myself in her. Her hands gripped my sides as I rocked against her, trailing a path down her neck, to the swell of her breast and lower with my hand. I hooked her thigh around my hip, settling deeper against her. Our bodies rocked and her sweet, soft moan echoed in my thoughts.
“I like that sound.” I thrust my hips forward, and she moaned again. “Correction. I love that fucking sound.”
I don’t know what it was about her, maybe it was everything, but it had never felt this good before, this strong and intense with anyone else. Not even my first time when it had felt like I’d jumped over a hundred-story building.
My fingers tangled with hers as her tongue flicked over mine, bringing me to an almost painful point where I thought there’d be a good chance I was going to embarrass myself. Even knowing that, I couldn’t stop. I slid my hand up hers, under her sleeve, over delicate skin and—
My hand stilled as my fingers came to a patch of rough, raised skin. Half of my brain was existing at cock level, but the other part took control. I followed the path of skin, dumbly realizing it formed a thin, straight line down the center of her wrist—the wrist she always covered with a bracelet.
No. No fucking way.
My heart literally stopped as I lifted my head, staring down into her unfocused gaze.
“Cam?” she said softly, wiggling under me.
I turned her arm over and I looked. There was no mistaking the deep scar that ran several inches up her vein. My thumb followed it as I realized that this cut—oh God, this cut—had to be severe.
An ache formed in my chest, pouring through my veins. Muscles tightened and lumps formed. I wanted to wipe the scar away, to erase whatever it was that had caused this, because I knew she had done this to herself.
“Avery . . . ?” My gaze moved to hers, latching on. I could barely breathe. “Oh, Avery, what is this?”
A moment or two passed when she stared up at me, the blood leaching from her face, and then she tore her arm free. She clambered out from underneath me, yanking her sleeve down with such force I thought she’d tear the arm off her shirt.
“Avery . . .” I twisted toward her, reaching out.
“Please,” she whispered, climbing to the end of the bed. “Please leave.”
Stomach sinking, I pulled my hand back. “Avery, talk to me.”
Her entire body trembled as she shook her head.
“Avery—”
“Leave!” She shot from the bed, taking a step back like a wounded, caged animal. “Just leave.”
Every instinct demanded that I not leave, but the wild, horrified glaze to her eyes was more than I could bear. I went to the door and then stopped, trying once more. “Avery, we can talk—”
“Leave.” Her voice cracked. “Please.”
The muscles along my back tensed at the broken sound of her voice. I did what she asked. Not because I wanted to, but because it was what she wanted.
I left.
Eighteen
The moment I realized that Avery was never coming to astronomy class again, I literally couldn’t believe it. But it had to be the truth. Since the ride back from my parent’s house the Friday after Thanksgiving, I hadn’t heard a peep from her. No response to my calls or my texts. The times that I knocked on her door, there was never an answer even though her car was in the parking lot.
She hadn’t even answered the door for eggs.
When the weekend came again and the following Monday morning passed without Avery being in astronomy, I knew she had taken an incomplete.
A motherfucking incomplete.
It was insane for her to go that far to avoid me, and for what? Because I had seen the scar? I didn’t understand and I wasn’t stupid. She was obviously embarrassed and had gone to great lengths to hide the scar, but it hadn’t been fresh. It was something she had done years ago, so why did she hide from me now?
I talked to Brittany and even Jacob, since Avery didn’t show in the Den for lunch. Neither of them knew what the hell was going on with Avery. I hadn’t mentioned the scar. I never would, but I had hoped that they had some insight. They had none.
It was driving me crazy—the silence and the confusion. And the longer it went, the more acid that seemed to collect in the pit of my stomach, the worse the knots and the ache in my chest were getting.
Short of camping out in front of her door, there was little I could do, but I was determined to talk to her. And it happened on the last day of finals, at the start of winter break. Like a total stalker, I’d been staring out my front window, waiting for Ollie to return with pizza, when I saw her cross the parking lot with her hands full with groceries.
When I heard the soft footsteps in the hall outside, I threw open the door. Avery was in front of her door, her hair pulled back in a messy ponytail, and the weight of her bags dragging her shoulders down. There was no doubt in my mind that she was trying to ghost through the door before I saw her.
That hurt.
And that fucking pissed me off.
“Avery.”
Her back stiffened like she’d been shot full of steel. She didn’t turn around or address me, and as my gaze drifted over her, I could see the pink tips of her fingers, strangled from the bags she carried. Some of the steam went out of my anger.
I sighed. “Let me help you.”
“I got it.”
“Doesn’t look that way.” I stepped closer. “Your fingers are turning purple.”
“It’s fine.”
She walked into her apartment and I shot forward. Hell to the fucking no. She was not going to disappear on me.
I took a bag from her, and she jerked like she’d been shocked. She dropped a bag. Items spilled forth. “Shit,” she muttered, stooping down.
I knelt, picking up items I really didn’t see. Her head was bowed as she swiped up a bottle of hair conditioner and then her chin lifted. Our gazes met. Dark shadows had bloomed under eyes, smudges that had not been there before. Was she sleeping? What was she doing during this time? Did she miss me as much as I missed her?
Avery looked away as she snatched a box of tampons from me. “If you laugh, I will punch you in the stomach.”
“I wouldn’t dare think of laughing.”
There was also no way in hell that I would let go of anything else because I was getting in that apartment and she was going to talk to me.
Seeming to sense she wasn’t going to get rid of me, she sighed heavily, like the whole world was about to collapse in on her, and marched into her kitchen.
She sat the bags on the counter, ripping items out of them. “You didn’t have to hel
p, but thank you. I really need to—”
“Do you really think you’re going to get rid of me that easily now that I’m in here?”
“I could only hope.” She shut the fridge door.
“Ha. Funny.” I watched her head back to the counter. “We need to talk.”
She stacked the frozen dinners and headed back to the freezer before she spoke. “We don’t need to talk.”
“Yes, we do.”
“No, we don’t.” Not once did she look at me. “And I’m busy. As you can see, I have groceries to put away and I—”
“Okay, I can help.” I strolled forward, heading to the counter. “And we can talk while I help you.”
“I don’t need your help.”
“Yeah, I think you kind of do.”
Leaving the freezer door open, she spun on me. Her eyes narrowed as cold air wafted out. “What is that supposed to mean?”
Where in the hell did that come from? “It doesn’t mean what you think it does, Avery. Jesus. All I want to do is talk to you. That’s all I’ve been trying to do.”
“Obviously I don’t want to talk to you,” she snapped, picking up a pack of hamburger meat and tossing it into the freezer. “And you’re still here.”
Whoa. Anger pricked over my skin and I struggled to keep control of my temper. “Look, I get that you’re not happy with me, but you have to fill me in on what I did to piss you off so badly that you won’t talk to me or even—”
“You didn’t do anything, Cam! I just don’t want to talk to you.” She spun around, stalking toward the front door. “Okay?”
“No, it’s not okay.” I followed her into the living room. “This is not how people act, Avery. They don’t just up and drop a person or hide from them. If there’s—”
“You want to know how people don’t act?” She flinched, and for a moment, she didn’t speak. “People also don’t constantly call and harass people who obviously don’t want to see them! How about that?”
“Harass you? Is that what I’ve been doing?” I laughed hoarsely, unable to comprehend where this conversation had gone. “Are you fucking kidding me? Me being concerned about you is harassing?”
She took a step back, her eyes wide. “I shouldn’t have said that. You’re not harassing me. I just . . .” She stopped, smoothing her hands over the top of her head. “I don’t know.”
My heart rate kicked up as I stared at her. “This is about what I saw, isn’t it?” I gestured at her arm. “Avery, you can—”
“No.” Her right hand immediately circled the bracelet, as if she could somehow hide what I already knew. “It’s not about that. It’s not about anything. I just don’t want to do this.”
My patience stretched thin. “Do what?”
“This!” She squeezed her eyes shut and when they reopened, there was a fine sheen. “I don’t want to do this.”
Air went out of my lungs like I’d been punched. “Good God, woman, all I’m trying to do is talk to you!”
She shook her head slowly. “There’s nothing to talk about, Cam.”
“Avery, come on . . .” I started to take a step toward her, but stopped when she moved back, away from me. The look that shot across her face was part fear and part confusion, but it was the fear that drew me to a stop.
I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. There was no way she was afraid of me, but the look on her face was like being shot through the heart with an UZI.
That reaction was killer. Had I hurt her somehow? The question was brief as it flashed through my thoughts and I knew the answer. I hadn’t hurt her.
Avery ducked her chin and looked away.
My patience snapped. “Okay, you know what? I’m not going to rake myself over fucking hot coals for this. Fuck it.”
The moment those words left my mouth, part of me wanted to take them back. The other part of me wanted to scream them again from the top of my lungs. I headed for the door and then stopped, cursing under my breath. What came out of my mouth made me wonder if I was a glutton for punishment.
“Look, I’m heading home for winter break. I’ll be back and forth, so if you need anything . . .” She continued to stare at me like she had been, and I laughed again, realizing that all I was doing was making a complete and utter ass out of myself. “Yeah, you don’t need anything.”
I stepped out into the hall and then my body seemed to demand that I make an even bigger ass out of myself. I faced her. Avery hadn’t moved from her spot.
“You’re staying here, all break by yourself, aren’t you?” I asked. “Even Christmas?”
Her arms wrapped around her chest and she said nothing.
I worked my jaw, keeping me from saying a whole shitload of things that wouldn’t help this situation. But that was it. I realized it then. There was nothing that would help this situation. And it wasn’t like I hadn’t tried. Avery was there, in my life, at one point, and then gone the next, as if she had never been there. And that was that.
An ache burst through my chest, and with startling clarity, it felt real. Too real. “Whatever,” I said, my voice hoarse. “Have a good Christmas, Avery.”
I’ve never in my life wanted to leave home and head back to my apartment as bad as I had over Christmas. Normally I stayed right up until the start of spring semester, but I couldn’t do it with all the questions.
Where is Avery?
How is she doing?
Did she go home?
On and on they went, and I wondered those very same questions a hundred times over during break. I had no answers, and every time I picked up my phone to text her, I stopped myself. She had made it as clear as humanly possible that she didn’t want anything to do with me.
Whatever we had, as brief as it was, it was over.
My mood was somewhere between shitty and shitastic the day after New Year’s. I packed up my stuff early that morning and was out by my truck when Teresa followed me out.
Stopping beside the front of the truck, she pulled her heavy sweater close to her body as wind whipped between the house and the garage. Sleep clouded her blue eyes. “You’re leaving without saying good-bye?”
I shrugged as I shut the passenger door. “Didn’t want to wake them up.”
She stepped back as I rounded the bumper. “That’s never stopped you before.”
I didn’t say anything.
“What’s up with you, Cam?” she asked.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I glanced at her. “Shouldn’t you be wearing shoes? It’s freezing out here.”
“Flip-flops are shoes.” She hobbled back and forth, squeezing her arms tight against her body. “And you didn’t answer my question.”
Taking my hat off, I scrubbed my hand through my hair and then pulled the cap back on. I opened my mouth and I had no idea what I was about to say, but there turned out to be no words. The hollowness in my stomach, the empty, achy feeling, had grown and now it throbbed with such intensity, there was no ignoring it.
My sister looked up, squinting in the harsh, cold sun. “It’s Avery, isn’t it? You haven’t talked about her at all. And Mom really thought she’d be coming home with you since—”
“I don’t want to talk about this,” I cut her off, and her eyes widened. The last thing I wanted to think about was the fact that Avery had spent Christmas—Christmas, for God’s sake—alone. I didn’t want to feel bad for her. I didn’t want to feel anything. “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just need to get back to school.”
“For what?” she asked, frowning. “You have days before school starts.”
“I know.” I stepped forward, hugging my sister. For a moment, she didn’t move and then she hugged me back. As I stepped back and opened the door, I looked over my shoulder at her. “Tell Mom and Dad I’ll text them or call later.”
She didn’t immediately respond and then she nodded. “You’re going to be okay? Right?”
I climbed in the truck as I barked out a short laugh. Of cour
se I was okay. Wasn’t like Avery and I had this extended history and it wasn’t like I had that strong of feelings for her. My attraction had to have been an infatuation, because she was something new. She was something different. That was all.
“Yeah,” I said, smiling in a way that made my lips feel weird. “I’m okay.”
Teresa watched me with a look that said she didn’t believe me at all, and I didn’t really believe myself.
I’d just stepped out of the shower and pulled on a pair of sweats when I heard a knock on the front door. Knowing it couldn’t be Ollie because he was still back home, I expected to see Jase or someone else when I opened the door.
Brittany stood there, her blonde hair pulled back in a short ponytail and hands clasped together under her chin. It looked like I interrupted her mid-prayer or something.
“Hey,” I said, unable to hide my surprise. I wondered how she knew what apartment was mine and then I remembered that she’d been here once before with Ollie, like half the college female population had been. “What’s up?”
She sucked in her bottom lip as she glanced behind her, toward Avery’s apartment, and knots twisted in my stomach. I knew Avery was home. Her car had been outside and hadn’t left since I returned.
“I hate to bother you and you look . . . um, busy.” Her gaze dipped over my bare chest, and I raised my brows. “But I need your help. Well, Avery needs your help.”
A sharp set of tingles spread along the back of my neck as I stepped forward. “What do you mean, Avery needs my help?”
“She’s really sick. I think she has the flu,” she explained in a rush. “She hadn’t been returning my calls so I checked in on her and found her passed out in her kitchen and—”
“What?” I brushed past her, heading for Avery’s door. “Did you call an ambulance?”
“No.” Brittany hurried behind me. “It’s just the flu and I need to get her some meds, but I can’t get her into her bed. She’s too heavy. So I was hoping that you could carry her back and maybe . . .”
I really wasn’t listening anymore. My whole focus was on Avery as I entered her apartment. The smell of sickness was strong—too strong—and I could see her denim-clad legs and bare feet.