by Autumn Sand
“Everything okay?”
“Mom. She’s in town. Guess who’s coming to lunch?” I try to make a joke out of it.
Perking up one eyebrow at me, he says, “Your mom is joining us for lunch? Shouldn’t the two of you talk without me around?”
“No. I need you for moral support, if anything else.”
He bends to kiss me. “Your wish is my command.”
Walking into the restaurant, I spot my mother already seated. She looks impeccable as always, in her Ralph Lauren dress and perfectly manicured nails, not a hair out of place. We walk over and I kiss her on her cheek, as Brice says hello to her. I’m surprised she acknowledges him and says she’s glad that he could join us. Menus are handed over, and we begin deciding on something to eat, trying to pretend that we are not studying each other.
“So, what brings you to town, Mom?” I ask, taking a sip of my water.
“Can’t a mother want to visit her child?” She snaps her purse closed and hangs it on the back of her chair.
“Yes. But this is out of the ordinary for us.” I smile coyly at her.
Ignoring my comments, she proceeds, “I wanted to discuss Winter break. What are your plans?”
I shrug my shoulders and slouch in my seat. Before she has a chance to correct my posture, I reposition myself in my seat. “I haven’t made a decision. I might spend it in Philadelphia with Brice and his mom, or maybe with Cal and his family in Virginia.”
“I see.” She raises her hand that showcases some of my father’s expensive gifts to her and signals for the waiter. “I was hoping you would spend it with your father and I. Christmas won’t be the same without you.”
Since when? When Trevor was alive, my father would do “manly” things with him, like play football or talk about football or something revolving around that damn sport. My mother was usually busy entertaining guests and correcting me. After Trevor died, I spent most of the time in my room, only coming down to eat and disappearing immediately afterward. So basically, if ignoring me throughout the holiday is not going to be the same, then I’m more than happy to not participate.
“Do I still have a father? I recall being disowned.”
My mother has always been one to keep up appearances, smiling and waving in the public eye. Beatrice “Birdie” Hollister has always been considered the perfect southern lady because of her poise and manners. Rarely does anyone get to see the real Birdie, the one who made an appearance just now. Gone is her smile, now replaced by a frown, tears forming in the corners of her eyes.
For the first time, I notice lines of age around my mother’s eyes and mouth. She clears her throat. “I’ve lost one child. I’m not willing to lose another.” She picks up her napkin and dabs at her eyes. “I know your father and I haven’t been the best parents to you. Your dad, because you were not a son, and myself…” Her words linger before she inhales deeply to finish her sentence. “And myself, because you’ve always been so independent. From the moment you could walk, you haven’t needed a soul.”
A lump forms in my throat and drops to the pit of my stomach like a rock. You will not cry, Favor, you will hold yourself together. “That’s just it, Mom. I have needed you. Both of you. All those years growing up, I felt invisible to the two of you. Trevor always had your full attention.”
She looks at her lap. “Trevor and your father bonded over football. Your brother was a natural quarterback, but he hated the game.”
My gaze shoots over to her to see if this is true. It is. He did? That’s news to me. “He never told me.”
“I know. He would cry to me very often, about how your father would push him to be better than himself. You see, when your father retired, he lost his identity. Being part of a team was the only thing he knew. He didn’t know how to be a husband or a father. So, his way of connecting was through the game.” She lifts her glass of wine and takes a sip. “Your brother was one of those people who needed the support and love from his family and friends. He hated playing, but it made your father happy, and that was the only way to get your father to be interested in him. So, he would play and talk to me about his true feelings.”
How did I not realize this before? Was I really that caught up in my own feelings that I missed what was going on with my brother? I thought he enjoyed those moments with Dad. “Why didn’t he talk to me?” Was I not as close with him as I thought? Did I imagine it all? A stab of pain goes through my heart, opening up another wound.
“Because, Favor. He was your older brother. He wanted to shield you always. He was such a kind and giving soul.” She chokes on her last words.
I reach my hand across the table, and she takes it. I squeeze her hand gently.
“Trevor was slightly jealous of you. He knew that out of the two, you were the strongest. You always went to your own beat. In some ways, I’m envious as well. I’ve never had the courage myself to go against the norm. So, in my own way, I shut you out. I don’t believe it was done intentionally. It was a gradual buildup until, I guess, I’d destroyed whatever chance at a mother-daughter relationship I could have had with you. For that, I am sorry.” Tears fall down her face. I stand up and hug her. This ordinarily would have caused a rebuff from my mother, but today, with her walls falling down, she accepts my hug. Her arms are warm and inviting, and I wonder if I could have had this all along.
“Mom, please don’t cry,” I choke out.
“It’s okay. It took your father's temper tantrum to snap some sense into my head. Favor...” She places her hands on my cheeks. “You are my beautiful baby girl. I am so sorry for all those years of being absent from your life. But this stops today. I want to be a part of your life and get to know you. I know I can’t make up for all of those lost years, but I would like to wipe the slate clean, and have a new start. Let’s call it the path to forgiveness.”
Looking into my mother’s eyes, I see myself. She has offered me an olive branch; the one thing that I have always wanted. “But what about Dad?”
“He will come around eventually. But for now, you and I will have our start.” She reaches into her pocketbook as I take my seat again. She pulls out a checkbook and card, and hands them to me. “I’ve opened up an account for you. I will be paying your monthly expenses and don’t worry about school. I will be paying your tuition going forward.”
I hold the checkbook in my trembling hands. I look at Brice, who has sat silent this entire time. My silent but strong wall that I have come to lean on. Turning back to look at my mother, I say, “But, Mom, it’s okay. I’ve figured out a way to support myself.”
“I had no doubt you would. But I will still be doing this for you anyway.”
“What about Dad? Won’t he be upset if he finds out?”
“You leave your father to me.” She gives me a wink. “Now, back to Winter break.”
I look over at Brice, who shrugs his shoulders, leaving the decision up to me. “Can I think about it?”
“How about this.” She looks at Brice. “You and your mother are both invited to spend Christmas with us. It will be my treat, of course. Besides, from the look of the two of you, I would imagine you will become part of the family in a few years.” She winks at him, and he smiles.
“What do you think?” I ask Brice.
“I think mom would be thrilled, Mrs. Hollister. I’ll call and ask her. Thank you for the invitation.”
“Please allow me to call your mother to extend the invitation myself. It would make me happy to do so.”
“Of course, Mrs. Hollister.”
“Birdie. All of my friends call me Birdie.” She gives him a genuine smile. And the Birdie of public appearances is back, albeit a warmer version of herself.
Chapter 20
Brice
My mother was thrilled to be invited to the Hollister house for the holidays. Not just because Kyne Hollister is my childhood idol, but because she wants to meet Favor. She knows how much Favor means to me. Believe it or not, Birdie and my mother hit it off during t
heir initial phone conversation and over the weeks that followed, they have spoken a few times. Favor is in just as much shock as I am. Kyne decided to invite Jameson over for the holidays, and this action doesn’t go unrecognized by me, Favor, or her mother. He wants to make me feel as uncomfortable as possible, but what he doesn’t realize is, as long as I have Favor by my side, I feel I can conquer the world.
Birdie extended an invitation to Egon as well. She said that there is strength in numbers. Behind that quaint, southern charm is a cunning woman. Though Birdie said at lunch that she felt that Favor was the stronger one, I feel that Favor perhaps gets her strength as a result of her mother. Egon, whose meeting with the record company was pushed back, accepted the invite, mostly just to piss Jameson off. I can be a force to be reckoned with, but with my brother, Egon, with me, I am virtually unstoppable.
We pile into Favor’s car for the trip to her parents’ house. It is just a two-hour trip, but from the way we packed snacks, you would think it was a fourteen-hour trip instead. The three of us are looking forward to this road trip together. The only thing that would make it truly complete is to have Jana, Cal, and Wayne with us. My mother’s flight should be arriving later today, and Egon and I will meet her at the airport.
Favor has been going on and on about how this will be the first holiday that she is looking forward to. I’m looking forward to spending our first of many holidays together. We arrive at Favor’s parent’s house in pretty good time, with a jovial holiday spirit. Who knew things would go downhill from there.
Receiving the nickel tour of the house, it is interesting to see where Favor grew up. Kyne is not home, and isn’t expected until later in the evening. This gives us a few hours of peace, or so we think. Wishful thinking, I guess.
“This is my dad’s man cave, of sorts,” Favor says, as we walk into a massive room with every sports memorabilia that you could think of.
“Wow your dad is really into all sports, isn’t he?” Egon asks, looking at a basketball jersey signed by Michael Jordan.
“Yes, I guess you can say that,” Favor says absentmindedly.
“Does he keep his Super Bowl rings in here?” Egon asks.
“Yes, over there, in the glass case in the corner.” She points to a corner to our right.
Egon and I both walk over to the case and stare at the enclosed rings.
“It’s like the holy grail,” I joke. Favor walks over to join us.
“Yes, I guess. He only wears them on very special occasions.”
“He has so many of them. How does he pick and choose?” I laugh.
“Beats me,” she smiles, flipping her hair over her shoulder.
“Have you ever touched them or tried them on?” Egon asks.
She touches her throat. “Oh no. That privilege was never bestowed upon me. My brother, on the other hand, has tried them on. Matter of fact, we have pictures on the wall from when my brother was young, trying on the rings.”
We look at the pictures that she’s referring to. They hang above the glass case. Pictures of what appears to be a very young Trevor at different gatherings, held in the arms of his father, trying on the rings. You can see the love and devotion on Kyne Hollister’s face for his son. At that moment, I feel instantly sorry for Favor. That love and devotion has never been given to her. I look over and see her staring at the images with a haunted expression. Grabbing her by the waist, I pull her into me and kiss the top of her head. She relaxes at my touch and lets out a breath.
“If it is too hard to walk down memory lane, we don’t have to, babe,” I whisper in her ear.
She looks up at me and smiles gently. “It hurts, but I think I need to stop being afraid of the past. It’s okay, really.” Taking me by the hand, she leads Egon and me out of the sports room and back upstairs to the main floor of the enormous house. Reaching the foot of the steps, we hear talking coming from the kitchen area. The three of us walk into the kitchen to see Jameson has arrived and is talking to Birdie.
“Oh, you guys finished the tour of the house?” Birdie smiles at the three of us as we enter the kitchen. She is standing by the kitchen island, sipping a cup of coffee. In that instant, Birdie looks young and carefree. She is standing barefoot with perfectly manicured toenails, wearing an ivory-colored sweater, and long trousers. Her hair is up in a ponytail.
“Yes, ma’am. Your house is incredible. Thank you once again for inviting us,” I say to her.
A warm smile spreads across her lips. “No ma’am here. Remember, please call me Birdie. It is my pleasure to have you here.”
Favor, Egon, and I take various places around the kitchen island. No one has said anything to Jameson as he scowls at Egon and me. Egon gives Jameson a wink, which further annoys him.
“Are you kids hungry? I can whip up something quick, or we can order,” Birdie offers.
“No thanks. I’m still stuffed from all the junk food we ate on the road trip down here,” I reply, patting my stomach.
“Eating junk food while in training?” Jameson quizzes.
I pointedly ignore his remarks and smile at Birdie.
“Yeah, none for me either, Mom. I’m still stuffed as well.”
“Me three,” adds Egon, as he stretches.
Birdie looks at Jameson. “I guess I can eat a little something, but please don’t go through too much trouble on my behalf.”
“Oh, no trouble at all. Why don’t you kids go and watch a movie? What time do you have to leave to pick up your mother?”
“We should probably leave in another hour or so, just in case there is traffic,” I respond.
“Good. I can’t wait to meet her. She seems like such a lovely woman over the phone.”
“Thanks, m…I mean, Birdie. Mom is looking forward to meeting you too.”
The four of us head into the media room. After a huge debate on what to watch, mostly because Jameson wanted to be difficult, we finally settled on something. Egon and I watch part of the movie before we leave to go pick Mom up from the airport. When we arrive back at the house, Kyne Hollister is back. I introduce Mom to Favor and her family. Favor instantly gives my mother a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She’s the first girl that I have introduced to my mother, which is a major step for me. A coming of age, of sorts. Birdie welcomes mom with open arms. Kyne, on the other hand, says a very brisk hello and heads into his office, with Jameson following behind. Thankfully, my mother doesn’t take offense at all because she was warned beforehand.
Lying down in the guest room, I toss and turn because I have gotten so used to sleeping with Favor by my side. Or even better, making love to her and then falling asleep with her. Either way, I am having trouble sleeping. Finally getting tired of counting sheep, I decide to go downstairs and watch a movie in the media room. When I reach the foot of the landing, I hear a voice call out from the kitchen.
“Having trouble sleeping also?” Birdie asks as I walk into the kitchen.
“Yes. I thought I could watch a movie to pass the time.” She points to a seat across from her, and I sit.
“Would you like anything to eat or drink?” She is ever the proper lady, no matter what time of the night. I shake my head. “I am glad that you came downstairs. I wanted to have some time with you, to talk.”
My stomach tightens as I get ready for whatever she has to say. I try to keep my face neutral.
“Don’t worry, it’s nothing bad. I know my husband and I were pretty hard on you when we initially met you. I can see now how wrong we were for not giving you a chance. It warms my heart to see how happy Favor looks when she is with you.”
“Thank you. I appreciate that. She makes me happy as well. Mrs. Hollister, I just want you to know that I love your daughter very much.”
She smiles at me. “A blind person could see how much the two of you are in love. Which brings me to the second reason for this conversation. My husband is not happy about your relationship with my daughter. He sees her with Jameson, as you already know. Coupled with you train
ing Wayne, it is not exactly helping.”
I instantly feel bad sitting in front of her, knowing how much pain Wayne has caused her. “I am sorry if I have caused any discomfort to you and your husband by training Wayne.”
“Thank you for saying that. But, in all honesty, it is not necessary. When Favor forgave Wayne during the dedication ceremony, it was a tough pill for me to swallow. But listening to her words about forgiveness, and this being what Trevor would have done, helped me to understand better. I just wasn’t willing to accept that at that time. Trevor is gone, and he is never going to come back. I am proud to have been his mother, and to have had the privilege to see him become a young man coming into his own. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about him. But I also know that I would dishonor his memory by not forgiving Wayne. So, I have made my peace with it all. One of these days, I will have the courage to say it to him myself.” Tears fall down her face as she talks.
“I am sorry I did not get a chance to meet him. He sounds like he was an incredible person.”
“He was,” she replies, and looks away momentarily before focusing her eyes on me again. “Now my dear boy, I need to know if you are going to fight for her.”
“Fight?” I give her a quizzical look.
“Yes, fight. You will have to fight for her. She is a strong woman, stronger than I, in so many ways. But she has been fighting a battle alone for so many years. I have just joined the fight, and I need to know you will too. She is going to need both of us.”
Fight for Favor? Of course I would. “I will always fight for her.”
“Good. Because she will need you in her corner.”
****
It’s Christmas Eve, and the house is feeling anything but festive. The battle lines have been drawn…Kyne and Jameson in one corner, and the rest of us in the other. At every twist and turn, Kyne or Jameson make comments to try to throw Egon or me off our game. We both smile and laugh at them, taking it in stride, as last night’s conversation with Birdie echoes in my head.
Walking past Favor’s room, I see her standing by her window, staring. I knock on her door startling her, and she smiles at me, waving for me to join her. Standing behind her, her head resting on my chest, we both look out the window, watching the lightning and listening to the thunder.