by V. Theia
It involved Hawk somehow? Her belly began to tighten. “And Hawk was there to help me. He’s a good man, Gia.”
She felt tears prick the back of her eyes. She sent a glance over to him, his gaze still on her, and she watched his eyes narrow and he took a step down off the stool as if to say what the fuck is wrong with you and who do I have to kill for making you cry? She smiled and shook her head at him. I’m fine, she mouthed.
Everything about Hawk screamed leave me alone. From his walk, demeanor and overall prick attitude. Even now, more than an hour later while she sneaked glances at him in among his boys, he sent out his stay back aura to everyone who would dare approach his invisible fortress.
But here's the thing: She'd never been able to do that. All the times he'd actively dismissed her existence from sight and still she went back for more.
People would question her sanity. And many times, she'd asked herself why? It wasn't only attraction that kept her vigilant to break down his walls. She saw a loneliness in Hawk she suspected no one else did and it just tore her up. She had to force herself to stay in her chair and not go and wrap her arms around him. They hadn’t discussed telling her brother they were together yet and flinging herself at Hawk in a room full of bikers, her brother being the head boss biker wasn’t her best move to ease him into knowing his sister was in love with his best friend.
So, she sat, and she watched. And when Capone ambled over to her she rose to give the big man a tight hug and a smile.
No one knew Capone called her sometimes. Oh, nothing weird, he wasn’t into her. But he’d known her career choice and one day while she’d been visiting they’d gotten into deep conversation about how he’d lost his family suddenly and from then on, they spoke at least once a month. He said it helped him deal with his grief and lingering anger and if that were the case she would always answer his calls.
Besides which she liked Capone. He was a good man, a good biker. She’d gleaned a lot of details in their chats over the last two years. He loved kids but said he’d never have any of his own. He listened to Spanish music exclusively and even taught her how to swear in his native tongue. He enjoyed watching basketball and cheered for the Knicks and he loved being a biker. Loved the camaraderie it brought, he said. She suspected he liked the family life of it, but he wouldn’t admit it, when she’d pressed him he’d gone silent and told her he’d had a family once and wouldn’t put himself through that again. That, though he cared for his boys, they weren’t his family and never would be. There was also an unobtainable woman in his past. But that topic was always off limits.
“You are a sight for these sore eyes, bomboncita.” He laughed setting her back on her feet. His dark chocolate stained eyes twinkled. He’d called her little candy for years and one time she asked him why, he said it was because she was stuffing her face with hard candy when they first met. Go figure.
Maybe it was just she was so hyper aware of being near Hawk made her gaze slip over to the right to find his dark and stormy, not on her, but on Capone sitting at her side. Even from her vantage point she saw how tight Hawk’s jaw was ticking. What on earth? Why was he looking like he was chewing rocks?
She raised her brow in silent question.
Capone’s hand jostled her arm gently. “You okay, Gia? You spaced out.”
Hawk popped up from his stool so fast her she felt the surprise of the action stir her belly. Not uncomfortably, more like a twisty kind of expectant heat because he was showing signs of jealousy again. When it appeared as if he was about to take a step in her direction, his massive chest inflated, and he stormed outside with fire in his eyes.
“Oh, yeah,” she smiled finally. “Yeah, I was just thinking of something. What was it you were saying?”
Ten long minutes she caught up with Hawk outside working on a bike. He rose, wiping his hands on a rag when he saw her like he’d been watching the door this whole time.
“Hey. You looked mad. Is everything okay?” It felt as though nervous tension bubbled between them when they’d been perfect for days.
“Do you want to know what I think when I look at you? Besides the obvious of you being the most beautiful fucking thing I ever saw before.” Gia wanted to swoon off her feet, to dive at his face and lick his full lower lip while simultaneously dry humping his upper thigh. Instead she managed a jerky nod. She really wanted any part of what was inside Hawk’s mind. “I’m reminded that I can actually feel things.” That was a good thing, she thought. Especially for someone so closed off like he was. Until he added with an animal rumble gurgling inside his throat. “I wanted to kill Capone for touching you.”
“Hawk, he—”
“I would have killed him, Gia. My brother who I respect, and I wouldn’t have thought twice about it.”
Gahhhhh.
Her heartbeat did a crazy skip. He wasn’t touching her, not even standing as close as she wanted him to, but she felt his grip on her nonetheless.
“We’re friends. He and I. That’s it.”
“I didn’t like him touching you. Didn’t fucking like not being able to touch you.”
“You can always touch me. I didn’t say you couldn’t.”
He dipped his head and scratched fingers roughly through his hair as if the thought of what he needed was paining him. Gia frowned and went to step forward, but he warded her off. “Don’t. Don’t fucking come near me, Gia. I’m not stable right now, I can feel my fucking skin humming, I want to fucking claw it off. I wanted to hurt him, you fucking get that? For touching you, for sitting so fucking close to you.”
“Hawk. Let’s just talk about—”
A great big snarl came out of his whited out thinned lips and Gia’s heart stopped beating. She didn’t know where his mood flip had come from, but she wasn’t surprised by it.
With Hawk it was always like waiting for the other shoe to fall.
“No. Just get the hell outta here before I do something you’ll hate me for, Gia.”
That same heart restarted and sunk.
They were one step forward and ten back yet again.
She sighed and held her tongue.
Held it until she couldn’t keep her own words in any longer. She didn’t care they were getting looks from the men in the shop, or if they overheard a word she said, she was past caring if their relationship spilled over into Hawk’s world before he was ready.
“You can have feelings without blowing up, Hawk. You were jealous of another man. A man who is only a friend.”
“Like we’re friends? Is that how friendly you are with him?” He sneered.
“Right. Because I let every man into my bed?” She couldn’t keep the hurt out of her voice. He chose his bullets well. Gia turned on her heel and avoided the hand he tried to grab her with. “I love you, Hawk. But fuck you for saying that. Believe it if you want, I don’t really care right now if you do. But you need to make a decision and soon.”
With that she climbed into her car and left him there while she tended to her gaping heart wound for the rest of the day.
******
I love you, Gia. I'll always love you more, every fucking day. He watched her leave and felt the loss of her instantly. Fuck. Fucking hell. He was a moron. A colossal fucking prick.
He wanted to punch something. He looked around for a prospect and seriously thought about it. Those little shitheads were desperate for a patch they’d stand still while he railed on their faces for a while.
He pounded feet back inside the clubhouse, not knowing his direction but he needed something before his fucking skin exploded.
“Only you, king dickhead, would self-sabotage having the woman you’ve dirtily panted over for years when you’re offered a chance at her.” Scoffed Lawless in his condescending tone that had Hawk fisting his two hands laying like clumps of wood at his side. A coin rolled over Lawless’ knuckles in formation as he slouched back in a tall backed chair, two legs off the floor.
Black pants.
Black under-shirt and thick boots.
He had emo bitch down, all he was missing was the eyeliner and mood rings.
“Don’t bait me right now.” Hawk warned. He sounded like he’d gargled nails that morning. What the fuck did Lawless know anyway? He clacked on his little computers and petted his cats. He knew nothing of what the fuck was inside of Hawk’s head or what he wanted.
Fuck him.
A few brothers craned their necks to watch what was being said between the two men since the temperature dropped around Hawk and infected the rest of the club.
“The truth hurts, Cinderella. It’s your time to go to the ball and you’ve given the stagecoach driver the night off.”
What in the ever-loving fuck was he even talking about?
Hawk glared a nasty stare.
It never seemed to faze Lawless no matter how nasty Hawk got.
“I won’t warn you again, lay the fuck off with your fucking mind games, go poke a pussy.”
“What? And leave your pussy alone, Cinders?” Chuckled Lawless.
Hawk cranked his head to the side and was met with a toothy grin and a goddamn wink.
Oh, this shithead knew alright.
Had he overheard him with Gia?
“Now, now, play nice, Princesses, or no candy for either of you after dinner.” jibed Preacher in his pleased as punch timber, striding through the main area heading towards the hallway. The road captain, though great with direction on rides, only ever had one destination when he was around here and that was to see his old lady in her tattooing room out back.
Fuck him as well, Hawk scowled at the innocent Preacher who no doubt would be balls deep in something nice soon enough. If he had to overhear one more “I fucking love my little darling.” from Preacher, Hawk would hurl.
Hawk was feeling like a hating jackass lately for those who got to have what they craved on their tongue and down their throats and in plain fucking sight of everyone. He never thought he’d be the type of man who wanted to do the personal displays of affection or whatever the fuck it was called but seeing Gia today in his clubhouse and not able to walk up and kiss her pink lips about racked a knife to his guts.
He was a living, breathing, dying man.
“Hmm… I’m thinking since you screwed up back there,” Lawless indicated with a nod of his chin to outside letting Hawk know he sure did eaves-fucking-drop. “That maybe…. Just maybe, the road is clear for others to step in and do the job you’re fucking failing at. I mean, she’s not my type at all, but I might give it the old college try...”
Blood began to pour over Hawk’s vision.
He knew the fucker was goading him into a reaction and it was that realization that didn’t initially have Hawk stabbing Lawless in the fucking neck with a blunt spoon for even suggesting he’d take a crack at Gia.
Over his dead, rotting corpse would any fucker in this place lay a finger on his little bit.
“Is there a reason, other than your usual asswipe self, you’re being a giant fuckstick trying to provoke me? You of all people should know better.” Said Hawk, feeling his bones tingle under his skin and his teeth felt too big for his mouth.
He needed to get drunk and to find a nice coma to lie in for a week.
Having Gia so close went no way to calming his fucked-up brain, it wasn’t a reboot as much as a whole system shut down. She was so damn beautiful. And perfect. And too good for him and his filthy hands and he got hard just looking at her and what the fuck had Capone been doing hugging her?
“You kiss your mama with that mouth?” Smirked Lawless.
Ping.
Ping.
Ping.
Small grenades popped behind Hawk’s eyes like overcooked popcorn until all that was covering his vision was destruction and hatred and he smelled the burnt sweetness as his brain went into meltdown.
Lawless wasn’t to know.
Somewhere logically in the recess of his brain that wasn’t fucked beyond repair he knew.
It wasn’t his fault he’d just walked on a landmine and blew Hawk the fuck to hell.
He wasn’t to know.
Maybe if his murder-mate had been holding one of his kittens Hawk wouldn’t have launched himself off his stool at the speed of hate he did, sending a row of filled glasses careening to the floor as he flung his arm out, he would have spared Lawless what came next.
But Lawless was without those creatures as his shadow and there was nothing stopping Hawk hauling ass the two feet separating them or throwing the first meaty fist that cracked Law’s skull to the side so fast it knocked him backwards out of the chair, the red mist was already covering Hawk’s vision.
So, loud was the next punch it had heads turning from all over, taking them both to the floor with the motion.
“Oh, fuck!”
“Shit!”
“He’s gonna kill him!”
Fists were thrown like bullets from both men grappling each other.
Hawk didn’t feel the pain splintering his skull.
Hard, profound intent on doing damage fists.
Blood shed all over the nice, clean floor.
And the crowd grew quickly.
Hawk was aware of voices, both inside his worthless head and those of his brothers trying to break them apart. He was also aware of a deep timbered cackle coming from the guy he was smashing ten bells of hell out of.
Lawless gave as good as he got cracking Hawk’s head back hard enough to ring his bell.
Two mean-as-fuck animals scrapping down on the floor, not a care about the damage they did to each other’s bodies.
Lawless laughing the entire time like the mad fuck he was.
Hawk had the devil inside his ears, all those nasty bastard swirling noises telling him he was evil, the disgust if someone found out about him, that he wasn’t fit to breathe, and he took it all out on Lawless.
It took four men to pull them apart.
Even then Hawk was swinging, blood dripping down his face like a nightmare come to life, his teeth snarling at anyone in his way of ending Lawless’ life.
It would only be Rider who would dare lay a hand on Hawk.
“Calm the fuck down, you, crazy fuck. Jesus, Hawk. Rein it in.” His MC boss murmured close by his ear, two arms locked around his torso cutting off air to Hawk’s lungs, the other caging him out from even looking at Lawless was Capone. The big Hispanic man with his ear gauges and closely clipped goatee kept Hawk’s stare, giving him something else to hate while he tried to calm his blood from roaring in his ears.
His belly lurched. Air heaved into his throat, he heard Lawless climb to his feet. “Jesus, I think you broke my jaw, asshole.” He didn’t sound mad when he rounded behind Capone and Hawk caught sight of that ruined, bloody face smiling at him.
Rider kept tight hold of Hawk and said. “Jesus, who made you both Lord of fuckwads today?”
“Just felt like a roll around, isn’t that right, buddy?” Asked Lawless making the boys laugh and the tension seeped out of the room.
Not out of Hawk, he was wired as he yanked free and spat out a mouthful of blood on the floor.
His demons followed him out of the room and stayed with him the rest of the night.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
“Groveling 101 for dummies.” - Hawk
It was no surprise to find Hawk on her doorstep the following evening. The night brought shadows, uncertainty and a brooding biker at her door. What was a surprise were the bruises on his face and his busted knuckles.
She wanted to take care of him and smack him around the head all at once.
She did neither.
“Let me guess, you came to warn me of how wrong you are for me,” she asked with bite, letting him in. “If you’re going to break my heart, Hawk. Just break it already. Don’t pacify yourself with lies that it’s for my own good.” Her core quivered when he streaked his eyes over her booty sleep shorts and camisole top. Folding her arms, she waited.
He closed the space between them, flatting Gia’s spine against the c
ounter edge, he cupped her face and kissed her lips just once. “I was a prick. Again. I’m sorry.”
Well.
Then.
She exhaled and let her muscles unclench. Her mouth parted and then closed, finding the right words to say didn’t come easy. Sensing her mood, she felt him withdraw to rest his butt against the sink opposite her, arms and ankles crossed. He made such a picture, one she hoped to see many more times, but she needed some things said first.
“I’m an honest person, Hawk. I don’t flirt with one man to make the man I’m interested in jealous. Nor would I cheat on the man I’ve wanted for a decade once I have him.”
He arched a brow. “Never thought that.”
“So yesterday was?”
“Me hating another man touching you. I never said I was perfect, Gia.” He scowled, and she almost laughed. If only he knew how unperfect she’d take him if he’d just meet her half way.
“I got that, and it would have been cute as hell had you not thrown a tantrum with it,” she held up a hand when he went to butt in. “Are we telling my brother about us anytime soon?”
Hawk sighed and let his head hang down. When he looked up again the blueness of his eyes eclipsed almost in black. “Gia…”
Yeah, that’s what she figured. She pushed off the counter and started out of the room. “Maybe you should just go, okay.” She was exhausted. They could rehash it another day.
A great rattling growl behind her halted her step and she turned to find Hawk on her heels. “Walk away if you dare, little bit of a thing, and I’ll fucking hunt you down. There’s nowhere you can hide from me now. I warned you, I fucking warned you didn’t I not to play with me, but you did it, you let a fucking animal out of his cage and allowed it inside all that good and I’m not done with you yet.”
She was not above pushing him for a reaction. “Maybe I no longer want to play with you, Hawk. Maybe your rules are too varied for me. They keep moving and I keep getting crapped on.”
“Like fuck you’re done with me.”
His touch was possessive but soft. Strong but coaxing. His massive shadow, swallowing her when he crowed against her giving Gia his scent from the outside. She huffed unable to stay mad at the blond asshole for very long and gripped the edges of his leather coat, leaning into him she was pleased when he touched her without being prompted first by curling a hand around the back of her neck. “Fine. I didn’t mean it.”