“But I need something else, too,” I say.
“Something else?"
“I want—"
All at once I stop. High in my nose, something tingles. This time there is even a distinct smell, like old fish. Something is wrong here, something connected to Alcozer, or to the San Cristobel deal—Moshe's deal, not Stevan's—or to this conversation.
“You want what?” Alcozer says.
“I want to think a little more.” I never ignore that smell. The nose knows.
He shifts his weight, disappointed. “Not too much more, Max. Your treatment's scheduled for tomorrow."
How does he know that? I don't know that. Alcozer has access to information I do not. Probably he knows where Daria is. All I have to do is give him the San Cristobel flies, and who gets hurt? Moshe is dead, that particular Robin Hood is dead, the island where it all happened no longer even exists, lost to the rising sea. The money was long since moved from the Swiss to the Indonesians and on from there. Nobody gets hurt.
No. There was something else about San Cristobel. Old fish.
I say, “Let me think a few hours. It's a big step, this.” I let my voice quaver. “A big change for me, this place. You know I never lived big on Earth. And for a kid from Brooklyn..."
Alcozer smiles. It's supposed to be a comradely smile. He looks like a vampire with a tooth job. “For a kid from Des Moines, too. All right, Max, you think. I'll come back right after dinner.” He turns off the jammer, pockets it, stands. “Have another nice walk. By the way, there's no restricted areas on Sequene that you could possibly get into."
“You think maybe I don't know that?"
“I'm trying to find out what you know.” Alcozer looks pleased with himself, like he's said something witty. I let him think this. Always good to encourage federal delusion.
Old fish. But whose?
* * * *
I go to dinner. The second I sit at a table, Rosie totters into the dining room, lights up like a rocket launch, and shouts, “Christopher!"
I look around. Two other diners in the room so far, and they're both women. Rosie lurches over, tears streaming down her cheeks, and throws her arms around me. “You came!"
“I—"
A harried-looking woman in the light blue uniform hurries through the doorway. “Oh, Mr. Feder, I'm so sorry, she—"
“It's Christopher!” Rosie cries. “Look, Anna, my brother Christopher! He came all the way from California to visit me!"
Rosie is clutching me like I'm a cliff she's about to go over. I don't have to play blank—I am blank. The attendant tries to detach her, but she only clutches harder.
“So sorry, Mr. Feder, she gets a little confused, she—Mrs. Kowalski!"
“Christopher! Christopher! I'm going to have dinner with my brother!"
“Mrs. Kowalski, really, you—"
“Would it help if I have dinner with her?” I say.
The attendant looks confused. But more people are coming into the dining room, very rich people, and it's clear she doesn't want a fuss. Her earcomm says something and she tries to smile at me. “Oh, that would be ... if you don't mind..."
“Not at all. My aunt, in her last days ... I understand."
The young attendant is grateful, along with angry and embarrassed and a half dozen other things I don't care about. I reach out with my one free hand and pull out a chair for Rosie, who sits down, mumbling. A robo-waiter appears and order is restored to the universe.
Rosie mumbles to herself all through dinner, absolutely unintelligible mumbling. The attendant lurks unhappily in a corner. The set of her body says she's has been dealing with Rosie all day and is disgusted with this duty. Stevan must have created a hell of a credit history for Mrs. Kowalski. Rosie says nothing whatsoever to me, but occasionally she beams at me like a demented lighthouse. I say nothing to her, but I get worried. I don't know what's happening. Either she really has lost it—in less than a week? is this possible?—or she's a better actress than half of the holo stars on the Link.
She eats everything, but very slowly. Halfway through dessert, some kind of chocolate pastry, the dining room is full. The first shift, the old people who go to bed at ten o'clock (I know this, I'm one of them) have left and the second shift, the younger and more fashionably dressed, are eating and laughing and ordering expensive wine. I recognize a famous Japanese singer, an American ex-Senator who was once (although he didn't know it) on my payroll, and an Arab playboy. From Sequene's point of view, it is not a good place for a tawdry scene.
Rosie stands and cries, “Daria Cleary!"
My heart stops.
But of course Daria is not there. There's only Rosie, flailing her arms and crying, “I must thank Daria Cleary! For this gift of life! I must thank her!"
People stare. A few look amused, but most do not. They have the affronted look of sleek darlings forced to look at old age, senility, a badly dressed and stooped body that may smell bad—all the things they have come to Sequene to avoid experiencing. The attendant dashes over.
“Mrs. Kowalski!"
“Daria! I must thank her!"
The girl tugs on Rosie, who grabs at the tablecloth. Plates and wineglasses and expensive hydroponic flowers crash to the floor. Diners mutter, scowling. The girl says desperately, “Yes, of course, we'll go see Daria! Right now! Come with me, Mrs. Kowalski."
“Christopher, too!"
I say softly, conspiratorially, to the girl, “We need to get her out of here."
She says, “Yes, yes, of course, Christopher, too,” and gives me a tight, grateful, furious smile.
Rosie trails happily after the attendant, holding my hand.
I think, This cannot work. Once we're out of the dining room, out of earshot, out of hypocrisy...
In the corridor outside the dining room Rosie halts, shouting again, “Daria!” People here, too, stop and stare. Rosie, suddenly not tottering, leads the way past them, down a side corridor, then another. Faster now, the attendant has to run to catch up. Me, too. So Rosie hits the force fence first, is knocked to the ground, and starts to cry.
“All right, you,” the girl says, all pretense of sweetness gone. “That's enough!” She grabs Rosie's arm and tries to yank her upward. Rosie outweighs her by maybe twenty-five kilos. A service ‘bot trundles toward us.
Rosie is calling, “Daria! Daria! Please, you don't know what this means to me! I'm an old woman but I was young once, I too lost the only man I ever loved—remember Cyprus? Do you—you do! Cyprus! Daria!"
The ‘bot exudes a scoop and effortlessly shovels up Rosie like so much gravel. The girl says viciously, “I've had just about enough of—"
And stops. Her face changes. Something is coming over her earcomm.
Then there is an almost inaudible pop! as the force-fence shuts down. At the far end of the corridor, a door opens, a door that wasn't even there a moment ago. Stealth coating, I think, dazed. Reuven's robo-dog. My hand, unbidden, goes to my naked ring finger.
Standing in the doorway, backed by bodyguards both human and ‘bot just as she was in the ViaHealth hospital fifty-five years ago, is Daria.
She still looks eighteen. As I stumble forward, too numb to feel my legs move, I see her in a Greek taverna, leaning against the bar; on a rocky beach, crying in early morning light; in a hospital bed, head half shaved. She doesn't see me at all, isn't looking, doesn't recognize me. She looks at Rosie.
Who has changed utterly. Rosie scrambles off the gravel scoop and pushes away the attendant, a push so strong the girl falls against the corridor wall. Rosie grabs my hand and drags me forward. At the doorway, both ‘bot and human bodyguards block the way. Rosie submits to a body search that ordinarily would have brought death to any man who touched a Rom woman in those ways, possibly including her husband. Rosie endures it like a pagan queen disdaining unimportant Roman soldiers. Me, I hardly notice it. I can't stop looking at Daria.
Still eighteen, but utterly changed.
The wild black hair
has been subdued into a fashionable, tame, ugly style. Her smooth brown skin has no color under its paint. Her eyes, still her own shade of green, bear in their depths a defeat and loneliness I can't imagine.
Yes. I can.
She says nothing, just stands aside to let us pass once the guards have finished. The human one says, “Mrs. Cleary—” but she silences him with a wave of her hand. We stand now in a sort of front hall. Maybe it's white or blue or gold, maybe there are flowers, maybe the flowers stand on an antique table—nothing really registers. All I see is Daria, who does not see me.
She says to Rosie, “What do you know of Cyprus? Were you there?"
She must think Rosie was a whore on Cyprus when Daria herself was—the ages would be about right. But Daria's question is detached, uninvolved, the way you might politely ask the age of an historical building. Dating from 1649? Really. Well.
Rosie doesn't answer. Instead she steps behind me. Rosie can't say my name, because of course we are all under surveillance. She must remain Mrs. Kowalski so that she can go home to Stevan. Rosie can say nothing.
So I do. I say, “Daria, it's Max."
Finally she looks at me, and she knows who I am.
* * * *
The Rom have a word for ghosts: mulé. Mulé haunt the places they used to live for up to a year. They eat scraps, use the toilet, spend the money buried with them in their coffins. They trouble the living in dreams and visions. Wispy, insubstantial, they nonetheless exist. I could never find out if Stevan or Rosie actually believed in mulé. There are things the Rom never tell a gajo.
Daria has become a muli. There is no real interest in her eyes as she regards me. This woman, who once, in a hospital room, risked both our lives to bring me riches and atonement and shame, now has lived beyond all risk, all interest. Decades of being shut away by Peter Cleary, of being hated by people who make periodic and serious efforts to kill her, of being used as a biological supply station from which pieces are clipped to fuel others’ vanity, have drained her of all vitality. She desires nothing, feels nothing, cares about nothing. Including me.
“Max,” she says courteously. “Hello."
The throaty catch, the hesitation, is gone from her voice. For some reason, it is this which breaks me. Go figure. Her accent is still there, even her scent is still there, but not that catch in the voice, and not Daria. This is a shell. In her eyes, nothing.
Rosie takes my hand. It is the first time in forty years, except for when she was crazy Mrs. Kowalski, that Rosie Adams has ever touched me. In her clasp I feel all of the compassion, the life, that is missing from Daria. Nothing could have hurt me more.
I can't look any more at Daria. How do you look at something that isn't there? I turn my head and see Agent Alcozer round the corner of the hallway outside the apartment, running toward us.
And then, at that moment and not a second before, I remember what stank about San Cristobel.
The scam went through fine. But afterward, Moshe came to me. "They want to do it again, this time with a mole. They've actually got someone inside the feds, in the Central Investigative Bureau. It looks good."
"Get me the details,” I said. And when Moshe did, I rejected the deal.
"But why?” Anguished—Moshe hated to let a profitable thing go.
"Because,” I said, and wouldn't say more. He argued, but I stood firm. The new deal involved another organization, the one the mole came from. The Pure of Heart and Planet. Eco-nuts, into a lot of things on both sides of the law, but I knew what Moshe did not and wouldn't have cared about if he had. The Pure of Heart and Planet were connected with the second big attack on LifeLong, on that Greek island. The Pure of Heart and Planet along with their mole in the feds, altered and augmented in sacrifice to the greater glory of biological purity, a guy from what used to be Des Moines.
Alcozer runs faster than humanly possible. He carries something in his hands, a thick rod with knobs that I don't recognize. Weapons change in ten years. Everything changes.
And Daria knows. She looks at Alcozer, and she doesn't move.
The bodyguards don't move, either, and I realize that of course they've reactivated the force fence around the apartment. It makes no difference. Alcozer barrels through it; whatever the military has developed for the Central Investigative Bureau, it trumps whatever Sequene has. It handles the guard ‘bot, too, which just shuts down, erased by what must be the jammer of all jammers.
The human bodyguard isn't quite so easy. He fires at Alcozer, and the mole staggers. Blood howls out of him. As he goes down he throws something, so small you might not notice it if you didn't know what was happening. I know; this is the first weapon that I actually recognize, although undoubtedly it's been upgraded. Primitive. Contained. Lethal enough to do what it needs to without risking a hull breach, no matter where on an orbital or shuttle you set it off. A MPG, mini personal grenade, and all at once I'm back on Cyprus, in the Army, and training unused for sixty-five years surfaces in my muscles like blossoming spores.
I lurch forward. Not smooth, nothing my drill sergeant would be proud of. But I never hesitate, not for a nanosecond.
I can only save one of them. No time for anything else. Daria stands, beautiful as the moment I saw her in that taverna, in her green eyes a welcome for death. Overdue, so what kept you already? But those would be my words, not hers. Daria has no words, which are for the living.
I hit Rosie's solid flesh more like a dropped piano than a rescuing knight. We both go down—whump!—and I roll with her under the antique table, which is there after all, a heavy marble slab. My roll takes Rosie, the beloved of my faithful friend Stevan, against the wall, with me on the outside. I never hear the grenade; they have been upgraded. Electromagnetic waves, nothing as crude as fragments. Burns sluice across my back like burning oil. The table cracks and half falls.
Then darkness.
* * * *
Romani have a saying: Rom corel khajnja, Gadzo corel farma. Gypsies steal the chicken, but it is the gaje who steal the whole farm. Yes.
Yes.
* * * *
I wake in a white bed, in a white room, wearing white bandages under a white blanket. It's like doctors think that color hurts. Geoff sits beside my bed. When I stir, he leans forward.
“Dad?"
“I'm here."
“How do you feel?"
The inevitable, stupid question. I was MPG-fragged, a table fell on me, how should I feel? But Geoff realizes this. He says, quietly, “She's dead."
“Rosie?"
He looks blank—as well he might. “Who's Rosie?"
“What did I say? I don't feel ... I can't..."
“Just rest, Dad. Don't try to talk. I just want you to know that Daria Cleary's dead."
“I know,” I say. She's been dead a long time.
“So is that terrorist. Dead. It turns out he was actually a federal agent—can you believe it? But the woman you saved, Mrs. Kowalski, she's all right."
“Where is she?"
“She went back downstairs. Changed her mind about D-treatment. Now the newsholos want to interview her and they can't find her."
And they never will. I think about Stevan and Rosie ... and Daria. It isn't pain I feel, although that might be because the doctors have stuck on my neck a patch the size of Rhode Island. Not pain, but hollowness. Emptiness. Cold winds blow right through me.
When there's nothing left to desire, you're finished.
In the hallway, ‘bots roll softly past. Dishes clink. People murmur and someplace a bell chimes. Hollowness. Emptiness.
“Dad,” Geoff says, and his tone changes. “You saved that woman's life. You didn't even know her, she was just some crazy woman you were being kind to, and you saved her life. You're a hero."
Slowly I turn my head to look at him. Geoff's eyes shine. His thin lips work up and down. “I'm so proud of you."
So it's a joke. All of it—a bad joke. You'd think the Master of the Universe could do better. I go on an ins
ane quest for a ring eaten by a robotic dog, I assist in the mercy killing of the only woman I ever loved, I save the life of one of the best criminals on the planet—my own partner-in-law in so many grand larcenies that Geoff's head would spin—and the punch line is that my son is proud of me. Proud. This makes sense?
But a little of the hollowness fills. A little of the cold wind abates.
Geoff goes on, “I told Bobby and Eric what you did. They're proud of their grampops, too. So is Gloria. They all can't wait for you to come back home."
“That's nice,” I say. Grampops—what a word. But the wind abates a little more.
“Sleep, now, Dad,” Geoff says. He hesitates, then leans over and kisses my forehead.
I feel my son's kiss there long after he leaves.
So I don't tell him that I'm not going back home any time soon. I'm going to have the D-treatment, after all. When I do have to tell him, I'll say that I want to live to see my grandsons grow up. Maybe this is even true. Okay—it is true, but the idea is so new I need time to get used to it.
My other reason for getting D-treatment is stronger, fiercer. It's been there so much longer.
I want a piece of Daria with me. In the old days, I had her in a ring. But that was then, and this is now, and I'll take what I can get. It is, will have to be, enough.
Copyright (c) 2007 Nancy Kress
[Back to Table of Contents]
* * *
...AS MUCH AS MOST
by W. Gregory Stewart
Here is as much as
most folks need to know
about space, time and Einstein—if
you go fast enough
from as many A
to as many B as you can
why then
you shall eventually
come to a place
where you see yourself
across a river.
—
(Well, of course he didn't spell it out,
of course you won't find it
in so many words or c-squared
but it's there
between the lines—
WE all know what he meant, wink wink—
Asimov's SF, July 2007 Page 20