At Peace

by Kristen Ashley

  I let them both go, grabbed my cell off the counter and called Joe.

  It rang twice then, “Yo.”

  “Hi, talk’s over, you have the Winters Girls seal of approval.”

  “Good to know, buddy,” Joe said, sounding like he was smiling then again our talk lasted about ten minutes so he knew he was golden.

  “Though,” I went on to warn, “you’re gonna lose it if you don’t get home soon with the custard.”

  “It’ll be awhile,” Joe told me.

  “Is it busy?” I asked.

  “Don’t know. We’re at the garden center,” Joe said.

  I blinked at the counter then looked between Kate and Keira before asking, “Why are you at the garden center?”

  “Buyin’ you a new grill,” he answered and I blinked again.

  My old grill out on the deck was covered by a tarp, an old tatty tarp which was good because the gas grill was older and tattier. It destroyed my whole deck vision with my wrought iron furniture and flowers so it was hidden in a corner. Tim had meant to build me a built-in grill in our backyard. He had it all planned, even bought the bricks he was going to use but he died before he could do it.

  “You’re buying a new grill?” I asked and Kate smiled at a smiling Keira.

  “Buddy, don’t even wanna look under that tarp,” Joe answered.

  “It’s not pretty, but it works.”

  “A man’s gotta have the grill he’s gotta have,” Joe told me.

  “What?”

  “I’m not grillin’ chops on a shitty grill,” Joe said instead of repeating himself but I was stuck on the idea of Joe grilling anything.

  “You’re grillin’ the chops?” I asked.

  He sounded somewhat impatient when he replied, “Vi, I go to the grocery store, I grill chops. I’m a guy but I gotta eat and you get food at the store and guys grill meat, that’s what we do.”

  “So you know how to grill?” I asked hesitantly.

  “You know how Vinnie taught Benny how to make a pie?” Joe asked me.

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, my Dad could do one thing good, grill, and he taught me how to do it. So, yeah, I can grill.”

  “Okay.”

  “We done talkin’?”

  “Um… how long are you gonna be?”

  “A lot longer, we’re not done talkin’.”

  I smiled at the phone then told him, “The girls and me may be at the store when you get back.”

  “Be a fool’s errand since I took your list with me.”

  “You’re goin’ to the store?” I breathed, thinking both of rugged alpha male Joe roaming the aisles of a grocery store (which was shocking in itself and I’d already faced this impossibility the day before, but it was such an impossibility it was worthy of further emotion) and of the fact I didn’t have to go to the grocery store (which was a welcome change).

  “Shit,” he muttered into the phone, clearly not wanting to have the grocery store discussion again.

  “Okay, buy a grill, go to the store, be domestic,” I said quickly, “just don’t forget the custard.”

  “I won’t forget.”

  “See you later.”

  “Yeah,” then he called, “Vi?”

  “Yeah, honey?”

  “It’s all good.”

  “What?”

  “Us,” he said, I got that winded feeling again, liking the idea of “us”, liking that he knew to get me, he got the girls and he wanted that and he wanted that to be good and he went on. “Girls’re home, we’re together, it’s all good. Now you gonna relax, baby?”

  I tipped my head to the side and whispered, “Yeah.”

  “Be home soon.”

  Yes, he would and I liked that most of all.

  “Yeah,” I whispered, “later, honey.”

  “Later, buddy.”

  I slid my phone closed and looked at my girls.

  “We’re getting a new grill,” I announced and they both smiled.

  * * * * *

  Joe and Dane didn’t buy a grill.

  They bought the grill to end all grills. It took them an hour to set it up on my deck. It was gleaming and huge and totally went with my deck vision.

  Then they loaded up the old, tatty grill and took it to the dump.

  Then they came back and Joe grilled chops. We ate his chops with my homemade potato salad and blanched green beans tossed in sesame dressing. We finished this with my homemade hot fudge sundaes with huge squirts of whipped cream, chopped nuts and a cherry.

  Joe was not wrong. His father must have been the master grill artist like Vinnie was a master pizza maker. Joe’s grilled chops were the best, even better than Tim’s and Tim could man a grill.

  We ate on the deck.

  All afternoon and evening, pretending to have stuff to do in her backyard but really being nosy, Tina came out every once in awhile to watch this activity, the grill building, the chop cooking, the family eating on the deck.

  Tina didn’t look happy about Joe’s sudden domestication.

  Revenge was sweet.

  * * * * *

  “Buddy?” Joe called when we were in bed, I was in his tee, my cheek to his chest, his heart beating in my ear and I was half asleep.

  “Yeah?”

  “That first time, shoulda made me a hot fudge sundae.”

  My head came up and I looked in the direction of his face even though I couldn’t really see him because it was dark.

  “What?”

  “Before I fucked you over the first time, you shoulda made me a hot fudge sundae.”

  “Why?” I asked.

  “I wouldn’t have fucked you over. I woulda taken you to Vegas.”

  “Vegas?”

  “Married you, Vi,” he said, sounding like he was close to laughing.

  “What?” I breathed.

  “They’re that good.”

  “What are?”

  His hand curled around the back of my head and he urged, definitely laughing now, “Stick with me here, honey. Your sundaes. They’re that good.”

  My sundaes were good, I loved my sundaes. The hot fudge was Bea’s recipe but I made it better simply by putting in a bit of cinnamon.

  Still, I asked, “You wouldn’t have told me you were done with me if I’d made you a sundae, instead, you would have married me?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Are you tryin’ to piss me off when I’m half asleep?”

  “Just givin’ you a head’s up on what’ll keep me happy.”

  I pushed up higher. “You are tryin’ to piss me off when I’m half asleep.”

  He curled up, his arms went around me and suddenly I was on my back, Joe on me.

  His mouth against mine, he muttered, “I’m teasin’ you, baby.”

  “I don’t like to be teased.”

  “Then whoever did it wasn’t doin’ it right,” he whispered.

  My breath caught, my body stilled and I stared at his shadowed head in the dark.

  He did remember everything.

  “Joe,” I whispered back.

  His mouth slid from mine to my ear and he murmured. “Don’t say my name like that in this bed unless you want me to fuck you, Vi.”

  My arms went around him, my hands gliding across the skin of his back, my head turned slightly so my mouth was at his ear and I whispered, “Joe.”

  He laughed softly in my ear.

  Then he fucked me.

  * * * * *

  In the middle of the night I jolted awake, breathing heavily, the dream still had hold of me.

  “Buddy.”

  “I’m okay.”

  We were spooning, his arms tightened around me and I pressed back into his body.

  “Same dream?” he asked.

  “Bits different but mostly, yeah,” I answered.

  Joe rolled closer, giving me some of his weight, pressing me into the bed, his big body cocooning mine.

  “You wanna tell me what it is?” he asked.

  “No, no
, I need to let it go.”

  “All right, buddy.”

  “Just, keep close,” I whispered.

  “Not goin’ anywhere.”

  “Good.”

  I felt his face in my hair, his breath stirring it and he held me close, his body a protective shell, until I fell asleep.

  * * * * *

  Sunday, Joe (and Dane) learned what being a part of the Winters Girls clan meant when we all went to look at bathroom and kitchen fittings.

  Kate and Keira’s visions for Joe’s house clashed significantly, they couldn’t agree on anything and discussion got heated.

  In store three when the salesperson was backing away, Dane was faking getting a text and I was about to intervene, Joe waded in.

  “Right,” he said in a commanding way, both Kate and Keira stopped arguing and their eyes cut to him, “Kate, you get the kitchen, Keira, the bathroom…” he turned to me, “Vi, you pick the paint and the carpet.”

  “I want the kitchen,” Keira unwisely put in and Joe’s eyes went to her so she snapped her mouth shut.

  “That’s cool because I’d prefer the bathroom,” Kate said.

  “Done,” Joe decreed and the girls smiled.

  Simple, logical and doable.

  Shit, he was like Superman.

  * * * * *

  Monday I went back to work, so did Kate, Dane went home to his folks and we managed our first day living life the way it was going to be without any real drama.

  I was relieved to see that both girls acted like Joe was a natural fit in the house but it became clear Joe didn’t feel it was so natural. Joe had things on his mind.

  This became clear at the end of the day when I was cleaning off my makeup in the bathroom, Joe was in my bed and I was thinking about our evening.

  When I got home from work, Kate was already home and Keira arrived ten minutes after me. She’d been laying out by Heather’s pool all day, dedicated to building her tan to the highest possible heights prior to school starting. When Keira got home, Joe told us he was taking us to eat at Shanghai Salon. I was thrilled at this idea; it meant I didn’t have to cook. The girls were thrilled because they loved Chinese food.

  When we came back, Joe got a phone call that lasted awhile and the girls and I put in a movie. Kate was in an armchair, Keira and I were stretched out on the couch, Keira in front of me, my arm around her, not unusual for us (or for Kate and me for that matter). Also not unusual for Tim and one of the girls when he was alive.

  Joe was taking his call in the study, I heard it end then I felt him approach the back of the couch.

  Then I felt the cushions behind me being pulled out and both Keira and I looked up as Joe put a hip to the couch then rolled over it, sliding in behind me. With his elbow in the couch, head in hand, his eyes went to the TV as his arm circled both Keira and me.

  I laid still and breathless but looked at my daughter.

  She was still and breathless, her neck twisted, looking at me.

  Then her face went soft, her lips tipped up at the ends and she snuggled into me, forcing me to snuggle into Joe, his arm tightened, my body relaxed and we watched the movie. But before I looked back at the screen I glanced at Kate to see her eyes on the television but her lips were tipped up like her sister’s.

  And, taking my makeup off, I realized this was Joe staking his claim in private and in public. We were his, he wanted us to know it and he wanted everyone else to know it too.

  I stared at myself in the mirror, thinking that Mike told me Joe told him that he was going to give me everything. When Mike told me that, I didn’t know what it meant, I just knew that the promise of it felt brilliant.

  Now I knew what it meant.

  I’d had everything once and what was more my daughters had it and in a way I didn’t think it could begin again the world had ended when that everything was ripped away, not just from me but from my daughters.

  Joe was giving it back, to me and my girls.

  Standing in the bathroom, I felt my side of the scale crash down, it was loaded so full by Joe.

  I walked out of the bathroom into the bedroom and I didn’t look at Joe as I walked to the door and locked it. Then I turned, my eyes went to Joe in our bed and I walked to the end of it. I stood there and, as Joe watched silently, I pulled off his tee, tugged down my panties and stepped out of them then crawled on all fours up his legs. I kissed his belly then slid the covers down.

  “Buddy,” he murmured.

  I took him in my hand and slid him into my mouth.

  “Christ, buddy,” he groaned, both of his big hands sliding my hair back at the sides and holding on.

  Not knowing how to give him everything, I gave him what I could, making him come with my mouth.

  When I was done, he yanked me over his body, shoved my face in his neck and his hand went between my legs and he made me come with his fingers.

  That was Joe, balancing out the scales.

  “You good?” Joe murmured when my heart rate went back to normal, his fingers still sliding gently through the wetness between my legs.

  Yes, I was good.

  Except I found just then I wanted Joe’s side of the scale to be heavier than mine.

  For the rest of his life.

  But I whispered into his neck, “Yeah.”

  His hand slid away and he moved me to his side.

  “Sleep, buddy,” he ordered softly.

  “Okay, Joe,” I replied, his hand went to my hip to draw his random patterns and my mind filled with ways to unbalance our scale.

  I fell asleep not coming up with much.

  * * * * *

  The nightmare came again that night. It woke me and Joe and he held me as my breathing steadied and the tremors slid out of my body.

  He did this silently but when I’d recovered Joe spoke.

  “Don’t like this shit, Vi.”

  “It’ll pass.”

  “Don’t like it,” he repeated.

  “I’ll be okay.”

  “You have this when Tim died?” he asked.

  “No,” I answered.

  “Shit,” he muttered.

  “I’ll be okay.”

  His arms squeezed me then he said, “Yeah.”

  But he didn’t sound convinced.

  * * * * *

  On Tuesday morning while I was drinking coffee and the girls were still sleeping, Joe went out front which was something he did first thing every morning since he’d moved in. I knew why and I chose to pretend it didn’t happen.

  That morning I couldn’t because Joe came back in, stood in the door and looked to me.

  “Come out here, buddy.”

  At first I panicked then I saw his lips twitching so I walked to the door and followed Joe outside and into my yard.

  He looked to Tina’s house so I looked to Tina’s house and then stared.

  The front yard, her trees, her fence, her bushes, everything was covered in toilet paper.

  Once I got over the shock of seeing Tina’s white, toilet-paper-strewn yard, I let out a strangled giggle.

  “Know anything about that?” Joe asked and I looked at him and shook my head.

  “Nope,” I lied.

  Joe looked back at Tina’s and noted, “Looks to me like Jessie Rourke’s handiwork.”

  He was wrong. Toilet papering was Dee’s idea.

  I kept silent.

  Joe looked at me again. “We got war here?”

  “War?” I asked.

  “She gonna retaliate?”

  I thought it was highly unlikely Tina would retaliate with Joe’s truck in my drive but she was a bitch and I wasn’t. What did I know what bitches did?

  “Um…” I mumbled.

  “She fucks with your yard, buddy, we got problems,” Joe warned then suggested, “so maybe you two should have words, settle this.”

  “I’m sure it’ll be all right,” I assured him, not wanting to have words with Tina again.

  “It isn’t, I have to wade in then it
really won’t be all right,” Joe told me.

  “Joe –”

  “Talk to her.”

  “Joe –”

  He got close, tipped his chin down and assumed his sinister look.

  “Buddy, talk… to… her.”

  I tried to decide if I should mess with Joe when he was looking sinister.

  This took half a second before I decided not to mess with Joe when he was looking sinister.

  “All right,” I muttered.

  “Fuck,” Joe muttered back, his eyes going to Tina’s, “I finally find a woman and she’s fuckin’ friends with Jessie Rourke and enemies with Tina Blackstone.” Since he sounded aggravated, I suggested, “I’ll make her cupcakes.”

  Joe looked at me and said not a word.

  I bit my lip.

  Joe looked at my mouth, shook his head then slung an arm around my shoulders and walked me back into my house.

  * * * * *

  When I got home after work that night, Joe wasn’t home and neither were Kate and Keira.

  I had three notes, two from Kate, one from Keira.

  Note one:

  Heather’s folks are taking us to Costa’s. I get to wear my new dress which looks awesome with my tan! Don’t worry, using Joe’s money to pay for mine. Will text you when I’m on my way home.

  xxooxxoo-Keira

  I wondered if that was old Joe money or new Joe money he’d given her to go to Costa’s. I decided to ask later when I wasn’t tired after working all day or, alternately, not to ask at all considering, being tired after working all day, my mood was unpredictable and I wasn’t sure how I felt about Joe possibly giving Keira more money.

  Note two:

  Joe said he’s going to the office and he��ll be home around the time you get home.

  xoxoxo-Kate

  Apparently Joe didn’t write notes. Luckily Kate did.

  Note three:

  Dane and I are going to a movie. We’ll be back around nine.

  Love you!

  xoxoxo-Kate

  I was alone in the house (again) so I went to the mailbox, got the mail, waved to Myrtle, went back in, let Mooch out of his box then let him outside taking my mail with me to open it while I kept an eye on Mooch. Once I sorted my mail, Mooch and I came back in, I dropped the post on the counter and went to fridge, trying to decide what to make for dinner.

  While standing in the fridge, I heard Joe’s truck in the drive. I closed the fridge, still not having decided what to make for dinner and moved to open a cupboard and stare into that with the hopes of inspiration striking.