‘I can’t—’
‘Yes, you can, you’ll see. I’ll be back in a minute.’
She left the mother in the care of another midwife while she went to find Nick. ‘Are you busy in the next half hour or so? I might need you.’
‘Sounds promising,’ he murmured, a lazy, sexy smile playing around his mouth, and she ignored the little shiver of need and rolled her eyes.
‘I’ve got a primipara struggling with an OP labour and she might need a bit of assistance. I’m going to give her some Pethidine and then try and get her up, but I’m not holding out much hope. She’s being pretty adamant about not moving.’
‘OK. Page me if you need me. I’ve got a conference call with Ben’s brother in an hour to talk about Judy’s scans, but if I can help before then, give me a shout. Otherwise it’ll be Ben.’
‘OK.’
She didn’t need him.
Between the painkiller, her partner’s physical and emotional support and a bit of cajoling and encouragement from Liv, they got her up onto all fours which expanded her pelvis enough to allow the baby to pass through it, and no sooner was the mother lying down again with the squalling baby in her arms than there was a knock on the door and Nick stuck his head round.
‘That answers that question, then,’ he said with a crooked little smile. ‘Everything OK?’
She smiled back, blinking away the tears that accompanied every delivery these days. ‘Perfect, thank you, Mr Jarvis.’
‘Good. Come and find me when you’re done, please. I might need you.’
She raised an eyebrow, her back to the patient, and he winked and sent her blood pressure rocketing.
The door closed with a soft click, and she blinked again and turned back to the mother with what she hoped was a nice, professional smile firmly pinned on her face.
‘You see?’ she said. ‘I told you you could do it. Well done.’
* * *
It was after seven before he finished work and came to pick her up. She didn’t mind for herself, because she’d had a nap after she got home, but he’d been at the hospital for fourteen hours and he must be exhausted.
‘How’s Judy?’
‘Fine. OK. Ben’s brother Matt was pretty positive about the baby, which was good. It’s handy having a prenatal paediatrician on tap like that. What do you fancy for supper?’
‘Something quick and easy. You must be really tired.’
He smiled and dropped a kiss on her hair, hugging her gently. ‘I am, but I need to wind down. I’m not on call tonight so I shouldn’t get called in unless Judy has a crisis, and I’m hoping we’ve averted that, so I should get eight straight hours in bed.
‘Fancy fish and chips?’
‘I thought you were on a health kick?’
He laughed. ‘It’s not a health kick, it’s a lifestyle choice, and I can choose to have a treat if I want one. Or if you’d rather, I can knock up a salad. I’ve got roasted aubergine, braised artichoke hearts, hot-smoked salmon fillets—’
‘That sounds gorgeous.’
‘Good. Right, let’s go because the evening’s ebbing away and we’re wasting it and we both need an early night.’
He raided the fridge and drove her down to the harbour, pulled up outside the back of Sam and Kate’s house and took her into the cabin.
‘Oh, it’s lovely!’ she said, looking round. ‘Really nice. And to think I was feeling sorry for you.’
‘Oh, don’t feel sorry for me, I’m very happy here, it’s perfect. Or it is now, now you’re here.’
He put the bag down and pulled her into his arms, staring down into her eyes and searching them for answers.
‘Can we do this, Liv?’ he asked softly. ‘Can we make it work? Even if in the end we can never have kids?’
‘We can give it our best shot. My mum this morning didn’t think she was going to be able to get her baby out without help, but she did it. Maybe that’s the clue. Maybe we have to work at it instead of expecting it to look after itself. But you might have to feed me first,’ she added with a smile as her stomach rumbled, and he laughed and let her go.
* * *
They had coffee after dinner with Sam and Kate, and they could see lights twinkling out on the water, and hear the clatter of the rigging from the boat yard, and she could see why Nick loved it so much.
Then Nick looked at his watch. ‘Right, I need to get some sleep because until Judy’s delivered I’m just waiting for the call.’
‘You need to learn to delegate,’ Sam said, which made her laugh.
‘He doesn’t delegate,’ she told Sam. ‘He doesn’t trust anyone else—a little bit like you, really. I seem to remember you had to check up on me on Saturday morning after the accident.’
‘Rumbled,’ he said with a grin, and Nick pulled Liv to her feet.
‘Come on, I need my bed. Thanks for the coffee, guys.’
‘They’re such nice people,’ Liv said as he started the car. ‘Have you told them about us?’
‘No. I don’t talk about us, you know that.’
‘You talked to Suze.’
‘Just once, and look where it got me.’
He gave her a fleeting smile, and even the moonlight picked up the sadness in his eyes.
* * *
He pulled up on the drive and cut the engine.
‘Oh. Are you coming in?’ she asked. ‘I thought you were in a hurry to get to bed?’
That made him chuckle. ‘Are they mutually exclusive?’
Her jaw dropped a fraction and he stopped teasing her. ‘If I kiss you goodnight out here in the car the way I want to kiss you goodnight, Bert and Gwen will probably have a stroke.’
She stifled a laugh and opened her door. ‘Well, we can’t have that.’
‘Absolutely not.’
He followed her into the house, still chuckling, closed the door and leant back on it, pulling her into his arms.
‘Oh, that’s better.’ His mouth found hers, and he felt the smile on it fade as need moved in and swamped them both.
She arched up and kissed him back, tunnelling her fingers through his hair as he plundered her mouth, his hands holding her head steady as he deepened the kiss, his tongue duelling with hers, his hips rocking against her body.
Then he lifted his head and rested his forehead against hers, his breath rasping in and out as if he’d been running.
‘I want you,’ he whispered roughly, nipping and nibbling over her throat as she arched her head back invitingly.
‘So stay,’ she murmured, and he wavered for a second then shook his head.
‘No, I can’t. I have to go. I’m dead beat and I’m on call tomorrow night, so this is my last chance at a good uninterrupted stretch. What time are you on tomorrow?’
‘Seven, again.’
‘Me, too. I’ll pick you up at a quarter to, and we can have breakfast together when I’ve done my ward round if you’re not involved in a delivery by then.’
He kissed her again, just a tender, lingering caress, and then he moved her gently out of his way before he surrendered to temptation. It would be so easy—
‘I need to go.’
‘I know you do. I love you.’
He groaned. ‘Oh, Liv. I love you, too,’ he murmured. He kissed her again, then opened the door, got into the car and drove away, wondering what the hell he was doing and why, when he could have been upstairs with her by now, buried in that beautiful, willing body.
He must be mad, but he was also wary and he didn’t want to be hasty.
Yes, he loved her, and he needed her, and she clearly felt the same way, but there was so much left unresolved about their infertility, so many things they hadn’t tried. They’d hardly got past first base, but their relationship had already
crumbled under the strain and he wasn’t sure he could face the emotional upheaval of trying to repair their marriage, just to watch it torn down again.
He just had to be sure when they took that next step that they were doing it for all the right reasons, and that meant going back to his own bed.
Alone—but hopefully not for much longer, because the waiting was killing him.
CHAPTER NINE
‘YOU’VE GOT STUBBLE RASH.’
His finger traced her top lip, and she had to resist the temptation to draw it into her mouth and suck it. In the hospital café, right in front of everyone, that might not be smart.
‘Stop frowning, you’ll get wrinkles,’ she told him.
‘Good. It might stop the patients thinking I’m hot, of all things,’ he said, sounding almost disgusted with himself. ‘I can’t believe I scraped your lip with my stubble.’
She chuckled. ‘Well, if you will kiss me like that...’
‘Then I’ll have to shave. And I fully intend to kiss you like that. Every night. At least.’
She didn’t even try to stop the smile. ‘Good. How’s Judy?’
‘Fine. Stable. Her placenta seems to be holding its own and I’m going to get another ultrasound to check if the baby’s grown at all. If not, I might have to reconsider leaving her any longer.’
He glanced at his phone. ‘Right. I’d better get on.’
‘Me, too.’ She drained her coffee and walked back towards the maternity unit with him, parting at the lift.
‘Lunch?’ he asked.
‘If I’m free. What are you doing now?’
‘I’ve got my first stint in the fertility clinic.’
She felt her heart hitch in her chest.
‘Have fun,’ she said lightly, but just the word fertility was enough to bring all her fears home to roost. Were they really ready to go back to all that?
‘Send me a text when you finish. Failing that, supper?’
‘Sounds good. I’ll catch you later.’
* * *
They fell into a routine from then on.
He picked her up from home if their shifts started at the same time, and if not she walked in, not because she shouldn’t drive yet after her concussion, but just because the weather was warmer now and so beautiful and she enjoyed it.
If they could, they shared a break, and if their shifts allowed, they ate together in the evenings, and when they couldn’t do either and they weren’t working together, he sent her texts. Sometimes cheeky, sometimes funny, sometimes just simply, ‘Miss you’.
And bit by bit, over the course of the next week, they started to relax with each other and have fun. And he kissed her. A lot.
And then he rang her at six on Thursday morning, nearly two weeks after her accident, to tell her that Amy Zacharelli was on her way in.
‘I’d like you to be her midwife, if that’s possible. I think you’re on at seven, aren’t you?’
‘Yes, I am. That’s fine, I’ll come in now and sort it with my line manager. Don’t worry, I’ll be there.’
‘Good. I’ll see you shortly. I’ll make sure she’s in a side room in the labour ward.’
‘OK. Thanks. See you.’
She had the fastest shower on record, grabbed a banana out of the fruit bowl and ate it on her walk in. No time to think about driving, or parking the car, so she walked briskly and arrived just as Leo pulled up at the entrance with Amy.
‘Hi, Amy,’ she said as Leo opened the door. ‘Nick’s here, we’re all ready for you. Are you OK to walk?’
‘I’ll be fine, but Leo has to park the car.’
‘That’s OK, I’ll stay with you and check you in. Leo, do you want to park and come back and find us? We’ll be on the labour ward on the fourth floor.’
‘Sure. Thanks.’
He got back in the car and drove off, and Amy grabbed her hand and held on. ‘Oh. Contraction.’
‘That’s OK. Just relax and breathe through it, there’s no hurry. You can lean on me if it helps.’
The next one was three minutes later, just as they arrived on the ward, and the third one came as Leo walked in through the door. She sent Nick a text, and he must have been in his office because there was a tap on the door and he was there just as Amy was undressing, so she slipped out to update him.
‘How’s it going?’
‘Contractions every three minutes, dead on. I haven’t had time to examine her yet so I don’t know how dilated she is, but so far she’s coping well. I don’t know what you want to do about pain relief?’
He pulled a face. ‘Nothing if she can manage without it, and I’d really rather she didn’t have an epidural because she won’t have any feedback if her uterus starts to tear along the scar, which she would feel otherwise. Has she asked for pain relief?’
‘No, not yet. I just wanted all my ducks in a row.’
‘Well, see how it goes. Don’t let her struggle.’
‘I won’t. I’ll put her on a monitor in a minute. Do you want to examine her yourself or do you want me to do it?’
‘No, you do it, it’s your labour. I’m just on standby,’ he said. ‘I’ll come in and say hi, and then leave her with you.’
‘Sure? That sounds like delegating,’ she teased.
He laughed softly, checked the corridor and dropped a fleeting kiss on her lips. ‘Of course I’m sure. I trust you.’
‘OK. I’ll leave her with you while I get rid of my stuff and tell them I’m here, then I’ll be back.’
She was only two minutes, and she found Amy propped up on the bed, with Leo perched on the edge. Nick had put her on the monitor, and the baby’s heart rate was nice and steady.
‘Good, you’re back,’ he said, his eyes speaking volumes. ‘She could do with a quick check, I think.’
AKA things are moving rapidly. She nodded and snapped on some gloves. ‘If you hang on I’ll give you a progress report,’ she murmured and turned to Amy. ‘Right, let’s have a look. How are you doing?’
‘OK, I think. I wasn’t expecting it to hot up so quickly.’
‘Everyone’s different,’ she said comfortingly. ‘Still happy to give this a try?’
‘Oh, yes. I don’t want another C-section, not with two little ones to look after.’
‘Well, we’ll try and avoid it, but if you start getting any sharp or persistent pains around your scar area that aren’t like the contractions, tell us straight away. I’ll just examine you and see how far on you are.’
‘OK—oh, it’s another one.’
‘Two minutes,’ Nick murmured in her ear, and she nodded as her eyes flicked to the monitor. ‘Right, try and relax, let your body do the work. That’s it, you’re doing really well.’
She watched the baby’s heart rate dip a fraction, then recover as the contraction eased. ‘OK now?’
Amy nodded and leant against Leo, who was sitting up beside her pillows, his arm around her shoulders.
‘Right, Amy, can you just drop your knees out for me and relax as much as you can—that’s lovely—wow, you’re doing really well. You’re nearly there. There’s just a tiny anterior lip of your cervix left to pull up and you’re ready to go.’
‘Really? So fast?’
Liv pressed the call button to summon another midwife. ‘Like I said, everyone’s different and your baby’s obviously in a hurry.’
‘I need to push now!’ she said, her eyes widening, grabbing Leo’s hand.
‘Well, that answers that,’ she said with a smile. ‘Just pant for me, Amy. Don’t push until I’m sure that lip’s gone.’
‘Do you mind if I stay?’ Nick asked, and she glanced over her shoulder at him, her smile slipping a fraction. He was such a sucker for a new baby.
‘Be my guest,
’ she said softly. ‘There should be two of us and nobody’s come yet. Right, let’s have a look—OK, it’s gone, so on the next contraction I want you to take a deep breath and tuck your chin down and push for me.’
‘Can I move? I sort of want to kneel, I think.’
‘Sure. Turn round and lean on Leo, or the pillows, whatever’s most comfortable.’
‘Shall I glove up?’ Nick murmured. ‘They’re pretty busy.’
‘If you don’t mind.’
His smile was crooked. ‘When did I ever mind being present at a delivery?’ he asked, and turned away before she could answer.
‘Oh, I have to push!’
‘OK. Deep breath, chin down, let your breath out as you push into your bottom—that’s lovely. Good girl. Well done.’
Two contractions later the baby’s head was crowning, and Liv told Amy to pant as she carefully guided the baby’s head out and round and checked for the cord.
‘Right, little push for me—perfect, well done!’
Amy turned and sat down, and Liv stood back and let Nick lift the baby and pass him to Amy, the tiny slippery body safely cradled in those big, capable hands.
He looked so sure, so natural, so perfect...
He glanced up and met her eyes, and she had to turn away. He wanted this so much for them, needed it so much, and she realised in that moment that she’d go through anything to give him a child.
But what if it never happened for them? What if they went through all the intrusive and gruelling procedures that could be tried and still got nowhere? Would they be able to cope?
She heard the snap as he pulled off his gloves, then felt his arms come round her in a gentle hug.
‘Well done, my love,’ he murmured, and she knew they had to try, even if they failed, because not to try was to condemn them both to eternal regret.
* * *
Nick stayed just long enough to congratulate them and make sure all was well, then retreated to his office, shut the door and leant back against it with a shaky sigh.
Why did he do this job? He must be a masochist.
And Liv thought working in the fertility clinic was hard for him? He let out a humourless little laugh. Every time he saw a baby born, his heart tore a little more. Delivering babies, handing them to their delighted parents—that was far harder, knowing how out of reach it was to him and Liv.
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