When my sniffles finally stopped, I gathered enough courage to mumble into his chest, “I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t want to hurt you. But I think maybe there’s something there, something between us and I don’t know …” I trailed off, not knowing how to say the rest.
He rested his chin on top of my head. “I think maybe there is something there,” he finally said. “But I don’t want to be your reasonable choice.”
Hope and hurt flared in my battered heart. “Fair enough. I don’t want to be your only choice.”
He kissed the top of my head and set me down on the couch. I couldn’t meet his eye as he pulled a silky blanket up to my chin and pulled my hair out from behind my neck. “No dreams for you, you need to rest.”
At that I did meet his gaze. “Are you messing with my dreams?”
He gave a little smile at my quick temper. “Not like that. I can just see how exhausted you are, how exhausted you have been since you got here. Sometimes people, or jinni, just need to sleep. Are you mad?”
“No,” I whispered. “Thank you.”
Chapter Nineteen
My sleep was as dreamless as he promised. I found my way back to wakefulness peacefully, lulled there by a crackling fireplace.
The room was dark and warm and blissfully quiet. Something at my feet shifted and I picked my head up to look. Lincoln was folded into the end of the couch watching me with sad, bleary eyes. “You okay?” he asked quietly.
I nodded and pulled myself upright. It was dark outside and I didn’t recognize the room. My fuzzy mind wouldn’t focus. “How long have you been sitting there?”
“A few hours,” he said, picking at the blanket.
They day’s events flooded back into my mind and my eyes began to fill with tears again. “Lincoln, I am—”
He cut me off by slicing his hand through the air. It was larger and more calloused then the last time I had seen him. “Don’t, let me talk.”
I nodded again and pulled the blanket around me. This was not the reunion I had pictured. I had wanted happiness and rainbows and safety, finally, for all of us. I guess nobody was getting their happily ever after.
“I didn’t meant to hurt you,” he began earnestly. “I would never do that, you know me. I just … I finally got here and I knew I couldn’t win against them, not things like that, and when I saw you I just … I would have done anything to get you out of here. There was so much I didn’t know. I thought I could just come get you and bring you home and everything would be okay.”
I swallowed hard but kept my mouth shut. Nothing was going to be okay, especially not for me. I didn’t know if he knew and I certainly wasn’t telling him, not yet.
He continued. “So, I’m just so sorry. I was so jazzed up. I knew being here, being around them would sort of rub, he told me to be careful about my temper. I’m just really sorry …” he faltered, his face a picture of despair and apology.
“Are you done?” I asked.
He nodded helplessly.
“Then can I have a hug finally?” I asked, my voice breaking.
He opened his arms and I launched myself into them, the tears already streaming. I had missed my brother so much. Not just over the last few weeks but for months. I wanted to go back in time, to when it was just me and him, at home, going to school, him keeping me company. I would cook and clean and babysit Grandma all day everyday if meant I could have my family back the way I remembered them. But if the only Linc I could have was a new, bigger, harsher one, I would take him.
He let me cry, not as gracefully as Jordan or Luka did, but with big awkward pats on my shoulders. My tears turned to snorting laughter and finally I had to pull away or pee my pants.
“What?” he asked sheepishly. “I’m doing a good job.”
“‘A good job’?” I repeated. “According to who?”
“David,” he said. His voice rose a little on that but I couldn’t tell what it meant.
“What did he tell you to do?”
“Be a good brother. He explained things to me.”
I sat back, wondering just how thorough that explanation was. “Wait a minute, who told you being here would rub off on you? How did you even get here? How do even know about this place?”
He ran a hand through his longer hair and settled back. “I told me. Or dream me told me. You know, the other Linc?” He looked at me questioningly. “And then David—”
“You’ve met the other Linc?” He nodded and my jaw dropped open. “But how?”
“In my dreams. Well, your dreams, I guess. I don’t really get it.” He looked up to see my frustrated frown and launched into his explanation. “I left that night and when I came back there were cops everywhere around our house. I tried to rush in because I was sure something was wrong with you or Grandma. They wouldn’t let me in and then started questioning me about who I was. I got scared and I lied.” He hung his head then continued. “I told them I was Jackson, you know, that sophomore across the street that’s on the swim team with me?” I shook my head. “Anyway, I could tell they didn’t believe me so I walked across the street to his house. His parents were up and wanted to know what was going on and opened the door for me. They told me what had happened, I guess everyone in the neighborhood had seen it. When Jackson’s parents went to call Dad about what had happened, I left out the back door. I knew something about what I had been told was wrong.”
He took a breath while I held mine, then continued. “I slept at Kyle’s house that night. And when I fell asleep, he found me. Or I found me. Or …” he shook his head, his confusion evident. “It looked and felt just like me but wasn’t me. He kept trying to tell me something, it was so important. And I knew him, I had dreamed about him before, I just couldn’t remember. Anyway, I woke up and knew I had to figure it out so I moved from friend’s house to friend’s house and every night I somehow dreamt about that town you told me about and he was always there, always trying to tell me things. But in the morning I could only remember little snippets. I tried so hard for weeks to put it together. I was so frustrated. And then David showed up.”
I gasped, not sure where he was going. He shook his head, his eyes imploring me to let him finish.
“David told me a lot of stuff. I thought I was going crazy at first. He told me about Mom and Grandma, he told me that dream place was real and he told me about his world. And then he told me that you were stuck here because of some curse. He knew I was looking for you but he couldn’t just bring me here.”
“Why?” I interrupted.
“He said because just pulling a human from one realm to the next is dangerous. But then I asked him how come they could do it you and he got this big crazy grin on his face and started looking at me all weird.” Linc shuddered and I sympathized. David was scary even when he was trying to be nice. “Anyway, he asked if I had been feeling different since the ‘accident’ and well, duh, of course I have been. He said part of it was because of Jordan, because he kept me for so long in that place, in the woods. I guess it was like a little cage between our worlds and being there changed me. And Jordan being around and checking in on me—”
“How kind of him,” I muttered.
Lincoln’s face darkened. “Yeah, that guy’s a real dick. But because he was always sort of around and kept me in that place, it rubbed off on me enough to let me pass through safely on my own.”
“But how did you do it?” I burst out. “You shouldn’t have been able to get here.”
Lincoln’s face paled a little. “David took me to the woods where that town used to be, Singapore. It was so freaky. That was where he, I mean Jordan, had kept me. It looked familiar, but not, you know? I mean, it was the same trees, same area, but our side of it. David said I could completely pass through if I fell deep enough asleep and he put his hand my head and everything went black. When I woke up
he was gone and everything was … the same I guess, but on the other side.” He shook his head. “I can’t really explain it better than that. Anyway, there was a little note on my bag that said ‘Go north and keep your temper.’ So I hiked north until I finally got here, to you. I guess I sort of forgot the keep your temper part,” he added sheepishly.
I looked at him doubtfully. “So you’re sleeping now? Where’s your body?”
“Here,” he said, rolling his eyes, “my body is here. Seriously, shouldn’t you be more knowledgeable about this stuff than me?”
I threw a decorative pillow at him. “I wish. I have no idea what the heck is going on.”
His face sobered at that. “Bumble bee …” My heart cracked hearing the nickname my mother had given me. No one had called me that in years. He cleared his throat and started again. “David said that you have to stay here until the curse is done, that maybe it would be forever.”
I turned my face, praying he couldn’t see my tears. “Maybe,” I said.
“Then I’ll stay here forever too.”
My tears spilled over. If only it were so simple, that I could stay in this place.
I toyed with the edge of the blanket, wishing I wasn’t risking his newfound anger so soon after finding him again. “It doesn’t work like that. If I’m not the girl that satisfies the curse, then … Then I’m done. I go away forever.”
Lincoln looked at me, his mouth opening and closing like some kind of fish. “Are you going to die?”
I wanted to lie so bad, wanted to tell him I would be home washing dishes and doing algebra homework within a month. “Yeah,” I said. “If I’m not the right girl, then the curse gets rid of me, just like all the ones before me.”
He jerked in his seat, grief rising in his face like a grotesque hot air balloon. “But that’s not fair, we didn’t even know about any of this. Don’t you get a chance to get out of this, figure something out?”
I tried to smile for him. “This is my chance. And I am trying. But it doesn’t look good.”
“Bumble bee,” he whispered, “I can’t lose you. First Mom, then Dad, then Grandma.” His selfishness came to the surface like an ugly welt. “You can’t leave to.”
“I don’t want to,” I swore. “I never wanted this. And I will fight it to the end, but you have to be prepared if that happens. You have to go back and take care of Grandma. You have to go on do all the great things I know you are meant to do.”
He shook his head. “Not without you.”
“Yes,” I emphasized. “Without me, if you have to.”
In the weak firelight he looked so small again, so fragile. I touched my hand to his knee and he looked up. “What if I kill him?”
I gave a startled, snorty laugh. “This actually isn’t his fault this time so it wouldn’t be helpful.”
“No,” he said, completely serious. “The other one.”
“Luka?” I asked, tripping over his name. “You can’t kill him; it’s not his fault either.”
“But without him there is no curse, right?” Lincoln argued.
I shrugged uncertainly. No way was I going to try to kill him but the hope of a new way out entranced me. I shook my head to clear it. “No, that’s wrong and I doubt anything could kill these guys. I can’t even hit them with dead-on aim.”
“I bet I can,” he said, a new, dark glow lighting his face.
“Lincoln, don’t even go there,” I warned. “We’ll find a way out of this but not that way.”
My brother nodded his understanding but he was distracted and I knew he was coming up with a hundred one ways to kill a jinn.
“I’m serious. No trying to hurt Luka.”
He gave a wicked little smile. “Okay. But no promises about Jordan. I really hate that guy.”
I opened my mouth, to agree or defend him, I wasn’t sure. But the murderous look on my brother’s face made me keep whatever comments I had to myself.
Chapter Twenty
Emma led me back to my room. “You look dreadful,” she said upon coming to gather me.
“Thanks,” I said, touching my face. The wounds had been healed but my eyes were scratchy and puffy from crying and dried blood flaked off when I rubbed the one.
“I’ll get you fixed up; I already have your bath ready.”
Sinking into the tub was the best feeling ever. Muscles slowly unlocked as I slid my body into the steaming water. Emma washed my hair, gently rubbing my scalp and I was in danger of falling asleep and sliding under the water. To my surprise, my stomach was growling.
“Did I miss breakfast?” I asked. “I’m starving.”
“You should be, you haven’t actually eaten since you got here. And no, you didn’t miss breakfast.”
I dreamed of bacon and cinnamon toast while I dried off and pulled on the undergarments and soft tights Emma had left in the bathroom for me. When I finally wandered into the bedroom, she pulled a simple green dress from the closet and a thick, fuzzy sweater. I struggled with the long ties until she took pity on me and wrapped them around my waist, tying it on one side.
A glance in the mirror showed I looked better than I felt. That probably had to do with being stuck in jinn world again though.
“Now your hair,” Emma said, and I could see thoughts of curls and swirls in pins flash in her eyes.
“Um, can we do something simple today?” I asked.
She paused, her hands full of my thick hair. “Simple?”
“Yeah, like a braid?” She glared at me in the mirror. “A fancy braid,” I corrected. “With like … crap, I don’t know.”
She sighed, disappointed. “Fine, but I’ll need to get a ribbon,” she said and ducked through the door.
I smiled and settled in my chair. The door opened again and I looked up to see it wasn’t Emma coming up behind me in the mirror, it was Jordan.
I jumped out of the chair, spinning around. “What are you doing in here?” I asked, trying to keep my voice cold.
“I came to apologize.”
“Oh.” That was almost disappointing. “Well, apology accepted.”
“Don’t you even want to know what I’m apologizing for?”
I crossed my arms over chest. “Well, if you went through the whole list of everything you need to apologize for we would be here for hours and I sort of wanted to get down to breakfast this morning.”
He sighed. “You’re angry, I get that.”
My temper flashed and I couldn’t quell it down. “You get that, really? Explain it to me.”
“I know you think this is all my fault—”
“It is.”
He silenced me with a glare. “And I agree that most of it is. But I didn’t know you were going to offer yourself up as sacrifice. Anyway, I didn’t think it would take you, with your hair, and I thought your family would have explained the curse to you.”
I stared at him for a moment until he squirmed. “That isn’t what I’m angry about.”
Confusion crossed his face. “Then what are you mad about?”
“Um, yesterday, my brother?” Confusion was still evident. “You tried to keep me from going to him and then you were going to attack him!” I couldn’t believe I had to spell it out for him.
“I wasn’t going to attack him, I just wanted him away from you.”
My face curled into a sneer. “Story of our relationship.”
His jaw dropped. “Bixby, he tore in here like some wild animal. I didn’t even know it was him at first. Did you not see him? Do you not remember what he did to you? I promised to keep you safe and I meant from everything that would cause you harm.”
Anger flooded me, making my head light. “We are not,” I grated, “NOT fighting about my brother. Of all things! You want to fight with me about him? Don�
��t you know me at all from all your years of spying?” I clenched my hands down at my side to keep from striking out at him. “I could kill you right now. Leave my brother alone—leave my brother out of this.”
“He’s not perfect. Why do you protect him like that?”
“Stop!” I shouted. “He’s the only one I ever had and you know that. That’s why you picked him to kidnap and hide, to use as bait. And you think you’re going to turn me against him?”
I lunged at him, grabbed his shirt and twisted my fists in it. “You don’t know me. You don’t love me. If you did, you’d know not to even go there.”
Jordan gave me a flat, even stare. “I know when you’re hurting. And I know you were hurting when he flung you into that door frame—accident or not. I know he hurt you leaving you to pick up all the pieces and keep everything running smooth after your mom died. You look at him like he’s some god.”
I snarled, the truth finally out. “No, that’s just how you want me to look at you.”
Pain lanced a peculiar light through his eyes. “No, I just want you to see me.”
“I see you,” I said. “And you’re the monster, not my brother.”
He grabbed my arm and pulled me in. “Then I’m a monster that loves every bit of you and will do anything it takes to keep you happy and whole.”
I tried to jerk away but his grip was steel. “I haven’t been whole since you stole my brother. And everyday gets worse. I have Lincoln back for now but in a few short weeks I have to say good-bye forever, to everything.”
“I won’t let that happen,” he breathed in my face.
“What are you going to do to stop it?” I asked, tears welling in my eyes.
“Whatever it takes,” he vowed. He wrapped an arm around me hesitantly. “I wouldn’t ever try to come between you and your brother again, I know how badly it hurt you the first time. But I could see his wild anger and I didn’t want you to get hurt on accident.” I heard what he didn’t say, that I did get hurt, but didn’t respond to it.
Winter's Dream (The Hemlock Bay Series) Page 16