by Ivy Smoak
Forged in Flames
Made of Steel Series Book 2
By Ivy Smoak
Copyright 2017 Ivy Smoak
All Rights Reserved
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To not getting swallowed in the darkness.
We're all stronger than we realize.
CONTENTS
Title
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
A Note From Ivy
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Copyright
Chapter 1
16 Years Old
Flashback
This can't be happening. I tried to take a deep breath as I paced back and forth in the small restroom. My feet stopped when I caught my reflection in the mirror. I barely recognized the person staring back at me. The newest bruise along my jaw was clearly showing through my foundation. My cheeks were hollow. I brushed away my tears with my fingertips and turned away from the mirror.
No matter how much I delayed looking, I knew it was inevitable. I could feel the change. I swallowed hard and closed my eyes tight. For years I had thought my life couldn't get any worse. But this was worse. I wanted to crumple down onto the tiled floor. I'd rather my life end right now than face this alone. I was terrified to handle this on my own. It felt like I was hyperventilating. All I needed to do was open my eyes and look down. Then I'd know. I could plan what to do next. But I really didn't need to see the results. I could feel it.
Please, please, please let me be imagining this. I opened up my eyes and looked at the ceiling. Part of me wanted to pray. But I knew no one would hear my pleas. Even when I screamed no one could hear me. I took a deep breath and turned back toward the bathroom sink. Nothing could get worse, could it? If anything, maybe Don would be nicer to me. Maybe this would be a good thing. He wouldn't hurt me once he found out. Would he?
Someone knocked on the restroom door. "Are you almost done in there?"
I didn't answer. Instead, I slowly looked down. The little plus sign staring back at me felt like a stab in the heart. No. No, no, no. I tried to wipe my tears away again. I couldn't even protect myself from him. How was I supposed to protect a baby?
All I could hear was my own heartbeat. I felt sick. But for the first time in a few days, it wasn't because I needed to throw up. I put my hand on my stomach. This baby was going to be half me. That should have felt like a blessing. But all I could think about was that it felt like a curse. Because it was half him too. It felt like a demon was growing inside of me.
"Is anyone even in there?" the lady on the other side of the door said as she jiggled the doorknob.
It felt like my life had just come to a halt. But no one gave a shit about me. I couldn't even remember the last time someone asked me if I was okay. Nobody cared. I had no one. I grabbed the pregnancy test and tossed it in the trash before pushing the bathroom door open.
"Finally," the stranger grumbled as she walked past me.
She didn't see the tears streaming down my face. She didn't see the pain in my eyes. I was invisible. I kept my head down as I walked through the public library. The afternoons I had off after school, I usually came here. It was where I felt safest, surrounded by people, far away from Don. Now it felt like I had tarnished it somehow. Like I had brought a darkness here. That's how I always felt. It seemed like darkness seeped into the ground every place I stepped. I pushed through the glass doors and quickly walked down the stairs.
Snow was starting to fall. The wind made it dance across my path. I remembered a time when I loved the snow. Now it just reminded me that I had nothing to protect myself against the cold. I wrapped my arms around myself. My winter jacket felt threadbare against the gusts of wind. A bus was pulling to a stop in front of the library. It wasn't the route home. It would wind around the city, making aimless stops for a few hours, before stopping back at the library. Before I could overthink it, I climbed up the bus stairs. Staring out the window of a moving bus had always been calming. It was like the possibility of escape was right at my fingertips. Not that I'd ever try that again.
As I made my way down the aisle, I told myself that I could think it all through on the ride. I could figure out what I needed to do. I shook my head as I sat down in the back of the bus. I didn't need time to think. I knew exactly why I had gotten onto this bus. I knew exactly what stops it made. Yes, this baby was half mine. But it was half monster too. The doors closed and the bus pulled back onto the street.
I knew what I had to do.
***
The doctor pulled up a chair and sat down beside the examination table. "Are you sure that's the route you want to take?" She stared at me like she detested me. Like I was the sinner in this situation. Like it was my fault. "There are so many couples out there that would love to adopt a baby."
It's a demon inside of me. "I'm sure." But I wasn't sure. I had sat in the waiting room for over an hour, with the question rolling around in my head. It's half me. My whole family was dead. This baby was a piece of me. How could I do this? How could I get rid of it?
She nodded. "You are early enough to get medication instead of surgery, which minimizes the risks involved. But it is expensive." She was no longer looking at me, just staring down at her clipboard. But I could still see the look of disgust on her face. She loathed me. And she should. I loathed myself.
I can't do this. It's half me. "How expensive?" I said, instead of voicing my concerns.
"It would be about $600 without complications."
How the hell was I supposed to get $600? Did I even want to?
"And you're only 16, correct?"
I nodded my head. I was trying to do the calculations in my mind. I barely made enough money for food. I was biting my lip so hard that I started to taste blood.
"So you'll need to have parental consent in order to terminate the pregnancy."
The calculations in my mind stopped. Terminate the pregnancy. The words sounded harsh to my ears. I put my hand on my stomach. "My parents are dead." What was I doing here? How could I even consider abandoning this baby the way my parents abandoned me? I loved them. I missed them every day. But I fucking hated them for leaving me to face this all alone. They left me. Just like my grandmother had left me. Just like Miles had left me. Miles. Why the hell was I thinking about Miles? I hadn't heard from him in years.
She pressed her lips together. "I'm sorry to hear that, Summer. But that means you'll need consent from your guardian then. Anyone under 18 needs written consent."
I shook my head. "I can't get consent from my guardian." No matter what choice
I make, he can't know. If I kept the baby, I needed to get the hell out of Colorado. And If I decided to get rid of it, he'd kill me, or at least try. The last time he had put his hands around my neck, I had gone to the police. I had shown them the bruises. No one listened to me. They sent me back home to the monster himself. A doctor who clearly despised me wouldn't listen to me. She had already written me off. I hated the look in her eyes. I hated that she was judging me when she knew nothing.
"I know that situations like this may seem hard at first," the doctor said. "But I'm sure your guardian will learn to accept this. You just need to give it time."
Time. I knew why I had been thinking about Miles. Because I had pictured starting a life with him. I had pictured our kids and a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence. Time had robbed me of that life. God, I was so naive. But still, I found myself placing my hand on the center of my chest where the pendant he had given me rested. I loved the smallest constellations. I couldn't give up on the tiny baby inside of me. I wasn't going to become a monster like Don. I wouldn't let him turn me into one.
I quickly stood up. "I'm sorry, this was a mistake."
The doctor looked relieved. "Does that mean you'll consider adoption? You're only 6 weeks along. You have time to decide."
Time. My heartbeat quickened. I wouldn't let anyone rob me of anything else in my life. But I was running out of time.
"Summer?" she called after me.
I walked out of the clinic without looking back.
Chapter 2
I had tried to leave once before. But Don had found me. Weeks of planning and he had found me before I even left the state. He had nearly killed me that night. After that, I never tried again.
I threw my worn copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone down on top of my clothes and zipped my backpack shut. It was one of the last things my father had given me. And one day I'd give it to my baby.
This time there was no planning. I just had to get as far away from Don as possible. For once in my life, I needed to be strong. The next bus was leaving in 20 minutes. Then I'd be free.
We'd be free. "We're going to be okay," I whispered and placed my hand on my stomach. "Everything's going to be okay." Suddenly, he didn't feel like a monster anymore. He. Was it a little boy? Maybe he'd have my dad's smile. Maybe he'd have my nose that I got from my mother. He was going to be good. He was going to be so good. I'd make sure of it. But first I had to save him from this life.
"I'm sorry," I whispered as I slung my backpack over my shoulder. "I'm sorry that I doubted you." I wasn't sure how it happened, but this baby had suddenly gone from one of the worst things in my life to one of the best. He was a blessing in disguise. And I'd never let anything happen to him.
David. Thinking of my father's name gave me a sense of peace. If it was a boy, I'd name him David. And if it was a girl, I'd name her Jennifer after my mom. This baby was a piece of me, but it would also be a piece of them. I'd have a family again. Maybe I'd feel whole again too.
I ran down the stairs two at a time. Don would be home any minute. It was now or never. For the first time in years, I had hope. That's what this baby was. Hope. This baby was exactly what I needed. I suddenly had a purpose again. I opened up the back door and froze.
Don was standing there with a cigarette in his hand. His breath puffed out in a cloud in front of his face. He smiled. "Where do you think you're going?" He took another long draw from his cigarette. I could barely see his face with all the smoke. He put the cigarette out against the railing and flicked it at me.
The act made me flinch. I had felt the butt of his cigarette being put out on my skin before. Everything he did terrified me.
My reaction made his smile grow. "I'll ask again, doll. Where do you think you're going?"
"The library. I have a test tomorrow and I need to study." The snow had started to pick up, and all I could hear was silence. There were no cars going by or dogs barking. It was like a quiet blanket had settled around us. There was nothing scarier than silence. It meant no one was around to hear my screams.
"Get back inside." He put his hand on my forearm.
I cringed under his touch. His skin always felt like fire. Everything about him burned with flames, threatening to end my life at any moment. He was unpredictable. Deadly. Uncontrollable. And I could see it in his eyes tonight. The flames were dancing everywhere.
"I..."
"Now. Don't make me ask again."
"I have to study. I'll be back in a few hours."
He smiled again. "Why? So you can get a scholarship and leave? It's not happening, Summer. We've already talked about this. You're staying right here. Who else will protect you, anyway, huh? I'm all you have. Now get inside." His voice had dropped an octave. Threatening. Demanding. Terrifying.
Protect me? I needed protection because of him. God, I hated him. I hated everything about him. I could go to whatever damn college I pleased. I'd save enough money and provide a good life for my baby. And I'd never see his smug face again. His flames were catching on to me. It was like I had no control over it. But I had never been good at playing with fire.
The snowy night was completely silent as we both stared at each other. His eyes wandered over my body, stopping on my stomach. I swallowed hard. It only took me a moment to figure out that he knew. How the fuck does he know?
I tried to step around him but he put his hand on the center of my chest, pushing my back against the brick wall of the house. "You think I wouldn't find out? You know better than that, doll."
I could smell the alcohol on his breath. I wasn't sure there was anything he liked doing more than hurting me. But when he was drunk, he seemed to lose all control. He was worse than any villain I had read about. A hundred times worse. He wasn't even human when he drank. And I could see it in his eyes tonight. The devil himself was staring back at me. He wanted me dead.
"Please, Don." My voice sounded pathetic. I was pleading with someone who could never hear me.
"Please what?"
"Don't hurt me." Don't hurt us.
"Maybe you should have thought about that before you got rid of my baby."
What? "I didn't."
He smiled. "There's no point in lying. You know better. That'll just make this worse for you." He put his hand on the side of my face.
"Don't touch me!" I screamed into the silence. Fire. I knew better than to let his flames catch on to me. I shouldn't have said anything at all.
He put his hand over my mouth. He looked surprised by my words, but it just added to the force of his hand. "Or what? You'll fight back?" The smile had returned to his face. "You know that I love when you fight back."
Everything about him was twisted.
"You're staying here. And if you don't want my kids, fine. Let's just make it easier on you, shall we?" He pulled a knife out of his pocket.
Get off of me!
Pure evil. There were no other words to describe the look on his face.
"I would never want someone like you to bear my children anyway."
I clawed at the hand over my mouth.
"You're worthless."
He slid his hand up higher, blocking the air from entering my nose too.
"You're weak."
I couldn't breathe. I kicked his shin, but it just made him press his body more firmly against me. He was hard. He got off on hurting me. I was suffocating. I wrapped my legs around his waist and tried to kick the back of his knees.
He smiled, not moving an inch. "You're pathetic."
I reached my hand out and tried to grab his throat. But I was worthless. I was weak. I was pathetic. He didn't even flinch at my touch.
"You're just lucky that you're attractive, because it's the only thing you've got going, doll."
I felt the knife slice into my stomach. The pain was blinding. My hope. My purpose. I could feel the life slipping out of me. I was suffocating. But I wasn't worried about myself. He was killing my baby. I couldn't breathe. The pain in my lun
gs was worse than the pain in my stomach. I tried to scream, but the sounds were muffled.
"Now we don't have to worry about any more accidents."
I bit down on his hand with the remaining strength I had. And I tasted blood. I smelled blood. I just didn't know if it was his or mine.
"Fucking bitch!" He shoved me off the wall.
I caught the railing as I took a huge gulp of air. I had to get away from him. This was my only chance. I started to run down the stairs, but his hands gripped my hair, pulling my face back until my eyes met his. The flames in his eyes burned even brighter.
"I'll give you a five second head start." He shoved me hard down the stairs.
"Help me!" I screamed into the silent night as I fell to my knees, my hands landing in the snow. "Someone help me!" I cried. The fog from my breath curled up in front of me. No one was coming to my rescue. No one could hear my screams. Get up. My body wouldn't listen to me. I moved my right hand to touch my stomach. I felt the warmth of blood. I felt the life seeping out of me. Get up! I placed my hand back on the ground.
"It's okay," I whispered into the still night. "I'll take care of you. I'll always take care of you."
My legs shook as I got back to my feet. I placed my hand back on my stomach. The front of my jacket was completely soaked in blood. We're okay. But I felt dizzy. I tried to run, but instead I stumbled forward.
"Five," Don said somewhere behind me.
"Stay away from me," I choked. I was so dizzy.
"Or what?" He grabbed my arm and turned me to face him.
My hand slid back to my bloody stomach. I could barely keep my eyes open. Every ounce of life had been drained out of me. We're not okay. I couldn't protect you. I knew the baby was gone, just like I knew it had been there in the first place. I could feel it. No. That was the problem. I couldn't feel it anymore.
"Or what?!" Don spat.
I saw my bloody handprint in the freshly fallen snow as Don shoved me back to the ground. I was everything he had said. Worthless. Weak. Pathetic. I watched the snow slowly fall on top of my bloody handprint. All I could hear in the silent night was the sound of his zipper. My familiar sob as he grabbed my hips. And his grunting.