by Ivy Smoak
Chapter 27
Wednesday
I pulled the covers up to my chin and rolled over once again. Sleep evaded me. Every time I closed my eyes I saw the hurt look on Miles' face. Or the fire he seemed to light inside of me. It was like I had stopped breathing when we were apart. And as soon as he kissed me, my lungs had suddenly inflated.
When I forced my mind to push thoughts of him aside, I'd see Sadie Davis slowly counting down until she reached zero. This isn't working. I shoved the covers off of myself and climbed out of bed.
I had gotten back from my date with Miles late, and V's apartment had been empty. Hopefully it still was. I didn't want to talk to V or anyone else. The lights immediately turned on when I stepped out of the bedroom. Maybe now that Athena seemed to like me a little better she'd let me do some research.
I was on my way to the computers when a file on the glass table caught my eye. I opened it up and sat down. It was the results of the fingerprint analysis from my copy of Heart of Darkness.
My fingerprints were on there, which was nothing obvious. I turned the page. The real Sadie Davis' fingerprints were on it. I stared down at the picture of her. Same birthday as me. Matching hair and eye color to my current ones. Why? I put my forehead in my hand. Why couldn't I piece it together? What possible reason would Don have for making me steal some random woman's identity?
I looked down at her eyes. She looked so sad. And lost. Was that how I looked? I wondered if he was beating her too. Forcing himself on her. That's what caused that look. Suddenly I felt myself feeling bad for the person who was playing games with my head.
Staring at her didn't help anything. It didn't put the pieces together. It made me pity her like everyone pitied me. Really, it just made my chest ache. Because she looked so much like my mother. And it tore me to pieces that she looked so sad. All I could remember was my mom smiling up at my father. Laughing. This wasn't her. It couldn't possibly be her. But I used to laugh. I used to smile.
I tried to shake away the thought, but it had settled around me, sending a chill down my spine. This is not my mother. I turned to the next page in the file to try to dismiss the nagging suspicion. And...my breath seemed to catch in my throat. Julie Harris. I reread the name at least a dozen times. Julie Harris' fingerprints were on the book. I wouldn't have even known my babysitter's last name, but I recognized the picture of her. It looked like it was a picture from a newspaper, announcing her engagement to a man named Jacob. His arm was wrapped around her shoulders as they smiled at the camera.
Jacob. I swallowed hard. I wondered if it was the same Jacob who she had just started dating when I last saw her. The one who bought her the Converses. The one she said she didn't know if she was in love with. I stared at their smiling faces. Clearly they were in love now.
I didn't want to tear my eyes away from the picture. I wanted one person from my past to have ended up happy. But there was another newspaper clipping below this one. I knew in my gut it wouldn't be good. Because why on earth were Julie's fingerprints on my book?
I glanced down at the other clipping. It was a missing persons article. My heart seemed to pound in my chest as I looked at the date. Julie had gone missing three and a half weeks ago. Right around the time I escaped from hell with the help of Mr. Crawford. She had been missing for almost a month. What were the odds that she was still alive?
My mind immediately pictured the bloody bunny slippers. I had been wearing them the last time I saw her. She's dead. I put a hand over my mouth stifling my sob. Oh my God, Julie's dead. There had been so much blood. I fumbled with my phone as I pulled it out of my pocket. So much fucking blood. I needed to talk to V. We needed to try to find her in case it wasn't too late.
As if answering my silent plea, there was a whooshing noise in the apartment. I turned around to see the window slowly rising. V stepped in. When he saw me, he immediately pulled his hood down a little lower.
"You should be sleeping," his voice rumbled.
I grabbed the newspaper clipping and ran over to him. "I know her. Julie Harris was my babysitter growing up. She was the last person who saw me in my bunny slippers. The ones I told you about. The ones that Don sent to me covered in blood." I was almost too terrified to ask him my question. "Is she dead?" My hands were shaking so badly I couldn't get them to stop.
"I don't know."
"V, we have to find her. She's in trouble because of me. Please, we have to do something."
"I've been out all night trying to find her. Or Sadie Davis. Or Don." He pulled off his gloves. "I don't know where any of them are."
"I don't care about Sadie or Don right now. We have got to find Julie. We have to. If she's still alive..." I swallowed hard. Part of me expected him to reassure me. But maybe it was better that he didn't. What was the point of being optimistic when nothing ever seemed to turn out okay?
"We have less than three days to piece this together. We can't..."
"She's an innocent bystander! She has nothing to do with this. We have to save her."
"I'm exhausted, Sadie. I just told you I've been looking for her. I'm sorry."
"Why do you keep calling me Sadie?!" I wasn't sure why I was fighting with him. He had been out all night doing exactly what I was asking him to do. But he hadn't found Julie. And I was upset. And the thought of her being dead made my head pound. "I'm not related to that monster! V we have to do something. We can't let Don kill Julie."
"I can't even think straight right now. I need rest. We both do."
"There isn't time!" I could hear the clock ticking down in my head, racing toward zero.
"Bed. Now." His voice had suddenly gotten stern.
"No." I hated how I always sounded like a child whenever I got in a fight with him.
He sighed and stepped toward me, lifting me up in his arms.
I grimaced. "Let go of me!"
He didn't say a word as he carried me to the bedroom.
"How tired can you be if you can still pick me up? Let me down!" I tried to squirm out of his grip.
He ignored me and tightened his hands on my limbs, making it impossible to move, as he kicked the door open with his foot. He tossed me unceremoniously on the bed.
"I can't sleep right now, V. I can't. Julie's out there somewhere and she needs my help."
"Yes you can. Move over."
"You're not sleeping in here with me."
"Athena, lock the door," he said calmly as he kicked off his shoes.
I heard a clicking noise. "V, seriously, we need to do something."
"Athena, lights off."
The lights immediately turned off and I felt the bed sag.
"I've been sleeping on the couch for the last two nights," he said as his arms wrapped around me, pulling me down onto the bed. "Let's both just try to get a good night's sleep and focus on figuring everything out tomorrow."
"Can't we do that without snuggling?" I was seething. But I was also extremely aware of how strong his arms were around me. And how safe it made me feel. God, he was right. I was exhausted too.
"It's easier for me to sleep knowing that your safe." His breath was hot on the back of my neck.
"I don't mind sleeping on the couch," I grumbled.
He lightly sighed as his breathing slowed. His hand loosened around my waist and I could tell that he had fallen asleep.
He needed this. Somehow holding me like this made him feel more content. And even though I was furious with him, I needed it too. For years I didn't have any safe form of physical contact with another person. The truth was, only Miles and V made me feel this safe. I closed my eyes tight. And sometimes Eli. When he wasn't angry.
I wouldn't mind sleeping like this on my last few nights of borrowed time.
Chapter 28
Wednesday
I slowly opened my eyes and was about to stretch when I froze. V's arm was still wrapped around my torso. I could feel the rise and fall of his chest against my back and the tickle of his out breaths against the base o
f my neck. The sweet smell of his cologne had completely surrounded me. I couldn't deny the fact that I had slept soundlessly in his arms. Clearly he felt the same or he would have wandered back to the couch once I had fallen asleep. He wanted to hold me. The thought made my chest ache. How could I like this so much when I knew I still had feelings for Miles? Feelings that I had stomped on last night when I pulled away from our kiss.
Suddenly, the realization that V was still asleep replaced the feeling of guilt creeping into my stomach. This was my chance to see who he really was. As slowly as possible, I turned underneath his arm in order to face him.
He groaned and I immediately stopped. I waited a few seconds before completing my roll toward him. His eyes were still closed. I slowly exhaled as I stared at his masked face. His long lashes didn't do much to cover the dark circles underneath his eyes. He was exhausted. My being here had forced him to sleep on the couch the last few nights. And who knew how much sleep he ever really got. Most of his appearances had been in the middle of the night when he was veiled in a cloak of darkness.
But I didn't want him to be hidden any longer. I needed to see him. I reached out and lightly touched the bottom of his mask. V didn't even flinch. I slowly pushed it up. My fingers brushed against the scruff under his chin. It felt as though a current shot through me.
As if my touch did the same to him, he grabbed my hand and rolled on top of me, pinning me to the mattress. There was a wild look in his eyes.
"What are you doing?" his voice rumbled.
"I thought..."
"You said you trusted me!" He blinked hard as he stared down at me. It was like he was trying to rid himself of his anger. But no matter how many times he blinked, that wild look remained in his eyes. "Were you lying?"
I don't know anymore. "Trust is a lot easier if it's reciprocated. How can I trust you if you don't trust me?"
"You need to get to class," he said, but he didn't move off of me.
"I can't go to class today. There's no point. I can't focus on anything. We need to find Julie."
"You have to go. It's better if you pretend like everything is normal."
"There's nothing normal about my life. It's just a sequence of one disaster after the next."
He just stared down at me. He loosened his grip on my hands slightly, but still didn't move. "One day you might look back at your life and realize that spending a few days with me wasn't such a disaster."
"I didn't say being here was a disaster. That wasn't..."
He leaned forward and pressed his masked forehead against mine. "You didn't have to."
"V."
He lifted his forehead off mine and stared down at me. He parted his lips like he was about to say something, but immediately closed his mouth again. He climbed off of me.
Without his touch, I was suddenly cold. It felt a lot like our borrowed time had just ended. And even though it already felt like my heart was torn into a million pieces, it still hurt. "You're not a disaster," I said into the silence that had settled around us.
He stopped in the doorway. "Go to class. Pretend to be Eli's girlfriend. I'll see you tonight." He closed the door behind him.
After quickly getting ready, I searched the apartment for V. But he was gone. He was probably out looking for Julie. He was trying to fix my life that I had called a disaster. And I hated that he thought he was a part of that. He wasn't a disaster at all. He was the hero that this city so desperately needed. I just wasn't sure he was the hero I needed. I shook my head. That was the whole problem. A part of me thought that he was what I needed. And I didn't understand what that meant.
***
Kins sat down next to me with a huge smile on her face. The smile almost looked insane, like she had done something diabolical. A knot started forming in my stomach. She had accepted the fact that Eli wasn't the vigilante when I had told her. I thought that we'd agreed for her to drop it. She wasn't still searching, was she?
"Hey, what's up?" I said, dreading the answer.
She leaned on the armrest that separated us. "Double date. Tonight. The Tavern on the Green."
"Sounds fun. Who's going with you and Patrick?"
"What do you mean who's going with me?" She slapped my arm. "You and Eli of course."
No way. "Oh, no," I quickly said. "Shoot. We can't tonight. We already have plans." And technically we did. Eli was supposed to be helping me figure out what the hell Don was planning.
"Eli already agreed. Whatever you two already had planned is officially rescheduled. You're coming with us."
Damn it, Eli. "When did you even have time to ask him?"
"This morning when he was getting dressed." She raised her eyebrows at me.
"God, Kins, what is wrong with you?"
"What? I told you that just because I'm in a relationship it doesn't mean I can't appreciate a fine male specimen. From a distance."
I laughed. "You're ridiculous."
"No, Eli's abs are ridiculous." She smiled at me as I rolled my eyes. "But seriously, tonight is going to be a blast. And you have to dress up. This place is fancy." She gave my Converses a disapproving glance.
"They look cute with a sundress," I said.
"Not really. Oh! We should go shopping after classes today."
"I don't have time to do both." Had I seriously already committed to this double date?
"But..." she stopped protesting when the professor walked in. "We'll talk about it later.
Not a chance.
***
"Seriously, Eli? A double date with Kins and Patrick?"
He smiled at me as he sat down in the desk next to mine. "Good morning to you too. You look really nice today."
I sighed. "We don't have time for a date tonight."
"There's always time to make sure we're keeping up appearances. We all agreed that in public you and I would be dating."
"Eli." My voice sounded desperate. "Kins wants me to go shopping with her for new shoes. I can't handle going shopping and going on a date and any other freaking thing right now. I'm having a hard enough time sitting here like everything's fine."
"Hey." He put his hand on my knee. "If anything, tonight will take your mind off of your troubles. I think we could both use that."
"What, like that party we went to where you completely abandoned me? Because last time I remember us putting pressing matters aside I ended up drunk and alone." But really it hadn't been so bad. I had run into Miles after all.
"I told you that was because of work. I'm sorry..."
"I don't care about your apology." I moved my knee away from his hand. "Tell them we have to cancel."
"Give me one chance."
"I've given you plenty of chances."
"The real me. Summer," he said, lowering is voice. "Please. Just one chance." He put his hand back on my knee.
I looked down at his hand and then back up at his face. "We can't be ourselves on a double date anyway."
"Then we'll cut out early."
I bit the inside of my lip as I stared at him. "I don't think it's a good idea."
"It's just one night."
I shook my head. Possibly one of my last nights. "You promise not to ditch me?"
He smiled. "If something comes up, this time I can just take you with me."
I folded my arms across my chest and stared at the front of the room. I hadn't even realized the professor had already started talking. I stared blankly at the board. Class. A date. None of it mattered. I just wanted Julie to be okay. "Okay, fine. But only if V is willing to push back the meeting tonight. And we have to be back for it. On time."
"Deal."
I pulled out my phone to text V. Before I pressed on his name, I realized I had one unread message. It was from Miles. I clicked on it.
"I promise that whatever it is you're not telling me isn't going to scare me away. Please stop running."
Running. That's all I knew. The thought of standing still terrified me. I started bouncing my knee nervously. I coul
d barely even sit here, knowing what was going on in my life, or more accurately, not knowing what was going on. The only thing I was sure of was that I wasn't going to drag anyone down with me. And if that meant pretending for one night that I had a boyfriend so Kins wouldn't get suspicious, or avoiding Miles, that's how it had to be.
Besides, Miles was dead wrong. If he knew what I was planning, it would scare him away. The only thing I was looking forward to was the thought of seeing death in Don's eyes. And not his usual dead stare. I wanted to know what he looked like when he could no longer hurt anyone. When all the life was sucked out of him just like he had sucked out mine. The thought made my veins feel cold.
I deleted Miles' message and typed out one to V requesting that our meeting be pushed back a few hours.
His response came almost immediately. "Whatever you need."
My knee kept bouncing. Whatever I need? What is that supposed to mean? He was probably hoping that I'd come home in a better mood than when I left. I almost laughed out loud at the fact that I had called his apartment home. I hadn't had a home since I was nine years old.
I couldn't focus on a word that the professor was saying. My eyes were glued to the phone. I didn't know if V was mad or completely neutral. But I hated where we had left things this morning. "I didn't mean you were a disaster, V," I typed out and pressed send.
I stared down at my phone for the rest of the class. A response never came.
Chapter 29
Wednesday
I moved my hand away as soon as Eli reached for it.
He sighed. "Sadie, we're supposed to be in a relationship. That means holding hands after class."
"Relationships mean different things to everyone. And if anyone asks, we're taking it slow." I pushed the door open and took a huge breath of autumn air. I had already agreed to go on the double date with him. There was no reason why I had to hold his hand. What if Miles walked by? I didn't want to hurt him.