by Ivy Smoak
"Don't you ever think this is pretend," he whispered in my ear. "Don't you ever stop believing in what we have. Don't you ever diminish this to something else."
In his own way, I think he was asking me to not let go of hope. But how could he know that I was? And how did he know that he was the only thing making me hold on?
My fingertips dug into the skin on his shoulders. "I love you Miles Young," I whispered into the darkness. I've always loved you.
He didn't say it back. And I was glad he didn't. Part of me thought it might feel like a betrayal to hear it out loud. But I felt it. I knew he loved me too. I felt it with each kiss on my skin. Which each thrust of his cock. With each groan that fell from his lips. It was better that it was left unspoken. Hearing something and experiencing it were very different. I'd take the experience any day.
"Come for me," he said and kissed the side of my neck. "I need to feel you."
"Not yet. Please not yet." This couldn't be over. This was my last chance at living.
"This isn't the end, Sadie." He pulled back slightly and smiled down at me. That smile I loved so much. "It's only just the beginning."
I felt the twitch of his cock and I immediately let go. I clenched around him and I savored the feeling of how warm he felt inside of me. I flew high.
But then I crashed low. So fucking low. Because he was wrong. This wasn't the beginning, it was the end. We began when I was six and he was eight. And we ended now. Tonight. Under the stars. I reached up and pushed his hair off his forehead like I always wished I could do.
He groaned as he rolled over, pulling me on top of him.
I looked down at the tattoo on his chest. Forgive me, I silently pleaded. I kissed his tattoo. I kissed every inch of him I could reach. I tried to kiss away his years of pain. He was broken because of me. I just hoped one night of my love was enough to heal him. I hoped that he'd keep breathing even when I stopped.
He ran his fingers through my hair. "That was amazing. You're amazing."
I'm not. I ran my index finger along the arrow on his heart. "Thank you for tonight, Miles. But I should go."
He lowered his eyebrows. "Thank you? What is that supposed to mean?"
I climbed off his lap and started to pull on my clothes that were scattered about the roof. "Thank you for showing me what it was like to truly live." Every day you showed me that. But tonight...tonight you made me fly. I grabbed the doorknob.
"Don't leave. Stop running." He stood up and yanked his pants on, like he was going to come after me.
"I have to go."
"You can't leave me." There was so much emotion in his voice. It's what I had thought he said when I ran away from him after our kiss in Central Park. I thought I had imagined it. But he had just said it again. It was almost like he knew what was going to happen once I walked away. He knew our time was over. I stared at him. His jeans were still unzipped. His hair was sticking up from the way I had grabbed it. His shirt was still on the ground. He was perfect. My eyes gravitated down to his tattoo. So perfect.
When my eyes met his, I almost gave in. I could feel his pain. I'm sure the look in his eyes was a reflection of my own. Tears brimming at the surface. Tired bags underneath. He looked exhausted. And broken. I hadn't been able to heal him. I had probably made it worse. Coming here had been selfish.
Jane's words about my mother came back to me. Maybe I was more like my mom than I thought. Maybe we were both evil. But Miles would never turn into a monster like Don had. Miles could never be bad. His heart was too pure. His love was too strong to be conquered by hate the way mine had been. Don't let me break you. Don't let me ruin you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
"I left you a note under your door," I said. "It explains everything. Please wait until tomorrow morning to open it. I'm so, so sorry, Miles. But I do love you. And I'm so grateful for every moment we ever had together."
"Sadie!" He called after me as the door closed.
I knew he said Sadie. I knew it. So why had it sounded like Summer? I started to run down the stairs. I remembered him calling after me as I ran away from his tree house the night my parents had died. The most perfect moment had turned into one of the worst. But this time I was prepared. I knew what was going to happen as I ran away from him.
I knew that I was breathing my last breaths as my feet hit the pavement. My lungs were filling for the last time. Tomorrow he'd know the truth about who I was. And tomorrow I'd be gone. He had given me the gift of being Summer one last time. He had always been my only reason to keep living.
I kept running. And running. And running. Closer and closer to the end.
Chapter 37
Friday
I touched the pendant around my neck. I had put it back on next to my heart. Where it belonged. Thinking about Miles made it hard to breathe. He would have opened the letter by now. He'd know I was Summer. He'd be hurting. I wondered if his hand would be on his chest too. I wondered if he had the same habits as me. Holding on to something that wasn't there.
I looked back down at the reports about William Crawford that Liza had generated. There wasn't that much information about him. He moved a lot. He had lived near my grandmother's house for awhile. He had lived near my last home with my parents. He had always been nearby before my parents died. So why was that?
Jane's answer was an obvious one. Because he was having an affair with my mom. That didn't necessarily mean he was my father though. And it wasn't the only logical conclusion. Maybe he was stalking my mom. Maybe he was crazy like Don. Or maybe he was just an old friend. God. I put my face in my hands. How could my mom have cheated on my dad? How could she?
"Do you want us to run the blood test?" Liza asked.
Her voice made me jump. I had lashed out at everyone this morning. They had been keeping their distance. "No, that's okay." I looked back down at the papers.
"We could really use some more information. If he's your father..."
"I have a father," I said firmly.
"We need help. If you die..." her voice trailed off. "It doesn't end there, Summer. Don's going to ruin this city. This is my home. I want to help stop him. Mr. Crawford might be able to help us. He's not in the city or my facial recognition software would have found him. We need more information."
If I die. It wasn't a matter of if. It was when. The ticking was driving me crazy. It was like it was reverberating through my whole body. Each inhale I took could be my last one. I sighed and put my arm out.
"Thank you." Liza sat down in the chair beside mine. Apparently she had assumed my answer because she already had a needle in her hand. I turned away. I knew the needle would sting. But I had certainly felt worse.
What I didn't expect was to hear Liza shriek in my ear.
I turned to see the needle snapped off, sticking out of my arm.
"What the hell, Liza?" I said. "I thought you knew what you were doing?" I grabbed the needle but her hand wrapped around mine, stopping me.
"Don't touch it. V!" Liza called. "V!" She slapped my hand off the needle.
He came running out of the room he kept locked. "What's wrong? Is she okay? Are you okay?" He knelt down by my side.
"I'm fine. Liza's just terrible with needles."
He looked up at the needle sticking out of my arm.
"I'm not terrible at it," she said defensively. "But I hit something."
"What do you mean hit something?" V stood up and looked at the needle.
"I don't know," Liza said. "There's something hard under her skin. It snapped the needle in half."
"It's written in blood," I said slowly. "That's what Jane said. That there was nothing we could do because it was written in blood. It's in my blood!"
"You think Don put something under your skin?" It looked like Liza wanted to throw up.
"He also wrote, "Your Move," in blood on my arm. Right near where this needle is."
"That's disgusting." Liza put her hand over her mouth.
"How did you not find this
when I asked you to search her wrist earlier?" V asked.
"What are you talking about?" Liza said. "You never asked me to check her wrist."
"Yes I did. Well, I told Sadie. Don't you remember, Sadie? After I helped you get away from those guys at the hotel? I told you to get Liza to check your wrist."
"I thought you meant because I hurt my arm, V. Because of slamming against the building. But I was fine. I didn't tell Liza about it."
"Jesus." He ran his hands down his masked face. "We have to get it out. The Helspet Mafia is known for wearing tracking devices so that backup can always find them. I'm surprised they're not knocking down the door right now."
"But it's not her wrist," Liza said. "It's her forearm. And if it was a tracking device, you're right, they'd be here by now."
V was already walking toward the kitchen. He pulled a drawer open, slamming it against its hinges.
"What's going on?" Eli asked. He had just emerged from the room V kept locked.
I didn't have time to focus on what mysterious things they were doing behind that door. "What's in my arm then?"
V lifted up a knife. "A tracking device."
"V." My heart was racing too fast. The ticking was taking over my mind. "But Liza just said..."
"What else could it be? It's just a tracking device. Now let's get it out." He tore off one of his gloves and tossed it at me. "Bite down on that. Liza boil some water for me. There's a sewing kit in a drawer in the bathroom. Sterilize one of the needles."
"Whoa." Eli stepped in front of V. "What the hell are you doing, man?"
"We're pretty sure there's a tracking device in Sadie's arm. We need to cut it out."
Fuck. This was going to hurt a lot more than a needle. I lifted up the glove and put it in my mouth.
Eli knelt down beside me and slipped his hand into mine. "Hey, look at me."
I locked eyes with him.
"It's okay, Summer. I'm right here. V's going to get it out and..."
I screamed into the glove. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I remembered the knife cutting into my stomach. I remembered the feeling of metal inside of me.
Eli grabbed my chin and turned my face back to his. "Just a few more seconds. Take a deep breath."
And then the pain felt muted. I looked down and V was already stitching up the small cut in my arm.
"See. Just a tracking device." He lightly patted my back and tossed the small piece of bloody metal down onto the glass table. "Are you okay?" He turned my face away from Eli and removed the glove from my mouth. He gently ran his fingers through my hair.
I slowly nodded. I was fine. I was used to pain. But for some reason my tears didn't stop. The tracking device was written in my blood. It was supposed to be the answer. But it was nothing. It was just how Jane always knew where I'd be. It was why it always felt like someone was watching me.
V lifted up my arm and wrapped some gauze around it. Eli stayed crouched beside me, gently rubbing my knee. They weren't fighting. They were just supporting me. I felt a little dizzy when I saw the blood seeping through the bandage.
"Um...you guys?" Liza said. "It's...well, it's...vibrating."
We all turned toward the small device. And then it moved, leaving a small trail of blood on the table behind it. And a few seconds later it moved again.
The ticking. I had felt it pulsing inside of me.
"It's a bomb," V said. "It would explain why they couldn't find a bomb in that car explosion yesterday. Maybe it was inside of Jane."
"I don't think there are any bombs that small," Liza said. "It's so tiny. Right?"
Eli picked it up. "Shit." He popped something off the top of it. "Shit, shit, shit!" His eyes darted around the apartment.
"Is it a bomb?" Liza yelled. "Throw it out the window!"
"I can't throw it out the window. There's innocent civilians out there!"
"I'm an innocent civilian!" she yelled. "Throw it out the damn window!"
"Everyone get to the bunker," V said calmly and grabbed the device out of Eli's hand. "Now."
Eli grabbed me by the hand and pulled me to the room that V always kept locked. I would have protested, but I froze when I stepped inside. It was at least twice as big as the bedroom. And the walls were covered in photos. Lines of yarn connected pictures with dates. And they weren't just recent pictures. I stared at the smiling face of an eight year old with no worries or fears. My smiling face.
My eyes shifted to my parents. Miles. Miles' family. Don. Mr. Crawford. Julie and her fiancé, Jacob. Jane. My grandmother. Kins. Patrick. Liza. Eli. The pictures of Liza and Eli were crossed out, like they had been eliminated from suspicion. V had been watching me since I was a kid. It didn't start here. It went back further than I even knew.
The door slammed shut behind us.
"Where did you put it?" Liza asked.
"The freezer," V said.
"That's not going to work! It couldn't possibly contain the blast. If it's the same bomb that blew up that car, it's going to blow up the whole apartment!"
"We're safe in here."
"Not if the floor collapses!"
"This room is secure," Athena's smooth voice said over the speaker system. "Please turn your attention to channel five while I assess the threat level."
The room was eerily silent as V picked up a remote and turned on the TV in the corner.
A reporter was on the screen, announcing the nightly news. "We just received word of some breaking news," the reporter said and placed his index finger on the side of his ear like he was listening to something. "Police believe that the fatal car crash that occurred on Broad Street yesterday was no accident. An unidentified woman was killed in the crash and several others remain in the hospital under critical condition. The lead suspect is wanted for homicide and other charges and is suspected to be armed and highly dangerous."
An image of me with my brown hair and brown eyes showed up on the screen. The picture from my fake driver's license.
"The suspect's name is Sadie Davis," the reporter continued. " Again, she is suspected to be armed and highly dangerous, so police advise that you do not engage. Any information of her whereabouts or information regarding the crash should be reported to the hotline number below immediately. Now, back to our regularly scheduled news. A new candidate for mayor has joined the race," he said in an upbeat voice. An image of Don appeared on the screen.
"Oh my God," I said. "That's not possible. He has a criminal record. How is that possible?" I thought about when I went to report everything to the police. They didn't believe me. They said Don Roberts didn't have a rap sheet.
"His slogan is already hitting the streets of NYC with buzz," the reporter said. "He's asking the people of our city to join together, saying it's 'your move', NYC."
Your move. I thought about the message written in blood on my arm. It was a nod to me. He was doing this because of me.
"Well, now can we change your identity like I wanted to do in the first place?" Liza asked. "We should probably start by cutting this," she said and lifted up a strand of my hair. "A new color too. And a new name. And drop the brown contact lenses, they're not fooling anyone. They slide too much when you cry."
"Liza, shut the hell up," Eli said. "Summer, are you okay?"
"Am I okay?" What kind of question was that? "Of course I'm not okay. How is he doing it? How is he controlling everyone? What are we missing?" This couldn't be happening. Liza was worried he was going to destroy this city as a thug. What was going to happen when he was the mayor and he controlled everything? Fire. I could already see the flames he'd unleash.
"Threat level 10 out of 10," Athena said over the speakers. "Brace for impact."
V grabbed me and pulled me into his chest. "I don't love a piece of you," he whispered in my ear. "I love all of you. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you that sooner. I love you, Summer Brooks. I love you."
A booming noise echoed around the room and I wrapped my arms around V's back. I waited for the floor to collap
se like Liza said. I waited for the room to melt. But nothing happened.
He loved me? I had broken all of their trust by telling Miles the truth. And I didn't know what they'd do once they found out. I had just set in motion a way to ruin my support system. To destroy my team. I had bet against us. I had believed that I was going to die. And now everything was broken. V had told me he loved me because for a second he let his fears take over. He didn't mean it. He couldn't mean it. I was in love with Miles. So why was I still clinging to V like he was my only source of life?
I immediately stepped back from him.
Eli's phone started ringing. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked down at the screen. "They know I'm working your case, Summer. They want me to bring you in." He locked eyes with me.
"Maybe you should," I said. They were all better off without me. "We tried to figure it out on our own. And it just escalated to a whole new level. Don has everyone after me. And meanwhile he's running for mayor? What the hell is going on? None of us are safe. You should take me in. Do it. Please, just do it." I held out my wrists to him.
"Stop," V said and pushed my wrists back down. "No one is turning you in. We'll figure this out just like we planned to do. This is just a minor setback."
"Minor? Athena, open the door," I said. The door swung open and a blast of heat hit us. I was staring out at the side of the building next to V's. The whole wall had been destroyed. Shit. Everything was destroyed. The floor had collapsed, just like Liza had said. People were screaming outside. Papers fluttered around in the chaos. It was all gone. "That bomb was inside of me," I said. "It could have killed all of us. Don wanted it to kill all of us. You have to turn me in."
"And it didn't," Eli said. "We're not turning you in. They think you killed Jane. They're not going to try to help you. They're going to finish you the way Don wants." Eli dropped his phone on the ground and stomped on it with his foot. "We're not going to let that happen. We need to disappear. All of us."
I shook my head. "You can't. It's suicide."