A vampire is a creature designed to kill but I knew already that the only thing capable of stopping a lucid vampire from their blood lust is a threat to our safety, and this body was a threat to us. Despite my guilt, I had to push my shame away and get on with the task at hand.
Gabriel picked up the corpse with ease. I followed him as he carried my victim to the edge of a nearby lake. He tied something to the man’s foot and then threw him into the water. His body was consumed by the dark lake and quickly disappeared out of view.
I watched as the corpse disappeared underneath the still surface, but Gabriel averted his gaze, staring up at the night’s sky instead. After a few moments he turned and ran back in the direction of our home, ignoring me completely. Usually Gabriel would take my hand and we would run home together with the thrill of blood lingering in his mind. Now things between us were different.
I followed him, running at full speed to keep up with his skilled navigation. Eventually we reached our home but by the time I got there Gabriel was already inside. His abandonment was a sure sign of his sour mood. I wanted so badly for him to forgive me, to spend the rest of the night by my side telling me tales of his past, but I knew this wasn’t going to happen.
I went in the back door as I didn’t want to scale the wall again. Gabriel was already sitting in our bedroom with his back to the door, waiting for me. He didn’t look up as I walked in but I knew he could sense I was there. I took my usual place at his side and waited for him to talk. I could almost hear the cogs whirring in his head as he tried to piece together what to say.
The longer we sat in silence the more my worry grew. Finally he spoke, avoiding my gaze the whole time.
“I feel betrayed. I just-I don’t understand. I have given you a new life, training, sustenance. I try so hard to make sure you are catered for, I’ve gone above and beyond, but it obviously isn’t enough. You’re sneaking around behind my back already. I can’t imagine what I’ve done...” His words spilled out all at once and he looked up, coming eye to eye with me for the first time.
I almost wished he hadn’t looked up. The pain behind his gaze shone out and I was filled with regret. I hadn’t felt anything close to guilt since my death and this realisation made the shameful feeling grow even stronger. I had killed and fed on humans without remorse, but hurting Gabriel reduced me to the little girl I had been when I first met him. I longed to please him more than anything and seeing the disappointment written all over his face made my heart crumble.
“I’m so sorry Gabe” I managed to choke out, tears filling my eyes. “You can’t imagine how bad I feel. I just want to know how to make it up to you, please.” I got down on my knees in supplication and begged him from the depths of my cold heart.
Gabriel was the only man I had ever loved. I was his eternally, and I could feel him slipping away from me as the silence built up between us. He reached down to me w and gently touched my cheeks, cupping my face between his soft hands.
The cold expression in his eyes faded and I could see the love returning, radiating from somewhere deep inside him. I felt a salty tear fall down my cheek and land on Gabriel’s hand. He bent down and kissed me gently on my crown. The gesture filled me with hope and I was shocked by how easily Gabriel had forgiven me for my indiscretions.
He lifted me back on to the bed next to him with his strong hands and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I rested my pounding head against his chest and listened intently, soaking up the silence. The absence of a beating heart was oddly comforting, the opposite of the human instinct carried from infancy. I closed my eyes, drifting off to sleep.
I was jolted awake by Gabriel’s voice puncturing the last corner of my mind not taken over by sleep.
“Are you happy?” he asked me.
I sat bolt upright. It would have been so easy to say yes. I could have kissed him and then he would have wrapped himself around me as we drifted off together into our usual dreamless sleep. Yet I knew I couldn’t lie to him so blatantly.
I shook my head. “I love you so much.” I began cautiously, “I think about you every moment of the day. I would die for you, again, but I honestly don’t know if I’m happy. Sometimes I think I am, when it’s just us, but I don’t-I can’t...” I trailed off with a sigh and let my answer sink in.
He nodded with pursed lips and a bolt of terror hit me again: Had I upset him? Would he leave me? I thought long and hard about what to say next and he kept quiet, letting me sort through my mind without interruption.
“I thought about being a vampire for a long time. I thought about it almost every moment of the day. I wanted to be with you for so long. I built it up in my mind to be some sort of heaven on earth. I thought we would be happy and in love and that nothing could ever go wrong, but something’s missing. We’ve changed since you turned me. You’re cold towards me. You hardly ever touch me, and you rarely tell me you love me. It’s always about those girls you hunt, never about me or what I want. I guess tonight was just my attempt to escape. I could never leave you, I know that, but I feel so alone.”
I stopped and looked up at him, silently begging him to break the uneasy tension. Finally he gave me a smile and brushed a loose hair from my face.
“I had no idea” he answered with an uncharacteristically quiet tone. “I love you. I want you to be happy. I suppose I never planned for you to have your own tastes. You don’t like the same things as me, you don’t want to hunt the same people as me and I never even thought about what to do if that happened. I forgot you wouldn’t necessarily be like me.”
He sighed in a dejected way which broke my still heart. “From now on, it’ll be different. I want you to know how loved you are every minute of the night. I want you to love me the way you did before all of this.”
He kissed me hard on the lips in an urgent way, almost unsettling, but I ignored the awkward feeling and focused on the love behind it.
“We’ll move to a new place. This town is stifling you. You deserve so much better. You deserve everything I can give you and more.” A huge smile broke out on his beautiful face and it caught me deep inside.
It felt like a burden had been lifted. All the sadness and loneliness had disappeared and the Gabriel I knew had returned. He wrapped his arms around me and it felt natural again. It no longer felt like a stranger holding me, it was the man I loved. I couldn’t stop smiling and I felt as if the whole world could sense my happiness. I was going to move and set up a perfect home with Gabriel, a little sanctuary of our own. Everything would be all right again.
I felt my body relax. I hadn’t realised that so much tension had built up inside me, so I let my shoulders roll back and the weight fall rapidly from my mind, burying itself deep under my newly restored layer of happiness.
The layer covered up the bad moments Gabriel and I had experienced since I was turned and replaced them with hope and optimism. I felt like nothing could touch us, as if our love was invincible.
I stared into Gabriel’s eyes and tried to read the feelings behind them. Did he feel as renewed as I did? The soft, gentle Gabriel had returned and it was in his loving gaze that I could see this best. He kissed the top of my head in a comforting, paternal gesture and my whole body warmed. This was as close as I would get to the feeling of basking in the sun, as content as I could ever be now that I was dead.
Gabriel’s kiss travelled down the arch of my cheek and into the fold between my neck and shoulder. Each kiss grew more passionate, more intense, and the path his lips took seemed to burn in to my skin.
His lips lingered less on these insignificant patches of skin as he moved more forcefully down my body. Desire built up from a long forgotten corner of my being and I knew I had to be with him again, to prove I was his.
Within moments Gabriel removed my clothing and laid me down on our bed. Something about the situation made me feel like a virginal bride being placed on the marital bed by her new husband, an odd thing to feel when my entire nature was thrived on sin. Gabriel took the role of the new
husband with vigour and he pressed his body against mine, lowering his lips to my ear in one fluid motion.
“I love you, Louisa” he whispered with true sincerity in his voice.
I loved him too, more than I could adequately describe, but my voice wouldn’t leave my body. I was too caught up in the moment to push my vocal cords and so I let Gabriel begin his work.
We spent the whole night in each other’s arms. For the first time in weeks our pre-sunrise hours were filled with joy, not tension. As I snuggled up to his chest, wrapped securely in the crook of his arm, the last of my worries were forgotten. I was his and he was mine, as it should be.
It felt neat and easy this way. Try as I might I couldn’t resurrect the reason behind our fight. It seemed like a forgotten memory from years before. I kissed Gabriel’s chest and ran my fingers through his thick hair.
“I love you” I murmured against his sweat stained skin.
Even the most strenuous hunt hadn’t raised a sweat from Gabriel but that night had brought out a strong, salty sheen over his body. For the first time since the embrace of death I felt nothing but love and as I pressed my cheek against the place where Gabriel’s silent heart lay I felt triumphant.
I had never fallen asleep so easily. We succumbed to slumber several hours before sunrise and so the next night we awoke renewed and strong.
Every night for three months our relationship felt the way it once had: Gabriel was the kind and wise teacher, while I was the young student poised on the brink of greatness. We hunted together every night and I learned to enjoy the little quirks and desires that had once made me feel so alienated.
Each night we left the nest with merriment, the thrill of the chase lingering just out of reach. We visited all the towns and cities around my childhood home and found the lonely, stumbling prey we desired. I no longer felt like the defeated lioness; now I was the matriarch of the pack.
Gabriel and I took turns choosing our victims. We favoured young girls far from home to satisfy him, and strong men filled with vitality for me. We made the most of our renewed bond, feeding on several victims a night to satisfy our lust.
One night during the second week of this reunion we found a young couple arguing on a street corner. The man was berating the girl for something, an innocent glance at another man or something trivial like that. Their heart beats stood out strong and proud above the throng and I could see that Gabriel had spotted them too. We both wanted them.
So that night we hunted a double prey together, luring the couple towards us. It was easy enough. We drew on the tension between them and used the holes in their relationship to seduce them towards us. They were enamoured with us and it was easy for Gabriel to hold the girl back and stop her screams while I fed on her boyfriend. We kept him alive while Gabriel fed on the girl and then we swapped, draining the last dregs of blood from the other’s victim.
In a way it felt like a ceremonial act between us, a confirmation of our union, like a blood marriage. That night we returned home with human blood in our veins and happiness in our frozen hearts and for the whole journey back I had eyes for Gabriel alone.
For those three months it seemed like nothing could disturb us. We hunted at the pinnacle of our strength and neither one of us went home hungry or dissatisfied. After our hunt we always returned to the nest hand in hand, Gabriel slowing his speed slightly to allow me to catch up.
I could sense that the dynamic between us had shifted again. We were now in a partnership. Admittedly Gabriel was the more experienced member of the relationship, but our bond was now one of equality and co-operation. The murky past few weeks were forgotten by both of us.
Each night we would reach the nest and climb to the bedroom together, ready for rest and recuperation. Gabriel helped me wash the crusted blood from my face and I returned the favour. Those moments were light and sweet, the moments of simple happiness which keep a relationship ticking. Afterwards Gabriel would sweep me up and carry me to the bedroom.
He would lay me down on the bed and undress me like an old tradition, allowing the waves of passion to fall over me. His kisses seemed to light up every inch of my body and we spent the last few hours of every night enjoy those moments as a partnership.
After we were both filled to the brim with satisfaction and immersed in that relaxed feeling I would spend the remaining minutes watching Gabriel think, absorbing every line and contour of his perfect body. On every one of those nights we fell asleep easily, with smiles on our faces and peaceful minds, ready for the next night together.
Chapter 9As the sun set on the beginning of the fourth month of our reunion, almost 5 months into my immortal life, everything changed. I awoke to a sudden jarring headache as the full force of intoxicating hunger hit me in one burst. I gasped, my throat closing up with pain. I tried to push the feeling away by pressing my palm against my forehead, but it didn’t work.
For a few precious seconds the pain faded and I look around to our bed. Gabriel wasn’t there. I didn’t know where he was but it was probably better that I was alone. I couldn’t bear to have him see me in such pain.
The pain resurged violently. I had never felt anything like this, such strong waves washing over me and eroding the rocks of my sanity. A red curtain descended over my eyes and I screwed them up to try to calm myself.
In a moment of clarity I questioned why this sudden, desperate hunger had chosen me as it’s victim, but I found no answers, nothing that could explain this torture. I breathed deeply, in and out. I didn’t need these breaths as my lungs were of no use to me anymore, but it was still a left over instinct from my human days. The deep inhaling and exhaling calmed my nerves and returned me to the gentle naivety of humanity.
Those few breaths in and out seemed to pull the red curtain away, and the hunger eased slightly. Eventually I gathered up enough strength to pull my body out of the bed and I padded carefully over to the mirror in my room, moving gently to avoid bringing back the pain.
I made a mental note to ask Gabriel about it when he came back from wherever he was, before I began the ritual of the night. I felt like I had just recovered from a horrific hangover and I had the dull headache to prove it. My pain didn’t matter as I still had to go about my routine as usual for when Gabriel returned.
I went into the closet and pulled one of Gabriel’s soft shirts from the rack, wrapping it around my exposed skin. I didn’t have enough energy to dress in my usual glamorous fashion, but I took comfort in Gabriel’s familiar scent which was still lingering around his shirt,
I heard the soft sound of footsteps from the other side of the house and realised Gabriel was still here. This was the first time I’d been able to sense him approaching before his actual arrival, and I guessed it was because of our renewed connection.
Moments later the door to the room was gently pushed open and Gabriel stood in the doorway. His body seemed utterly relaxed as he leaned against the open door, wearing only jeans.
It’s odd how one person can take your breath away over and over, even when you don’t have any breath left. When I looked at him I instantly forgot the pain of that morning and strolled over, leisurely running my fingers through his hair. He was exquisite. I felt special just being allowed to stand this close to him.
“Where were you?” I asked him as I wrapped my arms around his muscular waist.
He leaned forward and gently kissed my forehead.
“Nowhere, just sorting out some issues.” He smiled lovingly at me. “Are you okay? You look a bit shaken.”
I felt my insides begin to squirm as I remembered that horrible pain I had felt just minutes before. Just the memory of that pain and hunger was too much to handle. I wondered whether to tell him. I knew that ultimately Gabriel would expect honesty, so I bit the bullet.
“I don’t really know. I woke up and I was just hit with this...feeling.” I screwed up my eyes as I remembered the awful sensation. I prayed it wouldn’t come back while I carried on, nervously running my finge
rs across his chest and down his arms. “It was just like I was being hit by waves of hunger. It was so intense, Gabe. It was like torture or something. I felt like I was going to die if I didn’t feed. I don’t understand...” I trailed off defeated.
I couldn’t find the words to truly describe how terrible the sensation had felt, and how confused I was, but I knew Gabriel could sense I was serious.
For just a second an expression passed across Gabriel’s face that was new to me. He seemed shaken, and for a moment it seemed liked panic. It only lasted for a split second before it disappeared, and I shook the unsettled feeling away to wait for his words of wisdom.
He smiled at me but the corners of the smile seemed faded and cracked compared to his normal joyous grin.
“It’s probably just side effects of the lifestyle, the increased blood intake. You were used to just one victim a night but it’s been a bit of a bloodbath recently. Maybe you just found it hard to adjust.” He chuckled and kissed my forehead. “Whatever it was I wouldn’t worry about it.”
Despite Gabriel’s obvious concern at my pain his eyes still warmed me up and I felt my fears begin to slowly ease away.
Gabriel left me to dress for the night’s hunt and I chose one of my less daring outfits. The extreme hunger had left a dull throbbing in my head so I was finding it hard to go about my usual routine. I felt as if something I’d forgotten was lingering just under the surface of my mind and I couldn’t quite reach it.
I had more important things to think about: Gabriel was waiting for me and we were going to spend another night together in the midst of our new found happiness. I couldn’t help smiling to myself as I applied my lipstick and completed my outfit, thinking of my life with Gabriel the whole time.
After dressing I went to the living room and found him leisurely reclining in an arm chair reading one of the hundreds of books he’d carried over to my home after my human death.
He jumped up as I walked in and swiftly took my hand. Something about his devotion struck a chord inside my mind and I felt a little memory rise slightly closer to the surface. I saw Gabriel’s forehead wrinkle in confusion as I pulled away slightly, trying desperately to retrieve the forgotten moment. It was a question, I knew that, but I couldn’t quite remember it.
The Embrace Page 6