We gathered up the pieces cast around the room. There were shards of broken glass scattered over the floor from Dahlia’s collision with the mirror, glittering amongst the other damaged objects. I didn’t know where the murder weapon was but I was glad I didn’t have to see it again.
“Where’s the body?” I asked against my better judgement. I didn’t really want to know but I couldn’t help my curiosity. I had never seen the process a vampire went through upon their ultimate death.
“There’s no body.” I should have expected that vampires would evolve to wipe any trace of themselves from the earth. “A vampires body decomposes a lot quicker than a human’s, in the same way as the healing process. It’s been a day since her death so her body is pretty much gone now. It makes it easier for us, I suppose.”
I could sense a moment of sadness in his voice as he picked up some shards from the broken mirror. He was more hurt by Dahlia’s death than he was letting on. He was acting as if it didn’t bother him but I could tell he had felt something for her.
I didn’t want to ask him if he had loved her. That would be tempting fate. I needed to stop my curiosity before it got the better of me. They say curiosity killed the cat, and I didn’t want it to lead me to my death.
I felt him come up behind me as I swept up a broken lamp. He placed a gentle hand on my shoulder and once again my body felt cold, not comforted like usual.
“We should go to bed. We can tidy the rest up tomorrow. There’s no rush.” He said.
I stood up and nodded with a fake smile. He lead me in to the bedroom. I lay down on the bed and he tucked himself behind me, stroking my bare shoulder.
“I’m so glad to have you back.” He said.
I felt ashamed of myself. Just one night before and I had been throwing myself on Robert but now here I was, being offered the intimacy I craved, and yet I couldn’t accept it. I felt sick at the very thought.
I did my best to pretend that everything was ok. I acted as if I loved him the way I always had, but deep down I knew it would never be the same. I had no more romantic feelings for him, not after everything we had been through. After 9 years together, the Gabriel I had loved seemed to be a distant memory.
**
I woke up the next night and prepared for the hunt without really thinking. Normally I would plan my outfit carefully, trying to suit the mood Gabriel and I shared that night. I had always been so keen to support him, to make him happy. It felt strange to no longer care about him.
I was happy to get out of the nightgown. After wearing the beautiful, floating white dress that Robert had given me I felt as if the material was clinging to my skin, trapping me in my old life.
All of my clothes in the nest were red or black and most of them were obscenely short and tight compared to Robert’s offering. They stood as a reminder of my time with Gabriel, and I could barely look at them without feeling uncomfortable. So much had changed in a matter of days.
Gabriel took me out to hunt straight away. We barely said a word to each other on the way out and I just followed him as he took me through the winding streets around our apartment building, searching for our victims.
“Anything caught your eye yet?” He asked me shortly after we left the nest. We hadn’t spoken yet, and we definitely hadn’t touched. Normally we would hold hands and wander slowly around as we waited for the heart beats to hit us, but now we didn’t even make eye contact.
“No, not yet, my dear.” I added in the last part, hoping it sounded sincere. I was finding it harder by the minute to act convincingly.
Then he turned and stopped me in my tracks. I had been a few steps behind him and when he grabbed my arms he took me by surprise. I felt a squirming feeling in my stomach. I didn’t like to be surprised, least of all by someone as powerful and unpredictable as Gabriel.
“Is everything alright?” He was looking me straight in the eyes. Should I lie? Would he be able to see through it?
“I don’t know what you...” I tried to speak but he interrupted me.
“Don’t give me that.” He let me go but I felt rooted to the spot. “You’ve been acting odd ever since Dahlia died. I can feel it in you. I know it was hard to hear her say those things about me and I know you’ll probably never look at me the same way, but I wish I could take it back. I wish you’d be mine again.”
He approached me but this time it was with sincerity. As he brushed my hair away like he always used to do, I felt a soft stirring in my stomach like a young girl falling in love for the first time. I had thought that my love for him had disappeared but maybe I had been too quick to dismiss him.
Robert flashed in my head and I remembered his warning. My feelings for Gabriel had changed but there was something there. As he bent down to kiss my lips I felt a tingling sensation. It wasn’t the same as my kiss with Robert, or the passion we had held just after my transition, but it had some substance to it.
I didn’t want to feel anything for him. I trusted Robert even though I barely knew him, and if he said Gabriel was dangerous then it must be true. Still, I had invested years of my life with him. I had thought that I could throw all that away, but I couldn’t.
I let myself relax and fall deeper in to his kiss. I could have stayed there for hours. It felt like home, comforting and familiar. Eventually my thoughts caught up with me. I couldn’t trust him. He had lied and cheated so many times throughout our relationship, and I had forgiven him over and over. Now I had someone else telling me not to trust him and yet here I was, letting him kiss me as if nothing had happened.
As I pulled away I was no more or less satisfied than I had been before. My worries still loomed over me and I knew that no amount of kisses could remove them.
“You know, no matter what happens in the future, I’m not sorry that I gave up my humanity for you. I would do it a thousand times over.” I confessed.
At that moment, despite my doubts about Gabriel and my twisting feelings, that was the truth. I didn’t know what would happen between us. I didn’t know if I would end up hating or loving Gabriel when Robert revealed his secrets to me, but he had changed my life during my darkest hours. I wouldn’t give up the good moments between us in exchange for anything.
We hunted, although I was still unsure of what had passed between us. Our feast was quick and reasonably satisfying, although nothing special. I wasn’t really in the mood for a long, drawn out chase and so I watched Gabriel kill with his usual lust before I fed on his leftovers, just as we used to do it.
After we ate, Gabriel found an abandoned park bench and we sat together, observing the world around us with our strong senses. Gabriel placed his hand on top of mine but I didn’t let him hold it. I had already let myself become vulnerable once that night and I couldn’t do it again, not after everything Robert had risked to give me his warning.
“I have a question for you.” I didn’t know whether I was making the right choice but I had set my mind on speaking up.
Gabriel mumbled something but I wasn’t listening any more. I was too busy building up my courage.
“I asked you this before but that was a long time ago. Well, it feels like a long time ago after everything we’ve been through.” I wetted my lips and cleared my throat, pushing down my anxiety. “Are there other vampires in the area? Other than you and I of course. Have any travelled here recently?”
I didn’t want to make eye contact with him. I didn’t expect him to be overjoyed that I was bringing up a question that had once caused so much trouble between us. Despite my better judgement, I looked up at him. It was the only way I would even come close to telling if he was lying to me.
His brow creased in confusion. “No.” he said steadily, thinking out his response with careful consideration. “I haven’t seen other vampires, other than Dahlia and you, since the night your family were attacked. I never sought them out and I never wanted to know. I don’t know of any others present in the area. Why?”
The way he placed his words was too
carefully thought out. He had planned the response to sound just right. He was either lying, or he was suspicious, I suppose with good reason.
I tried to give him a warm smile to quash his fears but I don’t know if it worked.
“Nothing. I just wanted to know if anything had changed. I thought maybe Dahlia wasn’t the only one, but if you say there are no others then I believe you.” I smiled brightly and kissed him on the cheek, trying to act like the dutiful mate.
I think he believed me. I certainly don’t think he could have imagined what was really going on. He probably thought I was suspicious of him but that was justifiable. He would never have imagined that I knew for a fact another vampire was in town, or that this vampire had offered me a place for the night. He definitely couldn’t have guessed that I had kissed this other vampire. He was completely oblivious.
I decided to visit Robert that night. I had so much going on in my head and I thought that Robert might be able to help me sift through some of it.
We returned to the nest quickly, several hours before the sun was due to rise. Gabriel probably expected me to fall in to his arms and lovingly embrace him, but I couldn’t do that. I was itching to visit Robert and even one more night of waiting would be too long.
We reached the door of our apartment building, just before the opulent foyer, and I knew it was now or never.
“I’m feeling a little restless. Could I go for a little walk? I’ll be back soon, I promise.” I asked him, my whole body tensing up as I waited for his reaction.
I expected anger or frustration at the very least, but instead he gently kissed my forehead and smiled. He almost seemed innocent.
“Of course. Just make sure to be back before sunrise.”
He left me at the door and quickly dashed up the steps. It had been far too easy to convince him. I didn’t want him following me or figuring out what was going on, for Robert’s safety if anything else.
I made sure to travel quickly. I remembered the way to Robert’s house with ease despite my fragile state during the journey there. I looked over my shoulder a few times, just to make sure Gabriel wasn’t there. It seemed as if Robert knew him, and I didn’t want the two of them to meet if they had a history. I had to be careful.
It didn’t take long before I arrived at his door. I didn’t know whether to knock or whether he’d just be able to tell I was there. I stood outside, loitering for a few moments as I tried to regain my composure.
He opened the door before I had a chance to knock. My former stalker held a soft expression on his handsome face, and I instantly melted. I felt completely at ease, with all of my worries gone in a second.
He smiled at me, an honest and open gesture. “Hello again. Come on in.”
I entered Robert’s home again, ready to hear what he had to tell me. He sat me down on the sofa straight away. His hospitality was impressive. I almost expected him to present me with a cup of tea and a choice of cakes.
I giggled at the thought of Robert in a housewife’s get up, but except from looking slightly bemused he didn’t question me. I liked that about him. He didn’t need to know what I was thinking at every moment, yet he still seemed to trust me.
“Nice dress.” He said, eyeing up the tight, fitted outfit I had worn for the hunt. I suddenly felt self conscious again, desperate to pull on the soft dress Robert had picked out for me from that perfectly preserved bedroom. I smiled and pulled the hem down to no avail.
Robert leaned across from his position at the other end of the couch and put his hand over mine. His palm was cold even to my touch yet it felt reassuring and oddly familiar.
“I mean it. You look beautiful in everything you wear.” His strange, mixed accent charmed me and I forgot about the dress as I focused on him.
“Thank you.” I replied. “But I didn’t come here for fashion tips.” The mood felt light despite the inevitably heavy discussion that would follow.
“I know. I presume Gabriel doesn’t know anything about me.”
“No, he has no idea.” I hesitated. My old fear of Gabriel following me raised it’s head again but I shook it off. “In fact he seems completely back to normal, like his old self. He barely mentioned Dahlia and he just let me walk away alone tonight. It’s like he’s had a personality transplant.”
Robert nodded and patted my hand in his comforting way.
“There’s a lot about Gabriel that you’ll never understand. I don’t think anyone understands him to be honest, not even himself.” He sighed and I was touched by the sadness in that sound. “I guess I can’t let you walk around in ignorance any longer, but you have to promise me you’ll really listen and ask any questions you think of. I’ll try my best to answer them.”
I nodded eagerly. It felt as if a thousand butterflies were dancing around my stomach, throwing themselves from wall to wall in anticipation.
“I promise. What are you going to tell me?” I asked, my body tensing up in anticipation.
Robert sighed and prepared himself for what was coming.“I’m going to tell you my story.”
Chapter 29“I came from France, from a small village near Paris. I don’t remember my full name. When I lost my humanity it felt wrong to keep it. When I was turned I was married. I was 25 or so and my wife, Corinna, was around 20. We had been married for 3 years and she was expecting our first child. I was from a wealthy class and I was involved in politics in the area. My prowess was legendary in the region and it lead to me being chosen to leave France in September 1066.”
I felt bad interrupting his story but he had told me to interject if I had a question.
“1066? As in 1066 with the battle of Hastings and the arrow in the eye?” I asked in amazement.
“The very same. I was chosen to be part of the force against the English. I was of noble birth and I was skilled in politics, so there was no way I could refuse. My wife stayed at home. She was still pregnant and so we decided she would travel over after the conquest. We were pretty arrogant. There was no doubt in our minds that we would defeat the English.
We fought the battle in October, and of course we won. I sent news home to France, to Corinna and my parents, but I heard that my wife had been suffering during her pregnancy and couldn’t risk making the journey until after the birth. My worries and loneliness made me withdraw. I didn’t socialise with the other men. The others took advantage of their new positions, seducing English women and making fools of their families back in France, but I couldn’t.
In January I went to an inn with them. I didn’t want to go and as soon as I got there my friend William took a girl and began to seduce her, despite being married with three children. I left the inn, but it only took a few minutes before I realised I was being followed. Eventually I was ambushed and killed. Of course I didn’t know at the time what was going on but my attacker was a vampire. The next night I woke up in a room in another inn and he was at my side.
His name was Lucius and he had been a vampire for a long time. He was a charming, charismatic kind of man. He was everything I had hoped for in life: a father, a brother, a friend. While we were together we shared everything. The bond I felt with him was stronger than any I had ever experienced. ”
“We stayed in Britain for a long time, about 400 years, and then we traveled to Portugal in the mid 1400s. About 5 years later we were still there. It’s a beautiful country: warm, friendly, relaxed. Anyway, Lucius had a penchant for young males and he was beginning to get restless so he turned an 18 year old farm worker. Diego, he was called. He was certainly handsome, but he was mild mannered and fairly timid for a vampire. He was like a little brother to me.”
Robert began to smile, obviously recalling some of the moments he and Diego had shared. It was a touching sight. I realised how many stories Robert must have had throughout his life, and the fact that he was willing to share them with me felt special.
“We returned to Britain again in the early 1500s. King Henry VIII had been on the throne for over 20 years. We arrived
about a year before Anne Boleyn was made queen. I guess we were drawn to England by all the upheaval at the time.
Shortly after Anne was made queen we managed to integrate ourselves into the society at court. We were good at manipulation and we carried ourselves like wealthy men, except Diego of course. He was far too meek. He still managed to win the hearts of many ladies in waiting, though. He was seen as one of court’s most eligible bachelors.
About 6 months after Anne became queen, I met Joan. She was a woman of noble birth, not much older than you. She was blonde, exceptionally beautiful. Most of the men at court fantasised about her at one time or another. She reminded me of my wife in some ways, they had the same strength. She was engaged to be married but that didn’t stop me. I became infatuated with her. It infuriated Lucius and he spent all of his time with Diego as some sort of retaliation.
You must understand, Louisa, that a vampire can never love a human. It’s not in our DNA.”
He paused here, obviously struggling for words. I had so many questions to ask. Gabriel had always told me he loved me, even during those several years we had spent together before my first death. He promised that he had loved no other the way he loved me, and now Robert was telling me this had all been a lie.
“I don’t understand. Gabriel said he loved me when I was a human. And Dahlia...” I stopped, not wanting to bring up painful memories.
“It’s hard to explain. Think about it like a dog. Humans are a lower species than us, I’m sure you would agree. Dogs are lower than humans too. Humans can love a dog. It becomes part of the family and takes on human qualities. When you choose a family dog you choose it because it will fit in with your life, it suits the criteria you have, even if you don’t realise you have any criteria at all. It’s like that with vampires and humans. We can appreciate their beauty and we can become enamoured with them. If we didn’t have that method then we would never turn anyone and the race would die out. Even so, we cannot love them the way we love other vampires, or the way humans can love us. Gabriel may have known he wanted you to be his mate but his love for you was never the same as your love for him.”
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