“The bedroom, the dresses. Who does this house belong to? It feels like someone lived here.”
He nodded and smiled. The smile was sad and cold, and I couldn’t bear to see it.
“It’s Lottie’s stuff. I haven’t been able to get rid of it yet. There are some of Joan’s things there too, her books mainly, and a few things Catherine left behind. I don’t want to forget them so I try to put something in that room which reminds me of them. It makes it easier to get through the day without them.”
That was the first time I saw the loneliness Robert held on his shoulders. He had been living alone for a long time. The women he had once held dear were either dead or enemies who felt nothing but hatred for him. He was all alone in the world, and I knew exactly how he felt.
“You know you and I aren’t that different.” I said, putting my hand on his. “I’ve had everything I love taken away from me over the past few years and sometimes it feels like I have nothing left. I think you know how that feels.”
He looked me right in the eyes and something passed between us. It was a bond, something I could hardly describe. It felt like we were joined by some force beyond my understanding. That one glance seemed to let me see every part of Robert’s being, past and present. There were no lies, no dishonesty, only a plain truth in front of me. I hadn’t experienced anything like this with anyone.
He moved with incredible speed over the small gap between us until he was right next to me. His lips locked with my own in a perfect match. I was lying flat on the sofa by this point, held in place by Robert, but it felt perfectly natural.
After a few moments, he moved away. I felt dizzy with his sudden changes. He had been there one second, making me feel complete for the first time since my death, and now he was gone. I sat up and saw him pressed against the wall at the other side of the room with a look of shock plastered on his face.
“What’s wrong? Did I do something?” I asked, my words coming in short bursts.
He shook his head. “No, it wasn’t you. This isn’t right. You belong to someone else and I have no right to take you.”
I strode towards Robert but he pressed himself even closer to the wall, almost as if he was trying to push through it. I placed my hands on his shoulders as softly as I could and made sure he raised his eyes to meet mine.
“Gabriel made me but I don’t belong to him. I don’t belong to anyone but myself.” I felt like the world around me was vibrating, everything crashing to the ground around me in a chaotic heap. It was only my words which fell in to place perfectly. “I am the only person who decides what I want, and I want you.”
I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his as gently as possible. Even just that light touch sent a wave of electricity through my body at a deadly rate. He kissed down my neck and ran his hand down my arm. It came to rest on my own hand and our fingers interlocked like young lovers at the height of a new relationship.
He lead me through the living room and up the staircase, checking behind his shoulder over and over to make sure I was still there. We stopped outside his bedroom, obviously not the one he had preserved as a memorial to his former mates. Kissing him inside that room would have felt like desecrating a shrine.
His bedroom was more understated than the rest of the house. There were no opulent decorations or signs of wealth. It was still in keeping with the home, but in a more subtle way.
He lay me down on the soft sheets. The scent radiated out from them, with Robert’s natural smell standing out. He lay beside me, running his fingers down my skin and watching me with wonderment, as if he was looking at his latest muse.
He leaned in and kissed my cheek with a softness I hadn’t felt from Gabriel, even during our happiest moments. I tried to shake thoughts of my mate from my mind. I knew comparing the two of them would only lead to trouble, but I couldn’t help it. Robert seemed tender and utterly honest. I didn’t even know whether Gabriel had ever loved me the way I loved him. I could no longer be sure of anything he had told me over the years.
Every time Robert looked in to my eyes over the next few hours I felt something pass between us. We had a bond, something innate which linked us together despite the fact that we were practically strangers. We were so similar, each drifting through life with years of loneliness trailing behind us. We both longed for someone who would love us unconditionally. Robert and I could give that to one another. We could be there for each other eternally, providing one another with everything we had ever wanted.
When Robert held me in his arms, it became even clearer that I had no love for Gabriel anymore. Even if his love for me turned out to be real, it wouldn’t be pure. Too much had passed between us for the relationship to ever work. I needed everything with Robert to pan out the way I hoped.
We lay side by side, holding hands without saying a word. Nothing needed to be said after the hours we had just shared together. We chose to remain silent, taking in every moment of untainted beauty. Speaking would have ruined the atmosphere balancing between us.
Eventually Robert broke the silence. He had to or else we would have stayed in that position for hours, and we both knew I had other commitments to face.
“I love you.” He said.
A human being would have laughed at that. Love is something humans build up to, and something which is only said after building a relationship for weeks or months. A man professing his love after bedding the object of his affection would have been seen as a manipulation to humans.
But vampires love more strongly than humans, in fact far more intensely than any creature I know of. It felt as if Robert and I had known each other for years, and I knew his feelings were sincere.
It’s hard to describe how I could be so certain. I had thought the same about Gabriel, and now I had been proven wrong. But Robert was everything Gabriel was not. He wore his heart on his sleeve and had been honest with me right from the start.
“I love you too. Life would be so much easier if I didn’t, but I want to be with you more than anything.”
We sat up together and he kissed both of my cheeks. I hated to think about leaving him but I knew I had to go. I couldn’t live with Robert forever, not yet. Gabriel still thought I loved him the way an obedient mate should, and I didn’t want to arouse any suspicion.
“I need to go. Gabriel will be worried.” I didn’t want to mention Gabriel’s name but we both knew it was necessary. We couldn’t sweep my domineering sire under the rug completely.
He nodded but I could tell it hurt him too. I imagined the potential future I could have without Gabriel. Every time I thought about hunting or travelling the world, I pictured Robert by my side. It made my heart ache to think that he might not be the one to share eternity with me.
We kissed again, a gesture of goodbye this time. Nothing was certain and sneaking around meant that every time we met it could be our last time together. I prayed that we would be together soon but I couldn’t predict the future. Our chances of happiness were fragile and I knew I couldn’t rest my hopes on them.
I dressed and let Robert walk me to the door. He couldn’t come any further than that, just to be safe, but of course I didn’t want to let him go. I didn’t want to be away from him for even a second.
As we kissed goodbye once more I asked him the question I had been too afraid to say aloud. “Will we ever get to be together?”
Robert kissed my forehead like a doting husband. “Let’s not talk about that right now. There’s no point thinking about it until we know we’re safe. For now you just need to pretend that you love Gabriel. I know you can do it.”
I didn’t want to, but I would give it my best shot. I had lied to Gabriel so many times over the past few months, from my solo hunting sprees to my encounters with then anonymous Robert. This was just the latest in a long list of lies Gabriel and I had told each other over the years. My sire wasn’t particularly known for his honesty either, so I must have inherited it from him.
Eventually I managed
to tear myself away from the warmth of Robert’s embrace. Being with him fulfilled a gap I had started to believe was going to be with me for eternity. I felt as if someone loved every inch of me for who I was, not what I could give them. It was a completely selfless and honest love. I hated the thought of giving it up for more years of dishonesty with Gabriel.
There was no point in thinking about how unfair the matter was. I simply had to go back to the nest. There was nothing else I could do if I wanted to make sure Robert and I would be safe together one day. Gabriel and I were bound by the force that links a sire and their vampire child. Nothing can break it, other than the sire themself. It’s stronger than any force on the planet and to break it I would have to live the lie for just a little bit longer. I told myself that the relationship dangling in front of me was worth a few more weeks of suffering.
Chapter 31He was there when I got back, waiting for me. I had expected him to give up on me and go to sleep. We still had a little while until the sun rose, but I didn’t think Gabriel cared enough about me to wait for my return.
The room was dark but using my heigthened sense, I could make out Gabriel’s outline from his space on the sofa with minimal effort.
I flicked the light on as I walked in, trying to steady myself for the stream of lies that I was about to utter. It felt shameful being so dishonest to another vampire, especially one I shared a blood link with, but I couldn’t help it. My relationship with Robert had changed everything.
I went to join him on the sofa but he crossed the room before I could even move. There was a smile on his face, but I couldn’t make out if it was sinister or loving. Gabriel’s facial expressions had always been difficult to decipher, but now they were completely lost on me. Every time I looked at him I was searching for a hidden meaning behind his actions, an alterior motive.
He brushed my hair out of my eyes but I flinched away from his hand in an automatic reaction. I tried to recover before it was too late, smiling brightly and acting as if nothing had happened. I knew I had slipped up already, just a few moments after crossing the threshold.
“You were gone for a long time. I thought you said you weren’t going to be too long.” He said. I could hear the suspicion in his voice. “I missed you.”
He was trying to recover himself, to sound less like he was interrogating me, but I think we both knew something was going on under the surface of our interaction.
I kept the smile plastered on my face and took his hand in mine. “I’m sorry. I got carried away chasing a victim. I missed you too.”
He kissed my lips, but nothing in my body responded. When I closed my eyes Robert’s face flashed in front of me, eclipsing Gabriel’s instantly. Guilt twisted my stomach in knots, but I just kept telling myself I had to do it. Robert needed more time to work out our plan and so I had to carry on until we had our next step worked out.
Gabriel kissed along the edge of my face and down my neck. I expected him to carry on but he stopped just as he reached my shoulder, his lips lingering just above my skin.
“What’s wrong?” I asked. Fear spread through my body. I hadn’t said anything, but Gabriel was an ancient creature with powers I couldn’t understand. He could easily pick up on my lies through my body cues alone.
He let go of his hold on me and strode across the room, picking up a bottle of whisky the previous owner had left behind. I hadn’t seen him drink alcohol before, and just the gesture told me something was wrong.
He poured the amber liquid in to a glass and downed it, pouring another to fill it’s place as soon as the last drop touched the back of his throat.
“You know, I could tell something was wrong between us but I never thought...” He took a sip from the freshly filled glass. I had no idea what had happened in the few seconds he had been kissing me, but there was a stony expression on his face and that meant something had gone horribly wrong.
“I don’t know what you mean.” I wanted to move towards him but I didn’t trust him to keep his distance. “Since Dahlia I’ve been...”
I saw the disgust in his eyes and it stopped me mid sentence. I wished Robert was there to protect me, or at least to watch over me, but I was all alone.
“I can smell him all over you.” He said. “You’ve been with someone else.”
Every excuse I had been planning dissolved in an instant. I hadn’t even realised that being with Robert would leave a mark on me, but I was foolish for not thinking of it. Gabriel was stronger than me, with far more advanced senses. The smell alone was like having Robert’s fingerprints all over my skin.
“Oh god. Gabriel, it’s not what you think.” I tried to reason. He threw his glass against the wall. The liquid inside left a golden stain at the point of collison, and the shards fell to the floor in a heap just as they had when I threw Dahlia against the mirror.
“Don’t even give me that. I made you what you are. Without me you’d just be a pathetic human waiting to die like the rest of them. You don’t even understand what I’ve done for you.” He was shouting now, and it felt like every word was a fist hitting my body. The worst part was that every word was true.
“I’m sorry.” It was all I could say. My legs felt weak and I crumbled to the floor, burying my face in my hands to block out his violent words.
“I’m beginning to think I should just cut my losses now.” He murmered.
“What do you mean?” I raised my head, intrigued by what he could be talking about.
“I can free you. I’m your sire and I own you. I can let you go.”
I knew it was possible, Robert had told me himself, but I hadn’t expected Gabriel to be the one to mention it. Part of me felt overjoyed that it could all be over this easily. Gabriel would free me and then I could live with Robert forever.
Part of me knew it couldn’t be that easy. Gabriel had always been very territorial, although I used to think it was just a desire to protect me. I knew he wouldn’t let me go without a fight.
“Do you want to?” I asked. “How does it even happen?”
He gathered up the shards of glass from the floor, completely disinterested in me now that I had proven to be a traitor.
“I don’t know if I want to. I don’t know what to think. I could keep you with me and we could work on our relationship. It’s always possible. You could stay with me and do your part, or you could leave with this person you’ve been seeing.”
I was shocked at how matter of fact Gabriel was being. He had hardly ever been this honest and open with me before, but now that the truth was out he was acting remarkably mature.
“I would still have to come back, wouldn’t I? Like Emma.” I hadn’t thought of Gabriel’s former lover for a long time. I guess now I truly knew how she had felt. She had tried to leave Gabriel but she had been forced to return, purely because the magnetic pull had been too strong.
He nodded. “I don’t have much luck with mates, do I? You’re right about that, though. You could leave and at first it would seem easy. Then after a few months you would start to think about me more and more. Eventually it would become impossible to stay away. It would cause you physical pain, and over time it would be unbearable. Some can last a few years but others give up after a few weeks. It depends on your reason for leaving, and your willpower I guess.”
I appreciated his attempts at honesty. He finished disposing of the broken glass and joined me on the floor. We sat together in complete silence, not touching one another or making eye contact. His hatred had softened, but I couldn’t feel anything from him anymore. He was numb.
“I could free you. It’s not hard and it wouldn’t take long. We would never have to see each other again, for as long as we live. You would be free to live with this man who has stolen you away and I would be free to find a new mate. One who wouldn’t leave me like you.”
I imagined my life with Robert. If Gabriel freed me then we could be together without the need for secrecy. I pictured running to his home to tell him the happy news. We would h
unt together, each allowing ourselves to find our perfect victims and encouraging one another. We would travel the world and he would share his years of knowledge with me. I would become a brilliant example of our race, with his experience as my anchor. It was the life I had always wanted.
“Is it really that easy?” I asked. It seemed too good to be true.
“Of course not.” He answered. “It never is. It could work out perfectly. You could find the one you love and you could be with him for the rest of eternity, no suffering or pain, but it would never be the same. You would be mates by name only, not by nature. He could find other mates and they would have more status than you. It would be like you were the mistress and they were the bride, even if you were there hundreds of years before. There would be no bond between you. Even if you loved him more than me your relationship would never be as strong as ours. It’s just the way it is.”
I couldn’t imagine Robert ever leaving me like that, although I had never imagined Gabriel finding another mate and yet I had seen him turning Dahlia with my own eyes. If my life as a vampire had taught me anything, it was that you can never trust anyone completely.
“There is another option.” He said.
I was intrigued. I had heard of freeing your child, but I didn’t know there was anything else that could be done. Robert had never mentioned it, and I didn’t know if he was even aware of it.
“What is it?”
“It doesn’t happen very often. Usually a child is freed so that they can find their own family and create their own nest. It’s just the way it goes. We share that with humans. We both have an unconscious desire to pass on our genes, however defective they may be. Of course sometimes a child does fall for another vampire. It is possible to transfer the right of a sire on to another vampire. You just have to win a dual.”
I would have laughed out loud, but the atmosphere in the room was far from welcoming. “A dual? This isn’t the medieval age. Nobody duals anymore.”
“Vampires do. We’re noble creatures. We don’t backstab and cheat like humans do. We face our issues head on until someone comes out on top. If you manage to get this other man to dual with me then whoever wins will have ownership of you. It’s that simple.”
The Embrace Page 28