“I can’t go. I want to stay with you.” I didn’t even bother to hide the tears anymore, choking through instead.
He shook his head and the skin on the side of his face cracked and blistered. I wanted to stay but I knew he wouldn’t let me. He didn’t want me to watch his strength slip away as his body disappeared. Nobody should have their last excrutiating moments etched on the memories of those they love.
“Please. Find somewhere safe. My home, you can stay there.” He urged, still with the quiet authority I had come to expect. “Take care of yourself.”
I nodded, although I wanted nothing more than to stay with him. I leaned forward and left one final kiss on his lips. Even on the point of death his kiss still sent waves of electricity through me.
This was to be our last kiss. I had been betrayed by my sire and now I had lost what could have been my first real chance for love. The electricity I felt that moment might never appear to me again.
“I love you. I’ll see you again one day.” I whispered in his ear.
He didn’t reply. I didn’t know if his voice box was even in tact anymore, but I saw a small smile on his face and I knew that he understood.
I gently moved his head from my lap and let it rest on the floor. The remaining skin all across his body had become mottled and bruised. I hated leaving him like that but he wanted me to. He had given his life for me, and so I had to obey his final wishes.
I left the apartment in a daze. I had blinkers on, not looking at anything around me. I didn’t even look back at Robert’s body. I knew that if I looked back then I wouldn’t be able to tear myself away.
I had lost so much that night but the apartment wasn’t something I would miss. All my memories of those rooms were dark, terrible moments I would rather forget. I was quite glad that I would never have to return to this place.
As I walked down the hallway and in to the foyer I caught fragments of conversation and thoughts from those around me. The gossiping wives who congregated in the foyer, and had once seethed with jealousy over my relationship with Gabriel, were standing by the lift almost as if they were waiting for me. I didn’t even try to shield the tears from them.
“I hope he finally left her. He was too good for her anyway.” I heard one of them say. I couldn’t decide whether she had said it aloud or whether it was just one of her thoughts I had managed to catch, but it didn’t matter. All it did was remind me how hungry I was.
The red mist of hunger descended without warning and I lunged on the nearest of the women, burying my teeth in to her warm neck. The other gossip mongers shrieked and tried to escape but I moved too quickly for them to even have a chance. Before they had time to reach the staircase I grabbed each of them in turn and tore through the skin on their necks.
I let the last of these women fall to the ground and lapped up the silence my massacres had created. No more thoughts, no more foolish human opinions. There was only silence.
I stumbled out of the apartment building. I knew that my face was coated with blood and my eyes were red from crying, but I didn’t even bother trying to clean myself up. I just wanted to lie down and find some peace. I needed to curl up in to a ball and forget everything, waiting until I was so weak that I was facing death. I didn’t want to go in to the outside world, a place where every little thing reminded me of Robert.
I moved on autopilot, my feet not really taking in where I was going. In reality there was only one place I could go. The nest had been my home with Gabriel but I could never go back there again, and I had given ownership of my childhood home to my aunt Penny. There was only one place where I felt safe and completely at home.
It took me only a few minutes to get there. I knew the way as if I had been there a million times; it was carved in my memory forever. It felt unnatural that I was running from someone I used to love, I only had one place left to go.
I eventually reached Robert’s home, the nest I had once imagined we would live in as a couple. I had pictured us decorating the place together like human couples do. We would have stayed for a little while and then moved on to somewhere more exotic. I imagined that we would have kept this place as a home away from home whenever we returned to London. Now it was just going to lie here and rot, with no owner and nobody who loved it.
As I made my way around the ground floor of the house I almost expected Robert to pop out from behind a corner and wrap me up in his arms, as if everything had been a terrible nightmare. Every creak or gust of wind sounded like his voice calling out to me.
I pictured his body on the floor of my old apartment. I wondered if he was completely dead yet. Maybe his body was just a pile of ash on the floor or maybe he was lying there in agony, wishing he hadn’t sent me away.
It wasn’t healthy to dwell on it for so long. I tried to shake the images from my head and focus on the positive things we had shared. I had only been to Robert’s home a few times but each room held a memory of our time together, while each item seemed to reflect a part of Robert’s personality I would no longer get to see.
I made my way up the stairs. As I went, I caught sight of the room where Robert kept the memories of his former mates. I knew that I shouldn’t go in it, but I needed a reminder of him and that room had been his most sacred space. I had to remind myself that he had lived a full life, that his death was not a waste.
I looked at the pictures which lined the walls, mostly framed love letters Robert had cherished and re-read over the years. I made my way to the wardrobe where the dresses of his mates were still neatly displayed. After a few moments I picked a soft white nightgown from the railing. I took my dress off and slipped the soft nightgown over my head, letting the fabric sooth my aching skin.
There was a small frame above the bed, one I had never seen before. As I moved closer the image became clearer. I took in the whole frame, and quickly realised what it was. It was a picture of me, sleeping in bed after the first night I had spent in Robert’s arms. I was part of the room dedicated to memories of Robert’s mates. He had considered me one of his mates, despite there being no blood link between us.
I felt my legs growing weak. I was exhausted after everything I had been through, and I just wanted to fall asleep. I imagined lying in Robert’s arms but I knew it was pointless thinking about it. Eventually I went to his bedroom instead and instinctively walked over to the bed.
I fell down on top of the covers, letting my thoughts finally become still. His smell was still present on the sheets and I eagerly breathed it in. All I needed was peace and quiet, time to empty my thoughts. I didn’t want to think about Robert or Gabriel, I just wanted to focus on myself for a while. I needed to clear my head and work out my plan. I had so much to think about, so many decisions to make.
I let myself drift off to sleep. It wasn’t the easiest transition I had ever experienced but I soon managed. I had to make the most of it, knowing it might be the last day of sleep I ever received if I had to face Gabriel again.
**
For 2 weeks that became my routine. The ultimate goal of my day was purely to return to bed, the only place where I didn’t have to think about my loss. I continued living but I merely drifted through my routine, never letting myself think about what had happened. I decided against suicide as I had promised Robert I would live, and I had to honour that pledge. Even so, if Gabriel tracked me down I wouldn’t have put up that much of a fight as I had nothing left to live for.
I went out to hunt every night more out of necessity than any real desire. I sought out victims without any plan, risking my safety with rash kills and spontaneous attacks. I had learned to be cautious, but now I had no interest in my own security.
After hunting I would return to the home. I had explored every inch of it during my two weeks of mourning. I had found a small room downstairs which was filled with piles of books. I now spent most of my time exploring this room, touching the books that Robert had once loved. Some were in French, his native tongue, and so I couldn’t translate
them, but many were in English. Inside the cover pages there were little notes from Robert’s mates or friends, from his life as both a human and a vampire. In one book I even found a scrawled message from Robert’s sire Lucius.
I pledged to make my way through these books. I had nothing but spare time now. Whenever I touched a page Robert had once read, I felt close to him. His hands had touched the pages, and his eyes had followed these eloquent words, just as mine had. I could almost imagine him holding the books and pouring through their contents. It made me forget for a moment that he would never be there to read them again.
After 2 weeks I still didn’t feel any better. Vampires find it much easier to be alone but losing a mate is a terrifying thought for anyone. The experience was something I felt far too young to deal with. I was barely out of my infancy and yet I had already been through enough stress to last a life time.
I returned home from the hunt one night in my usual state of depression. The heart beats of humans were becoming deafening as I couldn’t keep them under control anymore. I had once been able to drown out the sound of humanity, but now my only escape was the quiet sanctuary of Robert’s home.
As I walked up the steps to his front door I caught sight of a newspaper tucked behind a plant. I hadn’t really noticed the practical things like mail or deliveries since my arrival. The home was beautiful but it had an eerie loneliness which drove most people away, so deliveries had never been something I had to deal with.
I picked the paper up and took it inside. I had been so detached from the rest of the world that I hadn’t been paying attention. The world could be falling apart around me and I wouldn’t have noticed. In fact I might have welcomed it.
I went to my favourite spot, the makeshift library, and lay the newspaper out on the floor in front of me. There were no desks or chairs in the room, only piles of books, but I felt safe sitting on the floor.
A quick scan assured me that the world wasn’t ending. The paper was merely filled with the usual tales of human triumphs and suffering. I read these bleak messages without emotion but as I reached the middle of the issue a headline caught my eye.
“FAMILY MASSACRED IN FORMER CRIME SCENE”
I don’t know why it caught my eye, or why I bothered to look at it more closely than I looked at the other articles. The story wasn’t any more unusual than any of the others, but something told me I needed to read it.
“Police have yet to solve the murder of the Grove family, a crime which has rocked the small town of Edge Wood. Penelope Grove was found mutilated in her home 2 weeks ago, along with the bodies of her sons Freddy and Archie.”
Penelope Grove. This was my aunt, the woman who had helped to raise me after the death of my mother. I hadn’t seen her in years and I had grown to hate her after discovering that she had cut me out of her will; her death severed the last link I had to my forgotten humanity.
Freddy and Archie were my cousins, and I had grown up alongside them. I had left my childhood home to Penny and the boys without any joy, but I had never expected that they would be brutally murdered inside it.
The article didn’t end there and so I read on before I became too distracted.
“Mrs Grove inherited the home from her niece, Louisa Reed (now 21). The home has long been plagued by mysterious murders. 8 years ago the home was the site of the murder of Louisa’s father Bill, brother Michael (18) and sister Beth (16). Louisa, who was just 13 at the time, miraculously survived unscathed while her mother Catherine was hospitalised but later recovered.
At the time of the massacres, young Louisa came under media scrutiny and a number of conspiracy theories circulated. Louisa was released in to the custody of Mrs Grove while her mother was treated for depression. The young girl claimed that she didn’t see the face of her attacker. The investigation soon ran cold.
Last year Catherine Reed died after a long struggle with alcoholism. Her daughter Louisa disappeared several months ago and police have yet to locate her whereabouts. They believe that she ran away willingly as she transfered ownership of the home in to Penelope’s name shortly before her disappearance.
The home has now been thrown in to the media spotlight once again after the bodies of the three Grove family members were discovered. Each of the victims were beaten and stabbed, much like the victims of the massacre 8 years ago.”
I didn’t need to read anymore. I had never been one to keep my finger on the pulse of local news but I realised then why I had been drawn to this article. All of the pieces slid in to place and I couldn’t help but smile to myself.
It may seem strange to say I was smiling at the death of a family member, even if I had no mortal connection to her, but there was more to it than that. The only other vampires who knew about my childhood home were Gabriel, who had lived there with me, and Aiden who had visited the home once to kill my family on Gabriel’s orders.
Gabriel had fled quickly after murdering Robert, obviously aware of the fact that he could never return to the nest again in case I was waiting for him. I had frequently wondered where he could be, and if he would come looking for me, but now I knew he was hiding out in my childhood home.
It was far too much of a coincidence for another vampire to come across my family home and kill the residents. Gabriel already had access to my home as I had invited him in to end my life. He would have no qualms about murdering Penny and he knew that I didn’t want to return to my childhood home, as I had no interest in revisting my old life.
It all made sense now. I didn’t know if Gabriel was aware of the article but just in case, I knew I would have to act quickly. Gabriel would flee the country when he found out that his hide out had been compromised, so this was my last chance to strike.
I didn’t have a plan of attack, but I would have to get thinking. If Gabriel left the country I would forever be looking over my shoulder in fear. Now was the last chance I had to secure my safety and to avenge Robert’s death.
It barely took any time at all to work out what I would do. When I decided on my plan, a strange sense of peace seemed to fall over me. I knew that whatever happened I had done my part, and I would make Robert proud.
I had some things I had to do before I put my plan in to place. I had decided to leave this home after I had carried out my plan and start my life over again somewhere else. I was reluctant to leave as I had found so much comfort in Robert’s home, so I had decided to keep the house in my name in case I ever returned to London.
I couldn’t risk leaving all of these prized possessions in the home, just in case. I wanted them to be near me so that I could always feel close to Robert.
Vampires don’t tend to be tied down by possessions. That is one of the things we pride ourselves on, something which separates us from the humans who put so much meaning on material items. But Robert had been a vampire for nearly 1000 years and had accrued an enormous collection. These items represented his life and they deserved to be treated with respect.
His library contained momentos from throughout history, and would probably be worth a fortune. The bedroom upstairs contained dedications to each of his former mates, including myself. All of these items meant something to me, and had once meant something to Robert.
I found some boxes and packed up all of the old novels first. That night I found a storage firm and arranged for them to pick up the boxes the next day. When I performed my plan the house would seem abandoned, just in case an enemy stumbled upon it. Everything would be complete.
I got to work finishing the preparations. I had a long night ahead of me and I had to be ready. It felt strange packing up everything in the house, reducing Robert’s life to a bunch of boxes.
I would keep his belongings in a storage space in London which meant I could access them whenever I wanted, whenever I needed to be reminded of the impact Robert had made on me during our short time together.
That night I slept in Robert’s bedroom for what might be the last time. I left all of the boxes in the front hall
to be collected the next day and then I went to bed. My whole body was tingling with anticipation. I had so much to do and I needed everything to go perfectly if I was to be free.
Chapter 36I woke up the next night and put on the white dress Robert had lent me during our first meeting. White is the colour of purity, the blank slate, and it made me feel like I was beginning my life over again. I was going to be free from everything I had been through, and I would finally be ready to start over again.
When I reached the hallway I was pleased to see that all of the boxes had been removed. There was a small receipt on the coffee table but I didn’t bother looking at it. I had paid in cash as vampires rarely leave a paper trail. I was struck by the poignancy of Robert’s home now that all of his personal items had been removed. There was nothing there to remind me of him anymore. Every memory I held was now internal, something I had to carry through life on my own.
I left the home reluctantly and went to start my plan. I was reluctant to leave the place behind. I hoped that one day I would be able to return to London and visit the areas which had shaped my life. This house was a symbol of everything Robert and I had shared, so leaving it behind was just another sign that I was starting a new life, and that my old dreams had disappeared.
I didn’t really know where I was supposed to be going. That part of my plan was foggy. Luckily the place didn’t matter. Although a blood tie is incredibly strong, all vampires are linked with one another purely because of our nature. We have build in detectors, and the trace of a vampire is easy to locate if you know how. Summoning another creature is simple, as long as they are willing to be summoned.
I found an abandoned park bench and stood before it. I closed my eyes tight and imagined my goal in my head. I didn’t have a clue how the summoning ability worked, but I once again trusted my instincts and prayed that it would work.
The Embrace Page 33