Then something else hit her. “You let Lilith walk all over me for being too smart for my own good because you didn’t want me figuring out your scam.” She couldn’t believe any of this, let alone that he’d allowed Lilith to treat her so poorly.
“I had no choice if I wanted you and Brooke by my side.”
Such a twisted sentiment, wanting her to be part of the family business, yet, out of fear she’d get too close to the truth, complacently letting Lilith stifle a crucial part of who she was. He must have known all along how much business she brought to Magnate yet never said anything. He took advantage of her desire to keep him happy after her mother died to the point she felt she had to hide her contributions. How often had she longed to hear him acknowledge her work? Oh, her work. When Jess thought of her role in the deception, her stomach lurched. She barely managed to swallow the bile that threatened to spew.
Casually, Derrick moved from behind his desk to rest against it, assuming a conversational air as if they were fondly reminiscing. “We’ve done a lot of good, sweetheart. Don’t lose sight of that.”
“What?”
“We’ve given hundreds of millions to important causes, contributions that wouldn’t have been made without our efforts.”
Jess had expected an argument. Not this. Her father was off the deep end if he believed his words. “You’re not Robin Hood! You can’t take other people’s money and spend it according to your wishes. You have no right.”
“Think of the donations we help engender because of our status in the financial community.”
Dumbfounded, Jess couldn’t immediately reply. Was he trying to convince himself or her? “Charitable foundations that invested with us are going to fold because of you and your—whatever you call this—redistribution of wealth. You’re literally robbing Peter to pay Paul.”
As if she hadn’t spoken, Derrick said, “Think of the incredible educational opportunities we’re giving deserving students too. Students like your friend TJ.”
TJ. So he knew, not that it mattered. TJ would never have entered the Derrick Spaulding MBA Program had she been privy to its funding sources. Jess’s already unsettled stomach could barely take anymore, but she pushed down the nausea. “Don’t you dare use her or anyone else to try to justify your actions. I don’t believe for one second you can’t recognize right from wrong. Otherwise you wouldn’t have hidden this from everyone.”
Derrick took a long pull from his drink. “I’m not saying it’s right. But things aren’t always black and white. We’re doing a lot of good, whether you want to believe it or not. I’ve made a concerted effort to give back.”
“It’s not yours to give!” Jess shouted.
“You haven’t minded.”
Sucker punched, Jess’s stomach roiled.
“Privilege comes at a price,” he said. “Think of everything you have. You’re willing to give it all up?”
An image of Kara popped into Jess’s head. How would she answer the question if Kara were in the room? What kind of lesson would Kara need to learn from a case study on Derrick Spaulding?
“Absolutely,” Jess said.
“You’re willing to give her up too?”
Tears sprang into Jess’s eyes and she swallowed hard, knowing exactly whom Derrick meant. Jess was on the brink of losing everything she cared about, everyone who mattered: her father, TJ, Brooke. No, she wasn’t willing. But it wasn’t her choice.
“No one ever needs to know about this conversation.”
The way he let the suggestion sit between them reminded her of all the times she’d slid money toward someone with the expectation they’d do her bidding. Her own actions repulsed her. Did he actually believe her capable of ignoring her discovery? She hadn’t exactly been the poster child of rectitude, but it hurt to think her own father could believe she was so shallow, even if he was its epitome.
She held her head high. Her path was clear and she would follow it unerringly, even in the face of debilitating loneliness and heartbreak. “If you were afraid of me finding out, then you must know what would happen once I did.”
“Yes, although you can’t blame me for trying to talk you out of it.” Derrick emptied his glass.
Jess took no consolation from his confirmation. All these years she’d had trouble forgiving herself for choosing this life over Dillon, for being so shallow. It had taken precious time—and TJ—for her to realize she wasn’t that person. How was it that restoring her faith in herself had to come at the price of having her faith in her father destroyed?
Jess ignored the tears sliding freely down her cheeks. She looked around the opulent study she knew she’d never again set foot in and then met her father’s gaze. “None of this…” Her mouth trembled violently and she could scarcely speak. “I’d have taken you over any of this.”
Derrick smiled sadly and his eyes misted. “I’m sorry.”
She wasn’t sure that was true or whether he was sorry for the fraud or for having been caught. Yet she refused to ask for fear of losing all hope of ever being able to forgive him.
She could only reply with a sob.
Chapter Twenty-five
Jess longed to be only one place: in TJ’s arms. Before she went public, before she forced Gary to perform the inevitable, before anyone could arm TJ with more than a billion reasons to avoid her, Jess had to see her. This was likely Jess’s last night of relative normalcy, where she could pretend she was simply a woman falling in love, supported by her friends and family, and working for a living. She wasn’t yet a pariah with the reputation of having stolen the future from generations of children. Photos of her caught in unflattering moments would soon be splashed across trashy news-rag covers casting her as a monster. She’d probably be Photoshopped stabbing baby otters in their sleep while they floated on their backs, holding hands with each other. The new face of evil.
Though she longed for a lifetime of nights together with TJ, one was all she dared hope to be granted.
TJ was in the final stretches of the curriculum. What would happen to all her work when Jess went to the authorities? Once Jess lit the wick, the program would be blown to smithereens, all funding halted. And with its namesake behind bars, it would become so ridiculed that even in the unlikely scenario the inaugural class was allowed to graduate, who would hire them? The students wouldn’t derive any benefit from listing it on a résumé. And graduating with an MBA from a “university—name withheld” would likewise be worthless.
What if Jess delayed her whistleblowing until after TJ’s graduation and subsequent employment? Would a few months make a difference in the grand scheme of things?
A number of new individuals and organizations would become investors by then, expanding the reach of destruction. If TJ ever found out Jess had delayed going to the authorities because Jess was trying to protect her, TJ would never forgive her.
Not that TJ would forgive her for having spent most of her life using other people’s money to fund her lavish lifestyle.
TJ’s self-determination, resolve to bootstrap her and Kara’s futures without financial assistance, and selection of the Derrick Spaulding MBA program for its post-graduation service requirement as a way to repay her education provided ample evidence she wasn’t interested in taking the easy way. Her conviction that one’s character and not one’s means should inform one’s success ran completely counter to all that would become associated with the program.
Even if TJ could forgive—Jess knew she had the capacity and heart to—she’d never be able to look at Jess the same way, never want to be with someone whose family would go down as among the greediest and most self-serving in history.
Worse, TJ would know the true role Jess played in securing more and more clients. Jess was damn good at her job, and TJ knew it. How could TJ ever consider Jess desirable once the truth came to light?
Good taste and fine breeding dictated it was far too late for Jess to stop by. Yet from this day forth the Spauldings would never be remembered
for either, so what did she have to lose? She texted TJ another apology for spoiling their earlier plans and said she’d make it up to her. It was rude and presumptuous, but Jess needed to see her.
Though the day’s revelation hadn’t affected Jess’s skin, it was as sensitive as if burned. All the material that touched it was filched and therefore filthy. Jess had a closet full of finery yet nothing to wear, nothing she could call her own. Covering herself with anything but a body bag seemed overly stylish, while normal clothing that touched skin felt too intimate to wear when it didn’t belong to her. Even the sweats she’d had on earlier felt too rich, the material too soft, for what she deserved. Burlap would be more suitable, but she didn’t own any.
Getting arrested at this stage was the least of Jess’s worries, so she donned her oldest trench coat. She’d never gone commando before today, yet here she was ready to head to the worst part of town in nothing but flasher gear. It didn’t matter. The coat felt as intimate as an arena, which made it easier to put on than her usual garb.
The only transportation options at her disposal were stark reminders of her father’s treachery, flashy finery paid with misappropriated funds. Yet while there was probably a bus route in the vicinity, she hadn’t the time or inclination to play planes, trains, and automobiles to get to TJ’s. She slid into the Mercedes and took off.
*
The roller-coaster ride Jess had taken her on lately confused TJ, but she knew Jess better than to think she was playing games. When Jess had said she had to bow out of their date night, TJ had been disappointed but understanding. Though she’d have preferred to learn the reason behind her canceling, she believed Jess wouldn’t have done so lightly.
The faint knock at the door came as a surprise. It was after midnight. TJ had already settled in for the night, enjoying a mystery she’d picked up at the library. It provided a much-needed break from the puzzle that was the Magnate Fund. On Monday she’d have to get Jess to escalate the matter, be it through Gary or one of the analysts, as the presumption she could dive in headfirst and figure out the keys to Magnate’s success without so much as a tutorial was proving false. But it was Friday night. She was tired of work and glad to let someone else—in this case the hapless PI from the novel—handle the investigating. At least TJ’s troubles didn’t involve a dead body and an unlicensed handgun.
In case she misheard, TJ waited before answering it. She didn’t hear it again. Instead, her phone vibrated. It was a text from Jess asking if she was awake. When she replied in the affirmative, the next message asked her to open the door.
Without heeding her outfit—a worn T-shirt that didn’t cover her underwear—she rushed to the door and found Jess standing in the hallway wearing a dark-gray trench coat and low-heeled boots. As she tried to put her jumbled thoughts in order, she watched Jess’s eyes slowly travel down her body as if she were wearing the sexiest negligée ever designed. Jess’s eyes seemed a shade darker and a hundred times hungrier than TJ had ever seen them, so much so that her sex clenched and her thighs tightened together in response.
“Where’s Kara?” Jess asked in a low voice as she focused on TJ’s bare legs.
TJ inclined her head toward Kara’s bedroom. “Bed.” She took a step back as Jess took two steps toward her and closed the door.
Jess briefly glanced behind her to flip the lock before resting her palms on TJ’s chest. With a hair’s breadth between their lips, Jess said, “One of my favorite words.” She trailed the fingers of one hand down the channel between TJ’s breasts before taking her hand and leading her to the edge of her bed.
“Jess, what are you—” TJ was gently pushed onto her back. Jess had an intensity—perhaps a desperation—she’d never seen before. As she considered turning on the overhead light in order to shift the mood that her reading light and Jess’s assertiveness were quickly turning into a seduction, TJ faltered. Because in record time, Jess was out of her boots, simultaneously unfastening coat buttons as she untied its belt. An instant later, Jess was straddling her, palms next to TJ’s shoulders, her gorgeous breasts dangling above her like tree-ripe fruit, fresh for the taking.
TJ swallowed hard. She wanted to know what was going through Jess’s mind, but it was very hard to think with the expanse of lovely skin at her fingertips.
“Hi,” Jess said in a shy voice that belied her extremely forward entrance.
“Hi,” TJ managed. She was finding it difficult not to reach for Jess and wished she were stronger. In about two seconds, she’d be willing to push aside the conversation they clearly needed to have. Two. One. And just like that, those seconds passed and her hands started wandering over the luxurious planes of Jess’s body. “What’s on your mind?” She smiled wryly, knowing full well the answer.
“Oh, you know.” Jess pushed the reading light to face the wall before leaning down and tracing her nose along the delicate skin beneath TJ’s ear. “The price of tea in China.” She placed feather-light kisses along TJ’s neck. “Whether the Fed will raise interest rates.” She trailed her tongue across TJ’s chin. “Fracking’s impact on clean drinking water.” She lifted TJ’s T-shirt to expose her breasts before lowering herself until their bodies touched. “Whether we’re done talking.” Jess kissed TJ in a way that removed any guesswork.
Conversation was out of the question now that TJ was rendered speechless. Jess had arrived on a mission, complete with mission control, and TJ could only take direction. She wasn’t used to relinquishing control, but if this was the outcome of doing so, she might never try to retake it.
As Jess’s mouth moved down TJ’s torso, TJ felt a tug at the waistband of her briefs, which were swiftly pulled below her ass before being worked down and off her legs. Without Jess’s weight on her upper body, TJ took the opportunity to quickly remove her own shirt. Knowing they were both naked, she couldn’t help but tug Jess back up until they were face-to-face. She wanted to feel Jess against her fully, with nothing between them but love and trust. As Jess sank into TJ and their bodies connected from head to toe, skin on skin, they both released something between a sigh and a moan. To feel this woman above her, to know her heart and mind, was an experience TJ would never forget.
TJ’s hands were in Jess’s hair, and she kissed her as if starved, as if Jess were a rare food found only in the farthest reaches of the globe. Two hands were two—maybe four—too few to quench her thirst for Jess.
Jess, for her part, seemed extraordinarily competent, as if she’d been making love to women since puberty. Her lips, tongue, hands, thighs, and breasts moved together like a conflagration designed to make every molecule in TJ’s body scream her name. She was also a tad impatient. Her mouth was between TJ’s thighs before TJ could process she’d moved, since Jess seemed everywhere at once. Her talented tongue brought TJ to a climax TJ realized too late was taking place within the apartment she shared with Kara. Thankfully, like most teenagers, Kara was a notoriously heavy sleeper. Still, the sheer number of “Oh, Gods” she’d uttered made her pray Kara wouldn’t ply her with questions about her new religion.
Before TJ’s breathing returned to normal, Jess was caressing one of TJ’s nipples with her tongue until it was erect and wanting. Jess took pity on the mute flesh by taking it more fully into her mouth. Indecently wet, TJ spoke for her overwhelmed body parts. “Jess, please.” This time, Jess would not be rushed. She ran her tongue along TJ’s throat, jaw, and neck, and took TJ’s earlobe into her mouth while her fingers teased her center. With Jess’s hot breath in her ear and Jess’s hands tormenting her overly sensitive nerve endings, TJ again begged, “Please.” TJ’s wish was finally granted as she was instantly filled with fingers entirely too skillful to be neophytes in this arena. Not that she was complaining.
Sated and sweating, TJ finally caught her breath. She was riding mixed emotions, filled with wonder and delight on one hand, concern and caution on the other. Jess had taken her to physical heights, yes, but it was the emotional ones that had her reeling. She was on the b
rink of being inexorably tied to Jess by feelings she dared not name. Not wanting to dwell on her heart’s response to Jess’s lovemaking, TJ swung her attention to the woman instilling these new feelings within her.
TJ flipped Jess onto her back and kissed her soundly. “Can we mix up the agenda a little?”
Jess stroked TJ’s back and ass. “No one else is invited, if that’s the question.”
“The question is,” TJ said as she traced Jess’s bottom lip with her tongue, “can I play too?”
Jess smiled and surged up to kiss her. “I thought you’d never ask.”
TJ toured Jess’s body as if she were a sleek sports car and Jess a mountain highway. Her mouth hugged Jess’s curves the way the tires would cling to the road, creating a beautiful heat along the journey. She started with Jess’s face, lingered along her throat and clavicle, spent a summer at her breasts, and finally moved south. At the first taste of her, TJ understood bliss. She’d known it earlier as she’d surrendered to Jess’s mouth, but now, allowed to experience Jess in the most personal, vulnerable way possible, it was somehow expanded. Jess’s moans of pleasure, the increased pressure she placed at the back of TJ’s head, her attempts to widen her legs against the instinct to collapse them under the assault of TJ’s tongue, all served to heighten TJ’s already sky-high emotions.
Having relentlessly driven Jess to her peak, TJ tarried between Jess’s legs a little longer, using them as protective walls to shield her from the onslaught of her emotions. After tonight, there was no doubt her soul belonged to Jess.
So why not tell Jess how she was feeling? Did keeping it to herself make it any less real?
Delivering kisses as she moved back up Jess’s enticing body, she propped her head on her elbow and ran her fingers through Jess’s hair. Jess caressed TJ’s side, her face full of adoration. TJ decided she liked it. “You really know how to make an entrance,” TJ said.
“You really know how to make a girl feel welcome,” Jess said before leaning in for another kiss.
For Money or Love Page 28