“Then mentally I’m in uber hell, and my heart and brain are visiting there together.”
“I’ve been visiting uber hell off and on for five years. I’m glad you could join me.”
Both of them smiled. They leaned inward and touched lips, a barely there kiss. Xander removed his hand from her chin and stroked it through her hair, gripping it tightly as they pressed their foreheads together.
“And here I thought I would be alright never holding you again,” said Xander, wrapping his free arm around her waist.
“So maybe now you’ll understand why I don’t want to be separated from you ever again,” she said, placing one hand on his heart. Still beating. Still real.
“You think that’s what I want? Fuck no. But this is exactly why I wasn’t going to come with you. I’m Xander Ruby, Deryn. A legacy and one of the highest-ranking Guardians, not to mention President Saevus’s personal favorite. I did a lot of bad things to get into that position and the Resistance knows that. The majority of them won’t believe I’m on their side and even if they do believe it, they sure as hell won’t forgive me.”
“But -”
“Deryn, no. You may have forgiven me, but we’re a special case. Many members of the Resistance have every right to hate me.”
She sighed into his mouth, gripping the cloth of his Guardian trench coat just above his heart. “You’re not a bad person, Xander. You did what you had to and helped who you could. Fuck everyone else.”
Deryn grabbed his hand that was on her waist, lifted it between them and tore off the ring he wore. She tossed it across the room and stroked the small blackbird tattoo on his finger.
“We’re no longer in hiding,” she said, interlacing the fingers of her tattooed hand with his.
Xander stared at their hands and smiled. “I guess not.”
He leaned in and kissed her. Their interlaced hands fell between their laps and they stayed like that, pressed against each other. For the first time not worrying about who might see.
CHAPTER 10
“Stay very still,” said Izzy, who was straddling Xander as he lay with his back on the floor and his head turned to the side. He closed his eyes as she inched closer with the electric hand saw. “I don’t care how scared you are. You flinch, you die.”
“Got it,” he said, not wanting to nod or move in any way.
“I appreciate your trust in me,” she said, tapping his cheek before going in and cutting the collar off in one very subtle flick of her wrist. “And it’s done!”
“That’s it?” said Deryn, mildly disappointed in the lack of show. “How sharp is that thing to cut it off so quickly?”
“It’s quite sharp,” said Izzy, climbing off of Xander. When he sat up, she snatched the broken collar. “Can I keep this? I’d like to tear it apart and study it.”
“It’s all yours,” said Xander, rubbing his neck.
Deryn leaned down and took a closer look. There was a ring of burns, blisters and bruises all around his neck.
“My god,” she said, touching him very carefully so as not to irritate the marks. “That fucking bastard.”
“Wow,” said Nita, kneeling down beside her. “That looks god awful. We should definitely bandage it.”
Xander groaned. “I barely got the damn collar off and you want to replace it with another one?”
“It’s not a collar, it’s a bandage, and with the right ointments it will feel a hell of a lot better.”
Before he could protest, Nita ran to a nearby closet to dig out bandages. While she was busy doing that, Deryn grabbed her old rucksack Rees had brought back from the underground. She searched it until she found what she was looking for.
“Take off your coat. We’re burning it,” she said to Xander, tossing him a thinner black coat she’d brought for him. It wasn’t his warmest coat but she’d tried to pack light. Plus, the winters were much colder in Utopia than they ever were outside.
“Probably best not to do that in here, since we’d more than likely burn the place down,” said Nita, returning with a first aid kit.
“I meant burn it metaphorically,” Deryn explained. “We don’t want smoke alerting anyone to our whereabouts.”
Xander took off his Guardian trench coat. “Shred it with that saw,” he said, tossing it to Izzy.
The woman smiled widely and turned the saw back on. She had a grand old time cutting the coat to pieces, taking extra care when she reached Saevus’s crest on the sleeves. Afterwards, she pocketed a piece for herself - for research - then grabbed a handful of other pieces and tossed them over Xander’s head like confetti.
“We need to get back before dark,” said Rees, grabbing Izzy’s hand and pulling her to her feet. “Congrats on your freedom.” He picked up his own handful of coat remains and sprinkled them over Xander. “Or, more likely, the change of hands in your imprisonment. At least the Resistance doesn’t have collars that can shock you into unconsciousness.”
“Lucky me,” said Xander, wiping his hair free of the dark blue cloth.
“I’d say you’re pretty damn lucky,” said Izzy as she, Rees and Lincoln headed for the door. “There aren’t many people the Resistance would go into the snake pit for. They haven’t even gone that deep for any of their own people. And yes, that was a shot,” she added, looking at Talon. “You have a ton of fighters, but only one fairly active group. Maybe now that you have your dear sister back you can actually start fighting the war you all claim to be in the middle of.”
“This coming from the people who do nothing but hide,” said Everett with a scowl.
“We have far less people than you do,” said Rees. “But if you think we haven’t spent any time preparing for when the real war starts, then you are quite the fool. We’ll be in contact.”
The three of them exited the radio tower, leaving the small group alone again to finally figure out their next step.
“If we’re going back to the base, we need to get there before dark too,” Nita said to Talon. “Your call.”
Talon took a deep breath and looked from Deryn to Xander. “I need a name. Any name of someone in the Resistance who can vouch for the good you claim to have done. Neetles and I aren’t enough. They’ll say we’re biased.”
“Give them my name.”
They all turned to Adrian. Xander hadn’t given him much notice before, but then he looked. Really looked. His eyes widened. “Oh.”
“Oh?” repeated Deryn, glancing between them.
“What do you mean?” Talon asked Adrian.
“Remember when I was captured last year and I said someone helped me escape but I didn’t know who? Well, I lied. It was Ruby.”
Deryn blinked. Then she said, “Oh,” with as much surprise as Xander, suddenly recalling the list they had made together. “You’re unidentified Resistance member.”
“Why did you lie?” asked Talon.
“Because Xander Ruby is on our side. Do you have any idea how much information like that is worth? I wasn’t about to risk the life of the person who saved me just so you all could have a more thorough explanation.”
Talon looked unsure.
“If you don’t believe me ask my girlfriend. She’s the only one I told about him.”
“You said you needed a name. There you go,” said Deryn, motioning to Adrian.
“I don’t know.”
“You really need more proof?” snapped Deryn. “Fine. Then do me a favor and contact Del. She will gladly vouch for him!”
Talon blinked. “How did you know -”
“Because Xander’s been taking care of them. Del, Miki, Kemp, Ulric, Anan, Ronan. They’ve all been keeping Xander’s secret and, in return, he’s been keeping them safe. Contact her.”
Talon hesitated for only a moment before reaching into his pocket and pulling out his two-way. He tuned it to the channel they used to communicate with Del and the others trapped on the inside.
“Del, are you there?” he said, pressing the button on the side.
A small pause, then a crackle. “Talon, it’s Miki. What’s the update?”
“Miki, I need to speak with Del. It’s urgent.”
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes, everything’s fine. Please, just put Del on. It’s important.”
There was some rustling before another voice clearly said, “Talon, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Just ... that person who’s been keeping you safe and giving you information for the last couple of years. That wasn’t ...” Talon gulped. “Was that, by chance, Xander Ruby?”
Silence. “Talon, is Xander there with you?”
“Yes.”
“Oh, thank god! We’ve all been so worried! Miki and Kemp watched the broadcast of the execution in Middle City to see if it was him, and we were all so relieved when it wasn’t. And Deryn? She’s there too?”
“They’re both here,” said Talon, glancing at Deryn.
“Put Xander on. I need to speak with him.”
“But -”
“Put him on,” she repeated, her voice firm.
Talon stepped forward and handed the two-way to Xander.
“Del.”
“Oh, Xander, I’m so happy to hear your voice! We were so worried! Bronson came by and told us it looked like a bomb had gone off in your apartment, and there was blood everywhere. Are you alright?”
“Yes, I’m fine. We’re both fine,” he said.
“And what of Talon and them? They haven’t hurt you, have they? Oh, if they’ve touched one hair on your head they will have another thing coming when I get back there!”
Xander chuckled. “No, they haven’t touched me. That was supposed to be my execution earlier. But Deryn made it out and she convinced Talon and a few others to come back for me. If it weren’t for them I’d be dead.”
“Then what’s the issue? Why are they contacting me?”
“They need someone to vouch for me before they can bring me back to the base.”
“Then I will gladly do so. Talon, you let those handful of difficult pests at the base know that I confirmed Xander Ruby is on our side. He was working against my disgraceful ex-husband for years and helped us in any way he could. He is in no way innocent, but none of us are. In fact, now that he’s there, it’s time you know something else. Hold on one second.”
There was a moment of silence before another voice came on and said, “Hello.”
Talon and the other Resistance members froze.
“Chace?” said Talon, unsure if his ears were working correctly.
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“How long have you been there?” asked Talon.
“A few weeks. Since just after Christmas.”
“And how did you get there?”
“Ruby found me,” he gladly admitted. “Veli Tash managed to get a wristband on me with a mind-control chip installed, I don’t remember how, and he was using me to get information from Sable Bai. Xander removed the chip and faked my death with some weird button on his Element that made it look like my heart stopped. I remember seeing it before. After a battle where we thought people were dead but about thirty minutes later they popped up alive. He created that.”
“Thank you, Chace,” said Del, obviously taking the two-way back. “That’s one more name to add to your list.”
“Yes,” Talon agreed.
“Xander, are you still there?”
“I’m here,” he answered.
“Be safe, alright? And don’t worry about us. We’ll be fine. And we’ll get word to Bronson and Quigley that the two of you are alive.”
Xander smiled. “Thank you. And tell the kid to behave himself until I get back.”
“I don’t know if you mean Ronan or Anan,” she said with a laugh.
“Just tell them both.”
“Will do. Be safe, Xander. I love you.”
With a genuine smile, Xander said, “I love you too, Del.”
“Take care of him, Deryn!”
Deryn smiled and said, “I will.”
Xander handed the two-way back to Talon, who sighed as he put it away. “We’ll have to take you in as our prisoner, keep you heavily guarded until the others become comfortable with the idea of you being there.”
“You can’t be fucking serious!” shouted Everett, rising to his feet.
“Everett, sit down!” Talon shouted right back at him, finally speaking like the person in charge. “It’s not your place to question my decision, and if you speak down to one more person in this room there will be consequences.”
Everett stiffened as he lowered back to his seat.
“Xander Ruby is coming back with us. He will be guarded but not in a prison cell. And, Deryn.”
She looked at her brother.
“If I do this then you will see Dad and you will be respectful.”
She sighed. “Not today, please. It’s been long enough.”
“Fine,” he agreed.
“And I get to stay with Xander wherever you keep him.”
Silence.
“Agree, Talon, or we go right back to square one.”
Talon glanced at his girlfriend.
“I guess I’ll be the one to address the dragon in the room,” said Nita. “What about Dax?”
Deryn shrugged. “It’s been five years. I hardly expected him to wait for me.”
“Yeah, but he did,” said Everett, going silent again when he got a stern look from Talon.
“Then I’ll talk to him,” she said. “I can’t imagine you’ll be making any announcements about Xander right away. Give me a couple of days. For everything.”
“Agreed,” said Talon. “Everyone, grab your things. It’s time to get moving. Adrian, you’re in charge of Xander. Bind his wrists. We want this to look real in case someone sees us approaching the base.”
Everyone stood, but Deryn was the only one who had things to grab. She put her rucksack over her shoulder and watched carefully as Adrian tied Xander’s wrists, making sure to be gentle about it.
She felt someone tugging on her rucksack and turned her head. Nita was stuffing her record inside of it. Back in its deteriorating cover, of course.
Nita smiled and said, “No need to make everyone’s ears bleed with that song on repeat anymore. We have your old record player at the base, so it’s all yours.”
“Thank you,” said Deryn. And she truly meant it. Leaving behind the record player and records Xander had given her for Christmas was a hard decision to make, but there simply wasn’t enough space for them.
Once Xander’s wrists were tied nice and tight, they were on their way.
While Xander still had a terrible limp from his injured leg, Talon had lost his earlier adrenaline and couldn’t muster up the strength to carry him. So they walked slowly, Everett and Evangeline running ahead to scout the area.
Everyone was exhausted and Deryn feared what would happen if they ran into any Utopian guards or Guardians. They didn’t make it this far only to be defeated now.
Her stomach twisted in knots with every step they took, her ears on high alert for any sound out of the ordinary. But she also dreaded every step they took because she wasn’t quite sure she was ready to be at the base. With her dying father. And Dakota, the boy she hadn’t waited for. She wasn’t sure which encounter she dreaded more.
But it wasn’t just them. There were so many people at the base. So many Outsiders. Many she had known before. What would they think of her, returning with a Guardian?
Deryn had once feared being judged for something out of her control, but she didn’t care about that anymore. She’d been starved, beaten and raped for five years, and it wasn’t her fault.
But one of the few decisions she’d made since her escape was moving on from the idea of Dakota and being with Xander. Everyone would believe she had gone insane, and they might be right. No sane former slave would ever choose to be with a Guardian.
But Deryn didn’t care. Even if it was insanity that drew her to Xander, she loved him and she wou
ld do whatever it took to convince the entire Resistance that he was not the monster they all thought he was. He had a good heart, but had the misfortune of being born on the other side of this war. The wrong side.
As her feet crushed dead leaves against the earth, she held Xander’s arm and pressed her head against his shoulder, her body shaking as they got closer and closer to her past, which would soon link with her present. With her future.
“It’ll be okay,” whispered Xander, kissing her forehead. “We’ll be okay.”
She nodded, though she wasn’t entirely convinced. After several seconds of deep breaths, she heard Xander say her name again. She glanced up and was met with worried brown eyes, foggier than usual but just as beautiful.
“This is what you’ve been dreaming of since the day you escaped. You’re going to be with your family again, your friends. These are all people who have spent the past five years trying to rescue you. Hell, they basically put a fucking war on hold for you. You should be enjoying this.”
“They’re all going to think I’m crazy.”
“Why? Because of me?”
She didn’t answer.
“I’m sure you realize choosing me does make you a little crazy.”
A smile tugged at her lips. “I do realize.” She pressed her head back against his shoulder. “Why’d you have to go and burrow so deeply into my skin?”
“Because you burrowed so deeply into mine and I wanted to return the favor.”
They laughed quietly.
Deryn and Xander stayed like that as they walked, her head bobbing and hitting his shoulder every other step because of his limp, but she didn’t mind. She had nearly lost him and she wanted to be as close to him as possible. Hold him tightly and never let him go.
“Deryn.”
Her head lifted as her brother called her name.
“We’re getting close. He needs to look like an actual prisoner now.”
Deryn sighed. She gave Xander’s arm one last squeeze and his lips a kiss before letting him go.
Adrian stepped forward and took hold of his bound wrists, leading him in the direction of the base with his weapon drawn.
“So where exactly is your base?” asked Deryn, still walking beside Xander.
Arise (Cruel and Beautiful World Book 3) Page 10