“Oh. You didn’t know he owned me. Or that he took advantage of his ownership, I’m guessing.”
Talon gulped and nodded.
“Talon, look at me.”
He did as she said, his face heavy and broken.
“I’ve accepted what happened to me. It was out of my control and certainly out of your control. Soren Tash is a delusional manipulator.”
Talon took a deep breath. “I know.”
“How long were you friends with him?” she asked.
“Since training. Without his brother around he didn’t seem to care about any of the bullshit we were fed. I thought he was different.”
“He is different, in his own sick, twisted way,” said Xander. “And, to be honest, with Deryn here and Veli -” He ran a finger across his throat. “- we have a very good opportunity for him to be your rat again.”
“Veli’s dead?” asked Nita.
Xander and Deryn caught eyes and smiled.
“Very dead,” he said.
Dakota watched them carefully, still pushing back that lingering feeling.
“As fun as this is, I think it’s time to break up the party,” said Harper, grabbing a small vial from one of the cabinets and walking over to Xander. “You’ve all been through a lot today and need your rest. Especially you.” She handed him the vial. “Drink this.”
“What is it?” Xander asked.
“Just a little something to help you sleep.”
He paled and shoved it away. “I don’t think so.”
“But you need your -”
“It’s already been made very clear to me that I’m not wanted here. I’d be a fool to take that.”
“I gave in and brought you here, Ruby. What more do you want?” said Talon, rolling his eyes.
“God, is that a fucking familial habit, or something?”
Talon knitted his brow. “What -”
“The eye roll thing! She does it all the fucking time!” He pointed at Deryn, who simply smiled.
“Xander, you need to sleep,” she said.
“So do you!”
“And I will. But first I need to talk to my brother and I’m not in as crappy a condition as you are.”
Xander shook his head. “No. If I go to sleep then -”
“Then you are going to wake up in the same spot with me by your side.” She went over to him and ran her fingers through his hair. “Please.”
His eyes drifted over her shoulder, first to Talon, and then to a seething Dakota. Realization must have finally struck.
“You won’t leave -”
“I’ll stay right here the entire time,” promised Deryn.
“Is the big, bad Guardian scared of us?” Dakota said scornfully.
Xander gave him a sharp look.
“If you throw me back out there I die. I’d be an idiot to believe otherwise. So yes, I’m scared because my life is in the hands of a group of people who despise me.”
“Xander, you’ll be fine,” said Deryn, taking the vial from Harper and sitting next to him. “I promise I won’t let anything happen to you. Please, just rest.”
Xander looked at Talon. A silent question passed between them.
“I wouldn’t have risked my life getting you out and then brought you here just to throw you out on your ass. You have my word that you will wake up in this room in that same bed.”
Xander still looked hesitant.
“I’ve stuck by my word this far, haven’t I?”
“I suppose you have,” said Xander. He took the vial from Deryn and drank its contents in one quick shot.
Deryn smiled and helped him under the covers. He lay on his stomach with his back uncovered, giving his cuts room to breathe. He turned his head so it was facing the others, his eyes already drooping as Deryn crouched down in front of him, stroking his hair until he was unable to look at her any longer.
As soon as he was asleep, Deryn’s smile faded. She turned to Harper. “Is he really okay?”
“Physically, yes. Or as okay as he can be. Mentally, I’m not sure. You’d know better than I would. But from my past experiences with people who were imprisoned and tortured by the president, it can be a bit ...” She scrunched her face and searched her head for the right word. “Difficult to readjust to normal life. Though his life was never exactly normal.” She glanced down at his sleeping face and frowned. “I don’t know what the president did to torture him mentally and I won’t ask, but he has a record for finding people’s greatest weakness and using it against them.”
And that was exactly what he had done. Xander’s two greatest weaknesses were Deryn and Luka, and Saevus had used both of them against him. And if he ever found out about Bronson and Quigley. She closed her eyes and shook the thought away. No. He would never find out about them.
She sighed and sat on the edge of Xander’s bed, giving him one last glance before moving her eyes to -
“Please stop looking at me like that, Dax.” She folded her hands in her lap and stared down at the floor.
“Baby, it’s probably time for you all to go check in with Piz,” said Harper, taking Adrian’s hand. “Both of you, too” She pointed to Evangeline and Everett.
The four of them left and Nita made sure to lock the door behind them.
“Okay, it’s time.” Talon took a chair and put it directly in front of his sister. He sat and said, “Let’s hear it. Everything since your escape.”
“And if you can be extra detailed about stabbing Soren we’d really appreciate it,” said Nita, placing a chair and sitting beside Talon.
A small smile tugged at Deryn’s lips as she stared at their feet, her stomach flipping as more chair legs and scuffed brown boots appeared on Talon’s other side.
“I thought I’d killed him,” she admitted before finally looking up, catching Dakota’s eyes for a brief moment before turning to Talon. “I wish I had.”
It was funny to think that five and a half years ago, a very different girl hated the idea of killing anyone, refusing to believe that people could truly have so much hatred and darkness in their hearts. But that girl knew better now. Some people did not deserve redemption. They deserved death. She wasn’t sure which side of the line Soren stood on but she certainly knew how she felt. And by that fiery look in Talon’s eyes, she was not alone.
And so she told her story to her brother and her two best friends from her former life. About her escape and how she got to Middle City before everything went on lockdown. How Xander found her moments before she would have been recaptured and the gamble she took when she decided to trust him. She told them about her life in his apartment - but left out Bronson and Quigley - and her time spent healing physically.
It was especially hard to talk about her mental healing, to admit that her thoughts still felt unclear and fuzzy at times and that she would never be the girl she once was. But she said it, and there was no judgment in the three sets of eyes that were so focused on her, so determined to understand.
And then she went on to more recent days, from her training in the basement, to her trips to the Black Market to test her wristband and her first encounter with Neo and Odette. She even told them all about the mind-control chips Veli, the other Guardians and Sewick had obtained to blackmail Xander into doing their bidding, to get him to work harder at finding the escaped slave he clearly wasn’t looking for. She told them about Xander finding Chace with a mind-control chip installed by Veli, and Christmas and New Year’s Eve with Del and the others in hiding. And how life had finally started to feel normal again.
Until the attack by the Resistance on New Year’s Day. It had changed everything for Xander.
“That was the day Saevus decided Xander was truly loyal to him, after he took his entire punishment even when his father offered to step in. So he wouldn’t look weak. And when he was well enough, Saevus told him a family secret, one shared by both the Saevuses and the Leons.” Her eyes stared deep into Talon’s. “I know none of you will understand this, but findi
ng out that his entire life, his entire reason for being was a lie ... it devastated him. He hasn’t been the same since.”
She stared down at Xander’s sleeping face. For the first time in forever he looked so peaceful. Like nothing in this world could ever harm him. Innocent and beautiful.
“There’s one very key element that you left out of your story,” said Talon.
Deryn blinked. He nodded to her hand, which she hadn’t even realized was entwined with Xander’s. She was going to pull it away, but when she tried and he squeezed she decided against it. Her feelings for him were not a secret. She wore her heart on her sleeve when it came to him and she was not ashamed.
“I didn’t think you’d want to hear about that.”
“I mean, I don’t want details.” Talon leaned forward in his chair and looked closely at Xander. “Just ... How? With the enemy.”
Deryn rolled her eyes.
“Don’t do that. You know what I mean.”
“Once I stopped viewing him as the enemy it was fairly easy.”
Dakota recoiled at that.
“I saw the hologram he was being forced to watch,” admitted Talon.
Deryn froze, a lump forming in her throat.
“I saw who was in it ...” Talon paused and gulped. “With you.”
Her breathing grew heavy, her grip on Xander’s hand tightening as she stared into her brother’s eyes. It hadn’t even crossed her mind that he might have seen what had happened to her. All she’d been thinking about at the time was Xander and getting him out.
“What did you see?” asked Dakota.
Neither sibling answered. He glanced at Nita but she shrugged, not knowing what they were talking about either.
“You weren’t supposed to see that,” Deryn finally said.
“Deryn ...”
Tears spilled out of her eyes. “I don’t want to talk about that with you.”
“But -”
“No! I don’t -”
“Deryn, his father raped you!”
Tears prickled behind her eyes. There was no movement in that room, not even a breath as they all sat frozen.
Dakota was the first to find his voice. “Did he know?” His words were sharp and quiet, cutting into Deryn as her eyes once again moved to their feet.
“Yes and no. He didn’t know when we first got together. When he found out, he ended it with me. But we couldn’t stay away. Our feelings were too strong by that point.”
Talon dragged a hand down his face. “But how could you let it get to that point?”
“Because he’s not his father.”
“They share blood.”
“And the connection ends there,” she said firmly.
“Deryn ...”
“No!” She finally yanked her hand out of Xander’s and shot to her feet, kicking Talon’s chair so it slid backwards with him in it. “You don’t get to judge me! You don’t get to speak to me about this! He didn’t know everything, Talon. He didn’t know ...” She stopped and whimpered. “He didn’t know his father was the first, or the ultimatum he was given. Did you hear that part?”
Talon slowly shook his head.
“Xander tried to run that day at Eagle Center. He didn’t want to fight and his mother was killed by Elvira because she’s the one who told him to go. He should’ve been executed for his actions but the president made a deal with Atticus. Rape Godfrey Leon’s daughter and your son will be spared. He didn’t know that and now he does. He believed me when I told him I didn’t remember the first time and now he knows I lied. I’m terrified, Talon. Terrified that he won’t forgive me for this. He’s already looking at me differently.”
She fell back into her seat on the bed and took Xander’s hand again.
“Get out,” she said between choked breaths. “Please.”
Talon looked hurt. Deryn hated that, but not enough to take it back. He would never understand her feelings for Xander. None of them would. Not even the man in question, who she wanted so badly to kiss and hold without so many judgmental eyes. But she didn’t blame them. She understood their hesitance about her feelings for him. She wished she could explain how she was able to separate him from the most horrific moment of her life, but it was impossible to explain matters of the heart. She just could, because she loved him and he was different. In this dark and cruel world, he was the greatest thing to ever happen to her.
“We can’t leave you both alone in here,” said Talon, the pain evident in his voice.
“I can stay,” volunteered Dakota. He looked at Deryn for reassurance and she nodded.
“I just need some time to catch my breath, Talon. Please.”
That hurt flashed again. “Okay.”
He stood and so did Nita. She took his hand and pulled him toward the door. Deryn’s brother looked back just once before following his girlfriend out.
Deryn continued to stare at Xander, tears falling from her eyes as she felt Dakota watching her.
“I’m so sorry, Dax,” was all she said.
He gulped and nodded. Then he stood up and stopped beside her. “Come here, Deryn,” he said, holding out his arms.
She whimpered and let go of Xander’s hand once more, slowly standing and entering Dakota’s arms. And then her best and oldest friend, her first love held her as she cried into his chest, from the pain she felt over her love for someone else.
“I missed you every day,” she whispered as Dakota stroked his hand through her hair.
“Me too,” he whispered back. “Me too.”
CHAPTER 13
Talon and Nita arrived back at the medical ward an hour later with a basket of food. When they walked in only Dakota was visible, sitting with his arms crossed. He was balancing on the back two legs of his chair with one foot pressed against the bed where Xander slept. But Xander wasn’t alone.
“I got her to take half of a sleeping tonic,” said Dakota, his voice flat as he watched Deryn sleep, her head facing Xander’s and their arms wrapped around each other. “They weren’t even touching when she got in. It just happened automatically. Like it was the most natural thing in the world.”
Nita sighed and went over to rub his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Dax. This must be -”
“It’s fucking heartbreaking. But I’m handling it better than some people.” Dakota looked sharply at Talon. “She just got back. This isn’t the time to question her.”
“But -”
“No buts. It obviously wasn’t groundbreaking information for her. Most people tend to avoid getting involved with the offspring of their ...” He gulped, his voice quieting. “... rapists.”
All three of them shuddered.
“You heard her talk about her mental state after escaping. Clearly Ruby took advantage,” Dakota concluded.
Nita sucked air in through her teeth. “Did he though?”
Dakota let his front chair legs hit the floor. His sharp eyes snapped to her. “Of course he did. Why else would she ...” He looked at her again, head nestled into the crook of Xander’s neck, her breathing soft and even as he held her.
“She’s perfectly fine mentally, Dax, and you know it,” said Talon, handing his friend an apple from the basket.
Dakota took it but didn’t eat. “Yeah, now. But when they got together -”
“Dax,” said Nita. “She held a knife to both of our throats because of Xander Ruby. She didn’t do that because she’s unstable. She did that to protect him, like he’s protected her since September. He’s not the piece of shit we all thought he was. Without him Deryn would be dead.”
Dakota’s jaw tensed. He breathed heavily through his nose and shook his head. “I just need time. To remind her -”
“No,” Nita said firmly. “She’s here and she’s healthy, which is more than we ever could have hoped for. That should be enough.”
“It is,” he said, pools forming in his eyes as he stared at her serene face, even more beautiful than he remembered.
“Then act like it. Both of you
.” She pointed at Dakota and then at Talon. “It’s been five and a half years and she’s been through hell. If you expected the same girl to come back then you’re both idiots. Personally, I like this new Deryn. She’s stronger, more ruthless, and both traits are necessary for this war we’re in. Could you imagine the old Deryn smiling at the memory of stabbing someone?”
They all laughed, even though they knew they shouldn’t. Their old selves wouldn’t have laughed. But it had been five and a half years of hell. Everyone had changed.
“I wish she’d killed that bastard,” said Dakota, dangling on the back two legs of his chair again and balancing his apple on the top of his head.
Talon nodded as he watched his sister sleep. “I think part of me still hoped it wasn’t true.”
“Elvira’s an evil, sadistic bitch, but she isn’t a liar,” said Nita, snatching the apple off of Dakota’s head and taking a bite. “Deryn went through five years of what you witnessed for five minutes, Talon. So why don’t you just sit back and let her snuggle up to the defected Guardian with nice abs instead of planning some manipulative shit with this one?” She pointed at Dakota.
“Nice abs?” scoffed Dakota, lifting his shirt and rubbing the tan ripples on his tight stomach.
“Gross,” said Nita, reaching over and yanking down his shirt. “I forgot you weren’t here for the joke.”
Deryn made a small noise that made all of their heads spin, their hearts briefly stopping until they realized she was still there and breathing. The fear that she might vanish at any moment was still very present.
But Deryn had just sighed in her sleep. She moved in closer to Xander - if at all possible - and breathed him in. Even as he slept, Xander pressed his lips against the top of her head, comforting her.
Like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Dakota swallowed, his throat and eyes stinging.
“I need some air,” he said, his chair slamming back on all four legs. He jumped up and hurried toward the door. He didn’t want to look back but he did anyway. Just to double check that she was still there.
She was.
And so was he.
Dakota’s face went hard and he rushed out the door.
Arise (Cruel and Beautiful World Book 3) Page 13