Xander smiled. “Oh, don’t worry. We will have sex again. Lots of it. And it’s going to be hot and rough.”
“Don’t tease me.” Deryn stroked his dark circles. “Could you please try and get some sleep?”
He paled at the thought.
“I’ll be right here with you.” She took his hands in hers. “And Neetles gave me my record so I can play Blackbird on a loop for you.”
He gulped.
“Please.”
Xander didn’t move for a moment, but eventually nodded. He got under the covers, lying on his stomach so as not to irritate his wounds. Then he watched her while she got the record ready.
Once Blackbird was playing, Deryn climbed in beside him, taking his hand in hers and resting them on the pillow they both shared. Xander leaned over and kissed her, looking absolutely terrified as he closed his eyes, almost immediately shooting them back open.
“Xander, it’s just me here. You’re safe and everything you saw in that room is far in the past. I’m okay.”
Xander nodded and kissed her again, their lips still touching as he finally closed his eyes. He drifted off to sleep while Deryn brushed her fingers along his cheek and through his hair, humming along to Blackbird and kissing him every time he stirred. She always knew when he was seeing something dark beyond his eyelids. She had lived through it already.
Xander was there for her during almost every nightmare, and she was finally able to return the favor.
An hour passed and his breathing grew even. Deryn alternated between watching him and the door, wondering what they could possibly be discussing in that meeting.
She frowned when she turned back to Xander, saddened by his visible pain as he slept. She didn’t want to leave him, but if the meeting was still going on it would only be for one reason. Talon was having trouble convincing everyone to keep Xander among them.
Deryn leaned forward and ever-so-gently brushed her lips against his cheek. “I’ll be right back, my love,” she whispered, receiving a faint nod in return.
Before she got up, she reached out and pressed her palm to Xander’s heart. Still beating. Still real. It always made her feel safer to check.
Deryn grabbed the key off of the nightstand and headed for the door. She looked at Xander one last time before leaving the room and locking him safely inside.
Deryn was about to head in the direction she thought the mess hall was in when something drew her back. She turned and stared down the dark hallway at the lone door. Her father’s door. She thought of the man behind it, living on borrowed time as he waited for his lost daughter to return.
Deryn felt torn as she stepped forward, her body moving but her soul staying behind. Her breaths felt heavy but came out shallow. A horrible ache tugged at her heart. It was a pain she’d never truly recognized but had always been present.
She gripped the handle, an unknown force pulling her forward as she opened the door and stepped inside.
CHAPTER 16
The room was dark but Deryn didn’t need light to see how small it was. Four bare walls surrounded her. There were a couple of chairs in the corner, and in front of her was a bed with a faint silhouette of a thin man tucked into it. He was strapped to some machine she couldn’t even begin to understand, needles poking into his arm.
As Deryn’s eyes began to adjust, she could see that he was facing away from her.
One, two steps forward.
His hair was pure white. The man she knew had dark hair with the occasional gray streak. But this ...
“Talon?” The voice that spoke was not one she knew. It was faint and hoarse, the voice of a man so close to death that he could cross over at any moment.
And that voice terrified her.
Deryn ran from the room. She shut the door quietly behind her, hoping her father would just assume he’d imagined someone being there.
She stood there catching her breath. That man was waiting for her to die. Godfrey Leon, the symbol of hope for so many people, was waiting for his daughter to return so that he could die, leaving them all with the mess he’d made.
But ...
After seeing him there, so weak, Deryn couldn’t find it in her heart to be angry with him. Her father had been her hero long before he was anyone else’s. She loved him and she couldn’t blame him for everything that had happened to her any more than she could blame Xander.
It was all just a chain reaction from unfortunate circumstances.
And that chain reaction had brought her to Xander. Someone she never would have found otherwise, someone she never would have even considered if she’d escaped that day.
Deryn pressed her forehead to her father’s door and cried. “I forgive you,” she whispered, her tears falling onto the wooden door, the smell of cedar entering her nostrils. Her father had always smelled like cedar. “I forgive you but I’m not ready to say goodbye.”
She kissed her palm and touched it to the wood. Then she stood up straight, wiped the tears from her eyes and walked toward something she could fix that day.
It wasn’t hard to find the mess hall. All she had to do was follow the voices, and there were many of them. All speaking loudly and passionately. She couldn’t make out the words but imagined they weren’t in her favor.
Deryn took a deep breath as she reached the door and opened it. The room was filled with people crowded on benches, many rising to their feet and screaming, making it hard to understand anything that was being said. But she felt the energy of the room. The majority of people wanted Xander Ruby out of their base.
Talon, Nita, the Triggs family and a middle-aged woman she recognized from her village named Matilda Dorsey were all at the other end of the mess hall facing the crowd. Talon was trying unsuccessfully to get everyone to quiet down. Nita threatened to beat the ass of anyone who didn’t listen. The first person to laugh got a pretty hard knock in the face. The crowd quieted slightly. Enough so Deryn could make out their words, at least.
“They tracked that bastard to the radio tower. What makes you think they won’t track him here?” said a man she had never seen before.
“We don’t know if they tracked him there,” said Talon. “Maybe Saevus already knew about it and saw no reason to strike.”
“They didn’t track him, he’s talking to them!” a woman shouted.
On closer inspection, she noticed it was Hera from the medical ward. She scowled at her but no one had noticed her standing there yet.
“There’s no way Xander Ruby is on our side,” Hera continued. “He’s toying with your mentally fucked sister and you know it!”
Deryn’s scowl deepened.
“I know no such thing,” said Talon, crossing his arms. “I’ve spent the last few days with Deryn and she’s mentally stable.”
“We’ve had girls come back from slavery before and they’re never mentally stable.”
Deryn’s heart wrenched. It was Dakota who’d spoken.
“I’m fine,” she said loudly.
The entire room turned to look at her standing by the door. Dakota’s eyes locked with hers. His tan cheeks flushed.
“I admit I have my moments but, overall, I’m not mentally fucked,” she spat, whipping her head so she could properly scowl at Hera.
“Deryn, what are you doing here?” demanded Talon.
“I realized when you hadn’t come back yet that you were probably facing some problems concerning me and Xander.” She walked to the front of the room.
“You didn’t lock her up?” someone shouted. Deryn didn’t bother to see who.
“She’s not a prisoner!” snapped Talon. “She is a resident of this base and she can go where she pleases.”
“I appreciate that. Especially since girls who’ve escaped the hell I went through are never mentally stable.” She glared at Dakota as she said this. He sank deep into his seat.
Nita laughed. “You’re funny now too. Ruby must be rubbing off on you.”
“Are you really going to try and convinc
e us that Xander Ruby is an innocent victim in this war?” asked Cress, the quiet man from the medical ward.
Deryn crinkled her brow. “No, of course not. He’s a Guardian and he’s done plenty of terrible things, but he’s also done a lot of good. To get away with that he had to play the part of loyal follower and he played it damn well.”
“He killed my brother!” shouted a man, rising to his feet. “He’s a fucking bastard and should die for that! A life for a life.”
“I’m sorry that happened to your brother,” said Deryn. “But that’s also war. I’m sure he willingly went into whatever battle he was killed in and the outcome could have easily gone the other way. If Xander had been the one to die that day would you still believe in life for a life?”
“No, because he would’ve deserved it.”
She shrugged. “Why?”
“Because he’s a murderer!” The man’s face was burning and looked on the verge of slapping her. Talon stayed close, just in case.
Deryn couldn’t help but laugh at that proclamation. “This is war. We’re all murderers here and I’m certain that blood is on every last one of your hands. If everything were so black and white, then I wouldn’t be standing here now. I’m here because three, yes, three Guardians helped me escape. Do you know how many Resistance members were involved?”
No one answered.
“It’s not like we didn’t try,” Dakota said quietly.
Deryn caught his eye and sighed. “I know.”
Her gaze drifted back to the crowd, scanning every last person and recognizing so many, but not the majority. For the first time she realized something. There were not enough people there for a war. Barely over two-thousand by her quick estimate. They couldn’t take down President Saevus. Not without a damn good strategy, and someone with knowledge on the inside. Xander Ruby was their only hope.
“Let me explain something to you,” she said, her voice softening. “Five months ago, I escaped by using a knife I’d obtained to slit Soren Tash’s throat, and then I ran like hell. For three days I wandered the streets of Middle City with nowhere to go. I knew no one, heard no whispers of the Resistance. I kept hoping that someone on our side would recognize me and take me in, but they never did. Then, by some twist of fate, I ended standing on the same curb as Xander Ruby, and he knew exactly who I was. Guardians were everywhere that night searching for me, checking every person’s wristbands, and he protected me from them. He took me in and took care of me. He healed me, gave me a weapon and taught me to use it. He killed for me. Dougal Fender, Aila Parrish and Veli Tash are all dead because Xander was protecting me, from those who hurt me for five years. And he’d kill them all, every last Guardian who hurt me, if he had the chance. So don’t you dare tell me that he’s brainwashed me or is using me to gather information on the Resistance, because he isn’t. He wants the bloodshed to stop. He wants the war to stop just like all of us. And if any of you want to dare tell me differently, well fuck you.”
Silence.
“When exactly did you obtain such a crude mouth?” Matilda Dorsey asked with a smile.
Deryn smiled back. “I guess I got more from Xander than his humor.”
“I love it,” said Nita.
“I barely spoke for five years,” admitted Deryn. It was something that had never really sunk in before. “It feels good to have my thoughts heard. Even if half the people here think I’m crazy.”
“I will never believe that Xander Ruby is on our side,” said Hera. She was glaring quite openly and it was very much reserved for Deryn. “They say if he goes you’re going with him and I’m fine with that. We don’t need any Guardian sympathizers around here.”
Deryn narrowed her eyes. “I sympathize with those who were given no choice but to become Guardians, and who do their best to help people in need when they can. I’m sure by now you’ve all heard Adrian’s story.” She found Adrian in the crowd and he nodded. “And about Del and the others.”
“Yes, Del. How convenient that he helped out Saevus’s trashy wife.” Hera rolled her eyes.
Deryn’s jaw clenched. She turned to Talon. “Seriously, who is this bitch?”
“Hera’s from Willow. She escaped ‘recruitment’ so you wouldn’t have crossed paths. And yes, there have been past complaints about her attitude,” Talon answered.
“If people have a problem with me speaking the truth then that’s on them. The truth hurts,” said Hera.
“The truth is that you’re stuck in that black and white world,” said Deryn. “If I don’t agree with you one-hundred percent then I must be against you, is that right?”
Hera gave a smug little smile in response.
Deryn huffed. “If Xander isn’t on our side then why would he kill three of his own?”
Hera didn’t have an answer for that.
“Maybe Fender and Parrish were expendable, but there’s no way Saevus would’ve agreed to Veli Tash being blown to bits with only me and Atticus Ruby as witnesses.”
“You actually saw him kill Veli Tash?” someone asked.
“Yes. I still have his blood on my clothes,” she said, pointing to a crusty brown spot on the shirt she hadn’t taken off in days. She really needed to do that. And shower. God, she needed a shower. “I never thought I’d enjoy watching someone die so much.”
“I would’ve liked to see that,” said Talon.
“Put it to a vote, Talon,” said Deryn, looking at him. “Anyone who is going to change their mind about Xander has done so already.”
Talon didn’t budge, his face tense as he stared back at her.
“If we have to leave then I promise we’ll communicate with you. We’ll go somewhere far where Saevus can’t track us, and we’ll come back when it’s over.”
He slowly shook his head.
“Please just do it,” said Deryn, her stomach twisting in knots. She didn’t want to leave, but if Xander wasn’t welcome then she didn’t see any other options.
Talon sighed and turned to the crowd. “All in favor of welcoming Xander Ruby into our base? On a trial basis,” he clarified.
Hands shot into the air. Many hands. Definitely the majority. Deryn’s heart unclenched. She smiled and sobbed, bringing an unbelieving hand to her mouth. She looked back and saw Talon, Nita, Matilda, Piz, Laramie and even Dakota with their hands in the air. Though that last one didn’t look happy about it. She knew it was only for her benefit, but still. It felt good to see his hand raised for Xander.
“All opposed?” said Talon. A formality.
Far less hands shot into the air but a good number of people were not happy about the outcome. She noted the angriest faces among them. Hera seemed to have a particularly strong hatred. Only, it was aimed at her. Maybe it was partially for Xander but there definitely seemed to be something deeper there.
Deryn sank into the chair that had been reserved for Talon, though he’d chosen to stand throughout all of this. Nita smiled and took her hand.
“The decision has been made. Xander Ruby will remain in Blackbird. We will reconvene in exactly one month from today to discuss the end of his trial period. Meeting adjourned.”
Almost everyone stood up and began filing out of the mess hall. Deryn kept an eye on Hera, who was doing the same, a particularly nasty look planted on her face, which might have been pretty if she wasn’t always scowling.
“Why does Hera hate me so much?” Deryn whispered to Nita.
Nita laughed and leaned closer to Deryn. “She’s had a crush on Dax for years. She just wants to get rid of the competition.”
“If she wasn’t such a bitch I wouldn’t mind at all.”
Nita pulled back and raised an eyebrow. “Really?”
Deryn frowned. “I don’t know.” And that was the truth. She had changed so much in the last five and a half years, and she could only imagine that Dakota had changed too. How could she ever understand her feelings for someone she didn’t even know anymore?
Someone stopped in front of Deryn’s chair and
she looked up. Matilda was smiling down at her.
“Hello, Ms. Dorsey.”
Deryn stood and the woman immediately hugged her.
“Thank the heavens you’re alright, child.”
“Mostly alright,” said Deryn, hugging back.
While glancing over the woman’s shoulder, she noticed several other people she’d grown up with trying to approach her, but Talon was stopping them. She couldn’t hear him very well but she got the impression he didn’t want her to be overwhelmed.
“Talon, it’s okay,” she called to him.
He looked back at her for reassurance. She nodded and he nodded back, letting everyone pass.
The moment Matilda released her, she was pulled into someone else’s arms. A girl from Redwood a year or two younger than her. She was followed by her brother, who must have been around twenty. Then there were five people she had suffered through guard training with, two of whom had been in isolation with her, Dakota and Nita.
Then there was another set of siblings from Redwood. Twin sisters who were Talon’s age. They’d both had crushes on Talon when they were younger and followed him every time he took Deryn and Dakota to the lake, just so they could glimpse him with his shirt off.
There were so many people there, so many she remembered. And they had all made it. They had all survived.
The hugs were kept short and everyone promised to talk more with her later. They weren’t blind to her uneasiness and mild shaking, but she was trying. Deryn wanted to be okay. She wanted to be normal again.
When the room was mostly cleared out and Deryn stood alone, Talon appeared by her side.
“Where are the other girls like me?” she asked without looking at him.
“Not here,” he answered.
“Where else is there?” Deryn feared the answer.
“There were three. Two of them couldn’t get past it.”
She stared sadly at the floor, a tear sliding down her cheek. “And the other?”
Arise (Cruel and Beautiful World Book 3) Page 16