“You’ve just never said the word before.”
She stood up straight and kissed him.
“No hanky panky!” Harper called from beyond the curtain.
“None happening!” Deryn called back.
She helped Xander into his pants and handed him a long-sleeved but thin thermal shirt. It was the lightest thing he owned since he lived his whole life in Utopia. It was much warmer in Blackbird and she would need to find some sleeveless shirts for him before spring.
Once Xander was dressed, he draped an arm over her shoulders and she helped him hop out of there. Adrian was already waiting on the other side of the curtain with Xander’s chair at the ready.
On their way back, Deryn spotted Dakota on one of the pathways they crossed. The moment he saw her he was quick to turn a corner.
She frowned. Even though she wasn’t surprised, it still hurt.
When they got back to their room, Deryn was just taking out her key when the door at the end of the hall opened. Her heart quickened and her skin paled. Her father couldn’t ...
Relief rushed through her as Talon stepped out of the room. He spotted them after shutting the door and froze.
“Morning.”
“Morning!” Adrian and Harper responded.
“We just took these wild kids to get cleaned up,” said Adrian, rubbing the top of Xander’s head. He was quickly batted away by the scowling Guardian.
“You were careful?” asked Talon, walking toward them.
“Of course.” Adrian rubbed Xander’s head again. This time, his wrist was snatched and he was shoved back. He laughed as he stumbled into Harper.
Talon stopped in front of Deryn, looking closely at his younger sister. “Can I talk to you?”
“Okay,” she said, standing there and waiting for him to continue.
Talon looked from Adrian to Harper to Xander.
“Got it, boss,” said Adrian, taking hold of Xander’s chair again and wheeling him into the bedroom. Harper shut the door behind them.
As soon as they were gone, Talon crossed his arms and stared down his sister. “Deryn, did you go into Dad’s room last night?”
Her face flushed. So much for lying about it. “He saw me?”
“No, he just said he thought someone came in but they left without speaking. He thought that was weird.”
Deryn sighed. “I just wanted to see him. What he’d become.”
“And?”
She sighed again, deeper this time. “That’s not the man I knew.”
“No, I suppose not,” said Talon, fidgeting with the bracelet on his wrist. “Deryn, I ... When I’m at the base I make a point to visit Dad every few hours. And with you here I have no intention of going anywhere anytime soon. I don’t know how long I can lie to him about you being here.”
She nodded, staring at the polished plastic on the bracelet Talon seemed to favor whenever he fidgeted.
“I don’t want you to lie to him,” she said. “I’ll see him tonight.”
Talon’s face lit up. “Are you sure? I didn’t mean you had to see him right away.”
She nodded. “But I have one condition.”
He waited.
“I want Xander to come in with me.”
Talon stopped his movement and stared at nothing for a moment, slowly processing her request. “Why?” he finally asked.
“He’s my bracelet,” she said, pointing at her brother’s wrist. “He gives me comfort when I’m feeling uncomfortable.”
Talon stared down at his bracelet. He released the piece of plastic and let both hands fall to his sides. “If this is a competition, Neetles gives me comfort too.”
Deryn smiled. “It’s not a competition. But one of these days we’re going to have a serious talk about you dating one of my friends. I believe I once told you they were all off limits.”
Talon threw his head back and laughed. “That was when they were all underage and I had no interest. Neetles is a big girl now. And, for the record, she pursued me.”
“So, you’re saying you would be with anyone who pursued you?”
“Definitely not. Did you see her kick Elvira’s ass yesterday? Not to mention the ninety-two floors she sprinted up by the small chance she might make it in time to help us and catching me when I fell off that damn slide. My girlfriend is a badass. She’s the last girl I’m ever going to be with.”
Deryn smiled, suddenly getting the urge to grip the ring she wore on a chain beneath her shirt. “That’s how I feel about Xander.”
Talon’s smile faded, but he nodded all the same. “Are you sure you want to do this tonight? You haven’t even been here a day and -”
“Talon, yes. I need to do this tonight. Before I lose my nerve.”
“Okay.” He frowned, a few tears stinging his eyes. He wiped them away before they could fall. “My god, these have been an emotional few days.”
“It’s been an emotional five months for me,” she admitted. “Before that I was numb. I think I like emotion better.”
Talon nodded. “Me too.”
He reached out and hugged her tightly. He really couldn’t do it enough. “I promise to make sure you never feel numb again.”
Deryn smiled against his chest. “This still doesn’t feel real.”
“We’ll get there.”
The two of them stayed like that for several minutes, only separating when Talon remembered he had duties to attend to.
“Everyone helps out with the upkeep. Once you and Ruby are settled you’ll be given jobs.”
“Can you please call him Xander.”
Talon gave a small smile. “I’ll try.”
Deryn watched him until he turned a corner, sighing as she returned to her room.
Xander was speaking to someone when she arrived. But it wasn’t Adrian or Harper, who were splitting a muffin. On closer inspection, she realized he was wearing the earpiece Neo had given to him.
“No, they didn’t lynch me on arrival. They actually voted and the majority said I could stay.” A pause. “Well, it is just a trial basis so I guess they could still lynch me.”
He glanced over at Deryn, who was glaring at him.
“Uh oh. The little woman doesn’t like me saying that.”
“Little woman?” The glare deepened.
“Good call, mate. She definitely doesn’t like that nickname.”
“Why are you talking to Neo?” she asked, approaching the basket of food and grabbing a handful of grapes. “Can’t get enough of him?”
“He wanted to hear about our escape, remember?”
“I should check on your dad,” said Harper, wiping her hands free of crumbs on Adrian’s shirt. “Baby, you should probably get to your duties. We’ll come by again later.”
“See you,” said Adrian, waving to Deryn and Xander as Harper dragged him out the door.
At the mention of her father, Deryn had tensed. She stood unmoving, her expression dark and distant. Xander noticed immediately.
“Give me five minutes,” he said to Neo. “Deryn.”
She turned her head and blinked, taking a moment to register his outstretched arms. She climbed onto the bed and fell right into them, the grapes she still held squishing between her fisted fingers.
“What’s wrong?”
“I told Talon I would visit my dad tonight.”
“What? Why so soon?”
Deryn buried her face in his chest. “Because I need to do this. The longer I wait the harder it will be.”
Xander nodded. Then he pressed the button on his earpiece. “Neo, we’re going to have to discuss our escape another time. But one thing before I go. I need Finley to disconnect Luka’s and Lona’s wristbands. I don’t care how she does it but it needs to be done, the sooner the better. Got it?”
A long pause. Deryn could hear Neo speaking but couldn’t understand anything he was saying. His voice sounded positive enough.
“Thanks. I’ll contact you in a week. Have an update for me.”
After anoth
er short pause, Xander took out the earpiece and tossed it onto the nightstand. He held Deryn just a little bit tighter.
“Talon said I could bring you in with me. Is that okay?”
“Of course.”
That wasn’t entirely true. While he would do anything for Deryn, the idea of meeting her father and the Resistance’s leader terrified him. He really wanted Godfrey Leon to like him but, at the same time, the man was on his deathbed. Liking his daughter’s boyfriend was probably low on his list.
Xander smiled at the thought of that word. Boyfriend. When she’d said it earlier he’d felt giddy inside. They were at the Resistance’s base, Dakota Triggs was finally in her grasp, and she still chose him.
He knew he shouldn’t be surprised, but he was.
Deryn offered him a squashed grape. He laughed and took the entire bunch, putting them off to the side and just holding her.
She had come back for him.
He had thought it a million times in the last twenty-four hours but it still didn’t seem real. This girl, this beautiful, pure, wonderful girl loved him just as much as he loved her.
And he was going to hold onto her for as long as he could.
• • •
Deryn and Xander spent most of their day in bed, trying to get enough sleep to feel normal again. Every time Xander would start to twitch, Deryn would wake him before he could fall too deep into his nightmare.
“I’m really sick of all this role reversal,” said Xander, resting his head on her breasts and burrowing into them. He knew she rolled her eyes but, for once, he didn’t care. “The cupcake I liked, and the bathing was fucking amazing, but you taking care of me constantly, waking me from ...” He gulped. “... my memories. I don’t like it.”
“And you think I liked having you do all of those things for me? At least you love me. I hated you at the time.”
Xander scowled against her breasts. Deryn laughed and kissed his brow. He lifted his head and their lips had barely met when someone knocked.
Talon had come by several times that day, annoying them to the point where Deryn just tossed her key at him and told him to let his own fucking self in next time.
And that was what he did.
The door opened and Talon stepped inside. “I brought you dinner,” he said, holding up a large container.
There was something different about his demeanor this time. Deryn watched him closely as he approached them, never once meeting her eyes.
“It’s time, isn’t it?” It came out as a question but she already knew the answer.
Talon sighed and nodded. “After you eat.”
“I’m not hungry.” Her eyes darted to the open door.
Deryn’s palms began to sweat. Her hand, which had been playing with Xander’s hair, now gripped it and started to pull.
“Deryn.” Xander winced and tried to break free.
She let him go and he sat up. “You don’t have to go in there if you’re not ready. Right?” He turned his stern eyes to Talon.
Her brother shrugged. “Of course not. If you want to wait -”
Deryn shook her head, but she still didn’t move.
Xander scooted off the bed, making sure to land on his good foot. He held out his hand to her. “Come on then.”
Deryn tried to take his hand but hers kept shaking. He eventually snatched her wrist and pulled her off of the bed.
“Are you sure you don’t want to eat first?” asked Talon, looking as ashen as his sister.
Xander tried to understand what the two of them could possibly be feeling. They were basically sending Deryn in so their father could die. That could very well be his last night alive. If he truly had been holding on just for her.
Xander’s ever-growing hatred for his own father made it hard to put himself in their shoes, but he was trying. For her.
Once on her feet, Deryn successfully took hold of Xander’s hand. “I don’t want anything to eat. I just ...” She paused and took a deep breath. “I want to see him. I’ve been waiting for this moment for ...”
She whimpered, tears building in her eyes. Xander was quick to embrace her.
“I told myself I wouldn’t cry like this anymore. But every time I think about how much time I’ve lost ...”
“Cry all you want,” said Talon, wanting to reach out for his sister but also not wanting to get in the way of the obvious comfort Xander was providing.
Deryn nodded and pulled herself up straight. After wiping her eyes on her sleeve, she looked at her brother, sighed deeply and said, “I’m ready.”
The siblings had a silent exchange before Talon opened the door and led them to their father’s room.
Deryn tried to help Xander but he urged her forward, using the wall to limp his way out of their room and down the hall. Nita was standing outside of Talon’s bedroom door and hurried forward to help him.
Deryn kept glancing over her shoulder at Xander. He waved her off.
“Don’t concern yourself with me right now. I’m fine.”
She didn’t look convinced but still turned back to the door at the end of the dark hall. The lantern outside of it was either burnt out or turned off. She had a feeling it was the former. That seemed ominous.
Talon stood below the dark bulb, his face barely visible.
“Deryn, you don’t -”
“If you say that one more time, Talon, I cannot be held accountable for my actions,” she snapped.
“I only say it because I don’t know if I’m ready for this, and I’m the one who’s had years to prepare.”
Deryn’s heart pressed hard against her chest and she could feel the ache rise to her throat. She wasn’t ready for this either, but would she ever be?
“Could I have ten minutes alone with him first? Then you come in?”
“Just ten?” asked Talon.
She nodded. “I don’t think I can handle much more than that.”
They stared at each other again, that bond between them feeling a little less damaged. Deryn took her brother’s hand and gave it a squeeze. Then she turned to Xander, who stood a few feet away with Nita, and held out her free hand.
Xander just stared at it for a moment. “Oh. You meant the kind of alone that includes me,” he said, limping forward and giving her the hand that wasn’t braced on the wall.
“Always best to assume I mean with you,” she said.
Deryn and Xander stepped forward, stopping in front of the wooden door and just standing there for a moment. Her heart thumped. She could barely breathe but was unable to gasp for breath. She looked at Xander and he smiled.
Having him there was the only thing that gave Deryn enough strength to open that door.
She stepped inside first, Xander hopping in behind her. He was the one to shut the door, engulfing them in the darkness of the room. It took Xander a moment to register the bed before them and the echo of a man attached to some machine that must have been keeping him alive.
“Talon?”
The voice was weak and old. Far older than the voice of a man Godfrey Leon’s age should have been. Xander looked at Deryn, who stood frozen as she watched the shallow breathing of her dying father.
“No,” she said, her voice faint and dry.
But it was enough.
Godfrey’s shallow breathing ceased completely. He was as frozen as his daughter. After all these years he still knew her. Even though she had barely spoken one word, even with all of the emotion behind it, clouding it, he still knew his daughter was standing in the room with him.
Xander gave Deryn a nudge. Without looking at him, she let go of his hand and stepped forward. There was a small lamp on a nightstand by his head. She turned it on. Then she sat in a chair by his bedside, normally reserved for the son he was expecting.
At the sound of her sitting, Godfrey finally began to turn, his body weak and unforgiving as he struggled. Deryn wanted to help him but she couldn’t bring herself to move.
And then there he was, the familial sea-gre
en eyes staring up at her, bloodshot and wet as he looked upon the daughter he never thought he’d see again.
“Hi, Dad.”
CHAPTER 18
There was a long moment where no words passed between them. Deryn had dreamed of seeing her father again for so long but, in her dreams, it had never been like this.
The man in front of her was barely recognizable, his hair white and his cheeks hollow. He had bruises covering his visible skin and cracked lips. But it was him. There was no hiding the Leon in those eyes.
“Please tell me this isn’t heaven and you’re here to greet me.”
And just like that, the tension evaporated. Deryn’s mouth twitched. “You don’t believe in heaven.”
“No, but I don’t believe the universe could ever be so cruel as to never let me see my favorite daughter again.”
“I’m your only daughter.”
“Talon makes me question that sometimes.”
Despite all the anger still bubbling inside of her, Deryn laughed. It was light and short, but it was there. “No, Dad, you’re not in heaven. Or whatever equivalent might be out there. I’m here.”
He sobbed and reached his arm out to touch her. She was solid. “How?”
Deryn glanced over her shoulder at Xander, who still stood huddled by the door. She beckoned him over.
“Dad, this is Xander Ruby.”
“Ruby.” The man began to shoot up but was quickly struck back down by his own weakness.
“Yes, Ruby,” she said, taking Xander’s hand as he reached her. “I escaped just under six months ago and he’s been taking care of me. Without him I never would have gotten back here.”
Godfrey looked from his daughter to Xander, a frightened boy with a welt across his face clinging tightly to her hand.
“Why do you look so terrified?” he asked. “I couldn’t harm you if I wanted to.”
“There are other ways to harm people than physical attacks, sir.”
Godfrey blinked, then stared at where their hands were still linked. “Tell me how I could possibly harm you, boy?”
“Xander. Not boy,” corrected Deryn.
Xander fidgeted on his hurt ankle. Deryn stood up, shoved Xander into her chair and went to retrieve the other chair in the corner.
Arise (Cruel and Beautiful World Book 3) Page 18