by Kit Berry
‘Go away, Holly!’ whispered Sylvie, feeling more nauseous than ever.
The Village girl came back in to get more dishes and glanced over at the two Hallfolk girls who shouldn’t still be here.
‘Get out!’ yelled Holly. ‘We’re having a private conversation!’
The girl scurried away and shut the door behind her.
‘Stupid half-wit peasant! Yeah, now Magus is back, you’ll have to give up your bit of rough, won’t you? And haven’t you just got Magus wrapped around your little finger again? Goddess, it makes me want to puke watching him with you. Fussing over you, spoiling you, and he was practically feeding you breakfast just now. Does he like you being his little girl? That’s sick!’
Unable to hold it any longer, Sylvie threw up over the littered table. Holly leapt back with a shriek of disgust.
‘You revolting bitch! You did that on purpose!’
Sylvie sat ashen-faced and perfectly still, staring at the awful table-cloth in horror. She covered her mouth with the linen napkin and felt so humiliated. Not only had she disgraced herself before the girl who hated her most, she must try to clean up this dreadful mess too. She couldn’t possibly leave it for that poor Village girl, and she’d be even later for French now. Sylvie felt tears well in her eyes yet again and wished that she were anywhere but here.
Holly had already retreated for the doors but stopped there, hand on the brass doorknob. She turned and looked speculatively at Sylvie, sitting motionless and tearful at the table waiting for the tide of nausea to recede.
‘Or maybe you didn’t throw up on purpose? Maybe it’s morning sickness! Now there’s a thought – Mother and daughter pregnant at the same time! We know Magus is the father of your mother’s baby, but I wonder if he’s the father of yours too?’
*
A few nights later, Sylvie sat in bed trying to finish her geography revision for a test the next morning. The words swam before her eyes as it was growing late and she’d been looking at text practically since she woke up that morning. Outside, the wind was rising and dark clouds scudded rapidly across the large silver moon. She didn’t want to see it. It was a constant reminder of the curse of her moongaziness, and although she hated drawing the curtains maybe she should. The wind rattled the diamond window panes and Sylvie shivered slightly, feeling warm and snug in her bed, but not free of the fear that haunted her. Every night the moon waxed fuller and she still had no idea what would happen at the next Moon Fullness.
She hadn’t seen Yul since their argument under the yew tree the night after the Dark Moon. It was probably just as well, it had given her time to calm down and reflect on their fight. Sylvie realised they’d both been overwrought and was increasingly prepared to forget the whole thing. The business with Holly wasn’t so easy to dismiss, however. She was desperate to know what had really happened between the two of them, but with Magus watching her so closely there’d been no chance to escape the Hall and find Yul.
Magus was still being strict and disapproving with her. He made her sit with him at every meal-time, he looked in on every lesson and checked up on her in the library in all her free periods. He took her to the formal garden if she said she needed fresh air and her lovely walks down to the Village to see Yul had become a thing of the past. Magus even visited at night to make sure she’d gone to bed and wasn’t staying up late, coming into her bedroom to say goodnight and turn out her light like a stern father. She hated every second of it and felt suffocated by his constant attention. But she endured it because Yul had said she must keep Magus happy, although after the row with him she wasn’t quite so sure that Yul knew best. She endured it because she had no choice.
She put the dull textbook aside and opened the drawer next to her bed, pulling out her battered copy of Wuthering Heights. It fell open immediately to reveal its secret – Professor Siskin’s photo of Yul. He’d printed it on heavy photographic paper and, despite Sylvie’s constant handling, the photo was still clear and smooth.
She gazed at Yul’s beautiful face, golden in the sunlight and smeared with green lichen and brown earth, his glossy curls long and full of twigs and leaves. His slanted, long-lashed grey eyes gazed out sleepily, a half-smile playing on his lips, and bright green foliage formed a glowing halo of leaves. Whenever Sylvie felt unhappy – unable to cope with Magus’ attention, the nastiness of Holly and the girls, her mother’s indifference, the criticism of her teachers and the doctor, or the loneliness of not seeing Yul for so long – she’d look at the photo and feel comforted by the sight of her own Green Man, so beautiful and magical. She missed him so much, despite Holly’s spiteful attempts to ruin things between them.
Suddenly there was a pattering at her window too harsh for rain. Sylvie rose from her warm bed and looked out into the darkness, just making out a figure with pale upturned face standing on the grass below. It waved and disappeared, and a minute later there was a knock at the wooden door to the staircase in the corner of her room.
‘Yul!’
She was overjoyed to see him standing in the arched doorway, his head almost brushing the top of it. The wind had whipped his face into a rosy glow and his hair into wild ringlets. His eyes sparkled brightly and he stood there slightly out of breath, obviously having run all the way from the Village. He wore an old leather jacket against the November cold, and dark trousers and boots. He was tall, lean and devastatingly good looking, and Sylvie had a sudden vision of him in the Outside World, maybe at college or university, surrounded by adoring girls all unable to keep their hands off him. She closed her eyes to block out the image and opened them to find him standing directly in front of her.
‘Are you alright, Sylvie?’ he asked, holding her at arm’s length and looking into her eyes.
‘I’m fine, just fatter than I was. I’ve been trying to come and find you but it’s impossible to get away with Magus watching me like a hawk. How are you feeling now? You look really well.’
‘I’m almost back to normal thanks. Sylvie, I need to apologise. I’m really sorry about what happened at the Dark Moon. I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that.’
‘It’s okay. It was nothing really but I don’t like being bossed about and you sounded so like Magus. It’s bad enough with him trying to dominate me.’
‘I know. I was wrong and it won’t happen again.’
She laughed.
‘Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Yul! I’m sure you’ll do it again loads of times. So long as you know I won’t take it and you’ll never get away with it.’
He grinned at her and relaxed a little.
‘I’ve brought you a present to say sorry,’ he said, reaching inside his heavy leather jacket and producing an exquisite carving of a leaping hare. Sylvie gasped and gently took the tiny piece of polished golden wood from his outstretched hand.
‘It’s a moondancing hare. I made it from a little piece of our tree, the yew on the Village Green.’
She flung her arms around him in a fierce hug, kissing his cold cheeks and smelling the November night in his hair.
‘You made it yourself? You’re so clever! It’s so tiny and perfect – thank you, Yul!’ she exclaimed. ‘It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, apart from you.’
He laughed but then his face grew serious.
‘There’s something else we must talk about.’
‘Come and sit down,’ she said, but looking around realised the only place was the bed as her chair was covered with a pile of school books. She wore her long nightdress made of fine white Stonewylde linen, given to her by Cherry when she first arrived, and although it covered everything except her hands, feet and face, she suddenly felt shy. Yul seemed not to notice and sat on the bed, frowning and preoccupied. She sat down next to him.
‘I’m not sure how to start, really. I don’t know quite how it happened, and I—’
‘Yul, if it’s about Holly, I already know.’
‘I was worried you might,’ he groaned, his face downcast. ‘
I saw her again the other day when I was up at Hare Stone looking for you. She started bragging about telling you and I was so angry with her I don’t know how I controlled myself. I despise that girl! Sylvie, I—’
‘Look, Yul, I don’t know the details and I don’t think I really want to. It’ll only make me jealous and I hate feeling like that. But I understand how manipulative she is and I guess she tricked you?’
‘Yes! I was a fool and I knew it straight away. She’d followed you and seen us together and she threatened to tell Magus if I didn’t kiss her like I’d kissed you.’
‘And did you?’ whispered Sylvie, her throat tight and aching.
He nodded in shame, looking beseechingly into her clear grey eyes, now full of pain that he knew he’d inflicted.
‘I’m so sorry, Sylvie! If it’s any consolation, I hated it.’
‘Oh Yul, how could you? I’d hoped Holly was all talk and I didn’t believe you’d actually kiss her.’
His face twisted with guilt. He shook his head and half turned from her, unable to face her distress. She sat silently, fighting the emotions that slashed like a knife inside her.
‘Do you want me to leave?’ he mumbled.
She glanced down at the little golden hare still in her hand. It was perfect, completely capturing the essence of hare in its long ears and lithe body. He must have spent such time and care on it, and he’d even made it from their special tree. As with the corn favour he’d made her, Sylvie was touched by his thoughtfulness and romanticism. So she shook her head and laid her head against the hard leather covering his shoulder.
‘No, Yul, I’m upset and angry, but I never want you to leave.’
At this he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her down on top of him onto the bed. He held her face just off his, her silver hair hanging like a veil around them, and gazed deep into her eyes. She saw his love for her, dark and a little dangerous, and felt herself dragged down into his soul where she knew there was a place for her alone and nobody else. Thoughts of Holly withered into insignificance.
‘Kiss me, Sylvie,’ he whispered softly. ‘Kiss me and forgive me. You know you’re the one I love.’
She began to kiss him, slowly and gently at first. She teased him with her softness and lightness, enjoying the control she had over him, the way he strained towards her so desperately. But soon her teasing gave way to the urgent need she felt blossoming inside, and their kisses became deep and hard. She felt his hands on her back through the soft linen of her nightdress, his leather jacket stiff between them as he clasped her hard against him, his mouth ravenous for hers. The walls of her bedroom disappeared as she entered the dark labyrinth of desire and took her first tentative steps along the path. Nothing mattered but this journey, and the two of them being together.
After a while and without warning, Yul stood up in a sudden and fluid motion, taking them both upright. But still she clung to him, her arms locked around his neck, unwilling to release him.
‘Sylvie,’ he murmured, and gently but firmly held her away from him. His eyes were almost black with passion and he laughed unsteadily, shaking the hair from his eyes. ‘Sylvie …’
She closed her eyes for a couple of heartbeats, then opened them to stare at him, her cheekbones flushed with longing, her breathing fast.
‘I don’t … Yul, I’ve never felt like this before.’
He grimaced, brushing her messed-up hair away from her face with a trembling hand.
‘You’re lucky then. I feel like this all the time, every time I see you or even think of you …’
He took a deep breath, his steely control slipping back into place, and gazed into her eyes once more.
‘You don’t know how much you fill my days and my nights,’ he said softly. ‘Thinking about you, wanting you, dreaming about the day we can make love and be together. You’re my whole universe, Sylvie, and Holly is just an irritating grain of sand. I can’t begin to tell you just how much I love you and how much I need you. Don’t ever, ever doubt it.’
He smoothed her hair again tenderly, his eyes searching her face.
‘I must go,’ he said quietly. ‘It’s dangerous to be here, this is so risky for both of us. But the Owl Moon draws closer and I have to tell you the plan. I’ll come and get you in the middle of the afternoon as it gets dark early, now the Solstice is near. Have lunch as normal and, after a while, say you’re feeling sleepy and need to rest before the evening. He’ll approve of that. Tell your mother that you don’t want to be disturbed, then come up here and put on your warmest clothes – lots of layers, because it’ll be cold. Make up your bed so it looks like you’re in it and pull the curtains shut so it’s as dark as possible in here. Then wait for me. I’ll come and fetch you and we’ll get away as fast as we can.’
‘Okay, it sounds a good plan to me except for one thing – what if the outside door’s locked? You wouldn’t be able to get in and I’d be trapped in here. Nearer the time, Magus may lock the door and take the key away. He’s become a real gaoler lately and I’m almost surprised he doesn’t keep me in chains.’
He grinned at her.
‘I have my own key! Harold borrowed it and Tom got it copied by the blacksmith. I’ve tested it and it works perfectly, so I can rescue you even if the door is locked.’
‘Brilliant! I feel so much better knowing there’s a plan. I’ve been really frightened about it, worrying and having nightmares. And Yul, I – oh!’
She suddenly noticed the time on her small clock and her eyes widened in panic.
‘I hadn’t realised it was that late! Oh Yul, you must go now, quickly! Magus comes in here most nights and he could be here any time now. He’s insisting on early nights because he wants me strong and healthy so I can stay on the rock for longer and give him all my moon magic. He goes on about it all the time.’
He kissed her quickly but longingly.
‘Well he’ll be disappointed, won’t he? I’ll see you in a few nights. Send a message with Harold or Cherry if anything happens and I’ll come straight away. I won’t let you down this time, Sylvie, I swear to you.’
The wooden door had shut with a cold waft of air and Sylvie had leaped into bed and yanked up the covers. The photo and her golden hare were now safely tucked away in her drawer and her love locked tight in her heart. She’d just picked up the book and was taking slow, deep breaths in an attempt to calm her pounding heart and trembling fingers, when with a peremptory knock, Magus strode into her bedroom.
‘Time for lights out, young lady,’ he said briskly. He sniffed the air and glanced around the room with a puzzled expression, but relaxed when his eyes fell on her.
‘Are you alright? You’re a little flushed and … bright-eyed.’
She nodded, gripping her book and trying to shield herself with it. He came across to her bed and took it from her.
‘What are you reading? Oh, Wuthering Heights. Are you enjoying it?’
‘Very much,’ she replied, quickly lying down in bed and pulling the covers up high to her chin. ‘It’s one of my favourite books.’
He stood looking down as she lay there, blond hair spread out on the pillow in a silky mass. He stared and stared until she started to feel uncomfortable. Then he sat down on the side of the bed, his weight pulling the covers tight over her, trapping her. He began to stroke the hair back from her forehead and she shivered with fear, remembering him doing the same when she was weak and he was angry with her. His eyes were deep and unfathomable, dark as a moonless night. He gazed at her as she lay trembling at his touch.
‘Are you cold?’ he asked softly. ‘You’re flushed and yet you’re shivering.’
‘No.’
‘Then what’s the matter?’
‘Nothing.’
She was terrified, her mouth too dry to speak. His fingers, so like Yul’s, began to trace her eyebrows and then down to her hot cheekbones. She remembered Yul doing the same but she’d welcomed his touch, whereas Magus’ filled her with dread. Her silvery-grey
eyes were enormous, the pupils dilated with fear as she gazed up at him helplessly.
‘You’re growing up, Sylvie, slowly but surely,’ he said, his voice like rich velvet. ‘Almost a woman now.’
His fingertips continued their slow journey down the line of her jaw. His thumb ran gently along the contours of her lips, still slightly swollen from kissing Yul so passionately, and she didn’t know how to stop him without offending him. His eyes were compelling and so close, as mesmerising as a snake’s. She saw a muscle in his cheek twitch and his nostrils flare very slightly. He seemed to be hesitating about something and she could hardly breathe, she was so scared. But she needn’t have worried. He bent and brushed her cheek with his lips, his exquisite scent entering her lungs.
‘Sweet dreams, my moongazy girl. I’ll see you in the morning at breakfast.’
He got up, switched off her light and left the room, shutting the door firmly behind him. Only then did she breathe freely again, although his presence seemed to linger in the darkness long after he’d left.
The next day Magus escorted Sylvie from the Dining Hall and she felt every pair of eyes following them as he led her out, hand under her elbow. She knew the rumours Holly had spread after she’d seen Sylvie’s sickness the other morning, and now walked glumly by Magus’s side, trying to hold her head up and feeling queasy from the heavy food she’d just eaten. She hoped that whatever he had to say would be dealt with quickly.
He ushered her into the office and she saw Clip sitting on one of the sofas. He had a cake tin by him and hastily brushed some crumbs off his jacket. He looked pale and faraway, his face strained and eyes dull. Sylvie was reminded of some wolves she’d once seen in a zoo, their beauty and spirit marred by enforced captivity.
‘Good morning, Sylvie,’ he said listlessly. ‘You’re looking well.’