Beyond Promise

by Karice Bolton

  I nodded and saw Mr. and Mrs. Rhodes coming up the hall between us. They hadn’t noticed us. They were concentrating too hard on which room Ayden was located in. I stood up and motioned toward them, trying to get their attention, but they were too focused on finding their son.

  “Your parents are here,” I told Mason and Brandy.

  Mason lifted his head and stood up quickly.

  “Can you please fill my parents in?” Brandy asked the doctor. He bowed his head slightly, and we watched his mom run into Ayden’s room.

  A bellowing sob came from the room and my chest tightened. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t go in there. Not right now. I glanced at the doctor and took a seat back down as Brandy and Mason walked over to the room to meet their parents.

  “Is talking to him okay?” I asked the doctor.

  “Touching him and talking to him are imperative. We don’t know how much patients hear, but we know it helps.” He nodded and turned around, making his way to the room.

  I sat back in the chair and forced away the wave of tears that threatened to overtake me. The numbness I’d built up was failing, and emotion I wasn’t ready for began working its way into the cracks.

  For the first time, I let myself think about our child.

  Our child.

  I’d dreamed of Ayden holding our baby, smothering the bundle in kisses, and changing diapers, and now the thoughts took my breath away. This wasn’t how our life was supposed to go.

  He won that fight. He trained for it and won the match fair and square. The anger started flowing freely again, and I closed my eyes to calm myself down. It was no use. There was nothing that could be done to change the past.

  “Lily.”

  I looked up to see Ayden’s mom, her arms outstretched toward me. I stood up and without hesitation, I fell into her arms as our tears began to flow. I felt Brandy wrap her arms around us both as we leaned on one another for the strength that would get us through the night.

  There was no word for this kind of pain. It hurt so badly. The agony melted into our blood and pumped through our hearts, minds, and souls. Each memory was a sting of what was, and an aching reminder of what might never be again. Dreams were replaced with nightmares, and the twinge of tomorrow’s promise long lost in sorrow.

  But we had to remain strong.

  No more tears.

  Ayden was going to get through this.

  I took a deep breath in and sniffed away the last of my tears until Ayden woke up, and they were tears of joy. I felt Brandy’s embrace soften, and she took a step away as her mom and I broke free.

  Brandy blotted her eyes with tissue and so did her mom. I used my hand.

  “I feel much better,” I whispered. “We’ll get through this, but most importantly, Ayden will get through this.”

  “I don’t understand,” Ayden’s mom began. “How did this happen? What kind of monster would attack my son?”

  I looked over at Brandy’s startled expression and sucked in a deep breath. There was no good way to tell her that her son was involved in illegal fighting.

  “What aren’t you two girls telling me?”

  My gaze fell to the white linoleum, and I wondered if it was my place. I felt like a traitor each time I almost opened my mouth, but seeing the pain in her eyes killed me. She deserved the truth.

  “He was attacked in a parking lot after a fight,” Brandy said.

  “What kind of fight?” Her brow rose.

  “It was a fight that Ayden had entered.”

  “He did this to himself?” His mother’s anger bounced on every syllable.

  Brandy and I both shook our heads.

  “Absolutely not. He won that fight fair and square,” I said, my pulse pounding. Ayden didn’t bring this on himself in any way, shape, or form.

  “Then how did he end up here?” she questioned.

  “Ayden’s opponent was angry he lost. We were all getting in our cars when he attacked Ayden,” Brandy said softly.

  “You were there when it happened?” She crossed her arms and Brandy nodded.

  “We all were. We go to all of Ayden’s fights.”

  His mom’s shoulders sank at the latest revelation, and my heart ached for her. I understood the power of secrets.

  “Please don’t be mad. It was something he loved to do,” Brandy began. Her mom took a seat and placed her head in her hands, slowly rubbing her temples. Brandy’s dad came out of the room, wiping a tear away. He beelined toward us.

  “Did you know your son was a fighter?” Ayden’s mom asked, lifting her head to stare at her husband.

  “A damn good one,” his father replied.

  “You knew and never told me?” his mother whispered.

  “When did you find out?” Brandy asked, crossing her arms.

  “I’ve known since his first fight.” He turned his attention to his wife. “And the reason I never told you was to not worry you. I knew he had no intention of giving it up, and I wanted to keep the peace between the family.”

  She shook her head. “I want to be mad at you,” she looked at her husband before turning her attention to Brandy, “And you, but you’re right. I would’ve made things a living hell had I known.”

  Ayden’s mom stood up and let out a deep breath. “Let’s go visit our son. He needs us all united now more than ever.”

  I glanced at Brandy who seemed somewhat relieved but still tentative. I think she knew once—if—Ayden woke up there’d still be hell to pay from his mom, but until that moment, we were going to act as if nothing was wrong. I let his parents go in front of us as they walked toward Ayden’s room.

  “That could’ve gone far worse,” I whispered to Brandy.

  “I think she’s still in shock. I’m sure it’s barely started. She hates being left out of the loop, and it doesn’t help that my dad knew.”

  “I had no idea he knew, did you?”

  She shook her head. I watched Ayden’s mom walk to her son’s bed. She pulled his hand up and placed a gentle kiss on his knuckles.

  “I’ll go talk to Gabby and everyone so they’re not stuck in the ER waiting room not knowing,” I said softly.

  “Oh, I forgot to tell you. They’re in the waiting room on this floor now. The doctor told Mason and me out in the hall.”

  I nodded.

  “He also said once Ayden wakes up, Aaron can come in.”

  “What about the others?” I asked.

  She shook her head. “Not until he’s moved to a different unit.”

  I gave her a quick hug and watched her go into the room with her parents. I wanted them to have some time alone with their son and brother, and I needed some time away as well. Not because I didn’t want to be with Ayden every waking second, but because I needed to absorb what the doctor said. I needed to lose myself in the possibilities of what our future might hold. And I say future because I knew Ayden would wake up. He was a stubborn fighter, who had a lot to live for.

  I walked through the doors and spotted the signs for the waiting room, but instead of going toward the comforting faces that would embrace me, I pushed the elevator button and waited for the carriage to arrive. Exhaustion had finally settled over me, and if I couldn’t have caffeine, I at least needed to fool myself into believing I was drinking it. I stepped onto the elevator and pushed the lobby button. I was sure there’d be a coffee stand or cafeteria somewhere.

  As the doors opened onto the first floor, I stepped into the hallway and scanned for a sign leading me to where I needed to go.

  Where I needed to go.

  I needed to go somewhere to escape my fears. I wanted to be able to forget about everything for five minutes, but I knew that was impossible. I wandered toward the espresso cart that was framed by two large ficus trees. There must’ve been some study that showed interior plants calmed people down with as many as they had placed around the building, but as I stared at the plants I noticed no difference.

  I studied the chalkboard menu, finally deciding what to
get.

  “I’d like a white chocolate mocha, decaf. Please.”

  “Decaf?” the barista asked.

  I nodded. “I’m pregnant.”

  I was stunned at how easily the words rolled off my tongue to a complete stranger.

  She wrote on the cup and smiled. “Well, congratulations.”

  “Thank you,” I almost whispered.

  The thought of announcing our pregnancy at our rehearsal dinner, suddenly felt very far away, almost unattainable. The dreams I’d planted in my head about how we’d tell everyone were clouded over by the uncertainty of our future.

  I paid for my order and waited for the drink to come out the other side as the memories came crashing into my mind like a wild storm.

  Ayden working out in the gym.

  Would his motor skills be impaired?

  Ayden telling me he loved me last night as our bodies entwined.

  Would his verbal skills be impaired?

  Ayden holding me, kissing me, making love to me.

  Would he even remember me?

  The barista called my drink, and I wrapped my fingers around the paper cup, wishing I hadn’t let myself tangle privately with my thoughts. The snare of emotion was far too raw to think logically about our relationship. I took a sip of the sweet drink and found a chair to slide into as I debated whether or not to call my parents.

  I thought about the family upstairs, how close they were, and how lucky I was to be a part of it. If I lost Ayden, would I lose that too?

  I slid out my cell phone and dialed my mother’s cell number, and after a couple rings, she picked up.

  “It’s a little late to be calling, don’t you think, Lily?” she asked into the phone.

  I let out a silent sigh.

  “I still haven’t heard back if you and dad are coming to our wedding in a couple weeks. Ivy and Heath already said they weren’t coming.”

  A sparse couple of seconds settled between us as I got my answer. They couldn’t even be bothered for a wedding.

  “Your father and I haven’t RSVP’d because we were trying to rearrange our schedule. It’s not like Bermuda is an easy destination to get to.”

  “Actually, mom, it’s pretty simple. One flight to the east coast and a shuttle flight to the island.”

  “Well, it happens to be on the same night our country club auction is happening and this year, your father was chosen as the MC. It’s quite an honor.”

  “I’m sure it is,” I replied flatly.

  “We’ll try to make it, dear,” my mom said. “But no promises.”

  “I gathered that,” I said. “Okay. I thought I’d check before I sent the final numbers to the coordinator.”

  “Okay, dear. I’ll talk with you soon.”

  And she hung up.

  I gave a disgusted laugh, which warranted a few glances from people sitting around me, and I stood up. I’d known in my heart since I sent out the invite that my mom wasn’t coming to the wedding, but I wanted to see if I could tell her about Ayden. Every now and then I wanted to find out if I could somehow crack through her callousness enough to confide in her, to treat her like a mother, my mother. The answer was always disappointing.

  But after today, I wasn’t sure it really merited any more effort. I had a family and fiancé waiting for me upstairs. I walked toward the elevator and Gabby hopped right off and threw her arms around me.

  “Brandy said you’d come to see us and when you didn’t, I got worried.”

  I hugged Gabby back and realized my life was full of family, and I wouldn’t want it any other way.

  It was sometime after midnight. Aaron had taken Brandy home, and Tori had somehow wrangled Mason away from Ayden’s bedside. Ayden’s parents had left shortly thereafter, leaving me alone with Ayden and my thoughts.

  I’d fallen asleep twice and was currently staring at my phone. I didn’t even have it on. I stood up and stretched, looking out the window. Our room overlooked the emergency room entrance so several times an hour an ambulance would pull through the circle, and I’d wonder who was on the stretcher, a husband, wife, daughter, best friend? I turned around and walked over to Ayden’s bed. He looked exactly how he had since he moved to this room, his body still, breathing controlled by something other than him, and a tangle of cords leaving his body.

  I ran my finger along his cheek, picking up the tickle of his whiskers from not shaving yesterday.

  “Not everyone can pull off the unshaven look in a hospital gown, you know?” I whispered. “But you look extremely sexy.”

  I glanced out in the hall and saw nurses chatting at their station. Every so often soft laughter would erupt, and they’d look around nervously as if laughter was regulated, and maybe on this floor it was.

  My gaze fell back to Ayden, and I moved my hand along his chest, skirting the sensors and cords until I found his hand. I squeezed it and bent over the railing of his bed.

  “I love you so much Ayden Rhodes. If you could do us the biggest favor when you wake up, please remember me—remember us. I’ll be forever in your debt.” I continued holding his hand and rested my head on his chest. It was a most uncomfortable position with the railing poking my ribs, and my neck craned so that I wouldn’t run into the tubes from his breathing machine. I needed to feel the Ayden I remembered, the hard, muscled man I’d fallen in love with, who was now fighting for his life.

  I didn’t even let the weight of my head fully rest on his chest. I was so afraid I’d break him.

  Imagine that.

  Afraid I’d break Ayden Rhodes.

  I stood back up, trying to lessen the sharp ache in my neck, as I watched him. Exactly what he would hate for me to do. Standing and staring at him like he was a zoo exhibit. No wonder he didn’t want to wake up. He was afraid he’d blink open to a room full of eyes staring back at him.

  “If there wasn’t a nurses’ station outside the door, you can’t even imagine what I’d do to you.”

  Still nothing, not even a twitch.

  The weight of not knowing crawled up my body in a huge upwelling of exhaustion. I glanced at the skinny recliner in the corner of the room and decided to haul it over to Ayden’s bed. Sliding my hand from his, I walked over to the bulky chair and began to tug on it. Not realizing it was on wheels, I tumbled backwards onto the metal chair I’d been sitting on. My eyes landed on Ayden, and I chuckled amazed that even with him in a coma, I was worried he’d catch me falling on my ass. I stood up and moved the metal chair out of the way and glided the recliner next to his bed and unfolded the blanket that rested over the back.

  “Everything okay in here?” a nurse asked, poking her head in.

  “Oh. Yeah. Sorry. I didn’t realize I’d caused such a commotion. I tripped over a chair.”

  She nodded and smiled, leaving me to shake out the flimsy blanket. The room felt warm, but I was freezing as I scooted myself into the vinyl chair.

  Pulling up the blanket to my chin, I snaked my hand underneath and over to Ayden’s and grabbed hold tightly and fell asleep.

  It wasn’t until my elbow was on fire, and my entire arm had gone numb that I woke up in a panic. I’d forgotten where I was and attempted to move my arm, but I couldn’t. My arm zipped past the stage of being asleep and was working its way toward a tingly death. The low light of morning shone through the window, and I was shocked I’d slept this long. I quickly turned to look at Ayden, and he looked exactly as I’d left him.

  Asleep.

  It might have been my hazy, sleepy state, but I was starting to get annoyed with him. We had a lot to look forward to, and a lot of things to do to get ready for our wedding. I wanted him up. I needed him up.

  “You’re awake.” A woman’s voice came from the far corner.

  My pulse quickened, and I saw a nurse tearing something off an IV bag to replace his almost empty fluid pouch

  “How’d he do through the night?” I asked.

  “Very well,” she said, not offering any other hints. “You certainly ne
eded the rest. You didn’t wake up once last night, even when we came in to poke and prod.”

  “And I still feel exhausted.”

  “Would you like anything like orange juice or oatmeal?” she asked.

  She switched out one bag for another and looked over at me as I tried to drag my arm away. The sensation of a million sharp needles poking my entire arm was less than pleasant as I swung it in front of me.

  “I don’t feel like anything, but I probably should eat something.”

  She nodded. “I’ll bring it in after my rounds.”

  “Thank you.”

  She turned and walked out of the room, leaving me with some version of Ayden I still didn’t understand.

  “Well, I have to confess.” I stood up and rolled the chair back a few feet. “I’m a little annoyed with you.”

  I placed my good hand and arm on his leg.

  “You promised that tonight we’d be in front of the fire in the family room, and so far, it doesn’t seem like that’s going to happen unless you speed things along.” I rubbed my hand up and down his thigh as I kept rambling.

  “Not to mention we’re supposed to get on a flight to New York and hop on one to Bermuda in a couple weeks.” I let a few minutes of silence pass between us.

  “I called my mom yesterday about the wedding to see if she was going to come. And yes, I know we already figured out she wasn’t coming, but I think I wanted to test her and I have no idea why. She’s failed every single one I’ve flung her way so far. Anyway, my dad’s got some country-club dinner that he’s hosting, so yeah…” I rested my hand on the thin blanket near his waist. “Anyway, I wanted to thank you for allowing me to be part of your family. It’s an honor and I’m really grateful, and soon we’ll have our own to add to the bunch.” My voice cracked, and my eyes ran along Ayden’s torso to his neck and face. I took a couple steps toward the head of the bed and rested my fingertips on his shoulders.

  “I love you, Ayden Rhodes. Now wake the hell up.”

  I saw a slight tic of his jaw muscle. “That’s what I’m talking about.” I slid my fingers along his shoulders and took a deep breath. “I need you, Mr. Rhodes. I need you to wake up so we can begin our life together as husband and wife.”