“Do you think about him?”
“I don’t allow myself time to think about him. I need to do this for me. You could say it’s my own selfish journey.”
“No, I don’t think so. You’re human so just cut yourself some slack. You’ll figure it all out.”
He stood up, taking me with him opening his arms for a hug. I press my ear against his chest listening to every beat of his heart. My arms automatically tightened around him as I gave in to the sweet gesture. His chin rested on the top of my head. I didn’t realize until now that I missed being hugged. Out of nowhere, tears started pouring from my eyes onto his shirt. As my little meltdown ended, I stepped away from him wiping my eyes.
“More than you bargained for when you hugged me?”
“No. You needed a hug. This is your home, so cry, scream, play loud music, and bake cookies while eating ice cream. Your journey done on your terms. Then, if you still need a hug, I’m right here.”
“You’re a good person, Mr. Tucker. I’m going to change my clothes, then we can eat.”
“Sounds good.”
Michael
I could have stayed in that hug a lot longer. I hope I will be the person she will turn to because she steals a small piece of my heart every time I see her smile, or catch a twinkle of hope in her eyes. But for now I will be her friend in any way that she needs. I can’t believe I’m still standing here looking at her door and she’s been gone five minutes already. Who knew I could fall this fast.
Chapter 8
Winter break starts in a couple of weeks, but until then I’m preparing for finals. The air is crisp this morning, so my therapy running session should help clear out my head. Thinking back to what Michael said about Caleb liking me, I wonder does Caleb want to take the next step in our friendship? Am I ready for a boyfriend or intimacy? On the other hand, what am I feeling about Michael? I still can’t believe I told him about being a virgin. What is wrong with me! I round the fountain and head home to prepare for classes. Later I’ll ask Meredith to help me shop for a dress for the holiday party at 42. I see her outside of work and I like her style. She is a third year student, a waitress at work and living on a small budget like myself so she probably knows where to get a nice party dress. I will text her as soon as I get back to the apartment.
At the end of the day, I enter the 42 for my shift and spot Meredith at table 15.
“Hey, do you know a place I can purchase a dress on a tight budget for the party?”
“Yes, there’s a little boutique called ‘Emma’s’ on the edge of town. She has good stuff.”
“Okay. Next question, will you go with me? I don’t pick well and I need an honest eye.”
“Sure, we can go Saturday. Wait, Michael’s race is at ten, so we can go after that.”
“That sounds perfect.”
“Last year Pete closed the 42 all afternoon to support them during state competition. We wore t-shirts in support of our boss.”
“That was very nice.”
“He needed us after what he went through with his ex, Stacey. She’s a walking disaster in expensive heels. Have you met her?”
“Yes. I don’t think she likes me.”
“Well, you live with Michael, the guy she will always want. Let’s see. They met in freshman year when he was in his crazy phase. Not sure how she caught his eye, other than she fed his male appetite. He was different back then, especially when he drank. But it all ended one night of her own making and he’s better for it. I mean the she-snake slept with his best friend in Michael’s apartment. Actually, the room you’re in now. The girl has some odd thoughts on commitment because she did it more than once.”
“How did he find out?”
“Michael was on stage that night and realized they were both missing. Pete had a family emergency but came in about 10:30, which gave Michael the opportunity to leave. He went home and found them in bed together. He yanked Cliff up and shoved him out the door, along with his no good girlfriend. Cliff transferred schools and she left to study abroad. It all happened this past summer. They were probably done before, because he was cleaning up his act, and she didn’t like it when he was sober.”
“Meredith, order up.”
“Coming. We’ll find you something worthy of this cute little body. Let’s talk later.”
“Sounds good.”
*
Back home, sitting in my room trying to concentrate on my English paper, I realize I need a break. I grab my glass, heading to the kitchen, when I hear a knock on the door. I look at my watch, puzzled as to who it could be— it’s eleven. I make my way over to look out the peephole. Crap, it’s Stacey. I wonder what she wants. I turn away, only to be startled by more banging on the door. When I open it, she’s standing there in a tight black mini dress holding a bottle of champagne. Her smile disappears when she sees me.
“Is Michael here?”
“No.”
“Will he be back soon?”
“Don’t know.”
“Well I’ll wait for him inside.”
“You can’t.”
“I’m not going to wait out here.”
“Your choice.” I go to close the door but she sticks her foot in it.
“How does a girl like you get into this university? Are you a grant recipient because your parents have no money? Where are you from anyway?”
I look at her foot and she steps back.
“I’ll tell him you stopped by. Goodnight.” That was too easy. I look out the peep hole and she’s truly gone. I must be intimidating in my sweats and hoodie.
Instead of grabbing tea, I reach for a beer, and pop the tab, drinking half of it before stopping. What is wrong with her? I grab the pretzel bag and head back to my room, shutting the door. That is a persistent ex-girlfriend.
I must have fallen asleep, because I woke to a loud noise in the living room. Jumping out of bed, I peek out to see Michael laying on the floor. I go over to him.
“Are you alright, what happened?”
He’s smiling. “I tripped over my gym bag.”
“Let me help you up.” That’s when I realized I was just wearing underwear and a camisole.
He paused, looking at my clothes, but I managed to help him up, then moved him over to the sofa where he fell on it. I stood up out of breath.
“Can I get you anything?”
He sits up patting the cushion. “Please sit with me. Stacey found me at the bar, informing me you wouldn’t let her inside tonight.”
“Was that okay?”
“Yes. I don’t want her here.”
“Meredith told me what happened between the two of you.
“I apologize for not telling you myself when she came back to town.” He leans on his elbows, letting out a sigh, and then smiling at me. “I need you.”
What do I say to that? “You need coffee, food, or maybe a bucket?”
“Funny girl. I’m a different person with you here. I like that you have my back and I have yours.” He’s smiling and his eye lids are getting heavy.
“I think you’re ready for sleep.”
“I agree.”
I lean over him to grab the blanket when I catch a whiff of something strong. “What did you drink?”
“A rainbow of alcohol choices. I tried to remove an evil spirit.”
“Take off your shirt.” He’s smiling again. “Arms up and I’ll pull it off. You’ll sleep better without it.”
Once it’s removed and he’s covered up, he grabs my wrist. “Thank you, Jamie.”
“You’re welcome.”
I walk to my room, stopping at the door to listen to his breathing. In minutes he’s out, so I shut my door, leaning against it. I wonder if he’ll remember any of the conversation tomorrow.
Chapter 9
Pete is hovering in my office. “Michael, why don’t you go home? Everything is finished and you could use a shower.”
“I’ll go when all the books are finished. My father will want written copi
es along with computer backup. Which reminds me—what about your report?”
He takes a seat. “All done. Tell me the truth. Do you like running the 42?”
“In the beginning, I wanted two things for myself: access to booze and getting him off my back. What I found was a love for the business, and with your encouragement and support, we have made it.”
“I appreciate you including me. You’ve shown improvement in managerial skills, proved you listen to your employees, and have matured. I am proud of you and you should be proud of what you accomplish here every day. Back in the day, you were an arrogant ass college brat but now you’re the conscientious owner of a business.”
“Ass?”
“Yes. But someone has taken you further than I could in your transformation. In just a few months of being with her, you smile more.”
I lean back in my chair. “She is something.”
“That’s all you got?”
“We’re friends with no pressure, while living in the apartment together.”
“If she came to you and expressed an interest in being with you, what would you do?”
“Time will tell.”
“Remember, time sometimes bites back. I’m leaving now, don’t stay too long. You deserve a break.”
“Fifteen more minutes is all I need, then home for a shower.”
*
Makeup applied, jewelry on, and now to fasten the hook to the navy blue racerback mini dress. I smooth out the front, then give a twirl with a few dance moves when he passes by my door.
“Did you finish everything?”
“I did. You look nice.”
“Meredith turned me on to this little shop out of town.”
“You made a good choice.”
“Thanks.” Then I hear the doorbell. “Caleb’s here. I will see you later. Save me a dance.” I walk past him to the door opening it to see Caleb standing in a suit looking very cute.
“Jamie you look beautiful.”
“Thank you sir. Mighty handsome yourself.”
He pulls out a small flask from his pocket. “Limits or no limits?”
“What’s in there?”
“Tequila.”
“I’ve not tried Tequila but I choose no limits tonight!”
*
The bar had been transformed into a winter oasis. There was a team to cook, decorate, and tend bar. Girls were in flirty dresses and boys in suits. Who knows where this evening might take us? Meredith heads straight for me waving her arms.
“We made an excellent decision with this one. You look fantastic.”
“Thank you for your help. Your choice for this red dress was perfect.”
“Yeah, it makes me flirty and fabulous!” She slaps Caleb on the back. “Show her off, and easy on the booze. As for you, my friend, drink water. That liquor will creep up on you.”
*
After talking with friends, we sip on the flask, and head for the dance floor. Several songs later, we are both thirsty and in search of water.
I see Michael sitting at the bar in an eye catching black suit. He is unshaven, drinking a beer, surrounded by attractive girls. Caleb requests two waters and I touch Michael’s shoulder.
“Hey, you. The bar is over the top tonight. Well done, boss.”
Caleb moves next to me, placing his hand on my hip. “Yes, great job man.”
Michael looks at Caleb, then at me. “Are you drinking tequila?”
“Yes, just a little.”
“Don’t worry Michael, I got her tonight.” Caleb bends, kissing me, and I’m a little shocked because when it ends, I’m staring at him. “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.”
He takes my hand, pulling me away from the bar. “I hope that was okay. I know we’ve never really kissed before.”
“Yes, it was fine.”
“Well, I’ll have to do better next time because fine won’t do.”
I smile and suggest food, as I begin to start overthinking that sweet short kiss. I need more to drink. I toss back the flask, hoping to relax and maybe see where this night will take me. We eat a little then go out to dance song after song. We have another sip or two and now I’m beginning to feel mellow and warm as my head feels funny. I excuse myself from the group for the restroom. A girl is already waiting, so I stand next to her, leaning against the wall closing my eyes as things begin to spin.
“Are you okay? You can go before me.”
“No, I’m fine.” I turn to see about eight more girls coming our way. The girl to my right steps in as five leave the bathroom. I never understood the girl-to-bathroom ratio.
I spot Michael with two of his team mates standing by the kitchen when he sees me. He excuses himself walking over to me. I blink trying to clear my vision.
“You’re in the wrong line boss,” I tease.
“I’m heading upstairs, you can come with me.”
“I can’t.”
“You can use the bathroom in my office.” He places a hand on my back, leading me to the steps, which gives the girls in line a chance to cheer and clap for me.
He goes up first, then I follow, stumbling on the first two steps, giggling all the while. He holds out his hand.
“Let me help you.”
I take the rest without any problems, cheering internally that I made it to the top. His office houses a wooden desk covered in ledgers, a few filing cabinets, and two computers. I walk over to the only open door, shutting it behind me. I first check my appearance and see red cheeks mixed with lazy, shiny eyes, which means I’m tipsy. I pee, then proceed to wash my hands and fuss next with my hair. I return to find him sitting behind his desk.
“What are you doing?”
He stood. “Waiting for you, did you forget where you are?”
“No, that’s silly.”
“Here you might want this,” he says, handing me a bottle of water, which I down in no time flat.
“How are you feeling?”
“Good.” I sit on the corner of his desk. “Why aren’t you with that girl? The one with the cleavage bearing outfit?”
“Taking care of you.”
“Oh, well I’ll go, so you can get back to her.”
“No hurry. You can take a seat if you want.”
“Caleb doesn’t know where I am, so I should grow.” I snicker. “I mean go.”
“He’s trying to get you drunk.”
I frown at him. “I agreed to the tequila, no limits tonight.”
“Are you ready for anything?”
I look over at him. “I’m not sure. He’s sweet, cute, and when he kisses me it’s good. But you know how I overthink when I should just do.” I hop off the desk.
“Jamie.”
I reach the handle of the door when his hand covers mine to stop me. I feel the warmth of his hand, the muscle in his arm pressed against mine, and the smell of his cologne. He’s very intoxicating to my senses right now. Kiss him or not? I could just do it and blame it on the booze. I did say no limits tonight. The room seems to be closing in on me. I place my hand over his. “I need to go.” I step out flashing him a half confident smile then turn to the steps. Reaching the bottom step I begin to worry about what I almost did, when I run into Caleb.
Michael comes down the steps looking a little intense.
“Where did you go? Caleb looks past me. “Should I be concerned?”
I take his hand to the dance floor. “No, of course not.”
Michael follows us out, asking me to dance with him. I nod okay and Caleb steps off to the side. Placing me in his arms, my body starts reacting oddly towards him. Where is this coming from?
“I’m sorry for questioning your choices. He’s a good guy.”
I feel Michael’s hand on my lower back holding me close. “I understand. You do know a lot more about me than Caleb. I appreciate your concern.”
The song stops but he doesn’t let me go. Is he feeling something too? Am I imagining all of this?
“Caleb is waiting for y
ou.” He lets go, then disappears into the crowd.
What just happened? I find Caleb. “Can we leave?”
“Yes, are you alright did he say something?”
I shake my head, knowing I need air and separation from the guy who is turning my thoughts into mush just by touching me. Maybe tequila is too much.
Caleb walks me home as I try to clear my head about my feelings towards Michael. I listen to him tell me about his upcoming trip to his grandparents for winter break. As I put my key in the lock and open the door, I turn to him. Then it happens. His lips are on mine this time with a purpose. I give in, wrapping my arms around his neck. He backs me inside, shutting the door with one hand and the other hand inside my coat.
“I want you.” His hands are moving, pulling me even closer to him. I can feel his need for me, but I can’t, so I say his name, then again. “Caleb!”
He stops. “Jamie, what’s wrong? Am I moving too fast?”
“I’m a virgin!” With that lovely word being said I walk away from him and after a moment he follows.
“I respect that.”
“It’s not normal nowadays. I’m not normal.”
He places his hand on my arm. “You have to be ready. Don’t let me or anyone else rush you.”
“I’m sorry. I never meant to lead you on. I understand if you want to leave.”
He smiles, then kisses me on my cheek. “How about we find a movie and you can fix sandwiches. Jamie its fine I understand.”
“Thank you. You can find a movie and I will fix us food.”
About three hours later I walk him to the door.
“I realized tonight there might be competition.”
“For what?”
“You.” He kisses my cheek then walks away.
*
My Heart Page 4