by Railyn Stone
“Oh, Sydnee, that is not why I came to visit; I just wanted to see you and the boys. Isn’t that okay?” If no one knew it, most would think Carroll was Sydnee’s older sister. The woman was beautiful, and her refined beauty was reminiscent of a young Dianne Carroll. Every hair was in place and every outfit was perfectly coordinated with her bags, shoes and all accessories. It was amazing to Sydnee how she did it. Her mother had been that way her entire life and she couldn’t ever remember a day when she wasn’t put together.
“Of course, I just—you just don’t ever do that. You always let us know if you are coming to visit.” Her mother was not one for spontaneity. She planned everything. Sydnee knew that was where she had gotten the trait. She just happened to be a little more flexible than Carroll.
“Well, maybe I decided to be different for a change. It seems to work for everyone else— especially you.” The pointed look by her mother, gave Sydnee pause and she was a little puzzled by the remark.
“What are you talking about?”
“Kellen told me about your new friend.” Carroll moved from the barstool to walk over and pick up a photo on the bookshelf. It was one Sydnee had taken of the boys with Quinn in the park.
“What?” Her voice barely above a whisper, Sydnee held her breath. Squirming as her mother scrutinized the picture, and she suddenly felt light-headed as her fingers cramped from gripping the countertop. Note to self. Kill Kellen.
“Your brother told me you met someone and I figured since you never tell me anything, I would come and see what was going on with you myself.” Carroll gently placed the frame back on the shelf before turning to look at Sydnee.
Regaining her abilities to think and speak, Sydnee frowned. “Are you serious?”
“Oh, don’t get so bent out of shape.” Carroll was checking up on her. Like she was some teenager. “Sydnee, really. I want to know how my daughter is and how my grandsons are. Is that too much to ask?”
“You speak to the boys every other week and-”
“Sydnee, I see your brother and his children on a regular basis. I don’t get to see Charlie and Travis often and I didn’t get to see them at Christmas, or their birthday. Really, if I had known it would be this big of a problem, I wouldn’t have come.” She’s doing it again. Dammit, how does she always turn it around on me?
“No, I’m, I just…well, are you hungry or-”
“Sydnee, I am fine. You have already asked me that. Are you okay?”
“Yes, I better get the guest room ready for you. Make yourself comfortable.” Before Carroll could reply, Sydnee made a beeline for the guest room to make sure it was in decent order. She walked into the room and shut the door behind her. Leaning against the door, she tried to gather her thoughts and slow the heart she knew would need replacing if it kept beating as hard as it was. She looked around the room for anything out of place, any enormous piles of dust she wouldn’t be able to hide with a picture frame or trinket. She was in the middle of moving some items on a shelf when she heard the doorbell and her stomach dropped. “Oh no!” Flinging the door open, she practically ran down the hallway, almost tripping over her own feet. She skidded to a stop just in time to see Carroll opening the door and Quinn standing there with the boys. She forgot Quinn was picking them up for her from the party and she stood with her mouth gaped open.
“Nana!” the boys shrieked, running over to hug Carroll. Sydnee shuddered, knowing her mother’s exquisite tan colored outfit stood a chance of being ruined by whatever sticky substances would possibly be on the boys from the party.
“Well, hello. How are Nana’s boys? You are getting so big.” Carroll exclaimed, taking each by their chubby faces and placing kisses on their cheeks.
“Nana, we went to a party.”
“You did? Did you have a good time?”
“Yes. Me and Charlie got to ride a pony.”
“Oh my. That sounds like fun.” Sydnee watched Quinn close the door and he looked at her with inquisitive eyes. She knew he could tell she was on edge. Not only had her mother shown up unannounced, but now she was going to have to face the fact she still hadn’t told her about Quinn. The very thing she had been upset with him about, she was going to have to face. Why didn’t I just tell her? Because you’re a wimp Sydnee.
“Hey, why don’t you two go and put your things away and wash up so you can visit with Nana, okay?”
“Okay, Mommy.” She watched as streamers and balloons followed the two as they ran down the hallway.
“Oh goodness. Boys, please. We do not run in the house. I would hope your mother has taught you better than that.” Sydnee swore she had bitten an actual chunk out of her jaw by now and she moved to intercept Quinn before her mother could focus in on him.
“I didn’t know she was coming.” Sydnee looked at Quinn wide-eyed.
“It’s okay, Syd. I can come back later if you need to-”
“Well, hello. I don’t believe we have met. I’m Carroll Duprey, Sydnee’s mother. And you are?” Carroll turned with the precision of a raptor smelling her prey for the first time to examine Quinn from head to toe, breaking up Sydnee’s attempt to get him out of the house before Carroll could sink her talons into him. She breathed deeply and turned to smile at her mother as Quinn introduced himself.
“Hi. I’m Quinn Masters.” Carroll suspiciously took his extended hand and nodded.
“Hmmm, well, it’s nice to meet you. And how do you know my grandsons? I noticed you brought them home. You seem to know them well enough to be in pictures with them and spending time with them…alone.” It was Sydnee’s turn to receive the death stare and she stammered, trying to backpedal.
“Uh, Mother, I-”
“Oh, Sydnee, don’t be rude. The young man was about to say something.”
“Well, Sydnee and I met months ago and-”
“Mother,” Sydnee interrupted, looked at Quinn with remorse before taking a deep breath. “This is the friend Kellen told you about. Quinn and I have been seeing each other.”
“Oh…really?” A perfectly plucked eyebrow rose.
“Yes.”
“Well, Mr. Masters-”
“Oh, no, please, it’s just Quinn.” Sydnee couldn’t help smiling at how nice Quinn was. She shared with him how stilted the relationship was with her mother and he was still so respectful and good-natured towards the woman. She was pretty sure he could sense the tension in the air as soon as he walked through the door. She could only imagine what he was thinking and feeling as she was sure he realized by now she hadn’t told her mother about him.
“Well, I would like to say I’ve heard a lot about you, but it seems my daughter felt you were a secret she needed to keep.” Sydnee could feel Carroll’s disapproving stare on her and an unsettling feeling invaded her stomach as she struggled to keep her composure.
The silence was deafening and Sydnee could tell her mother was about to embark on a barrage of questions for Quinn. She was never so thankful to hear the boys running up the hallway. “Nana, are you staying with us?”
“Oh, sweetheart, yes. I came to spend time with you. You can catch me up on everything you’ve been doing.” Carroll cooed sweetly.
“Nana, come and see our room.” Travis pulled on her hand and Charlie latched onto the other as they dragged her down the hallway. Breathing a sigh of relief, Sydnee watched her mother walk down the hallway with the boys. She paused before making a laborious turn towards Quinn.
“So, you never told her about us?” Quinn asked leveling his eyes at her. His mouth was set in a tight frown and Sydnee ducked away from his steely glare.
“No.”
“Hmm, wow. I don’t quite know what I should think about that.” She knew she had hurt him and it was not anything she planned or wanted to do. The situation was just too hard for her to deal with. Kellen was right. She was a wimp. She would admit it. Her mother had a way of reducing her to simple syrup and she just had not been able to bring herself to tell her.
“Quinn, it’s not
that I didn’t want to tell her. I just couldn’t find the words or know how to bring it up with her.” Sydnee knew it was a lame excuse. “It just never came up.” She was in constant contact with her mother. She made sure the twins talked to her every other week. She had lots of opportunities to tell Carroll about Quinn. She just never took the initiative.
“You talk to her on a pretty regular basis, Syd. In all of the months we’ve been dating; it never came up? You gave me hell about not telling my mom about us. You remember?”
“Quinn, it’s different. Your family is a lot different than mine. You know what I’ve told you about her.” Sydnee stood with her fingers wrapped in the hem of her shirt, wearing it thinner than it already was.
“I know, but I didn’t really think I was going to be kept a secret.” He was hurt and she could tell it in his voice and his eyes. “I mean, Syd, I thought we were, I don’t know, moving towards a much more serious relationship. When were you planning on telling her?”
“I don’t know, okay. I-”
“Look, it’s fine.” He offered up, but she knew it wasn’t fine. He had valid feelings and she had to own up to it being her fault for hurting him. “Obviously, we aren’t at the same place.”
“That’s not true,” she reached over to grab his hands. “I care about you so much. I just know how she is and I didn’t want to have to deal with her about it. I’m sorry.”
Quinn sighed, watching her for a moment before squeezing her hands and pulling her into his embrace. “Look, I’m not trying to come down on you about this. Evidently, you are dealing with a lot more than you are telling me right now. But I want you to let me in, and trust in our relationship. I’m here for you no matter what.”
“I know. And I should have told her, but I haven’t been brave enough.” She looked up at him and he leaned in to kiss her.
“Ahem.” Sydnee, on instinct, stepped back at hearing her mother clear her throat behind her. How does she do that? She was a grown woman, with her own kids and her mother still had some weird power over her. “Sydnee, could I speak with you for a moment?” Sydnee turned slowly to meet her mother’s glare as the boys ran over to Quinn to ask him to play video games.
She saw Quinn kneel in front of them, and tickle their tummies. “Hey, buds, I’m going to go okay?”
“No, why can’t you stay?”
“I’m going to go so you can spend time with your grandmother. She came all the way from Atlanta to see you, and I know she probably wants to have some fun with you.”
“But you can stay, too.” Charlie pleaded, holding onto Quinn’s shoulder.
“I would, champ, but I’ve got some things to do today, okay?” Quinn nodded as both Charlie and Travis poked out their bottom lips.
“Okay,” they mumbled, visibly disappointed he wouldn’t be staying, as they hugged him.
“I’ll see you later, all right?” Standing, Quinn turned to Carroll who was keenly watching the interaction between the three. “It was really nice meeting you, Ms. Duprey.”
“I’m sure.”
“I’ll talk to you later,” he said to Sydnee as she walked him to the door.
“I’ll call you,” Sydnee replied, relieved he wasn’t too overly mad at her, and he leaned over to kiss her briefly before making his way down the walkway to his car. She shut the door and breathed deeply before turning to face her mother.
“Sydnee Elaine, what in the world are you thinking?”
CHAPTER 12
“You want to tell me what is going on?”
Opening her eyes slowly, Sydnee looked out into the dark silence enveloping her back yard. Once the boys were fed and safely tucked in, she walked out to the back patio to soak in a moment’s peace. She had listened to her mother go on and on about the choices she was making and how ‘she didn’t seem to know her anymore’ and ‘what kind of things could she be thinking’ dating someone like Quinn. It was more than she could handle and when she had a chance, she called Kellen and left him a nice nasty voicemail.
“Mother, there’s nothing to tell. Obviously, you’ve already made all of the assumptions and the judgments you could possibly make on my life. What more do you want me to say?”
“Sydnee, I am not judging you.”
“Oh really, Mother? Because it seems very judgmental when you say I’m making terrible decisions when it comes to raising my children.” Sydnee glared at Carroll with red-rimmed eyes.
“Sydnee, I am your mother. I just want what is best for you and the boys. Honey, I don’t want to see you hurt or with, with-”
“With what, Mother, a white man? You don’t even know Quinn. You saw the color of his skin and made assumptions like you always do.” Sydnee leaned over, knowing if she gripped the wooden rail any tighter, she’d end up with splinters.
“I know enough to know he cannot take care of you and my grandsons. He hasn’t the slightest clue. He is just fulfilling a fantasy.” What is with this ‘fulfilling fantasies’ crap?
“Mother, you sound like Mina! I can’t believe you. You think all white people are racist when you are the one with the problem!” Carroll’s eyes widened and Sydnee knew she hit a sore spot. Her mother had seen the ugliness of racism firsthand. She was in one of the first classes of students to be integrated in her high school. The students were bused in and were met with many racial slurs and epithets on every turn. If they were athletes, their clothes were taken from lockers and destroyed with anything ranging from bleach to feces. Bus drivers called them horrible names, and on many occasions, intentionally left them or never showed up at their stops. Sydnee heard so many stories in her lifetime of the horrid way her mother and others were treated. Not being able to eat in certain restaurants or having to use separate restrooms and water fountains. It saddened her to think there were people who hated them just because of the color of their skin. Now all she wanted was for her mother to give Quinn a chance like she wished others would have given her mother.
“Call it what you want, Sydnee, but I’m not going to sit here and condone this. Why would you have some young white man around my grandsons filling their heads with things that aren’t beneficial to them? My goodness, he’s hardly older than they are.”
“What are you talking about?” Sydnee could feel her heart pulling in two different directions. She understood where her mother was coming from. It was a place of hurt and pain and unknowing. Carroll suffered from a constant replay of mental anguish. Sydnee knew it was painful for her. Carroll had told her, and there were many things she knew her mother hadn’t shared because of the intensity of the subject, and the inability to revisit the memories without breaking down. But, she wanted Quinn in her life. She wanted him to be in her children’s lives. He was different from anything she had ever experienced. He was good for her, and to her. Unlike any man she’d ever met. She just didn’t know how to get her mother to see it without feeling like she was betraying her. “You don’t know Quinn. You don’t know how wonderful he is to us.”
“Sydnee, would you listen to yourself? After all of the things I have told you. The things your family has gone through. Why would you be okay with this? Those boys need their father. They need to know Matt, and they need him to be the role model in their life. He’s a black man and he can teach them the things they need to know about becoming strong black men.” Carroll shook her head, crossing her arms in front of her and Sydnee could swear she saw tears in her mother’s eyes. It was heart wrenching to see her mother like this. Knowing the choice she was making to see Quinn was hurting her mother’s heart and soul.
“Mother, Matt left. He left us. I have been the one to have to tell them over and over again, it’s not their fault. I have been the one to have to be mommy and daddy.” Sydnee walked closer to her mother and looked into her soulful eyes, hoping Carroll could understand how much she wanted to be with Quinn, but didn’t want to hurt her. “Matt chose to leave and there is no way he could ever tell them anything. He would be more likely to teach them how to be a so
rry excuse for a man, let alone a strong black man!” Her frustration got the best of her before she could rein in her words and her tone. She had never spoken to her mother in such a harsh manner and she was a bit shocked at her demeanor. Her mother’s eyes narrowed and she could tell Carroll was just as surprised as she was with the way Sydnee spoke.
“Matt is their father. He needs to be in their life. He needs to be the one teaching them the things they need to know.” Her mother’s calm but even tone let her know she was truly upset. Sydnee had never seen her mother’s eyes as serious as they were at the moment. “I don’t like this, Sydnee.”
“Mother, please understand. I wish Matt would step up and do the things he needs to do as a man and as their father, but he isn’t.” She paused for a moment and swallowed hard. “And as much as you want me to, I refuse to keep trying to get him to. I hope you can understand. I really do.”
“I will not, and I cannot, agree with this.” Carroll’s almond eyes contracted and Sydnee watched the frown lines deepen on her face. “You are making a huge mistake, Sydnee. I can’t go along with it. I am so disappointed in you.”
Sydnee’s mouth dropped as her mother turned, slid the glass door open, went in the house and shut the door with a loud thwack. She felt every inch of breath leave her body and she stood on the patio gasping for air. The woman she had looked up to her entire life, the woman she wanted so desperately to accept her for who she was and love her unconditionally was now even more disappointed in her. As if she hadn’t shed enough tears, the floodgates opened and her cheeks bristled as the moisture mixed with the cool night air.
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