“This is true.” His head fell back on the wall behind us with a soft thud, and he closed his eyes.
I stood up to leave. I could not stay. Not when I was making such a gigantic mess of forcing him to hate me.
“Don’t go,” he said, from behind closed eyes. “Please. Sitting together sounds perfect.”
It did. But I couldn’t. Shouldn’t. “I have to.”
His eyes opened, then narrowed. “Why? Do you have some other place to be?”
I nodded, steeling myself. “And if you don’t like it, you can send me home.”
His gaze sharpened. So did his voice. “You will sit.”
I was failing at getting him to send me home, probably just making him suspicious instead, and I couldn’t have that. I nodded, sitting beside him, the length of his body just a hair’s breadth from mine. How I wished to shuffle the tiniest bit closer, to feel the heat of his body against mine. I closed my eyes, pushing the distraction away. A few moments later, I opened them. “I’m sure you are.” I spoke softly, unsure if he wished to be disturbed. Unsure if I should even speak the words I wanted to say.
A slow smile spread across his face. “Sure I am what?”
“Making the right decisions. At night. When you’re tired.”
His eyes cracked open and his eyebrows lifted as if he agreed. “To be honest, it wouldn’t matter if I slept for a year, I still wouldn’t know if I were making the right decisions for the kingdom.”
I shrugged. “I think your people might disagree. They’re free to play music again now, because of you.” I pushed my hands beneath my thighs, watching him.
He gave a nod. “And because of the Seelie Queen.”
Hearing him speak of me gave my heart a jolt. Perhaps it was only because he spoke of me without malice. “And because of her,” I agreed.
His eyes fell shut again, but there was a small smile on his face. “Thank you. You seem to know just the right thing to say to make me feel better.”
The door to the stables opened with a bang, and Jax marched through it, his face like thunder. “Prince Fergus, what are you doing locked up in here?” He may have been speaking to Fergus, but he was glaring at me.
Fergus jumped to his feet like he’d been caught red-handed in the cookie jar.
We had done nothing wrong, and Jax had no right to make him feel that way. Especially because Fergus was unaware he was sitting with me. “The horses weren’t ready for our date, so we decided we’d take a moment to relax.” I smiled, hoping he’d realize Fergus suspected nothing.
“Relax?” A vein in Jax’s neck twitched. “The prince has no time to relax. After a day gallivanting around the countryside with you ladies, he must—”
I cut him off, his tone setting my teeth on edge. “Work. Yes, I’m aware. He’s not the only one unable to work at the moment.”
“You have no idea—”
Fergus stepped up beside me. His gaze flicked between me and Jax. “I told her what I must deal with. And she has been quite helpful.”
Jax huffed. “What are you doing in here, anyway? The horses are waiting just inside the gates.”
Fergus frowned. “Because we were told to meet here.” He pulled some notes from his pocket and showed them to Jax. “See.”
Jax pursed his lips. “Clearly, there’s been a misunderstanding. The horses are ready, but you don’t have much time before your next appointment.”
“What do you think?” Fergus looked at me. “Should we take that ride now?”
I smiled and shook my head, saying the words I needed to say rather than the ones I wanted to say. “I don’t think so.”
He nodded, and I wasn’t sure if he was relieved or upset. “Thank you for lunch, Amber.” He smiled, then turned and walked out with Jax.
SIX
After dinner that night, I put on my cloak and went in search of Jax. I wanted to know what he’d done with Dora.
I’d done as he asked and put away my riding pants. Tonight, I opted for a rose gold form fitting dress that fell to mid-calf and had a split up one thigh. I’d paired it with strappy black shoes that made a muted tapping sound as I walked along the castle halls searching for the puca I’d once called my friend.
I threaded the blue rose he’d spelled into my hair, and just as I’d hoped, it guided me toward him, deeper into the castle. Through hallways, around corners, up stairs, and then down, until I entered the part of the castle deemed out of bounds. I was already breaking so many rules just by being here. What was one more?
I found Jax sitting in the center of a circular internal courtyard that had four entrances. Cobblestones covered the ground, and a miniature potted tree grew beside each entrance. There was a bench in the middle, but Jax sat upon the cobblestones, his back leaning against the bench. He threw a ball at the wall, catching it when it bounced back to him.
I walked up behind him, making sure my shoes tapped against the cobblestones so he knew I was there.
“You’re not supposed to be in this part of the castle,” he said without looking at me.
“I know. But I wanted to speak with you.” I stood behind him, waiting to see if he’d send me away.
He turned his head. “At least you’re dressed more appropriately this evening than you were the other morning.”
“Or earlier today.” I couldn’t help the snark. He hadn’t exactly been nice this afternoon in the stables.
“Yes, well, you can’t go riding in a dress like that.” His eyebrows lifted, the hardness leaving his face.
I didn’t want to fight with him, so I gave a small curtsey. “Why, thank you. I’ll take that as a compliment.”
A grin crept onto his face. “I’m sorry about this afternoon.”
“Me, too.”
Jax didn’t seem to hear me. “When he didn’t turn up where he was supposed to be for the date with you, I imagined something had happened to him. That someone had poisoned him.”
“You thought I’d poisoned him,” I corrected.
He ran a hand down his face, not bothering to disagree. “Over this past year, I can count on one hand how many times my best friend has smiled—properly smiled. And in case I’m not making myself clear, he hasn’t smiled since you left him. Then I walk into the stables, and you’re with him, and there’s a genuine smile on his face.”
“He doesn’t know who I am,” I whispered. “I didn’t tell him.”
“He doesn’t need to. He just knows subconsciously that you make him feel better. Rather than showing him why you should go home, why you’re not a match for him, you made him smile.”
I shook my head. “I tried to leave him there, but he made me stay with him.” I hadn’t tried very hard to leave.
Jax closed his eyes. “You know, Bria, this year has been hard. Watching him sink back into himself while doing a job he never wanted.” He shook his head. “I agreed with Indira, that the Declaration might be the thing he needed to get himself back on track. But now you’re here, and I’m worried he’s just going to fall for you all over.”
I crouched beside him, looking into his eyes. “You worry too much, Jax. There can’t be any feelings between Fergus and me. Our bond is gone.”
His gaze was skeptical.
I tried harder to convince him. “And if Fergus was smiling, it was because he was thinking of someone else. The two of us barely spoke.”
Jax nodded. “That’s what he said, too.”
“Good.” I slipped back onto the bench and looked around me. “I know this place.” It was silent here, but peaceful, too. Like there was no one else anywhere nearby.
He nodded, bouncing the ball again. “You do.”
It hadn’t looked like this the last time I was here. “This was once the tower we brought down the night we killed Rhiannon.”
He gave another nod, the ball tapping against the stone, then the wall as he threw it again. “Ferg didn’t want to rebuild it as a staircase—I expect it
gave him bad memories—so he made this.”
I looked around. It was so calm here, a good place for thinking. “It seems more like he’s made a memorial garden.”
He shrugged, the ball leaving his hand again. “I guess that’s what it is.” He nodded toward a plaque on the wall above the place his ball was hitting. “You know, in a few days, it will be a full year since that night.”
I knew. And I fought every day to forget it. I stood up and walked over to read the plaque.
For those who sacrifice themselves to protect others
We will always remember
I looked back at Jax, eyebrows raised. “He made a memorial for my mother?” I still wasn’t in the right place to forgive Mother for all she’d done while with Rhiannon. Some days, I was so angry at her for all the pain she’d caused. Other days, I was proud she’d risked so much to free Indira. Most days, I was a mix of both. I certainly had not built a memorial at the Seelie Castle for her. Nor did I imagine I ever would.
“There were others that died fighting Rhiannon.” He lifted one eyebrow, reminding me I wasn’t the only one who lost someone I cared about.
Not that I needed the reminder. I was well aware of what, and who, we’d lost that night. I ducked my head to look at the ground.
“But yes. With Indira’s help, I believe a big part of making this into such a secluded and peaceful space was because of Aoife.”
I crossed my arms over my chest, unsure how I felt about that.
“It’s a great place to think.”
I sat back on the bench. “And what are you thinking about?”
Jax’s lips thinned, and he looked away. He began throwing the ball again. He didn’t want to answer that question.
I lifted my chin. “That’s right. We can’t talk of such things any longer because we aren’t friends.” There was a tinge of bitterness in my voice. I’d been happy with my life this past year mostly, but there were days when I couldn’t ignore the emptiness in my heart because of lost friendships. All because I’d made a promise I hadn’t known I was making at the time.
He stopped throwing. His half-open mouth as he turned to look at me, suggesting I’d surprised him. When he spoke, his voice was careful. “I never ceased calling you a friend, Bria.”
“You just ceased being one.” The words tumbled out before I could consider stopping them.
Jax pushed himself up off the ground to sit next to me on the bench. “I wasn’t the one who prevented all contact. I think you’ll find, I have been to the Seelie castle most weeks. I have tried to speak to you, but you’re always too busy. Or too tired.”
Most weeks? Surely he hadn’t visited that often? But that wasn’t even the point. He was right in suggesting it was me who’d stayed away from him. I’d locked myself in my offices and refused to come out until I saw him and Flame take to the sky on many of the occasions he’d visited. Other days, I made sure we only saw each other in passing, always heading somewhere so important I couldn’t stop and speak with him. I licked my lips. “It was too hard to do anything else,” I whispered, more honesty slipping from my mouth than I’d allowed myself all year. I’d missed them all so much.
He reached out and squeezed my hand. “It’s been difficult for everyone.”
I drew in a breath. Not Fergus, I wanted to spit, despite what Jax had said about him. He’d told me there was a line of women queueing up to become his wife on the last day I’d seen him. Then he’d proved it by running this ridiculous competition to find that woman. But the mature side of me knew how petty that sounded, so I swallowed it down and changed the subject. “What happened to Dora?”
Jax stared at me, his lips pressed, and I thought he would not answer. That he might continue with our previous topic. But he released my hand and leaned back on the bench. “I have sent her home. The liquid in that jar was a potion that nullifies magic. Taken in large enough quantities, it would render Fergus’ magic useless.”
I nodded, not surprised by what was in the jar, just surprised by who the culprit was. “And that was a large enough quantity?”
He shook his head. “No. But I couldn’t allow her to stay, knowing she’d already used it once and intended to give him more. She’s been banished to Iadrun.” He whispered the last words.
I stiffened. That was a harsh punishment. Without spending time in Faery, a fae would lose their magic. Not to mention the pain of being away from her family. “For how long?”
“The rest of her life.”
I stared at him, eyes wide. “That seems … harsh.”
He sighed. “This was an attempt on the crown prince’s life, Bria. With enough of the nullifier in his system, Fergus would have no magic and no way to protect himself, or anyone else. She knew the risks. She signed the waiver before taking part in the competition.”
“There was a waiver?”
He gave a wry smile. “I guess you didn’t see it because you weren’t supposed to be part of all this.” He threw the ball at the wall again, harder this time.
I watched it bounce back into his hand. “It makes no sense.” I shook my head. “Dora told me she didn’t even want to be here. That she had a sweetheart back at home.” I paused. Maybe it did make sense. Maybe she’d done the same thing Selina’s great-great-great-grandmother had done. “Unless she plans to meet her sweetheart in Iadrun and live out her life with him there?”
“Lord Stanley.” The ball hit the wall and bounced back to Jax’s hand, the sound hypnotic.
“He made her come here?” Or did he mean Lord Stanley had forced her to go to Iadrun?
Jax shook his head. “Lord Stanley is her sweetheart.”
I fell back against the back of the bench. I had seen them together several times, but that they were more than colleagues had never occurred to me. “Well, he won’t go to Iadrun with her. He has a court to run.”
“I know,” Jax mumbled. “Like you said, it makes no sense. She must have known the likelihood of being caught was high, and the penalty even higher. She knew if caught, she’d be on her own in Iadrun, and that Stanley couldn’t go with her.”
“You believe me?”
“She kept staring at the jar and saying she didn’t know how it had come into her possession. Which seems ridiculous. She had to know.” He dropped the ball at his feet and dragged both hands down his cheeks. “I don’t believe the nullifier came from Dora, if that’s what you’re asking.”
I didn’t think it had either, but I was surprised Jax agreed. “Then what do you believe?”
He shrugged. “Why do you think I’m sitting out here alone? I’m trying to work out what is going on.” He gave a weak smile. “And failing.”
I stood up. “And I interrupted you.”
He took my wrist and pulled me back down beside him. “Stay. It helps to have someone to talk to. And … it’s good to talk to you.” He picked up the ball and held it out. “Want to try? It’s relaxing.”
I took the ball from his hand, passing it between my fingers, trying to reconcile all he’d said. “Are we all in danger?” I asked quietly. “Could this nullifier potion be put into everyone’s glasses?”
“Potentially.”
I blew out a breath. That wasn’t what I wanted to hear. “Can’t Fergus stop it? Now you know what it is?”
Jax gave me a pointed stare, his lips pressed into a tight line.
“Of course. You can’t share those details with me. But I’m going to guess that since you haven’t cancelled the competition and asked everyone to leave, you or Fergus have that part under control.” I threw the ball, hoping the action hid the pang in my chest as I remembered I wasn’t part of this, of them, any longer. I wished I’d never seen that image in the glass. Or come here to help. Worse still, I wished I could make myself believe I wished for those things. Seeing Fergus had been a gift. And if I hadn’t seen the poisoner, no one would have known what was happening here in Unseelie. No one else could have helped Fergus.
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I smiled. It felt tight and unnatural. “On the bright side, I know how you get me out of the competition.”
Jax reached out in front of me and caught the ball on the rebound. “How’s that?” He threw it again.
“Pretend I was going to poison Fergus. No one, not even Fergus, would question it.”
Jax pushed to his feet and passed me the ball before starting for the exit opposite from where I’d entered. “Two days ago, I would have told you that was a brilliant idea. Two days ago, I would have let you do that without a second thought.” He shook his head. “But now I know there is something going on. I really need you to stay. Among the girls, you’ll have the chance to discover things I never would.”
I shook my head. “I can’t. I have a kingdom to run.” Not to mention, I couldn’t stay here and watch Fergus fall in love with someone else.
He shook his head again, his brown eyes searching my face. “Don’t look so sour. You enjoy being back, I can tell. There is light in your eyes that hasn’t been there all year. Plus, you are one of the few people at the castle I trust to keep the prince safe.” He was almost out the door before he spoke again. “Don’t lose the contest tomorrow, Bria. You can’t go home yet. I’m going to need your help to figure out who gave Dora that nullifier.” He turned and swept out the door.
“Wait, Jax!” I slipped the ball into my cloak pocket and started after him.
Jax looked back over his shoulder, grinning. “Don’t ask what happens tomorrow. I can’t tell you. That would be cheating.”
I returned to my room and almost groaned to find Piper standing right outside my door, Kaylor Beechleef on one side of her, Essie Roundflower on the other. Whatever they wanted, I couldn’t be bothered with them. None of them moved as I approached my door. I gave them a tight smile. “Can I help you?”
Piper smirked, her hair pulled tightly back from her face. “I doubt it. We were … just wondering where you were. Someone said they saw you going into the out-of-bounds area after dinner.”
I shook my head, trying to keep a lid on my growing annoyance. I got the feeling that if Piper asked that question, she already knew the answer. Still, I wasn’t admitting anything. “That someone must be mistaken. I’ve been walking in the gardens.”
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