Off Course
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toomuch public opinion behind them to be ignored. The White House yieldedand the date was set for the visitor to speak before the Assembly.
Excitement, anticipation, blanketed the world. Shepherds in Sinkiang,multi-millionaires in Switzerland, fakirs in Pakistan, gauchos in theArgentine were raised to a zenith of expectation. Panhandlers debatedthe message to come with pedestrians; jinrikisha men argued it withtheir passengers; miners discussed it deep beneath the surface; pilotsargued with their co-pilots thousands of feet above.
It was the most universally awaited event of the ages.
By the time the delegates from every nation, tribe, religion, class,color, and race had gathered in New York to receive the message from thestars, the majority of Earth had decided that Dameri Tass was theplenipotentiary of a super-civilization which had been viewingdevelopments on this planet with misgivings. It was thought this othercivilization had advanced greatly beyond Earth's and that the problemsbesetting us--social, economic, scientific--had been solved by thesuper-civilization. Obviously, then, Dameri Tass had come, an advisorfrom a benevolent and friendly people, to guide the world aright.
And nine-tenths of the population of Earth stood ready and willing to beguided. The other tenth liked things as they were and were quiteconvinced that the space envoy would upset their applecarts.
* * * * *
Viljalmar Andersen, Secretary-General of the U.N., was to introduce thespace emissary. "Can you give me an idea at all of what he is like?" heasked nervously.
President McCord was as upset as the Dane. He shrugged in agitation. "Iknow almost as little as you do."
Sir Alfred Oxford protested, "But my dear chap, you've had him foralmost two weeks. Certainly in that time--"
The President snapped back, "You probably won't believe this, but he'sbeen asleep until yesterday. When he first arrived he told us he hadn'tslept for a _decal_, whatever that is; so we held off our discussionwith him until morning. Well--he didn't awaken in the morning, nor thenext. Six days later, fearing something was wrong we woke him."
"What happened?" Sir Alfred asked.
The President showed embarrassment. "He used some rather ripe Irishprofanity on us, rolled over, and went back to sleep."
Viljalmar Andersen asked, "Well, what happened yesterday?"
"We actually haven't had time to question him. Among other things,there's been some controversy about whose jurisdiction he comes under.The State Department claims the Army shouldn't--"
The Secretary General sighed deeply. "Just what _did_ he do?"
"The Secret Service reports he spent the day whistling Mother Machreeand playing with his dog, cat and mouse."
"Dog, cat and mouse? I say!" blurted Sir Alfred.
The President was defensive. "He had to have some occupation, and heseems to be particularly interested in our animal life. He wanted ahorse but compromised for the others. I understand he insists all threeof them come with him wherever he goes."
"I wish we knew what he was going to say," Andersen worried.
"Here he comes," said Sir Alfred.
Surrounded by F.B.I. men, Dameri Tass was ushered to the speaker'sstand. He had a kitten in his arms; a Scotty followed him.
The alien frowned worriedly. "Sure," he said, "and what kin all this be?Is it some ordinance I've been after breakin'?"
McCord, Sir Alfred and Andersen hastened to reassure him and made himcomfortable in a chair.
Viljalmar Andersen faced the thousands in the audience and held up hishands, but it was ten minutes before he was able to quiet the cheering,stamping delegates from all Earth.
Finally: "Fellow Terrans, I shall not take your time for a lengthyintroduction of the envoy from the stars. I will only say that, withoutdoubt, this is the most important moment in the history of the humanrace. We will now hear from the first being to come to Earth fromanother world."
He turned and gestured to Dameri Tass who hadn't been paying overmuchattention to the chairman in view of some dog and cat hostilities thathad been developing about his feet.
But now the alien's purplish face faded to a light blue. He stood andsaid hoarsely. "Faith, an' what was that last you said?"
Viljalmar Andersen repeated, "We will now hear from the first being everto come to Earth from another world."
The face of the alien went a lighter blue. "Sure, an' ye wouldn't jistbe frightenin' a body, would ye? You don't mean to tell me this planetisn't after bein' a member of the Galactic League?"
Andersen's face was blank. "Galactic League?"
"Cushlamachree," Dameri Tass moaned. "I've gone and put me foot in itagain. I'll be after getting _kert_ for this."
Sir Alfred was on his feet. "I don't understand! Do you mean you aren'tan envoy from another planet?"
Dameri Tass held his head in his hands and groaned. "An envoy, he'ssayin', and meself only a second-rate collector of specimens for theCarthis zoo."
He straightened and started off the speaker's stand. "Sure, an' I mustblast off immediately."
Things were moving fast for President McCord but already an edge ofrelief was manifesting itself. Taking the initiative, he said, "Ofcourse, of course, if that is your desire." He signaled to the bodyguardwho had accompanied the alien to the assemblage.
A dull roar was beginning to emanate from the thousands gathered in thetremendous hall, murmuring, questioning, disbelieving.
* * * * *
Viljalmar Andersen felt that he must say something. He extended adetaining hand. "Now you are here," he said urgently, "even though bymistake, before you go can't you give us some brief word? Our world isin chaos. Many of us have lost faith. Perhaps ..."
Dameri Tass shook off the restraining hand. "Do I look daft? Begorry, Ishould have been a-knowin' something was queer. All your weapons andyour strange ideas. Faith, I wouldn't be surprised if ye hadn't yetestablished a planet-wide government. Sure, an' I'll go still further.Ye probably still have wars on this benighted world. No wonder it is yehaven't been invited to join the Galactic League an' take your placeamong the civilized planets."
He hustled from the rostrum and made his way, still surrounded byguards, to the door by which he had entered. The dog and the cat trottedafter, undismayed by the furor about them.
They arrived about four hours later at the field on which he'd landed,and the alien from space hurried toward his craft, still muttering. He'dbeen accompanied by a general and by the President, but all the way hehad refrained from speaking.
He scurried from the car and toward the spacecraft.
President McCord said, "You've forgotten your pets. We would be glad ifyou would accept them as--"
The alien's face faded a light blue again. "Faith, an' I'd almostforgotten," he said. "If I'd taken a crature from this quarantinedplanet, my name'd be _nork_. Keep your dog and your kitty." He shook hishead sadly and extracted a mouse from a pocket. "An' this amazin' littlecrature as well."
They followed him to the spacecraft. Just before entering, he spottedthe bedraggled horse that had been present on his landing.
A longing expression came over his highly colored face. "Jist onething," he said. "Faith now, were they pullin' my leg when they said youwere after ridin' on the back of those things?"
The President looked at the woebegone nag. "It's a horse," he said,surprised. "Man has been riding them for centuries."
Dameri Tass shook his head. "Sure, an' 'twould've been my makin' if Icould've taken one back to Carthis." He entered his vessel.
The others drew back, out of range of the expected blast, and watched,each with his own thoughts, as the first visitor from space hurriedlyleft Earth.
... THE END
Transcriber's Note:
This etext was produced from _If Worlds of Science Fiction_ January 1954. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed. Minor spelling and
typographical errors have been corrected without note.