His serious tone made what little strength she had drain away. She crossed to the wooden bench and sat, the sound of the fountain behind her soothing and almost drowning out the distant noise from the party and her thundering heartbeat. Peter remained standing a few feet in front of her, the shadowy light hiding his features.
“I’ve told you about my ex-wife and our divorce, but I left something important out. She was pregnant with another man’s baby when we divorced. I’d known she’d wanted her own child, but I hadn’t realized the extent of that desire.” He paused, his chest rising as he drew in a deep breath, then falling as he released it slowly. “When she told me about being pregnant, her betrayal nearly crushed me. Before I realized I couldn’t have children, I’d dreamed of her carrying my child. Then there she was before me carrying another man’s.”
The pain in his voice pierced through her heart. She came to her feet and covered the space between them in two long strides. “I’m so sorry, Peter. I’m—there are no words to say to make it better.”
“I thought I was fine until lately. What I’ve finally realized is that I’ve never forgiven Diana for what she did. I’ve harbored this anger deep inside. Every time it started to surface, I squelched it subconsciously.”
“What’s changed?”
“You in my life.”
His answer stunned her. “Me? I don’t understand.”
“I’ve started to think of us as a couple. I want there to be more between us, but I haven’t resolved some of my issues concerning Diana. I have to find a way to forgive her.”
“Why?” Laura thought of her own feelings toward Stephen. Forgive him? She didn’t think she ever could.
“Because these feelings are poisoning me. She’s already harmed me. I need to put an end to it.”
“You make it sound so simple.” It wasn’t for her, not where Stephen was involved.
Peter shook his head. “It isn’t. If it was, I would have done it three years ago. But I do know I can’t do it alone.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Pray for an answer.” He clasped both of her hands and drew her up against him. “I want to move on. I don’t want bitterness and anger from my past to affect my future anymore.”
Neither did she, but she didn’t have the confidence he did that it wouldn’t. Would praying help? She still felt she was fumbling around with her attempts at prayer.
Peter shifted and the rays from the moon, coupled with the lights from the house, accentuated his face, a smile softening his expression. His arms encircled her.
“You are my inspiration to get on with my life. As I was touring the houses with the camera crew following me and recording my every move, all I could think about was you and how much has changed since I’ve gotten to know you. I’ve gotten the Shepherd Project up and running and started the Henderson Foundation. I’m doing something I’ve wanted to do for a long time, and I have you to thank for that.”
His words swelled her heart. Stephen would never have said something like that to her. Memories of his hateful comments threatened to destroy the mood between her and Peter. I won’t let them! She shoved them back in the box, slammed the lid and ignored their taunting shouts. She snuggled against Peter.
He laced one hand through her hair, cupping the back of her head, while he lowered his mouth over hers. The touch of his lips on hers spoke clearly of his intentions to include her in his life.
“Mom! Aunt Sarah—”
Laura wrenched away from Peter, swinging around to face Sean, who had come out into the courtyard.
Her son glared at both of them, his hands opening and closing at his sides. Suddenly he whirled on his heel and rushed back into the house. A few seconds later the sound of the door slamming shut echoed through the house.
She’d just gotten her answer about how Sean really felt about Peter and her. “I’d better find him and talk with him.”
“Laura, let me first. Man to man.”
“No, I can’t!”
“Why not? He needs to know my intentions are honorable.”
“No, you can’t say anything to him,” she yelled, surprised by her raised voice. With Stephen she’d never raised it because he would always hike his level up even more. “This is between me and Sean,” she added, still several decibels louder than normal.
“In other words, I shouldn’t be concerned with a family matter.”
His tone was even, a thread of steel and something else—hurt?—in it but not seething anger that manifested itself in screaming. “Our relationship has improved over the summer. I can’t risk it going back to him stomping around the house, angry and silent with me. Sorry.” Laura hurried after her son, aware that Peter remained in the courtyard. Aware she had hurt him.
Chapter Eleven
Fifteen minutes later Laura found Sean holding his lamb in the barn, sitting on the ground, leaning back against a stall door. He stared at a spot before him and didn’t look up when she came in.
She approached slowly and sat next to her son. Give me the wisdom to reach my son, Lord.
“Hon, you know I’ve been seeing Peter.”
He twisted toward her, his eyes pinpoints. “I thought you were working together on the fund-raiser. I thought—” he sucked in a gulp of air “—never mind what I thought. It isn’t important.”
She laid her hand on his arm. “Yes, it is. Lately it seemed like you two were getting along. You didn’t mind staying with him while I was in St. Louis.”
He shrugged away from her touch. “He’s okay, I guess. It’s just…” He clamped his mouth closed on the rest of his sentence.
“What, Sean?”
“I don’t want you to get married again, not after—” he swallowed hard “—after Dad.”
He doesn’t want anyone to replace his father in my life. Tears smarted her eyes. It’s only been fifteen months since Stephen’s death. Maybe in time Sean will change his mind. Until then how can I deny my son’s request when he’s hurting so badly? Her son’s pain became hers. “Honey, I’m not getting married again. Peter and I are good friends. We’ve been thrown together a lot because of the foundation, but we aren’t anywhere close to discussing marriage.”
“You aren’t? He was kissing you.”
His accusation blasted her in the face. “We shared a kiss. That’s all.” No, it wasn’t. It was much more than that. It was…she didn’t have an answer. Laura wanted to scream her own frustration at her spiraling emotions spinning out of control where Peter was concerned. She didn’t want to fall in love. It complicated everything!
“I know what Joshua, Matthew and Alexa have been doing. They’re trying to get you two together. I told them to stop it.”
So that was why nothing had happened in the last month, Laura thought.
“Are you sure there’s nothing to worry about?” His gaze reflected his concern.
No, I’m not sure. But I won’t lie to Sean. “We haven’t discussed marriage.”
“Good.” Relief smoothed the creases on his brow. “Did I tell you I get to use Louise here as my project for the FFA this year?”
“No. That’s great, but where in the world did you come up with a name like Louise for a sheep?”
“It stands for St. Louis.”
“I see.” He’d hated moving here, but she had thought as his friendship with Chad had grown that he was adjusting. Now she wasn’t so sure about that. “Maybe during fall break in October we can take a few days and go to St. Louis, visit your dad’s grave, see some old friends. It will be good to check on Cara.”
“Yeah, I guess,” her son mumbled, suddenly closing himself off from her. He shoved to his feet. “I need to put Louise back with Bessie.” He walked outside toward the pasture where the sheep were.
One step forward, two steps back. Laura shook her head, not sure how successful their talk had been.
The next morning Laura rang Alice’s doorbell and waited. A few minutes later she did it again, but still nothing. M
aybe Alice wasn’t home. Pressing her ear to the wood, Laura listened. Sounds of the TV floated to her. Alice told her last night that she would be glad to get back to her routine and see her television shows she’d missed these past few weeks with all the preparations for the taping. Then why wasn’t she answering the door?
She dug into her purse and withdrew her cell phone. She punched in Alice’s number, and when she didn’t answer, she called Peter.
“Do you think Alice went somewhere and left her TV on?” she asked when he answered.
“No, never. She’s a stickler about making sure it’s off when she’s not watching. It wastes money otherwise. Why do you want to know?”
“I hear the TV, but she’s not coming to the door. I’m worried.”
“I have a key. I’ll be there in ten minutes. I’m at school. See if the manager is home and will let you in.”
When Laura hung up, she scanned the foyer and saw the apartment with a gold plaque on its door that read Manager. After hurrying across the hall, she kept her finger pressed on the bell. A good minute later, she gave up, went back to Alice’s apartment and pounded on her door.
Shortly, Peter rushed into the building, taking a key out of his pocket. His hand shook as he stuck it into the lock and turned it, his face carved in grave lines.
Inside the blare of the television chilled Laura. She entered the living room right behind Peter and immediately saw Alice slumped on the floor next to her favorite lounge chair in front of the TV. Laura switched the set off while Peter felt for a pulse and checked Alice’s breathing.
Please, Lord, let her be okay.
“She’s alive.” Peter flipped open his cell phone and called 911.
“Has she ever lost consciousness before?” Fear roughened her voice.
“No, but she’s been pushing herself lately, not taking care of herself. I should have seen the signs and done something. I should have made her come live with me.”
Peter twisted toward Laura and the expression of pain on his face threatened her fragile composure. Losing it would do no one any good. Peter and Alice needed her. “You can’t make anyone live with you if they don’t want to.”
“So you’ve told me.” His voice held an accusation.
Did he blame her for this? Laura drew up rigidly tall. “I’m not the cause, Peter. When we talked, I told you my opinion on how Alice would feel if you tried to force the issue of her moving in with you.”
He blew out a long breath. “I know. I shouldn’t have listened.”
She wasn’t hurt by his words. She wouldn’t let herself be. Apprehension ruled Peter right now.
The shrieking sound of the siren grew nearer and came to a stop. Laura hurried toward the door. “I’ll bring them in here.”
Out in the foyer the emergency crew brought in a gurney. Inside the apartment Laura stood back with Peter next to her watching the EMTs prepare Alice for transporting to the hospital. Despite his words earlier, Laura slipped her hand around Peter’s. He needed a friend. The feel of his cold skin against her highlighted the seriousness of the situation.
Five minutes later after Alice was loaded into the ambulance, Laura faced Peter. “You’re coming with me. I’m driving.” Her voice defied him to argue with her.
He nodded his head once and followed her to her Ford Escort. The fact he didn’t insist on driving himself spoke more than words about how worried and distressed he was.
Laura gripped the steering wheel to keep her hands from trembling as she drove toward the hospital. “She will be okay. We got to her in time,” she said to break the strained silence.
“We don’t know that for sure. She saved my life when she and Paul took me in. I couldn’t do anything about Paul dying, but I’m going to do my best not to let Alice die.”
“Peter, if it’s her time, there’s nothing we can do. It’s in God’s hands.”
He twisted toward her, his expression fierce. “Do you really believe that?”
She thought for a moment and realized she did really mean it. When had she come back home to the Lord? Going to church, reading her Bible again had played a part in her homecoming, but mostly it had been Peter and his quiet way of persuading. “Yes, I do. If I’ve learned anything from Mason’s untimely death, I’ve learned that.”
Did that mean that Stephen’s death had been in the Lord’s hands, not hers?
The unanswered question settled in her mind as she searched for a parking space at the hospital. It stayed with her as she and Peter rushed into the emergency room, only to be directed to the waiting room while the doctor and nurses worked on Alice.
She sat in a chair, glad the room was vacant at the moment. Peter paced from one end to the other. Her thoughts churned with that brief conversation in the car. She wanted to let go of her guilt over Stephen so badly. But it had been so much a part of her life for over a year that she didn’t know if she could. It sounded so simple. It couldn’t be that simple. Nothing had been simple for a long time.
“Do you want some coffee?” She couldn’t stay there and watch Peter pace any longer. She needed to do something herself.
“No.” The stress in his voice underscored the deep lines in his face, the ashen cast to his skin.
She went down the hall to the vending machine and put her money in it. When she took her cup out of the slot, her hand trembled so much some of the hot liquid sloshed over the rim onto the floor. She placed the coffee on a ledge nearby, then laced her fingers together.
Lord, watch over Alice and help Peter to deal with this. Something has been triggered in Peter that goes beyond Alice’s illness. I just feel it. Please guide me in how to be there for him.
When her hands felt steady enough, she took the cup from the ledge and headed back to the waiting room. Knowing God watched over them gave her the strength to return to Peter. Although his back was to her, his gaze swept to her immediately when she appeared in the entrance.
Disappointment marked his features. “I thought you were the doctor. What’s taking them so long?”
“They’ll get back with us when they have something to tell us. Have you called Noah and Jacob?”
“Yeah, while you were gone. They’re coming after they call some more of her foster children.”
“C’mon. Sit while you have a chance. It might be a long day.” She urged him toward a chair then took the one next to him.
“Alice wasn’t taking care of herself.”
“There has been a lot going on lately.”
“She wasn’t even before the More Than Dreams show decided to build the houses. Remember that first time you met her? She didn’t have much food in the kitchen. She hasn’t been eating properly and for a diabetic that is important. I tried but she would only let me do so much.”
His anguish tugged at her. She covered his hand nearest hers. “She still thinks of you as one of her kids. She’s the caregiver in her mind, not you.”
“This wouldn’t have happened if Paul had been alive. He could get her to do anything. If only I’d…” His voice faded into silence. He swallowed several times, averting his head.
“How did Paul die?”
Peter’s shoulders slumped forward. “I let him down. If only I’d…” Again he couldn’t complete his sentence.
His raspy words indicated she was on the right track. “That’s the second time you said that. If only what?” she asked, determined to find out what was bothering him.
He turned toward her, a sheen to his eyes. “Paul had a heart attack while he was helping me in the barn. He loved to come to the ranch and see the animals. He liked to help clean out the pens and stalls. I couldn’t stop him, just like I can’t seem to get Alice to let me take care of her. When Paul fell over, I called 911 and had to sit there and watch him die because I didn’t know CPR. I…” A tear slid down his cheek.
“It wasn’t your fault.”
“If I had known CPR, I might have been able…to save him. But—” he cleared his throat “—by the time the am
bulance got there, he was dead.”
“I’m gonna say this again. It wasn’t your fault. It was his time. He’s with the Lord now.”
“But if I—”
She placed her fingers over his mouth and stilled his words. “Don’t beat yourself up over what-ifs. Did Alice ever say it was your fault? Did anyone?”
“No.”
“Then why are you blaming yourself? Pray to the Lord. Ask for His peace. When something bad happens to someone we know and care about, we start questioning everything we’ve done. Could I have done this or that to change the outcome?” This time last year her anger at God would have prevented her from saying that to another. But as she had spoken the words, she’d meant every last one of them, as though the Lord had given her a script to read.
He shifted completely toward her and took her hands in his. “Laura, thanks for being there for Alice. If you hadn’t been, no telling what would have happened. I hadn’t planned on going to see her until this afternoon. Noah is in Oklahoma City and is coming back now. Jacob had an emergency at his office and is just finishing up with it.”
“Alice is special to me. She reminds me of Aunt Sarah. I’ll call her and the kids after we find out what’s going on.”
Keeping one hand linked with hers, he leaned back and stretched his legs out in front of him. “I’m glad you’re here with me.”
I’m glad I am, too. This is the only place I want to be. Here helping Peter. She refused to analyze her feelings at the moment. She could do that later when she knew that Alice would be all right.
When the doctor showed up, Jacob came in right behind him. Jacob joined Peter and Laura while the emergency room physician explained that Alice was stable and responsive now, but when she fell, she broke her left hip.
“What are her chances?” Peter asked the doctor, his voice thick and heavy.
“Good. She’s a tough lady. As soon as her blood sugar is where it should be, she’ll have surgery on her hip. We’ll need to do a hip replacement.”
“What kind of surgery will that involve?” Peter slipped his hand into Laura’s.
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