Slipping behind the counter, Julian curled his fingers around Ridley’s elbow and tugged gently. “Hey, look at me.”
Since he didn’t have a good reason to refuse, Ridley choked down his sigh and turned to face his friend. “What is it, Julian?”
“I could ask you the same thing. Talk to me.”
The concern in his honey-brown eyes tightened the knot that had been forming in his chest since Julian had first entered the store. “I’m just in a foul mood today, love.” The pet name had come about organically and had never meant anything beyond a friendly endearment. Hearing it roll from his lips this time, though, felt different, more intimate. “Not to worry. It’s probably just the weather.”
“You’re a terrible liar,” Julian accused. “Let me help. That’s what friends do, right?”
Friends. It may have started as nothing more than friendly talks over tea, but recently, Ridley found himself thinking of Julian, worrying about him, or wondering if the elf thought of him when they weren’t together. On more than one occasion, he’d lost track of the conversation because he’d been too intoxicated by Julian’s smile or the cute way his nose wrinkled when he smiled.
Julian wound his long, elegant fingers around Ridley’s wrist and pulled. “Come with me.”
“I have to work,” he argued.
“You have employees who can watch the store for a couple of hours.” Julian pulled more insistently on his wrist. “The place won’t fall apart if you take a personal day. I promise.”
Ridley didn’t worry about the store or his staff, and it wouldn’t be the first time he’d taken off during the day. In his current mood, however, he didn’t trust himself to be alone with Julian. His gaze was repeatedly drawn to the elf’s pink, heart-shaped lips, and no matter how many times he told himself a failed romance could ruin their friendship, he still wanted to know if Julian’s silvery blond hair felt as silky as it looked.
For as long as he could remember, Ridley had been alone, and he preferred it that way. People and their constant need for interaction exhausted him. Not the case with Julian, though. He could listen to Julian talk all day about the most random topics and never grow tired, but therein lay the problem. Ridley couldn’t pinpoint the precise moment his feelings for the man had moved beyond mere friendship, but if he acted impulsively on those feelings, he could potentially lose the one person who had come to mean so much to him.
Opening his mouth to tell Julian he couldn’t leave work and maybe they should postpone their usual chat, Ridley nearly choked when he heard the actual words that exited his mouth. “Where do you want to go?”
“Nowhere in particular. I thought maybe we could take a walk through Central Park or maybe go sightseeing. I’ve lived here my whole life, but I love to watch the tourists. Everything is new and shiny for them, and it helps me remember why I love living here so much.”
Maybe it was an elf thing, but Ridley couldn’t recall a single instance when Julian hadn’t been eager for adventure or unwaveringly optimistic about where the day might take him. “Are you ever angry?”
“Angry?” Julian hoisted himself up on the counter to put them at a more even height. “Sure, I get angry, frustrated, irritated, and you know what?” Leaning forward, he lowered his voice to a loud whisper. “Sometimes…I’m even sad.” Sitting up straight again, he shrugged and continued in normal tones. “Those kinds of emotions take a lot of energy, though, and really, they don’t do any good. Has being angry ever changed what ticked you off in the first place?”
“I suppose not.” The longer they talked, the looser the knot in his chest became, allowing Ridley to take his first deep breath since the conversation began. “Keep talking.”
“Okay.” Julian drew the word out, and his brow furrowed. “All I’m saying is that you need to have more fun in your life. You work. You go home. You work again. It’s not healthy, Rid.”
On the contrary, Ridley felt the happiest and most centered when alone. “That’s a matter of opinion, I think. I enjoy being alone.”
“You like spending time with me,” Julian countered.
“I do.” Julian never pressured him, and he never held Ridley to any unreachable expectations. “You’re different, though.”
“I know.” His lips quirked up on one side, and he batted his lashes. “I’m special, which is why you adore me. It’s a gift.”
“And you’re so humble.” Reaching out with his index finger, he tapped Julian on the tip of his nose and chuckled. “You should eat.”
“I like food. Where we going?” Jumping off the counter, Julian zipped his blue sweater jacket and headed for the exit. “You’re buying, right?” He stopped with his hand on the door and glanced over his shoulder when Ridley didn’t immediately follow. “Well, are you coming or not? I’m wasting away here.”
“When did you eat last?” Ridley enjoyed the soft lines and smooth curves of Julian’s compact body—maybe too much—but he did worry that the guy didn’t take care of himself.
“I had a cupcake for breakfast about an hour ago.”
“Then I suppose we need to get a proper meal in you before you wither away to nothing.”
“Now we’re talking.” Rolling his eyes and sighing dramatically, Julian pushed the door open and waited for Ridley to walk through it before following him out. “I want pancakes or donuts or maybe a cinnamon roll.”
“Or you could have an omelet with toast and orange juice.” It was an argument they had regularly, and while Julian’s penchant for sweets amused him, he felt the guy needed a diet with more nutrients and less refined sugar.
“Buzzkill,” Julian muttered. “It’s my cheat day.”
“What about yesterday?”
“That was my cheat day, too.”
Ridley laughed and squeezed the back of Julian’s neck as they walked together down the sidewalk. “Come now, love, don’t disparage. We can stop for hot cocoa on the way back. How does that sound?”
“Charmer.” Julian eased closer to him in such a subtle move, Ridley almost didn’t realize it. “I guess you’re right. I’ll try to cut back on the sugar.”
Coughing, Ridley released his hold on Julian’s neck and sidestepped to put distance between them as his chest tightened again. “You’re an adult, Julian. You can do whatever you want.”
“Yeah, okay.” Julian pushed both hands into his jacket pockets and rounded his shoulders as though curling into himself. “Did you want to take a walk in Central Park after brunch?”
“I have things to do, Julian. I can’t entertain you because you’re bored.” It wasn’t a fair or accurate statement, and Ridley didn’t know why he’d even said it. You scare me, Julian Haell.
Neither of them said another word until they reached the diner around the block. Even then, Julian only spoke to the waitress to order a glass of water and a bowl of fruit. Not since the first day they’d met in the bookstore had things been so stilted between them. Ridley hated the silence, and more, he hated that he’d caused the awkwardness.
“You need more than fruit.”
“It’s okay,” Julian mumbled. “I’m not that hungry.”
“Bloody hell,” Ridley cursed under his breath. “Julian, look at me.”
He did, but not with his usual open and sunny expression. “I don’t know what I did, but I’m sorry.”
“What you did…” Ridley used both hands to scrub his face as he chastised himself for being such a bastard. “It’s nothing you did, love, I assure you. I’m just terrible company today, and I should have realized it rather than subjecting you to my bad temper.” Reaching across the table, he placed his hand over Julian’s and squeezed. “My apologies for being a right sod. Forgive me?”
“Wanker,” Julian teased, but it came off stilted, and his eyes never lost the guardedness.
“Aye, that I am. Truly, Julian, I’m not upset with you.”
Julian shrugged. “Why are you in such a foul mood? What happened?”
“Nothing in par
ticular, just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I suppose.” How could he explain how he felt when he didn’t fully understand it himself?
Instead of the easy acceptance Ridley expected, Julian pushed away his fruit bowl and shrugged. “I guess you need to get back to the store. Are you ready?”
“Julian, I’m—”
Holding his hand up to halt more of Ridley’s apologies, Julian stood from his chair, threw a twenty down on the table, and donned his jacket. “You don’t have to apologize for being in a bad mood. I can even take you snapping at me if you need an outlet for whatever has you all tied in knots. I’m just disappointed that you feel you can’t talk to me about it.” Then he shook his head and left the diner without waiting to see if Ridley would follow.
“Well, you were told.” The waitress tucked the twenty into her pocket and began clearing the plates and cups. “Are you just going to sit there or are you going to go get him?”
“I’ll give him a head start and a chance to cool down.” Even to his own ears, the excuse sounded lame. “He doesn’t want to talk to me right now.”
“Sugar, you’re overthinking it. Get yourself up and go get him.”
The server didn’t know the whole story, but she had a point. He could sit there and do nothing, or he could go find his best friend and make things right.
* * * *
“Stupid, stubborn, ridiculous idiot,” Julian grumbled to no one in particular as he trekked back to the bookstore.
When he’d left the diner, he’d every intention of grabbing a cab and going straight home. Unfortunately, he’d forgotten his new book back on the front counter at The Book Attic, and he wouldn’t let Ridley ruin that for him as well.
Entering the store, he waved hello to Bridget when she called his name, but he didn’t much feel like talking to anyone. In his hurry to get the hell out of the place and return to the peaceful solitude of his own house, he didn’t get a good grip on his book, sending it tumbling to the dark, hardwood floor.
“Fish sticks.” Bending to retrieve it, he stopped with his hand hovering just above the cover when he noticed the light blue piece of paper poking out from between the pages. “Oh, Ridley.”
Picking the book up, he sat it on the countertop and slid the note out with trembling fingers. He didn’t know what had happened or why Ridley had suddenly began acting so strangely, but he didn’t like the distance he could feel growing between them. Unfolding the square sheet of paper, he sighed happily when he recognized Ridley’s elegant handwriting, and the corners of his lips twitched as he read aloud.
“Ask and it shall be yours. Always.”
At least this hadn’t changed. Since that first book, Ridley always had a recommendation for him when he entered the store. Sure, he let Julian pretend to browse, but he always had a book waiting for him at the front desk with a special note tucked inside. Sometimes, the letter would be nothing more elaborate than congratulating him on a recent client or expressing the wish for Julian to have a good week, but the words never failed to put a smile on his face.
In the beginning, he’d had the biggest crush on Ridley. Once he’d gotten to know the man, those silly, shallow feelings had morphed into something deeper, but by then, he’d realized Ridley didn’t see him the same way. Julian hadn’t been overly disappointed, though. He enjoyed spending time with the guy, and if he could only be friends with Ridley, well, it was a pretty special friendship.
Thinking back over the conversation from that morning, Julian closed his eyes and groaned. “You’re doing it again.” Gods, he didn’t mean to be so friendly or come on so strong. He just didn’t know how to be any other way. Kissing Ridley’s cheek had been as natural as breathing for him, but he understood most people wouldn’t see it that way.
Maintaining a distance and respecting personal boundaries was a hard concept for him. If he liked someone, he enjoyed being close to them. On the other hand, he supposed he didn’t need to stand six inches away from his friends to talk to them. Yeah, he could see how that might make some people uncomfortable, but he didn’t always realize when he was doing it.
In the almost hundred and fifty years he’d been alive, so many people had come and gone from his life. Friends, lovers, coworkers—no one stuck around for long. He’d hoped this time would be different because he really liked Ridley, but once again, he’d messed everything up by being too…something. Julian didn’t know exactly what it was about him that turned people off, but when it came right down to it, the only common denominator led back to him.
The sky outside seemed to darken with his mood, and the clouds finally opened in a steady rainfall that drenched the sidewalks and pelted off the passing cars. “Great.” Flipping his hood up to cover his head, he tucked the note back into his book and mentally prepared himself to step out into the cold, winter rain.
Before he could leave, though, the bell over the front door jingled, announcing Ridley’s arrival. Steam rose from his skin, and water droplets dripped from his mussed hair, but he didn’t appear to notice. Then again, the cold wouldn’t affect him like it did Julian. He’d even confessed that the summers were always hard for him, because his body didn’t adjust well to the heat. Being an ice dragon had its perks, but Julian could also see how it might be a pain in the backside.
“I was just leaving,” he announced into the uneasy silence. “I forgot my book.” He held the hardback up unnecessarily while he floundered for something else to say. “I have it now.” Yes, brilliant.
“Julian…”
Ridley stepped toward him, but Julian backpedaled, nearly tripping over his own feet in his hurry to put distance between them. He’d had about all of the emotional upheaval he could handle for one day, and he still didn’t know what he’d done to cause it. “I have to go.” He’d already caused a rift in their relationship, and he didn’t want to do anything else to further the damage.
“Easy, Julian.” Holding both hands up on a show of surrender, Ridley approached cautiously, pausing after each step as he made his way closer to Julian. “You’ve every right to be angry with me, but I just want to talk. Will you stay and talk with me?”
“Ridley, what’s going on with you? You’re acting very strange today, and I have to be honest. This hot and cold, back and forth stuff is kind of starting to make my head spin.”
At first, he’d only been upset that Ridley didn’t trust him to share whatever problem had put him in such a poor mood. Then he’d worried that he’d somehow caused the nasty attitude, and he’d felt completely awful. Now, however, he didn’t know what to think.
“Can I buy a vowel or phone a friend, because I’m kind of lost. Is this about the kiss? I’m sorry about that, okay? It didn’t mean anything.” Oh, he’d love for it to mean something more, but the quick peck on the cheek had been nothing like that. “I get excited sometimes and forget about personal space.”
“No, it’s not that.”
“Then what? I’m feeling a little insecure here, so maybe you can just tell me what I did so I can work on not doing it anymore.”
Julian didn’t see anything humorous about the situation, but Ridley began to laugh. “I admire that you always say what you think, but truly, you didn’t do anything wrong. I wouldn’t want to change anything about you.”
“Is this the part where you bite my head off again? Because I’m beginning to detect a pattern.”
Ridley rocked from his heels to his toes and back as though he couldn’t decide if he wanted to come closer or run in the opposite direction. His blue eyes darkened and glazed over as he stared at a point on the far wall, and he mumbled under his breath, though Julian couldn’t make out the words.
“Uh, Rid, are you okay?”
“Sod it.” In two, long strides, Ridley closed the gap between them, cradled Julian’s face in both hands, and slanted their mouths together in a searing kiss. “Okay?” he asked a moment later in a breathless whisper.
“Yes,” Julian answered just as quietly. “Don’
t stop.” He’d wanted this for months but had never imagined it would happen. Gods, but he needed more.
Groaning, Ridley backed him against a nearby shelf, pinning him there as he attacked his mouth in rough, hungry kisses that stole Julian’s breath. Dropping his book to the floor, Julian threw his arms around Ridley’s neck, dragging him closer as their tongues tangled in an intimate dance for dominance.
“Hey, boss, I was…oh.”
Disengaging from the kiss, Julian dropped his arms and buried his face against Ridley’s chest as he chuckled. “Hello, Bridget.”
“Hi, Julian,” she responded brightly. “You know, you two should really get a room.”
“Bridget!” Ridley barked at her, which only made Julian laugh harder.
“Okay, okay, I’m going. No need to get testy.”
“She’s a dear, but sometimes I’d like to flog her mercilessly.” With a snort of his own, Ridley tucked Julian’s hair behind his ear and brushed a kiss against his forehead. “Would you like to come upstairs, love?”
“Yes.” For a heartbeat, Julian worried he was being overeager, but with his dick throbbing behind his zipper, he couldn’t care about things like that. “Are you sure, though?”
Instead of answering him verbally, Ridley took his hand and led him through the storage room at the back and up a flight of creaking stairs, stopping occasionally to pull him into another mind-bending kiss. Once inside his apartment, Ridley didn’t waste breath on pleasantries or awkward conversation, either. Pulling Julian’s jacket and shirt off over his head in a single move, Ridley caressed every inch of his torso as he backed him down the short hallway to his bedroom.
“I don’t have condoms.”
“Can’t get diseases. Either of us. Moot point.” His reply came out a bit breathless between kisses, and he wasn’t at all sure he’d made sense.
Sliding his hands under Ridley’s shirt, Julian moaned as he moved his palms over the rippled expanse of the man’s abs, exploring each bit of warm skin he could reach. With a huffing grunt, Ridley stripped out of the soft, cotton shirt, giving Julian more room to play as he ushered him toward the bed.
Letters to Julian (A Cupid Inc Novella) Page 2