by Lara Swann
She bursts out laughing before I can finish. “Oh, Ava, you are sweet sometimes. Only you could think that some light flirting in a bar is the same as looking for a whole new relationship. If that were the case, I would’ve been shacked up a dozen times over by now.”
“But…”
“Look, if you’d been any other girl, I would’ve told you right from the start - the best way to get over that dick is to find another one to get under.” She winks, and part of me wants to laugh even as my nose wrinkles at the crudity.
She’s right though. I don’t think I’m that girl.
“Vicki…”
“If you ask me, that’s exactly what you need - some damn good sex to get you out of this mood of yours.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think so, Vicki. I was with Jackson for nine years. I don’t know how to—you’re right, I’m not the sort of girl who can just go out and…do that.”
The idea of sleeping with someone casually…I don’t know. Maybe it’s old-fashioned of me, but I guess I’ve never quite understood it.
Vicki gives me a searching look.
“Correction, babe - you weren’t the sort of girl to do that. You never got a chance to be - you were with him all the years you might have experimented, played around, had some fun. Now, though? Well, you can be whoever you want to be, Ava. You can forget the way Jackson saw you - forget all that idealistic childhood sweetheart nonsense - and just do what you want for once. You’re free of all his stupid expectations and ideas about you now.”
I pause at her suddenly serious expression. I’m not sure when the conversation turned this way but something about her words sends a tingle down my spine. Something that feels suspiciously liberating and different.
Her face breaks into another grin and she winks again at me. “I promise, it’s fun.”
I can’t help smiling back, even if I still shake my head.
There might be part of me wondering whether I have missed out on a load of fun - whether the voice that says it’s not me is my voice or Jackson’s - but I still know I’m not ready to suddenly do that.
Maybe it’s something to think about in a while…when I’m ready. Maybe in my new post-Jackson life I’ll be just as confident and sassy as Vicki.
But still…
“You can’t take me from curling up on the couch, watching Bridget Jones’s Diary and eating ice cream to having casual sex with a stranger, Vicki.” I say, my smile turning wry.
“Alright, alright - but girl, we are going out. You can’t hide in here with me forever - you said it yourself, you need a life. And I can highly recommend the kind of life that can be found on a good dance floor.” She takes another sip of her margarita, eyes sparkling again. “Dance a little, flirt a little - you don’t even have to do anything at all. But I’m just saying, it’s fun - does wonders for a girl’s ego to have a hot guy hitting on her a little. Right now, that’s exactly what you need.”
I look down at myself uncertainly, but there’s a strange flicker of excitement in me, too.
“C’mon, Vicki, you don’t even know anyone will be interested—”
She snorts, waving her hand over me. “Oh don’t be stupid, Ava, you’re gorgeous. All cute and pretty, blue eyes, blond hair, isn’t that, like, the universal beauty standard or something?”
I flush, but I laugh at the same time. “I’m not sure that’s exactly how it works—”
In my mind, her energy and confidence seem so much more attractive than something stupid like the color of my eyes.
“That’s exactly how it works.” She shakes her head. “I keep forgetting that you’ve never really done this scene, have you? Believe me, you have no idea how much fun you could have if you went looking for it.”
“I’m not looking for it.” I say resolutely. “Just a girls’ night out, right?”
“Yeah, just a girls’ night out.” She grins, and I realize that she knows she’s won - somehow this became about how we’re going out, not if we are. “With maybe a liiiittle flirting?”
She tries to make it innocent and I roll my eyes, but there’s an edge of excitement and anticipation in my stomach now, and it turns into a small smile.
“Okay. Maybe a little.”
Chapter Two
Ava
By the time we leave Vicki’s apartment the whole jug of margaritas is gone, the world is a little more hazy - and I’ve stopped telling Vicki this is a bad idea.
I’m having too much fun fooling around with her and laughing to over-think anymore.
“Ooh, we should check out that new club!” Vicki grabs my arm with sudden excitement, her voice loud even though I’m standing right next to her.
“New club?” I repeat, slightly more slowly.
I haven’t exactly been out much in the few months I’ve been back home - and it’s been a long time since I was back in Fresno. I’m pretty sure they’re all going to count as ‘new’ to me.
“Yeah, it’s meant to have this really cool vibe - one part club and dancing, the other part a sophisticated bar for chilling out.” She nudges me with a not-at-all subtle wink. “Perfect for disappearing off to with a hot guy, finding a little secluded space…”
I laugh, linking my arm with hers and shaking my head.
“You are not disappearing on me, Vicki.”
She grins. “I wasn’t talking about me - and for the record, if you wanted to disappear on me, I won’t hold it against you in the slightest.”
“Yeah, I don’t think you’ll have to worry about that.”
Some part of me might be feeling a little silly and giggly, and there might be a few butterflies of excitement at the idea of something different happening - but that doesn’t actually mean anything. This will just be a fun girls’ night out - and Vicki is right, I probably need that more than I thought. Somehow, I forgot about all the fun I could be having now that I’m free and single and totally my own person.
“Ooh, just down here, I think.” Vicki pauses at a side road, glancing back to me. “You up for it?”
“Sure.” I grin back. It’s not like I know any other place to go. “Forget disappearing-with-men, that bar sounds like a godsend for stumbling into when my feet feel like falling off.”
After much debate and switching between a dozen different outfits, everything I’m wearing belongs to Vicki - including the strappy heels that almost fit me - enough that they’re not too bad now, but will be killing me in a few hours.
“Ooh, yeah, that too. Maybe we should get a few more drinks.”
She leads me down the road and I can see the bouncer at the head of a queue ahead of us.
I grin at the floaty, light-headed feeling as we walk and shake my head.
“I’m pretty sure we don’t need anymore of those.”
Many more and I really might end up making some stupid choices.
Vicki ignores the queue and walks right up to the bouncer.
“Hey, Max!”
He looks over at us, grinning when he sees Vicki - and the wide smile manages to turn the hulking presence of his six-foot-plus muscles and tattoos into something almost jovial.
“Hey, little lady.”
“I didn’t know you were working this place now.”
“Temporary - they needed a little help for the opening month. Hoping to make it permanent though.”
“Yeah?”
“Pay is good and the boss is actually cool. That’s a rare combo.”
“Don’t I know it.” Vicki grumbles, then brightens up, grinning at him again. “We were hoping to check it out tonight.”
He raises an eyebrow, looks at the queue behind us and then back at her.
“I’m guessing you have your usual place on the guest list?”
Which is to say none at all.
“Uhuh, you know me.”
A small smile tugs at the edge of his mouth and he unhooks the rope in front of the entrance, waving us through.
“Just this once, little lady.”
“Eeeee!” She gives an excited squeal and jumps up on her toes, leaning forward to give him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Thanks Max!”
She waves as she walks through - and if it wasn’t so dark out, I’d almost swear that he actually blushed.
“Do you know everyone in this town?” I laugh at her, grabbing her arm as we walk down the stairs and toward the pulsing sound of the interior.
She laughs back, shrugging. “Probably. Fresno ain’t really that big, babe, and I’ve lived here practically forever.”
“Well, I have no problem enjoying the benefits—”
My voice gets lost the moment we step through a doorway, thumping music washing over us. Vicki’s face practically lights up with excitement and with the slight haze of margaritas still very much pulsing through my blood, I get the immediate desire to dance.
By the time we get to the end of the queue to pay and get our hands stamped, our hips are bumping against each other, we’re nodding along to the beat and I’ve started wondering why I didn’t do this months ago. Talk about the perfect post-break-up remedy.
“C’mon!” Vicki yells in my ear, but I’m already tugging at her hand, moving us forward.
The slight pain in my feet is forgotten as we drag each other to the dance floor, any idea of checking out that sophisticated bar totally disappearing in favor of music and the overriding, alcohol-fueled need to move.
“Oh my god, this is great!” I yell back to her and she laughs, pulling me further into the writhing mass of bodies until we’re somewhere near the center.
There’s actually a live DJ up front, with crazy lights going and the music all blurring into one hard, heady rhythm. Yeah, she picked a good place. If there’s anything Vicki can be relied on for, it’s finding a good place to party.
We start dancing, laughing and yelling things to each other that neither of us can hear as our bodies start moving together. It gets slowly more naughty as we go on, the pounding of the music merging with the pounding in my head from the margaritas, until the idea of throwing sexy moves at each other just seems more and more hilarious. I’m half-dancing, half-laughing when somehow the space between us widens and suddenly there are other people involved too.
A group of guys joins us and I almost stumble for a moment, unsure - but Vicki doesn’t hesitate. She takes one of the guys by the hand and starts dancing around him to the cheers of the other guys there, shaking her generous ass a little and making me laugh. Then she grabs my hand too and pulls me into the whole thing, until I’m dancing with her and this guy - and then everyone else joins in, the circle widening and shrinking between us all as we move.
It’s like being back at college and I grin.
Only this time, you don’t have to hold back…no boyfriend in the next city over…no clearly defined lines…
Suddenly, I feel wild in a way I never could have pictured at the beginning of this evening - and all of Vicki’s not-so-subtle comments come back to me.
A little dancing…a little flirting…
Maybe she wasn’t wrong after all.
I find myself starting to make eye contact with the guys, letting them come a little bit closer and finding myself using some of those semi-sexy movements Vicki and I were throwing around earlier - only this time, not as a joke.
One guy catches my gaze, his stunning blue eyes looking back at me and making my heart pound for a moment as he saunters closer. My breath rises up into my throat as our bodies shift together, not quite touching, but mirroring close enough that it almost feels like they are - and then he puts his hands on my hips.
Electricity runs up through my body and I gasp - and then we really are moving together, getting closer as a totally different kind of energy surges through me. I hold his gaze, the music too loud to say anything as we dance tight against each other, the excitement of everyone around me pulsing like a living thing, mixing with the physical exertion until I’m out of breath and giddy.
The redoubling of cheering and yelling around us tells me we’re in the center of the group and I sway in response, shimmying against the guy with the lovely blue eyes and putting on a bit of a show, laughing and glancing over to a grinning Vicki as I do. I end with a flourish - and he pulls me closer toward him.
His head tilts down, and with a flash of panic I know exactly what’s coming - pulling back before he can make the contact, sliding away to start dancing with Vicki again instead, my heart pounding in my chest.
She saves me admirably, rolling her eyes at me in a way that says everything, even if she can’t actually talk over the music. It makes me laugh, relaxing me a little again, and the circle widens so that we’re all dancing in a big group again. I can still feel the energy and excitement running through me and I give the guy a slightly guilty look - but I don’t want him to get the wrong idea.
Dancing and flirting, maybe Vicki was right about that…but that’s far enough for me tonight.
Even if the idea of maybe, sometime sends thrills of excitement through me. I never thought I was like Vicki…but hell, maybe I can be.
I can be that damn confident and fun.
I can be anything I want.
I throw that into the next dance - picking another guy from the group myself this time and whirling around with him as Vicki ‘wooos’ at me from the side. I think the first guy - blue-eyed guy - looks a little put out, but hopefully when I move onto dancing with someone else again, he works out that this is all I’m interested in. Just a bit of dancing. A bit of fun.
By the time I finally pull myself back for a moment, I’m out of breath, exhausted…and I can’t remember the last time I had this much fun.
It’s totally exhilarating - but the intensity and noise and energy is starting to get overwhelming and I definitely need a breather.
“Hey, Vicki!” I yell into her ear, and she looks up from where she’s practically hanging off a hot blond guy. “I need a break - going to check out that bar!”
I point off in some random direction that’s probably not accurate, but gives her a clue as to where I’m going.
She looks between the guy and me, almost reluctantly, then nods and starts to detach herself.
I wave a hand, shaking my head. “No, it’s fine! I’ll come back!”
She has a moment of hesitation, but then she grins and leans in to kiss me on the cheek.
I catch something that sounds like ‘love you babe’ and grin back at her, squeezing her shoulder before turning and slipping out of our little group. In the writhing mass of people and confusion, it’s easy to disappear - but it feels like it takes an age to make my way to the edge of the dancing.
In the process, I have two near-misses with other people’s drinks and more than one person steps on my foot. That’s enough to bring me out of the haze of dancing and music, leaving me grumbling under my breath as the loud beat behind me slowly fades until I can actually start to hear again.
I make my way through the maze of narrow underground corridors toward the bar, suddenly aware of how much my feet ache and how tired I am.
Alcohol. That will fix things. More alcohol. Then you can go back and have fun with Vicki.
If she hasn’t already disappeared with that guy. She promised, but I did kind of give her permission...and I don’t want to spoil her fun.
When I finally find the entrance to the second part of the club - this ‘sophisticated bar’ Vicki was talking about - I’m almost taken aback by how different it is. All that distance reduces the noise of the club to just a distant, inviting rhythm, and it’s actually cool in here. Exactly what I need after the heat of the dance floor.
There’s fancy leather couches and little nooks set around the dimly lit place - and a long, corner bar with suited-up staff and gleaming surfaces. There are a few people sat on the nice-looking stools in front of it, but most are spread through the large space, providing a nice background hum of quiet talking and occasional laughter.
It’s nothing at all like the mess I’m used to,
of people jostling and shoving to get to the front of a sticky bar.
Daamn, Vicki didn’t exactly say this was going to be upmarket.
I wonder idly whether I’ll be able to afford a single thing off the menu, but I find myself walking toward the bar anyway. The idea of a place to sit down and some classy drink to reinvigorate me is too tempting to resist.
I slump into one of the high stools, trying not to look too much like that’s what I’m doing, then sigh in relief as the weight comes off my feet. One of the sophisticated-looking bartenders comes over to me with a smile, sliding a menu in my direction and giving me a wink as he continues down along the bar to a guy two stools down from me.
“Hey, babe.”
I’ve barely glanced at the menu when the suggestive voice comes from behind me, someone sauntering up to cock his hip against the barstool next to me. I glance over - and my heart sinks when I see the guy I was dancing with earlier. The first one. Blue-eyed guy.
He smiles as my eyes meet his gaze, his hand rising to the bare skin between my neck and shoulder, thumb stroking my neck as an unpleasant shiver runs through me. Touching a little when we were dancing was okay, but this feels weird. Uncomfortable.
“I’m glad you came back here - I wanted to get away from everyone else for a little bit, too.” His eyes glitter down toward me and all of a sudden I don’t like them so much.
I shake my head, trying to shrug his hand off me.
“I’m sorry, I—”
I hesitate, biting off the rest of what I’d been about to say. The thing I’ve always said whenever someone’s approached me.
I have a boyfriend.
The churning feeling of the break-up comes back to me suddenly, something it hasn’t done for a while now.
“I—I’m not interested. Sorry.”
Somehow, that doesn’t seem to have quite the same impetus of ‘I have a boyfriend’. Though, of course, if I’d had a boyfriend, there’s no way I would’ve been dancing with him the way I was earlier.
“That’s not what it looked like.” His smile widens, becomes something closer to a smirk, and I’m pretty sure he thinks that’s attractive.